After The Fairy Tale Ends
by Frozen Shattered Roses
Summary: To be a Vizard is to be a criminal in the eyes of the 46. With Aizen's fall Ichigo is cast out, allowed to escape for his service to the Seireitei. What happens when he sneaks back in? Early angst, starts around Chp4, some language, rating may change
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

My name is Ichigo. Like my eyepatch? Oh, you can't see my eyepatch, can you. Can you? Trust me, it's there, it's just on the inside. If I stepped out of my body you'd be able to see it. This eye I have here? Useless, the place where the flesh eye connects to the soul eye doesn't work anymore. Shinsoed out. Can't see a thing with it.

Sorry, I'll try not to be sarcastic. You can probably tell just by looking that I'm an unhappy, bitter man.

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to be a hero? A champion? Gifted with the strength to protect everyone that mattered to you? Can you imagine being the one the monsters in the night dreaded most? Can you imagine breaking your enemies, throwing down the evil empire, saving the world? Being at the top level councils of your allies? Being a hero? At fifteen years old?

Now imagine having all of that taken away from you the day you turned seventeen.

My name is Kurosaki Ichigo, and I was a Shinigami. Together with my allies, my friends, together we broke Aizen, cast him and his empire down. On my seventeenth birthday I battled Aizen in the hall of the king of soul society and I cast Aizen down.

And then everything changed.

My name is Kurosaki Ichigo. And I am Vizard.

The toll was dreadful. Old Man Yama was forced to call back every Assistant Capitan class or better fighter he could lay his hands on. Last number I heard was over half the rank-and-file reapers had died in the conflict, along with something near three quarters of the lower ranked seated officers. Might have been rumor, I couldn't tell you. Yoruichi, Urahara, my father, they were pardoned and called in to replace Gin, Tousen, and Aizen. Urahara negotiated that deal.

I couldn't even tell you who commands the Shinigami now - my latest news is three years out of date. I assume it's still the old man. His lieutenant fell, Soi Fon's lieutenant was dragged to Heuco Mundo and made into some kind of Arrancar - Renji killed him. I know Kira and Hinamori were presumed dead, I don't know if they were ever found. It was so chaotic at the end, no one knew what was happening. Snowy was on his deathbed, though he might have survived. The others I don't even know what happened - after Aizen fell -

After Aizen fell word came from somewhere, the old man, the forty six, I don't know where. Maybe the king himself, I never actually saw him-

Someone decided the Vizard were criminals again.

I was told if I ever came near a Reaper again I'd be killed, that they were letting me go, really just letting me escape for my service to soul society. My name would never appear in any official record of events, everyone involved forbidden from talking about it. It was like Kurosaki Ichigo had never even been there.

Like someone else had given his right eye to kill Aizen.

I can't beleive it was almost three years ago. Or only three years ago.

I'm nineteen now, a student in college. A Vizard. _The_ Vizard, rather. Aizen's cursed war cost me Chad's life. It cost Ishida-

Ishida became a litte funny afterwards. The guy with the highest grades in my high school never graduated. And Orihime-

Orihime is uncomfortable to be around. We rescued her and we thought she was fine, but she was never the same after the war. She denies anything ever happened, won't or can't admit to herself that she ever had spirit powers.

I don't know which of them upsets me more. Ishida, with his muttering and his mumbling, or bright, unfocusedly cheerful Orihime.

Orihime won't see me any more. Ishida's doing a stay in jail right now, he beat a guy up pretty badly.

And Tatsuki blames me for everything. She said she'd kill me if I ever went near Orihime again. I beleive it.

But that's all in the past. I have to go forward. I'm alone now; Yuzu and Karin were killed when I was sixteen. Or rather I killed them, I was driving. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I'd been taking care of them. Guess I loused that up, huh? This was before the end of the war; my father and I took them to the academy; more than anything Karin wanted to be a reaper, like Dad and I. It was the safest place either of us could think of for Yuzu.

My sisters and my father are supposed to kill me on sight. They haven't of course, I gather there's some some offical looking the other way at the Seireitei, but I only see them once or twice a year. That's once they're through the academy, I've seen Karin once and Yuzu I haven't seen in three years. But Dad comes.

They won't talk about business or my friends, I hope to spare me the pain. I don't like to think it's because they've been ordered not to; I wouldn't put it past the society to monitor those unofficial meetings. It's not fair to put my father or the twins in a bind that way. Karin is already a seated officer, she cleared the academy in just under three years and she's already one of the twentieth seats of Seventh. She's moving up quickly and I'm proud of her. Yuzu is still in the academy; she's currently the youngest person in seventh year. The only reason she's still there is because she's focusing on Kido. I gather Unohana-taicho is already looking to recruit her for fourth.

I've moved away from Karakura, I'm about an hour's drive now, going to school by day and killing the occasional hollow by night. The reaper assigned to my town is an older one, I guess he has unofficial orders to ignore me; certainly he's never complained when I've helped him out with a hollow or two.

It was so chaotic around the end of the war. Who lived, who died? How many people I considered friends - of a sort - how many of those people are gone now? I'll never know. I do know that most or all of the Vizard are dead. At least the ones in my group, either that or hiding. Or just gone away. Associating with me didn't do the Vizard any favors. I can see why they might want nothing more to do with me.

You know you I miss? You'd laugh at this, but Don Kanonji. Lost his life against an Arrancar he never stood a chance against. He knew that and he took it on anyway.

Anyway, that's all in the past now.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

My name is Kurosaki Ichigo.

I'm going to graduate somewhere around the middle of my class. I'm going to get some sort of job. Then I'm going to try to marry and live some sort of life.

At least today I am. Other days I swear off every having children because I don't ever want to pass on my Vizard genes. I never had a choice in becoming a Vizard. It was that or die. And let the people I cared for die. Not an option.

I try not to be bitter. This is just politics, I don't believe anyone I know is to blame.

Except maybe old man Yama, I aways thought he had it in for me.

So I get to be a salaryman. Something that never really occurred to me when I was playing hero, that some day the fairy tale would end. It's in the darkness of the night it always hits me, the thing I know that other people don't, the thing that makes this all so damn unfair. A day will come when I die. Because everybody dies. But unlike everyone else when my body dies I'll still be a Vizard. What the hell happens then? There's no place for me in Soul Society or even the Rukongai.

The absolute best I can hope for in the afterlife is that Urahara will show up with a Gigai when I die. I can't go to soul society, remember? A copy of this flesh is going to be my home for all eternity. And I'll be spending that eternity alone.

Lucky me, I've already got a hollow mask.

I sometimes think I should ask him for one of those power draining gigais after I die. A few centuries and maybe I'll be normal enough to pass. Maybe I'll become the new Urahara to pass the time.

There's a laugh. Try doing business with customers who are supposed to kill you on sight.

Kind of makes me wonder why I should bother getting that salaryman job.

I'm a grown man now, my father doesn't feel he has to be there for me all the time and quite frankly I can't ask him to, not when he'd got his life back, his real life. He has friends, has a life in the Seireitei. Who am I to tell him he can't have that, can't be there for Yuzu and Karin?

Myself, I don't have any friends any more. Once a year I get a call from Keigo or Mizuiro, but that's the limit of it. The ex-hero is not so good with living people.

Ichigo the shinigami is no more.

I'm a Vizard now. The last Vizard, so far as I know.

Have I ever become _maudlin_.

Enough. I have to go to class.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

My eyepatch is a variant of Kenpachi's. I've actually got four of them.

The patches are a compromise. Soul Society issued me an order after they'd thrown me out. They wanted to restrict me to five percent of my power so I wouldn't unduly affect the world of the living. I was still smarting from the way I'd been treated, so I drew a Rukia-style picture of a rabbit with orange hair and a very surprised teddy bear with a long gray beard and an X-shaped scar in the process of having that order-

I think they got the point.

I wrote my counter offer across the back. I lost my right eye in one of the battles with Gin. I'd be wearing something to cover that anyway, so they could send me some eye patches like Zaraki's. They sent me four, sized big, bad, worse and one that does nothing at all, just to keep the old socket covered up for people with weak stomachs. I'd imagine that was against the old man's orders, I've always thought it was Nemu or Urahara who arranged that.

The patches were specifically designed to be layered. I wear the strongest two, which together take almost all of my spirit powers down. A bit gets through, but not too much more than an ordinary person. When I pull off the outer patch it gives me more, maybe around ten percent. I usually pull that one off to fight hollows. The whole idea of the range is so I can mix and match, depending on the circumstances. I can ramp up progressively, I don't have to jump from almost nothing to full blast. It becomes unwieldy to wear more than two at once so I usually keep the other two in the pocket of my shihakusho.

I still live with Kon. He's changed too, all of us did. He's still a plushy, but we've made some improvements. I found a little plushy lion I keep attached to my book bag, it barely holds the pill it's so small but it gives Kon a chance to get out. At home we did some experiments with Frankenplushy, came up with something that gives Kon decent hands to work with.

Kon is the closest thing I have to a friend, I'm not that good with people anymore. He has the grace not to whine about Rukia; like me, Kon did a lot of growing up. Modsouls are criminals too, so we make a good pair. I think he's happy enough, or at least as happy as he can be. Mostly he comes to class with me or watches TV, we have the high end TV package for him.

We get by.

I still train. I have to. If I stopped I'd be agreeing with them, and I can't do that. I am the Vizard, after all. That doesn't ever go away, even after I die that won't go away, so I refuse to lie down and die because of it. Some day something worse that Aizen and his Arrancar will come along, when that happens I'll be there to fight them.

I'm going to be stronger when that happens. I think I said we've got a reaper in town to take care of the everyday hollows, but if a Menos shows up that's my job. Whether soul society likes it or not.

I'm probably stronger already. Actually, I'm probably a lot stronger. I spend some time working my physical body (it's got to last as long as possible) every night, then usually a half hour training my soul reaper form before bed. Sometimes I take down a hollow or two in the process. I'll admit I've branched out a little, I have abilities I haven't developed. Some day I may need the kido, so I'm trying to learn it. And I have an instant regeneration ability on my hollow side, but I can't control it. So I'm a little leery about trying it out on my eye. Maybe one day I will, but not yet.

About the kido, I think it was my father who left me the book. I don't know how he did it, I never saw him do it. If our meetings are monitored by soul society I'm sure they couldn't prove he did it either.

I keep the book on me, I don't want some reaper sent to my apartment to collect it while I'm in class.

Anyways, my kido is improving and I'm a mean hand at the cero. I'm also developing my hollow equivalents of my soul reaper powers. I can Shunpo obviously, now I can also do the hollow equivalent. It's a little different, and basically interchangable, but I feel I should be able to do it both ways. My kido ain't so hot. I throw my everything into it when I'm throttled back and I can barely control it. I'm simply not a natural with the stuff. I still train though, even if it's only a few minutes a day. Because best case scenario is that ten thousand years from now I'll still be Kurosaki Ichigo able to use kido to kill hollows.

Shit.

I guess I should say right off the mark that I don't hold this against Rukia, or Renji, or Hanataro or any of the others. These people are still my friends, they're just not allowed anywhere near me. Would you believe that Hana is my doctor? The year after my father moved back to Seireitei there's a knock on my door and who should be standing there but Hanataro Yamada, wearing the silliest bowler hat you've ever seen?

Hana is a very skilled healer. I felt a lot better just for seeing him. Sort of a message right there, a lot of people weren't happy about the situation. A lot of those people still considered me a friend.

It's horrible to wish there could be another war just to see people again.

In a way I guess this was a blessing in disguise. I'm grown now, in college. I can't just race out of class to kill hollows like I did in high school. I have to grow up now, leave the battling to people that don't have to get jobs. They can handle it. They always have. One more sword won't make a difference anymore, not with Aizen and his cronies gone. I'm getting on with my life. I had to get on with my life. I'm a living, breathing person, I have a life to live.

Kon and I have been discussing going to America. My English isn't terrible, and apparently Kon can speak any language he wants to. We figured he could stand in for me dealing with anything that needed a real master of the language. And presumably the gates from Seireitei can open anywhere in the world, it shouldn't be a problem for Karin and Dad to visit me. Yuzu too, once she graduates.

There is one thing, apparently they reverse your name there, put your family name last. So in America I'd be Ichigo Kurosaki and Kon would be, well, Kon. Ichigo Kurosaki. It just doesn't sound right. And English doesn't have honorifics, people you don't even know will just address you by your first name like they're family or something. I don't know if I could get used to that.

There are too many memories here. I just caught myself staring at Chad's bass. An inheritance, no one else wanted it. Chad didn't have any family left. Most of what he owned was sold to pay for the funeral. I can only hope I'm not the only one who visits his grave. Rukia, Renji, they must go when they're in town. Surely? You'd think a guy in my position wouldn't worry about Chad. He should have gone to the soul society, would have known to go immediately to the Seireitei. It's just that he never contacted me to say he was all right.

There are a lot of days I think he must hate me. I hope he's like the others, with orders not to speak to me.

Yeah, maybe we'll go to America. Never speak Japanese again, just leave all of this behind. Become an American soul-

-an American Vizard.

Maybe I could get a cowboy hat.

Sorry, I have to laugh. There's just something about the thought of a shinigami in a cowboy hat that always cracks me up. I'd get one for Zaraki too. And one for Byakuya. We could call him Tex.

Maybe it is time to leave. At the end of this year I could take my credits and transfer into a school overseas. Besides, there were big open spaces there, really big spaces. Spaces I could take off this damn eyepatch and open the taps wide, spend a night firing ceros at the moon.

It's harder than you'd think to hit the moon with a cero. Sure it's a big target but it's also _far_. You don't have to be off by much to miss it entirely.

I'm just kidding, the ceros usually burst before they leave the atmosphere. Still fun to try though.

I'd like to meet a girl. I'm not so good around people anymore, but maybe if I could meet a girl-

I'd be putting her in danger. Relationships are out.

I know nobody said life had to be fair. But this is a little much.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

I got home that night, dropped my books and said hello to Kon. It was Saturday - I usually take Saturday evening off. Kon had done me a favor, he'd done all the prep work for dinner, so all I had to do was fry it up. Luckily I'd picked up his copy of Jump, he was glad to get it. He always looked forward to Saturdays because I usually spend the night out, which meant Kon could take my body. Mostly he sees films or plays Pachinko, he just likes to get out.

I remember how he used to be. And how I used to be. We've both gotten a lot older. I trust Kon with my life, something I'd never thought I'd say when I was fifteen.

"I'll see you later."

"Yeah, catch you later Ichigo."

I left by window, Kon left by the door. As usual for a Saturday I had the patches that gave me about one percent and about ten percent. All I'd need for anything up to a menos and I could pull the patch off if I found one of those. I passed the old soul reaper, gave him a slight nod. He wasn't supposed to nod back, he was supposed to ignore me totally, but he'd usually give me a little wave.

Any acknowledgment was nice.

It was a pretty standard evening, a few laps around town and I figured I'd call it a night.

I suddenly felt a stabbing pain through my chest and legs. Nothing had happened though - I hadn't been attacked -

_Kon_.

I don't know how it happened, it was all over by the time I got there. I landed at the center of the crowd where Kon - _I _had been smashed by a truck. My first thought was for Kon, my body was a write-off - I had to get the pill back!

And then I saw the pill.

They get coughed up when the body dies, so they can be reused.

Kon had rolled into oncoming traffic, the pill crushed under a wheel.

Kon was dead.

My body was dead. I thought my spirit form was going to throw up looking at what was left of me.

Even Kon now.

This will sound strange. I walked away from myself and Kon and went back to my apartment. My brain wasn't working.

That sounded sick, didn't it?

I've got enough spirit power to affect things even when I'm not solid. I'd finished boxing up my apartment before I'd even realized I'd started, it only took a half hour. Cleaning up after the dead. It was suddenly so empty, the sum total of our existences in six boxes. Kon and I didn't -_hadn't_ had much stuff.

Dad would arrange something, maybe he could store my stuff wherever he was staying in Seireitei. If he was a captain he must have a house or something.

I'd need to get a message to him.

That'd be easy enough. The other reaper could take it, I could watch the shop while he was gone.

It took about two minutes to track him down.

The reaper's a good guy. I explained the situation and he loaned me his phone so I could text Dad directly. I could have called him, but I didn't feel like talking yet.

DDd,

M ded. morgue. Plz mk arrangements.

Ich.

I looked it over and was ashamed of myself. This wasn't my tragedy. I took the time to add the rest in proper language.

PS, Kon's pill was destroyed in the accident. I would appreciate if you could let people know. He was a good friend and I already miss him.

Ichigo.

I thanked the reaper and he shunpoed off. As I said, a good guy.

Then I went back home.

Our apartment felt empty. Kon is - was my last friend, a companion when times were roughest. A decent guy. I even cried when I looked at both his lifeless plushy bodies. How strange it must have looked.

Kon.

I miss you already buddy. Safe travels to wherever it is mod souls go when they die.

I'd been dead for just over two hours, sitting mindlessly in the apartment. I didn't have a clue what to do next, I'd never even considered something like this, it was too soon, I hadn't planned-

There was a knock on the door, which I ignored. Two in the bloody morning and someone was at the door.

They knocked again. I ignored it. Again.

It was probably the police looking for next of kin. Kon had my wallet, so they'd find out where I'd lived pretty fast.

A third goddamn time! I'm _dead_! Can't you let me rest in peace or something? There's no next of kin here!

Renji's face came through the door.

"Ichigo?"

"Renji?"

Renji stepped all the way through the door. "Come on, leave this junk. We don't have much time. Ikkaku is standing in the hall with my gigai."

I didn't move. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Would you come on?"

I guess I was stunned, I didn't question any further. I stepped through the door, where Renji was back in his Gigai.

He and Ikkaku were dressed like a pair of gangsters, sunglasses and very expensive black suits.

Ikkaku was looking around, I swear he was nervous.

Ikkaku? _Nervous_?

"Let's go," said Renji.

I followed the pair of them down the stairs.

"I heard about Kon," said Renji. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you. We'd become close."

"Quiet," growled Ikkaku. "You'll give us away."

"Wait until we get to the car," said Renji.

"Wait a minute, you guys aren't planning to _drive_, are you?" Immaterial or not, one of these two at the wheel would get someone killed.

"No," hissed Renji, looking around. He didn't see whomever he was looking for. "Just get in the damn car, Ichigo."

There was a big black Benz out front with heavily tinted windows. Feeling a little surreal I got into the back with Ikkaku. Renji got into the front.

Hanatoro was at the wheel, with the same sunglasses and the same mobster suit.

"It's good to see you Ichigo." His voice had deepened a little. Hana threw the car into gear, checked his blind spot and carefully pulled into traffic.

"Okay, what the hell is going on here? I haven't seen you guys in three years and you appear out of nowhere dressed as cheap thugs? Where'd you get the car, anyway?"

Renji answered that one. "It's Kuchiki-taicho's car."

"You stole Byakuya's car?"

"We didn't steal it," said Hanataro. "We just borrowed it." Hana turned left, we were heading towards the highway.

At least Hana knew how to drive.

"Lots of people figure you got a raw deal, Kurosaki," said Ikkaku. "We're going to fix that."

This was happening so damn fast, I couldn't think-

"What? How?"

"You're dead, aren't you?" Ikkaku grinned at me, a disturbing sight. He pulled off the glasses. "It stands to reason you should come to soul society with us."

"I can't come to bloody soul society! I'll be executed!"

"Why?" asked Hana. He had changed.

"Because I'm-" I didn't finish.

"Kurosaki Ichigo is dead, remember?" said Renji. "We don't know who you are, you're obviously someone else."

"What do you mean I'm someone else?"

"You're a different person, right?" That was Ikkaku, and he said it like I was thick or something. "Tomorrow you're starting the academy, as someone else. Renji, what should his name be?"

"Chibi," answered Renji. "Bastard Chibi."

Hana snickered. God, what the hell had happened to him? He was hanging around Renji and Ikkaku and he was snickering?

"I can't go to the-"

"Yes you can," interrupted Renji. "You've got that damn Zaraki patch, you've got a Zampakuto. You've got everything you need!"

"I'll get _caught_!"

Ikkaku smiled another of those awful Ikkaku smiles and ran a hand over his gleaming head.

"Not if you've got one of these Ichigo. Or whatever your name is. Everyone knows Kurosaki Ichigo has bright orange hair."

"So I'm supposed to be bald? And get called Patchinko head by Yachiru?"

"You're going to the academy starting tomorrow," insisted Renji. "Trust us Ichigo, you've got friends there. We'll shave your head and anyone who might recognize you will look the other way. We can do this."

"This is insane! And why does Byakuya have a car?"

"Dammit Ichigo forget about the car! You're one of us! Screw what those blowhards think!"

Ikkaku nodded once, gave me one of those terrible Ikkaku smiles with the slitted eyes. Even Hana nodded.

Ikkaku said "Paa-chinko."

I didn't want to be bald like Ikkaku. Ikkaku looks like a cue ball.

From the front Hana said "Ichigo, raise your rietsu for a moment please. As high as you can go with the patch on."

I pulled off the the outer patch, burned up bright.

Renji and Ikkaku were looking to Hana, who didn't take his eyes off the road.

"Well?" Demanded Renji.

"I don't know," said Hanataro. "Tenth seat maybe? Eighth? Something like that. He'll stand out but no one's going to mistake him for Kurosaki Ichigo."

"What about Zangetsu," asked Renji.

"That's already handled," said Ikkaku. "Feeling strong Ichigo?"

"Strong enough, why?"

"You learned how to seal Zangetsu, didn't you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Everyone who ever heard of our orange haired boy thinks of Zangetsu as that chopper. You're going to change that. From now on Zangetsu spends his days sealed."

"They're going to teach me to release my shikai at the academy. How am I supposed to handle that? It's not like Zangetsu isn't recognizable."

"You're going to cheat. From here on in your going to jump you shikai and release directly to bankai."

"_What_?" _That_ was the plan? "Can that even be _done_? How the hell am I supposed to do that? And you think people aren't going to _notice_?"

"You'd better find a way," growled Renji. "It's your only shot."

Hanataro said "we've got some ways to change Zangetsu's bankai appearance. Just some paint and ribbons and things, but it should be enough, no one will mistake your new shikai for Kurosaki Ichigo's bankai if you keep your patch on and your power damped."

I could only lean back into my seat and wonder what the hell they were on.

The audacity of their plan-

-It was crazy.

"I'm looking forward to seeing him bald," said Renji. "I've been looking at that damn orange dandelion for way too long."

"We can combine the best features of both of us," leered Ikkaku. "we'll shave his head and then tattoo it. How does that sound, Ichigo? Maybe a great big sleeping toad on top of your head?"

"Stay away from my head, Baldylocks. Look, this is crazy, stop the car and let me out. And why are you even in gigai?"

"No way. And we're keeping a low profile."

"Renji, this will never work!"

"How do you know? He's whining like a little girl."

"Don't tell me you've gone chicken," said Ikkaku.

I glared at him, I knew what was coming next.

That damn pachinko bastard had his arms going and his legs going and he was clucking at me like a damn rooster. From the front seat Renji was doing the same damn thing.

Hana turned onto the off ramp, took us off the expressway.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

"Where the hell are we going to?"

"Seireitei put in a new facility," replied Hanataro. "Storage for gigai, parking for the captains, that sort of thing. Right now there's no one in it."

"Of course not, it's the middle of the night!"

"We released a minor hollow," said Renji, "to draw off the guard. We put Byakuya's car back and take the secret tunnel to the Rukongai. No one will ever know we were here."

Hana had some sort of remote, he triggered it and opened some sort of store-front garage down the block. A minute later we were out of Byukuya's car, the three of them had dropped off their gigai and we were out of the building. Hanataro locked the door behind us.

"Why'd you even bother with the gigai?"

"Harder to trace us," Renji snapped. "come on, get a move on."

"Ichigo," said Hanataro, "I may need a hand, I'm not that quick on my shunpo yet."

"Yeah, no trouble," I said absently.

"Seal that damn sword," muttered Ikkaku. "This falls apart the moment someone recognizes that thing."

I forced Zangetsu into his sealed form.

Hanataro's shunpo weren't that bad, a few minutes later we were at a bit of a clearing in the forest, a few kilometers from town. Yumichika was there, on his knees with his Zampakuto stuck into the ground, concentrating furiously.

He was holding some kind of gate open, this wasn't an official portal to the soul society.

"About - _bloody_ - time," snarled Yumichika. I can't - _hold_ - this - any - bloody longer-"

There was no time to think. Ikkaku grabbed him, Renji and I grabbed Hanataro and we flash stepped into the gate.

It was far to the other side and the passageway was collapsing quickly. Any slower - and I mean _any_ slower then our flash steps and we wouldn't have made it before the gate collapsed. Yumichika and Ikkaku were barely clear when it shut behind them.

We'd made it to the soul society.

The gate would have collapsed quicker if not for another old friend.

Ganju, seated with his hands up, muttering his kido. He grinned at me but he didn't say anything.

We'd landed in another forest clearing, this one a world away, though there was still moonlight. Nothing else, not a lantern, nothing. Wouldn't do to have anyone know we were here.

Hanataro was already moving to tend to Yumichika. I would never have thought a guy from Forth would willingly have anything to do with guys from eleventh. A lot had changed since I was escorted off the premises.

"He's exhausted," Hanataro said, "but he'll be fine."

"We should go," muttered Ganju.

I was beginning to think this was Hanataro's evil twin or something, he helped Yumichika to his feet and Yumichika didn't even protest. Our pretty friend was in bad shape.

"First, everyone gather round," said Ikkaku. "It's time for the entertainment portion of our program." He pulled scissors from his sleeve.

"We made it," said Renji. He squeezed my shoulder. Hana grinned and punched me lightly in the arm. Ikkaku just grinned that Ikkaku grin.

"Okay," said Renji. "Let's get that hair off."

"I second that," said Ganju. "Let's get rid of that damn dandelion head."

They all thought this would work. I couldn't imagine the risks they were taking to give me this second chance. No, it was more than that. They were going to make it work. They were going to make this work for me.

My friends.

For the first time in three years I felt like a human being.

"Let's do this."

My head was cold. They'd gone through with their promise and shaved me as bald as Ikkaku. Ikkaku had looked approvingly and said "_Sleek_."

Great, just what I've always wanted to be. Sleek.

Ganju was grinning at my newly bald head. He pointed at the ground, burned my fallen hair with a kido.

Leave no evidence behind.

"How many people are in on this?"

"This is the smallest crew we thought could pull it off," said Hanataro. He'd been watching crime films again.

"You don't need to know if anyone else is involved, Ichigo," said Renji. "If this goes south-"

If this goes south I can't give up names I don't know. That's fair.

"Time to go," said Ganju.

I don't willingly ride pigs but I did better that either Ikkaku or Renji. Wish I'd had a camera. Yamichika was actually very good at it, though I don't think he'd be happy if anyone found out. Even exhausted he was better than anyone but Ganju. Ganju didn't say another word, but it was good to see his grin.

Less than an hour later we were at the academy.

The others disappeared, only Renji stayed to take me inside.

I vaguely recognized the guy at the desk, though it pains me to say I couldn't remember his name. One of Renji's friends, from sixth squad.

"This is the friend I was telling you about."

He nodded.

Renji muttered "we'll be in touch Ichigo. Don't try to contact us until we tell you it's safe." Then he was gone.

This guy was - had been part of 6th squad, now he was running the night desk at the academy? Exactly the desk we needed? Just how long had they been setting up this crazy plan of theirs? It wasn't long before I'd been issued a uniform and paperwork saying I had advance standing. I was a first year student in a seven year program, but my paperwork said I'd already earned my Zampakuto.

All I had to do was fill in a name at the top.

I chose Sado Kon.

Renji's friend told me where my room was, told me to go wander around the gardens until the sun came up.

I was on my own.

Bald.

I spent the rest of the night thinking about what had happened to Kon and my body. It was an accident, just an ugly accident that could have happened to anyone. Renji and the others had plotted and prepared, but I knew they hadn't hurt Kon. I took some comfort in that. It had been an accident. It was still good to know the guys had been ready to catch me before I fell.

Still, it'd be very interesting to know how they'd timed the whole thing.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer : Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

Nemu was a silent creature, she'd been designed that way. Her father didn't ever want to hear her speak unless she was responding to him. 

As usual, she was deep in thought. Unusually, she was thinking about breaking rules.

The monitoring station had been twelfth division's realm since it left the auspices of the kido corps more than a hundred years ago. When Seireitei technology reached the point it could monitor the real world more efficiently than Kido the corps had gladly turned over those duties.

She'd become the linchpin of Ikkaku's plan, had seriously rethought her opinion of the third seat's intellect. They'd needed someone inside the monitoring center. Ikkaku had covered a great many contingencies, as many as he and Renji could while still keeping their group as small as possible. Ikkaku and Renji, it had started there, grown to Hanataro of fourth squad, she hadn't known the boy before, had quickly come to respect him. She was familiar with Seireitei documents around the escape of Kuchiki Rukia; Yamada Hanataro had shown a willingness to break rules if he felt the cause was justified, it was because of him she'd agreed to join the conspiracy.

Nemu was still wondering about her own motives. It was one thing when it had all been theoretical. When the call came last night-

Nemu hadn't hesitated. She'd designed her part of the plan flawlessly, it could never be tracked back to her because she had done absolutely nothing wrong. It was – coincidence.

There were probably others in their conspiracy, they hadn't told her and she hadn't asked. Kuchiki Rukia probably. Instinctively Nemu knew the less she knew the less involved she was.

Should she have been more interested? She wondered. The boy Uryu Ishida had lost his sanity in the war, the girl Inoue Orihime a part of hers. And both were better off then Kurosaki Ichigo, one day _they_ would die and be released. He had an eternity as a hunted criminal.

It wasn't right. The criminal Aizen would have won were it not for Kurosaki Ichigo.

Elements of the plan were beyond her knowledge. They'd feared for him, certain Kurosaki-san's mental state was unconducive to long term mortal survival. Presumably they had some monitoring methods outside normal Twelfth division practices. Nemu's part, her _active_ part in the plan was to arrange for the system maintenance cycle to be triggered. Policy had been subtly rewritten two years, sixteen days ago in name of efficient workload balancing; monthly maintenance activities were to be performed at the discretion of the shift supervisor (or the shift supervisor's superior officer) rather than at scheduled times. It allowed... flexibility.

Nemu wasn't sure how Kurosaki Ichigo had been retrieved. She didn't know that he had been, in fact. This was an important technicality; should Mayuri ask her about Kurosaki Ichigo's whereabouts her answer would be truthful. Even extracted, he would be unable to conclude from her data that she knowingly played a role in misplacing him.

There were carefully drafted procedures for monitoring Kurosaki Ichigo. She'd originally drafted them herself, but Ikkaku had changed them three years, six months and four days ago. Quite brilliantly, she had to concede, loosened them ever so slightly, allowing just a little extra time to reestablish a lock on the substitute shinigami before the matter was escalated, arranged for extra stops for the data if for whatever reason the subject's spirit pressure signature was lost. Ikkaku very carefully inserted an additional three hours into the process before Kurosaki Ichigo's disappearance would be reported to anyone authorized to order shinigami into the human world.

Nemu did not smile. As that time approached Kurosaki-san's location had not been reestablished, despite correct and complete following of all relevant procedure. Ikkaku-san had conveniently edited procedure to avoid superfluous redirection of monitoring resources to search within the bounds of soul society itself. An oversight, Nemu reflected; it was conceivable that Kurosaki Ichigo could leave the mortal world and come to the Seireitei. She had no proof this had occured, therefore her data did not record the possibility in any form Mayuri could establish complicity from, but her data would record the possibility. Given an unauthorized gate was unlikely (within appropriate tolerances) the situation would not require immediate attention, but some day that oversight would need to be corrected.

Perhaps when the sun next rose in Hueco Mundo.

Approximately six hours was as long as Nemu could wait. The system had been up for four hours, fifty eight minutes, appropriately bench tested as per procedure under non-emergency conditions. Then failed initial location of target, testing around target loss, preliminary and secondary searches to reacquire target, secondary bench testing until Nemu could wait no longer without her complicity being recorded. If it were, Mayuri would simply disassemble her, extract the relevant information and Madarame Ikkaku's plan would fail. Any discovery meant total discovery if Mayuri was in charge of the investigation. 

The sun was rising. Hopefully they'd had long enough; the loss of the subject had to be reported now.

Nemu went in search of her captain.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

Kurosaki Isshin woke up, put a hand to his head. 

Kids these days. Rumor had it there was a time Rangiku preferred tea to sake. Apparently Shunsui had remedied that.

_Ow_.

Thankfully there was nothing pressing today. He'd just take things... slowly.

Until the shaking and the pain behind his left eye went away.

He reached for his cell, the light was flashing. Urahara had some other name for the stupid things, to Isshin they were telephones, nothing more.

Time in the real world had changed him. For the better obviously.

Message from Ichigo! At least he assumed it was from Ichigo, the message was from another Reaper but it started with Ddd. Karin and Yuzu always spelled out Dad, and they had their own phones anyway.

Surprising to hear from the boy. Isshin hoped he was all right, he hadn't had a message from Ichigo in what? Three years?

He suspected that 12th had been ordered to block Ichigo's phone from the network. Well that was his boy, smart enough to figure out how to get Dad a message.

Ddd, M ded. at morgue.

Isshin read the first line a second time, then read the message through.

His son needed him.

Isshin stood up and put the pain aside. Ichigo was monitored around the clock, the message would be a matter of public record in hours, if it wasn't already.

Dammit the message was already three or four hours old. Well, one joy of being a captain was Isshin didn't anyone's permission to go to the living world.

Luckily he'd slept in his clothes.

Isshin shut the door behind him and flash stepped towards the nearest gate. They'd have to make arrangements fast or this could get messy. Ichigo would be confused, he was probably still in shock.

Had to get to him before he did anything stupid. With any luck old Yama was still deciding his next move.

If he were lucky Isshin could keep this from getting ugly. The old man wouldn't send anyone but captains if the Seireitei were going to have dealings with Ichigo, no one talked about it but Yama didn't seem to trust many of his younger officers where Ichigo was concerned.

If Gotei 13 strength weren't so far down Isshin suspected a lot of the younger officers would be reassigned immediately, the old man had a thing about his troops being disciplined to the point of stupidity. Shinigami were to do what they were told, even if it was wrong.

If Yama sent the wrong captains-

Isshin didn't even want to think about that. Shunsui, Jushiro, even Zaraki would be fine, Zaraki might even be best, he and Ichigo could work through Ichigo's frustrations with their swords. But if Yama sent Soi Fon, or Byakuya, or Komamura-

And the old man wouldn't send just one captain, he probably wouldn't send two captains either.

The one he should be sending was Retsu, she was the only one who always got a san or a taicho out of Ichigo. If she asked Ichigo to stand up straight and tuck in his shirt Ichigo would probably do it.

Shit. If they drew their Zampakutos Ichigo would too, in the sort of mood he must be in. If they raised their Zampakutos Ichigo would too. And if they started swinging, lord help them all, Ichigo would too, one thing the boy had never learned was restraint. Isshin had no desire to see his son struck down or made a murderer and the moment Ichigo raised a blade against a captain the old man would have him swarmed, or worse yet, order everyone back and go in himself.

Isshin had to get there first.

Twenty minutes later Isshin was looking around the neatly packed apartment. It had an empty feel he didn't like; even with his eyes shut he couldn't feel Ichigo anywhere. Isshin should have been able to feel him even with the eye patches, Ichigo was his son.

The boy was nowhere within a hundred miles of where Isshin stood. He'd be harder for others to track now that he wore the power limiters, and if he'd gone three years without sending a message he might not send another anytime soon. Ichigo hadn't wanted to talk, he'd simply wanted his family to know what had happened.

The question was what Yama was going to do about it?

Was it worth a quick run up the coast? No, no time. Ichigo was incommunicado and twelfth division's equipment would find the boy a lot faster than Isshin could.

Friends, what about friends?

Ichigo didn't have any friends. Ishida, Inoue, Chad. The others? He could reach out to Tatsuki -

She wouldn't help.

Isshin paced the little room. His official options were limited. _Think_! Where would Ichigo _go_? The boy had always known he was watched, but he'd also known he couldn't hide - they'd find him eventually. Anywhere on earth - even Ichigo wasn't fast enough to evade the watchers forever.

Unless he had a way to hide.

Isshin felt his stomach sink. Oh no, not-

Urahara couldn't lie to him, not on this. Kisuke was sly but he'd never-except he already had, hadn't he? Despite his motives he'd almost turned Rukia-chan into a human in one of his cursed gigais. Urahara had no compunctions about putting someone in his untraceable gigais. He was also crafty enough to get away with it, the man spent most of his time tormenting Mayuri, just daring the twelfth division's captain to catch him at something. In the past three years Mayuri had been made to look like a fool so many times he'd taken the number two spot on Yama's shit list.

Even Ichigo would be devoured eventually inside one of those cursed things.

But if he felt he had nothing more to lose-

Oh damn oh damn oh _damn_.

He had to talk to Urahara. Then the old man.

Isshin hoped and prayed it was a gigai. He had to get this settled before anyone started talking about Heuco Mundo.

Fifteen minutes later Isshin stood in Urahara's office. "Kisuke, I need to talk to you."

"Certainly, Isshin-Taicho." Bucket Hat grinned.

"None of that Kisuke. I need to know what you've done with my son."

Start off strong, let Urahara think he already knew.

Kisuke looked genuinely surprised.

"Done? I haven't done anything. Why, did something happen to Ichigo?"

Isshin just glared at him. Sometimes Urahara's tendancy to play games was trying.

"No, seriously Isshin-san. What are you talking about? I haven't seen Ichigo since he left Soul Society three years ago. Has something happened?"

_Left_, as though Ichigo had a choice.

"He texted me to look him up at the morgue, Ichigo is dead." In his years as a human Isshin had relearned a human perspective on death, Kisuke hadn't, hidden away in his shoten. To him Ichigo's death was an inconvenience, like misplacing something.

"Well surely Kon-"

"Kon is dead too. Crushed, according to Ichigo."

"His body, you mean? Well," Kisuke seemed confused. "Where is Ichigo now?"

"I don't _know_! That's why I'm _here!_"

"I can punch into Mayuri's system from my terminal here," said Urahara. "We'll find him in a moment."

"Don't bother. The scanning network is down, I just had twelfth on the phone. They lost track of Ichigo hours ago. Does Mayuri know you can access his network?"

"Of course not. Where would the fun in that be?" Urhara looked at his screen, punched a few keys.

"No portals to the real world were opened last night Isshin-san. Ichigo-san is still in the mortal world."

Isshin could tell what Urahara was thinking, but Kisuke wouldn't be the one to mention Hueco Mundo.

"Dammit. Could you prepare a gigai? And let me know if he contacts you. I'll be back." Isshin stared at nothing for a moment. "I have to go to the morgue to identify my son."

Could he even go to the old man? If he did he might be ordered not to tag along with whomever was sent after Ichigo. What was Yama planning? And how the hell was Isshin supposed to break this to his daughters?


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

Ukitake Jushiro and Kyoraku Shunsui wandered around the accident scene, invisible to the investigating police.

It had been easy to find.

They'd been first senior officers officially on scene, regrettably almost six hours after time of death. The police were finishing their investigation, Ichigo's body had already been removed.

Of Ichigo himself there was no trace.

Jushiro sighed. That was going to be a problem. A certain diplomacy was called for, that was why the Captain Commander had sent the pair of them. He'd hoped to find Ichigo sitting on a park bench or something, receptive to a few kind words and a promise of a visit to his family.

Meanwhile Shunsui was using kido.

"He was here but he left. Very strange."

"How do you mean?"

Shunsui turned, as usual a shade hard on the eyes in his pink haori. "The shock of the death of his body should have put out waves, there should be echoes, but there's nothing." Shunsui tiled his straw hat.

"That's crazy," said Jushiro, "how on earth could-" Jushiro snapped his fingers. "Wait."

"Hmm?"

"He had that mod soul, one of the old B models that were discontinued. Is there any chance Ichigo wasn't in the body when vitality ceased?"

"Almost had to be," answered Shunsui. His brows crinkled. "What on earth was he doing with a model B mod soul? I thought those had been recalled."

"Apparently one got missed," answered Jushiro. "Or so Urahara says, he might just have kept one as a souvenir." Jushiro looked at the police as they packed the last of their cameras away.

"So the mod soul is out for a walk in Ichigo's flesh, steps in front of a-" Shunsui paused.

Jushiro said "I think those ones are called buses."

"Really? I thought buses were the other ones, the ones on the metal tracks." Neither captain had spent a great deal of time in the mortal world since the advent of electricity.

Ukitake's eyes narrowed. "Are you sure? I could have sworn buses went on the roads."

"Then what are the ones on the tracks?"

Jushiro was at something of a loss. "I have no idea. Nanao would know."

"Ah, my Nanao-chan. We should have brought her with us."

"Shunsui, come over here."

"What?"

Jushiro pointed at the street, where a little green slimy mess lay around a thin broken shell.

"That's the pill there. How-"

"-Did it get broken?" finished Shunsui. He looked around. "There's nothing around here that could have broken one of those things. What the hell happened here, Jushiro?" The captain of eighth division stepped into the road, gathered up a few fragments of the pill. One of the human vehicles drove through Shunsui's immaterial body.

"We've missed something," said Jushiro. "I think we should go back now."

"I think you're right, my friend. What do you think Urahara-taicho is doing right now?"

"Perhaps we should find out." Jushiro spared a last look around the accident scene. "All of this is just a little too perfect Shunsui. Something isn't right."

Shunsui drew one of his Zampakuto, used it to open the gate.

It wasn't long before the captains passed a red-faced Isshin Taicho coming out of ninth division's headquarters. He grunted by way of greeting and stalked off.

"Poor bastard," said Shunsui.

The captain of ninth division looked up from his desk and smiled.

Jushiro sighed. Despite the outer robe of a senior captain, Urahara still wore the green hat-and-clogs combination he'd grown so attached to in the real world. Jushiro simply couldn't approve of the striped bucket hat.

He'd mentioned that once. Kisuke had smiled politely and one appeared in Ukitake's office the next morning. So far the thirteenth division captain had been able to resist the temptation to wear it.

Though he'd privately admit a certain temptation to see whether his third seats could be tricked into fighting over it.

"Urahara-Taicho, a word?"

"Certainly," replied Urahara. "I'm a popular man today. What may I do for you gentlemen?"

"A mod soul, one of the forbidden ones. How difficult would it be to break one?"

"How do you mean? Break the pill itself?"

"Yes."

Urahara thought about this.

"Depends on your definition of difficult. Most second seat officers could probably smash one. Or captains of course."

"What about accidentally?"

"How do you mean?"

"One of those no-horse carriages, those great truck things in the mortal world," said Jushiro. He really needed some more time in the mortal world, he had no excuse for being this out of date. "Could one of those destroy the pill?"

"What?" replied the bucket hat. It hid Urahara's eyes. "You mean run over it?" He asked it like he didn't understand the question.

"Exactly."

"No," said Urahara. "Nothing like that. A steamroller might drive one into pavement, but it certainly wouldn't crack the casing. They're not subject to normal physical force. Don't get me wrong, the mortal world has weapons that _could_ break the pill but those weapons hit a great deal harder than the wheel of a truck. Simple pressure? Nothing on the planet is _that_ heavy."

Shunsui reached absently into the pocket of his haori, pulled out the fractional shell.

"What's that?" Asked Urahara.

"The mod soul."

"No it's not."

The other captains looked at Urahara.

"Kon is a model B mod soul," explained Urahara. "There were problems with putting the extra power into the standard casings. To get around them I had one of my chemists come up with a special coating for the inside. If that were a model B casing the inside would be red."

"Are you sure?" asked Jushiro.

Urahara nodded.

"Who would know this?" asked Shunsui.

"Nobody, probably," replied Urahara. "The original chemist, but it was a small aspect of the program, it didn't involve anyone else. The guy who ran the production line, but it was small scale, and there was only one batch made. And me, as head of the program. I know the chemist is dead and I doubt the production engineer even noticed. So I'd say nobody would know this, except the three of us."

"If _this_ isn't Kurosaki Ichigo-san's mod soul," said Jushiro, "where is it?"

Shunsui didn't try to answer the question. "Thank you Urahara-taicho, you've been a great help. Jushiro? Care for a drink at my office? Excuse us Uraraha-taicho."

"Of course," said Urahara.

After they left Urahara Kisuke said "We'll just keep this our little secret."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings do not belong to me.

* * *

That first day was a little unusual. I'd never thought too much about the Shinigami academy, I just sort of assumed it'd be more like the high school I went to. It was closer to a college I was used to. Except apparently it wasn't that unusual for people to join late, and it also was specifically set up to identify and fast track people with ability.

Note to self, no ability.

As a first year I wasn't supposed to carry my Zampakuto even though I had it, so I stashed that in my room (roommate wasn't there). Beyond that I was told to sit at the back of my classes and try to catch up. People who joined late usually repeated the first year.

My head is cold.

Ikkaku must be loving this, bald headed pachinko bastard.

My first priority was finding Yuzu. I've got the next seven years to catch up with class work, and I kind of have a head start on the practical curriculum. But I do need to see my little sister before Kurosaki Yuzu calls me Ichi-nii in front of a crowd. Other students won't recognize the name, but the senseis, on the other hand - one of them overhearing could be a very different story.

Look, honest confession time here. This hurts me to say, it hurts me more than I like to admit-

No easy way to put this.

Uh-

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd just had three years of practice being nobody special. During the war I had sort of a double life, which very quickly went back to a single life after it. From all-conquering hero to nameless face in the crowd.

It had been hard and disheartening to learn that in the real world you don't go blazing into the principal's office with a bold new plan to strike down the bad guys. You don't go to the front of the line either, you go to the back with everybody else because you're nobody special. Then you get to watch your friends grow apart from you when they figure out you're the cause of everything bad that ever happened to them – everyone who picked up a charge from my spirit energy is uncomfortable (at best) with the results.

Like hiding under the bed when the enemy was marching in the streets would have done them any good. Nice idea but it doesn't work that way. I may be biased (alright, incredibly biased) but I'll take the power to fight hollows over hiding under the bed hoping they'll go away _any_ day.

But it doesn't help; eventually you get to worry about getting into college and you get to worry about what comes next. That's life. The heroing business is a hard one to leave but nothing like as hard as going into the normal person business. I swallowed a lot of pride in the last three years, I like to think it made me stronger. Today it probably saved me from doing something stupid. If this had happened three years ago-

If this had happened three years ago I'd have done something stupid by now.

I didn't speak to anyone in my classes, mostly because no one spoke to me. These people were seriously studious. Though I guess if I had nowhere to go back to but North district 80 I'd be studious too.

Oh wait, I don't have North 80 to go back to. I don't have anywhere _at all_ to go back to.

Most of the students look younger than me, though a few of them were quite a bit older; apparently all physical ages were welcome. Kind of weird to get used to. One thing I'll give the old man, he accepts that noble birth isn't a guarantee of success and everyone is allowed an equal shot. Knowing the old bastard it's because he divides the the world into shinigami and non-shinigami rather than from any kind of altruism. To him the nobles are the same kind of dirt as the commoners, only the Shinigami live in the court of pure souls. Great system huh? Nice to have massive inborn power that wasn't earned and can't be learned, eh?

I happen to be one of the privileged few. I figure as long as I can still see that I'm still Kurosaki Ichigo inside. I hope I always will be.

Been wondering how Byakuya got through here. He must of had private tutors or something, I simply can't see him mixing with the common folk. At some point in the distant past even Byakuya picked up a sword for the first time, I simply can't see the stoic Kuchiki-dono getting knocked around with the rest of the kids.

Kuchiki's okay, once you get used to the way he thinks. In his way he's a decent guy. A little intense maybe, and I wouldn't want to share a dorm room with him, but he's okay. He has unrealistic expectations of himself, that's all.

Anyways, the first day passed quickly enough and I didn't get outed. So all was well with the world. I was finally beginning to think this was going to work. Todays classes were ancient history, middle period history and that class on spiritual pressure. That one was kind of difficult; fine control is easy when I'm just releasing my spiritual pressure normally but it gets a little tricky when I'm trying to lower my output. It tends to surge on me.

I'd been concentrating so hard on that I hadn't noticed the other students dropping like flies around me. That was the whole point of the exercise, for everyone to get a feeling for their limits. I tried to remember to drop before anyone got suspicious, but my mind sort of wandered. Suddenly I realized that just me and two other people were still going, I had to take a dive and hope no one noticed me pull on the second patch to cut my output. Most of the class was gasping and wheezing, so I think I got away with it. The point is I almost didn't. Next time I'd have to fade out a lot sooner or someone might think I have potential or something. The last thing I need is to get fast tracked into the arms of someone who understands high spirit pressure, say like a Captain. This is only going to work if I absolutely never stand out.

Thankfully my schedule includes a complete exemption from Zampakuto training. I was listed as independent study for sword with private tutoring.

Thank you guys - I was a hell of a lot less likely to get caught now.

Unless Zaraki was my tutor - and they wouldn't do that, would they?

Renji and Ikkaku? They-

-wouldn't-

-do-

Renji and Ikkaku?

Oh _damn_.

I ate dinner by myself, made sure to sit very quietly at the edge of the crowd. Didn't want some upper classman deciding to be a jerk, my nerves were a little too raw. Especially since someone knocking my eye patch off would bring a rain of captains down on my head, probably right through the roof.

I ate slowly but finally I had to put down my chopsticks. There was no more help for it, I either had to go meet the new roommate or spend another night on the lawn. Didn't know where the library was yet, so I had nowhere to go study. Besides, there'd be people at the library. Since the whole point was to blend in I should probably stick to my dorm room for studying, the less people who saw me the better. Get a reputation for being a lone wolf, people could respect that. Get a reputation for being strange and they might send someone from fourth squad to examine my head. I can see it now, Isane-san comes knocking on Sado Kon's door.

I hope she wouldn't be holding a grudge from that time I sent her flying.

Not so good. Normal, I had to be normal. Seven quiet normal years, by then it'd be ten since anyone had seen me. Ikkaku could have a quite talk with Zaraki and I'd become a background member of eleventh. Zaraki would keep his mouth shut for a few fights a month if we could find somewhere quiet to do it.

As I was walking looking at the other students with their books and their friends and so on it struck me as a little weird how absurdly young they all were. None of these people had ever killed a hollow, let alone an arrancar. Or played a practical joke on Byakuya.

Guess that makes me the local sempai.

In hindsight replacing Byakuya's scarf with a pink feather boa no longer seemed the brilliant idea it had at the time. Even if it was perfectly timed to Byakuya waking up, Ikkaku pushing an amped-up Yachiru through the gate (he'd been feeding her sugar) and Renji showing up early for work.

It was a prank on Renji more than anyone else, he had to keep a straight face.

Had to put that out of my mind. I was in first year here. I'd never killed a hollow, an arrancar or anything else. Just one of the guys. I don't stand out at all.

I've gotten better at controlling my spiritual pressure, but I never said I was actually good at it. That could eventually be a problem but it seemed to work well enough for first year.

The ten percent patch was a lifesaver.

Lifesaver. Poor choice of words.

I finally got back to my assigned room.

In hindsight it had been a nerve-wracking day, really I couldn't tell you much about the place or what we covered in class. The fact I hadn't even noticed that says a lot about my mental state. I was sure I'd get used to it, but that was going to take time.

I knew I had a room mate, I'd seen his things when I dropped off Zangetsu. I just hadn't met the guy, he hadn't been there.

He looked up when I walked into the room.

"Are you my new roommate?"

"Yes," I answered. He looked young, though that doesn't mean much here. Physically (if you can call people made of spirit particles physical) he looked about fifteen. I'm - or I was in college, so he seemed young.

"Is that a real Zampakuto?"

"Yes it is." I'd stood Zangetsu's sealed form in a corner this morning.

"Cool. My name is Morisato Shiba." He stood up.

"Sado Kon."

"A pleasure to meet you, Sado-San."

There wasn't a whole hell of a lot else to say. Thankfully Shiba-kun was a polite kid and went back to his reading.

I lay down and wondered exactly how the hell I was supposed to go about learning to go from sealed Zangetsu to Bankai Zangetsu without anyone seeing. I'd already decided to ask Zangetsu if I could try painting his bankai form a little, maybe add a bit of red so he wouldn't be quite so obvious, maybe get some ribbons like Rukia had. The Manju guard is going to stick out like a sore thumb though.

I don't have a plan for that yet.

I don't think Zangetsu actually likes me enough to do any of this, in fact I think I'm going to get told off.

When it got dark enough I'd planned on tracking down Yuzu.

Morisato-Kun felt the need to be polite to the new guy.

"You want to borrow one of these?" He was reading a manga.

I was about to refuse when I got a look at the cover.

Went cold all over.

Never had a feeling like that in my life, not the first time I saw a hollow, not when Byakuya first cut me, not when I first ran into Zaraki or even the first time I ran into Jaggerjack.

I managed to nod, so Morisato tossed me one of the mangas off the pile.

Words utterly failed me.

This kid was reading some kind of Seireitei manga.

It was called 'The Substitute.'


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings don't belong to me.

* * *

I had to turn away from Morissato as I looked through his manga, I was shaking that hard. 

His manga called 'The Substitute.'

It had Yamichika on the cover.

Yamichika was chasing-

Ganju.

Well it wasn't quite Ganju, the artist had made some changes, but I knew who it was supposed to be.

"Say, uh Morisato-san, do you have the next one of these? I've already seen this one."

"Sure, Sado-san."

Renji and Ikkaku couldn't have known about this - no strike that - Pineapple and Bald Bastard couldn't have known about these, there was no way. Ikkaku would have gone through the roof if he'd seen this.

There on the cover of this comic book, standing silhouetted against the sun, side by side against the terrible Ryoka-

Ikkaku and me.

The only, and I mean the only solace I could take in this was Ikkaku, had he known, would be a lot madder than me.

I had to open it. It was like when you're a kid and you've got a loose tooth. You know it's going to hurt, but you just can't stop poking at it. Then I started looking for any kind of name on it, anything at all, a publisher, a printer-

Nothing, there wasn't even a price on the damn thing. It looked like something that had been printed up (badly) in some back alley and sold off a truck. Except the shinigami involved were real, me and Ikkaku, Yumichka, we were all addressed by name. I recognized a few others too.

Someone had changed the story.

It missed some of the more important details, like the fact I broke in to the Seireitei, and that I was actually one of these terrible Ryoka invaders I was supposed to be fighting. Or somehow I was both, it was really hard to follow. Probably because I knew how it actually happened. I could only guess the changes the hound of hell artist made in earlier issues.

There was a frame with Ishida and Orihime dressed as Reapers.

I had to turn the page.

I didn't want to borrow too many of Morisato's books off him. The last thing I needed was a suspicious roommate, and there I was in the comic book he was reading. Somehow, lucky for me, it never occurred to him that add a mop of orange hair and I'd be the guy on page two.

Had to wonder how long that was going to last.

Needless to say I didn't sleep well that evening. Eventually I managed to doze off, forgot to search out Yuzu, then managed to wake up too late to go find her. I didn't fall back to sleep for the rest of the night.

Got up early because I was already awake, took a walk. Technically we weren't allowed off school grounds after dark. In practice anyone with a shunpo is taken for a seated officer on business, so nobody tried to stop me.

Needed to think. There was no reason for Morisato-san to assume I was the guy in the comic, that was ridiculous, it was a preposterous idea. People could laugh it off as long as I never let it rile me. Eventually someone was going to make the joke and I'd be ready for it. It was a resemblance, nothing more, and a resemblance to a comic book at that.

In the manga I still have both eyes.

As long as I kept my patch on and didn't do anything to stand out I should be fine. Just be ready for the day the joke comes.

There's nothing I can do about the manga, but I had to get to Yuzu today, she was a ticking Ichi-nii bomb.

Damn it.

There was a way around the manga, but I wasn't sure I wanted to take it. I could get word to Renji or Ikkaku, one of them could filter word up through the ranks. Theoretically any mention of me was banned, that made the comic illegal, right?

Only problem would be a potential deluge of shinigami turning over the school. I'd need to be off campus if that happened and I doubt we'd get a lot of warning. Plus they might do it after dark when everyone was supposed to be on campus anyway. Presumably they'd send a seated officer to run the search, call it an eighth seat.

As in someone who _might_ just see me flash by.

Flash speed scales with spirit pressure but that's not the only factor, there's your speed relative to your actual power, I guess you could call it your efficiency. While my speed is way down from the patch it'd be awfully hard to explain why I've got an efficiency that rivals a captain.

Scratch that, it'd be utterly impossible.

According to Yoruichi my shunpo is _almost_ at the absolute cutting edge of speed for my power output. It's all relative; Byakuya is actually at the edge, and Yoruichi is somewhere _ahead_ of the edge. I'm stronger than both of them but over flat ground Yoruichi pulls ahead of me – back in the day it only took her a minute or two to be out of sight, and that's when I was full up.

Byakuya never had any trouble pacing me.

Yoruichi's a freak that way, or at least a statistical aberration. Theoretically she's faster then shunpo is capable of being for someone with her spirit pressure. Her pressure is very, very high to start with.

And that's Yoruichi-taicho now, one of the people who'd be chasing me down. Granted I'm stronger then I was, and we never ran a foot race with my mask and my bankai, but Yoruichi-

She was faster than Byakuya and I. I don't think she ever _really_ opened it up wide, she didn't have to. Meaning I've got absolutely no idea how much thunder she had left in reserve.

Being seen by that eighth seat was a very real possibility unless I amped up before I shunpoed, way, _way_ up. Blazing up bright was _not_ a good idea if the shinigami were already on their way, especially if the scanning equipment at twelfth division has been specifically tuned to locate my reitsu-

Sheesh. It'd be safer just to ignore the damn manga and hope nobody official every found out about it. Hell, if any of the students found out who'd ratted they'd make my life miserable and maybe goad me into doing something stupid anyway.

Yeah, don't do anything yet. Take a few days to decide; it wasn't the sort of thing I'd be able to reverse if it went south on me. I don't like taking needless chances.

Strange words from a shinigami, eh?

I'm a shinigami again.

I would have to find a way to show Ikkaku though – I wanted to show Pachinko the page where he was all smashed up on the ground and I raced in to save him.

Fair's fair, the bastard shaved my head.

It's going to be a long seven years. After that it'll be a strange eternity.

It wouldn't be boring though. Stressful, but certainly not boring.

I'm glad I have friends to back me up, somehow that makes it all okay. Maybe one day we'll be able to sit back and laugh about all of this.

Right now I think I need a drink.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings are not mine

* * *

The sun was coming up. I'm scowling into the bathroom mirror surprised that my face hadn't puckered the glass yet. I was experiencing the joy of a shave that went all the way around my bloody head and I'd finally figured out Ikkaku's revenge. 

Rat bastard had kicked me when I was down.

So he'd shaved my head, so what? My hair would grow back, what's the big deal with a shaved head? Other than the odd Pachinko joke and getting bitten by Yachiru once in awhile?

Shaving my head, like _that_ was Ikkaku's revenge. Right. Ikkaku is way too smart for that, and too subtle. You wouldn't think it, looking at him, but Ikkaku is the Seireitei's master prankster.

Ikkaku's revenge wasn't shaving my head, Ikkaku's revenge was putting me in a situation where I have to shave _my own_ head, I've got no choice but to look like bloody Ikkaku! Now every time I lather up I'm going to see Ikkaku laughing at me in the mirror.

I'll need something _spectacular_ to pay him back for this one. And it has to include Renji, just in case.

Yeah, get Renji too, I could feel his fingers in this one, there's a certain _je ne sais quoi_ in stuff Renji's involved in, I can always tell when he's played a part.

I'd need a cunning plan.

I finished my shave, closed my razor and toweled off my head like I was polishing a shoe.

Ikkaku, when I catch up with you-

_Che_. Time to find Yuzu. Before Morisato woke up. I couldn't do it here, someone could come into the bathroom at any time. At least in my room I only had to worry about Morisato.

I put my patch back on. Already decided to get up early going forward; if I'm going to be sharing a bathroom I want to make sure I have it to myself when I shave. I have to take my patch off, or at least move it from my head to my wrist.

Some people consider my empty eye socket a badge of honor. I see it as a gaping hole in my head. I have no choice but to look at it myself but I'm extremely uncomfortable when other people see it. Ashamed, embarrassed, call it what you want, I _don't_ like people seeing me without a patch. My sisters have never seen it, my father has only seen it once.

To me it's private, nobody's business but my own.

Back to the room. Morisato has something that should make him a good roommate; he doesn't snore.

Sure enough he was still asleep.

I shut my eye and tried to find my sister. Have a bit of a knack for locating people with my mind.

If my eyes had been open they'd have widened.

All around me I saw spirit ribbons, but they weren't just red and white. This was the academy where white ribbons became red, and around me I could see every shade of snow white through blood red. Every kind of pink and rose and fuschia was there, hundreds of them, and reds, those must have been the senseis. In the distance I could feel the Gotei squads, and I knew if I looked I could pick out Renji, or Rangiku, or Karin or my father-

Oh crap.

My ribbon is totally red.

Shit. I'd forgotten about that.

Anyway, back to business, there was nothing I could do about it. Yuzu was-

_Found her_.

It suddenly dawned on me that Yuzu could tell Dad and Karin I was all right. I didn't have to risk exposing Renji or anyone else, Yuzu could walk straight through the gates, see Karin and Dad and no one would find that suspicious. Yuzu hadn't been on the original raid, no student could open a gate anyway (I thought, I wasn't really sure how that worked). I could kill two birds with one stone, without casting suspicion on anyone.

That was bleeding perfect.

Now I just had to get to Yuzu before she shouted nii-chan in a roomful of people.

This was going to work, it was really going to work. Ikkaku's plan was so fantastically audacious that no one would ever catch it if they didn't catch _me_. And they weren't going to catch me. Graduate, join a squad and I was home free. No one would ever dream I'd snuck back into the Seireitei.

My plan for finding Yuzu requires a flashstep. Fortunately I have a rather good one. The landscape blurred around me.

I actually got into Yuzu's dorm from the roof. Luckily for me the seventh year students were on the top floor, so I just found a corner to hide in and sent out my mental feelers.

It didn't take too long to pinpoint Yuzu's room and figure out that she also had a roommate. I could feel them moving around the room, getting dressed probably, then down for breakfast before class.

I was pretty proud of my plan.

Yuzu and her roommate came out. The other girl was a lot taller, she must have been my size so Yuzu looked like a child beside her. Which is fine with me, Yuzu is still my little sister, even if she is technically almost the same age I was when a certain dark haired girl came into my life.

Something about being a big brother, it's hard to let go.

I let the pair of them get about ten steps down the hall. Other doors were starting to open, it would be hard to navigate because the hall was filling up with girls. Seventh year girls who'd want to know what a first year guy was doing in their dorm.

I had to go before the crowd got any thicker.

I flashstepped down the hall, pulled the top textbook off the stack Yuzu was carrying and rocketed back the way I'd come.

Yuzu realized she'd 'forgotten' a book, told her roommate she'd go back for it and turned back towards her door. Just as planned.

In the instant you're in flash other things don't seem to move, it's like the fraction of a second the strobe light it on, everything seems still. You sometimes end up jumping over things to get where you're going. Not easy when the hallway is so crowded you can't see down it. I actually had to jump over Yuzu's head to get through the doorway ahead of her.

Then I was safe in her room. I was ready when Yuzu stepped through the door, and I slid it shut behind her. Yuzu whirled around when she realized she wasn't alone in the room, I caught her hand as she took a swing at me.

"Yuzu," I hissed, "it's me!"

Her mouth fell open. I had forgotten how little she was, in her time in soul society she hasn't grown at all. She still has her little fruit hair clips too, she was wearing the strawberries today.

How appropriate.

"Ichi-nii?"

I thought she was going to cry, so I hugged her.

Yuzu is still so tiny, smaller than Soi and Rukia, only Yachiru is more of an elf, and Yachiru can hardly be compared with anyone else.

Yuzu was shaking.

"Yuzu, we have to talk-"

"Your-"

The door suddenly slid open and the roommate striding in, said "Yuzu-san-" just as Yuzu finished "-hair."

The roommate looked at me. I looked at the roommate. Yuzu looked at the roommate. The roommate looked at Yuzu.

There were no men allowed in the women's dorm, and this was a seventh year-

"Fumiko-" managed Yuzu.

The roommate slid the door shut behind her, blocking me in. There's no way to flash through a solid object.

Fumiko-san, I guess that was her name, she was staring at me.

"You're Kurosaki Ichigo-sama, aren't you?"

_Pardon me?_

"Ah-" _Sama?_

Yuzu cut me off, pushed away from me. "Lock the door Fumiko."

I was surprised, Yuzu said it like an order. The tall girl obeyed her immediately.

"This is my brother," said Yuzu, "Kurosaki Ichigo."

"The Substitute," breathed Fumiko-san. I winced.

"Ichi-nii," said Yuzu, sounding very serious. "You can't be here. Has something happened?"

"It'd take too long to explain," I answered. I wasn't quite sure what I could do about Fumiko-san, maybe I could get my hands on one of those memory-erase things.

The Fumiko girl had a hero worship stare that frightened me. Worse, I wasn't sure if Yuzu could handle her. I knew I could, for a certain value of handle, but I could hardly rub her out for walking in on us.

"Fumiko," said Yuzu, "if Ichi-nii wants his presence kept quiet you can't tell anyone."

"No, of course not, Yuzu-san."

So Yuzu got a san and Fumiko didn't get a chan?

"No one can know I'm here," I said. "I had to tell Yuzu so she won't give me away. You can't give me away either, Fumiko-san." I said it with what I hoped sounded like an official authority.

"No, of course not, Kurosaki-sama."

"Sado," I corrected. "Sado Kon-kun."

Yuzu knew where that name came from. She looked at her little feet. "I'm sorry Ichi-nii."

I patted her head.

I'm her big brother. I'm allowed.

This had flat out blown up in my face. Fumiko might not say anything before she graduated but a day would come at some point, once she joined the squads. Someone might mention my name in passing, say I'd disappeared years ago (it could happen – it might be unlikely but it could happen).

She'd be trying to help, to be a good officer. Fumiko-sans loyalty would be to the Gotei, not to me, whether she called me -sama or not. She might assume it was some kind of secret high-level order, but she'd want to be _sure._ And for something high level, she'd probably go straight to the captain of her company, Taicho, you _do_ realize Kurosaki-san is in the academy, don't you?

This girl's memory would have to go.

Time to retreat and think up plan B.

"Yuzu, you should go. Your friends will miss you at breakfast. Meet me on the fifteenth dojo roof tonight, we can talk then."

"Will you be able to get away, Kurosaki-sama? From the dorm I mean?"

"That's Sado-san. Yeah, not a problem. Just remember you never saw me."

"Of course, Kurosaki-sama."

Fumiko was going to get me caught.

"Yuzu, I'll see you tonight."

A tear ran down Yuzu's cheek. I think she'd figured out why I'd come back to soul society.

I've missed you so much lil' sis. I gave her little head another pat. "It's okay, Yuzu. Tonight, fifteenth dojo."

Fumiko-san opened the door and I flashed out.

If I wasn't quick I wouldn't get breakfast before class.

Next up, Kido 101.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

My first class of the day was kido. I'm no expert at kido, but I know a bit. It wouldn't be a problem to keep up with a first year class, even with the patch.

So I went to class.

"You, new boy," said the teacher. "I want to see you after class."

"Hai Sensei." I bowed.

My Kido teacher is Kuchiki Rukia.

Just how long have they been planning this?

Class went quickly, we were starting off with the theory around the lower end binding spells, stuff under the tens. Tricky enough, it requires a much gentler touch then I have.

I'm glad to say I wasn't the only one who looked lost. Kido theory is tricky stuff.

Kido practical requires strong control of your reitsu, something I don't have. I'm strange with kido that way, with my patches off I can handle a hado-90 Black Coffin, but anything that requires anything but full brute force I can't do at all. Healing? It'd be safer just to die. And my crimson fireballs and white lighting have a tendency to explode in my face or leave a trail of devastation a hundred meters long; I can't scale my kido down.

Pretty good with a cero though.

Rukia, it was so good to see her, even if it's a little strange. I associate Rukia's appearance with my highschool, I still tend to see her as a fifteen year old girl - she still looks like a fifteen year old girl, even if she is a hundred and fifty something. I look older now, I'm nineteen, as tall as my father and almost as heavy.

So I guess she's no longer an older woman, though there's always been something ageless in Rukia's eyes.

Rukia was my answer, I didn't need a copy of the manga, if I could only get her to notice someone with one...

We'd arrange it after class. The manga I'd read hadn't had Rukia in it; I assumed she'd be a swooning maiden somewhere. She'd get madder than Ikkaku.

Hopefully she'd have some useful advice. Shit this was getting complicated.

Rukia stayed in character the whole time. At the end of class she told me to stand behind her and not move a muscle while she had a few words with each of the few students that wanted to talk to her about something. She really seemed to care about these kids.

Kids.

If they hadn't been through the arrancar war they were kids. Didn't matter how much older than me they were.

I got a very curt gesture and instructions to follow her to her office. A bunch of people were grinning at me. Busted on my first day of kido theory.

At least it'd be weeks before we were allowed onto the training field. I wasn't looking forward to that.

Rukia's offices weren't that far but the wing they were in didn't have a lot of people in it. I guess there used to be more students then there are now.

We reached the offices. Rukia turned to glare at me. She snapped her fingers at me for failing to get the door for her.

"Sorry Sensei."

By the time I had the door closed Rukia had latched on tight, shaking and crying into my uniform.

"My Rukia," I whispered. I'll admit, I was almost overcome. "My precious Rukia, I've missed you so much."

She grabbed handfuls of my uniform, pulled herself up onto her toes. I kissed her, lifted her high enough to wrap her arms around my neck.

All too soon I had to put her down again, but she grabbed handfuls of my uniform again and wouldn't let go. We couldn't make any noise someone might overhear. Rukia didn't say anything, she was content to be held and dampen my jacket with her tears, while I had probably never been so happy in my life. She wouldn't let me talk though, Rukia just wanted quiet.

My Rukia is so strong, I feel so blessed when she shows me a hint of weakness, allows me be her strength. I've missed her so much. What I had to tell her could wait. I held onto her, glad at last to have the chance again.

An hour later she told me she had to go, she had another class. The entire time I'd held her as we stood there, she wouldn't let me let go. She could find me later, whispered a single warning for me to stay low for now, slipped me a paper that I burned afterwards.

It wasn't going well in the court. Whatever Renji and Ikkaku arranged it must have taken place completely off Seireitei radar. The Seireitei knew I was dead but they didn't know where I was, apparently that had them worried, really worried. There were politics going on. According to the note they were afraid I'd gone to Hueco Mundo. Renji was frantic, Ikkaku was desperately trying to figure out some kind of addendum to the plan. Vizard were supposed to be able to shield themselves from Soul Society's watchers, everyone was supposed to think I'd gone off to sulk and forget about me. Neither had counted on anyone assuming I'd gone to Hueco Mundo and whatever was left of the arrancar.

Needless to say now was not the time to put on a light show.

Rukia wouldn't come near me for awhile, months maybe. I could live with that, now that I knew she was near, and that nothing had chanced between us.

I own Renji, Ikkaku and all the others a massive debt, I've no idea what the penalty for something like this could be, but it had to be huge. If I'm caught I'm going to say I acted alone and do my damnedest to die fighting. The reapers don't go for half measures and I do _not_ want to be questioned by Mayuri. The least I can do is make sure I don't take any of my friends with me.

I think if it comes to that I'll take Mayuri with me. Nemu would miss him terribly but Mayuri is a blight on creation. Eventually Nemu will understand.

Yeah, if it comes to a battle with the captains I'm going to trim their ranks just that little bit.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings don't belong to me. I also don't own the work of Sir Mix-A-Lot

* * *

I'm adjusting to being dead. 

I was having lunch with Morisato-san and a Sei-san something or other, one of Morisato's friends. Little blond girl, sort of puts me in mind of a mouse. She didn't say anything and never looked up the whole length of the meal. Maybe his girlfriend, I don't know. I was only sitting with them because he'd called me over.

We were just talking about roommate stuff, how we liked the academy, that sort of thing. The sort of things two guys forced to share a dorm room talk about during their first week together.

I asked Sei how she liked the academy, just to be polite. I wasn't here to make friends, in fact the colder I was the better off I'd probably be.

She didn't really meet my eyes, opened her mouth and said-

"I _like_ big BUTTS and I can not _lie_!"

Okay, that was unexpected.

"You other brothers can't deny!"

Half the people in the room turned to see the commotion, me included. There was a skinny kid in glasses, standing about two meters away from our table and shouting at the top of his lungs.

"What on earth-" said Morisato.

I was kind of wondering that myself. Soul society hip hop? I recognized the tune; it was an American song. What I wasn't sure of was exactly why this kid was disturbing my lunch. He liked big butts and he couldn't lie, fine, that was his business. I didn't need to know about it.

I sighed. I was going to have to do something about it; the kid in question was so red in the face he looked like he was having a coronary and he'd clenched his fists so tight you could almost hear the bones squeak. He had bullied written all over him, poor little bastard.

"Do the dance!" Someone shouted. "Come on, do the damn dance!"

Okay, enough, I was trying to eat my damn lunch here, I didn't need to see a dance or hear any more of the musical number. "Hey kid! Knock it off, I'm trying to eat here!"

That didn't work, he was into the second verse and going strong.

"I'm serious kid! Knock it off!"

He was still pushing bravely forward. By this time a lot of people were laughing and egging him on.

I'd had enough. I've never liked bullies. Or the people who encourage them. I got up and slapped the kid on the back of the head. That shut him up, so I pointed to an empty seat at our table.

"Sit down and shut up. Got that?"

The little guy did. I thought he was going to cry.

People started to boo me, which I ignored.

The little guy seemed a perfect match for Sei-san, he didn't look up either. I didn't like his glasses though. Or his hair. Reminded me of Aizen.

"What's your name kid?"

I had to strain to hear him whisper. "Seymour."

"Seymour? That's not a Japanese name."

Again I had to strain to hear him mumble "No."

Someone had broken this kid's spirit totally. I wouldn't have minded so much if he'd actually preferred big butts, you know, if he was advertising or something. From the way he just sat there hunched and miserable I don't think he has a preference. Kid like him would take anyone who'd have him, which probably isn't the best way to go either. Nothing can be better than something, if you're unlucky enough.

Or if you're taking about embarrasing diseases, but lets not go there. My own bottom of choice belongs to a certain Miss Kuchiki, it's the perfect one for me. Have to use the English honorific - say Kuchiki-san and someone's going to think Byakuya. The taicho's girlfriend wouldn't like that.

"Hey! You stopped our show!"

These had to be the bullies, four of them, in fourth year if I'd figured out the uniform markings correctly.

I sighed as I stood up. No rest for the irritable, it was time to go to work. "Let's skip the pleasantries, assclowns. You're about to say something stupid. Answer, yes, I'm game. Just tell me where and when to show up. Got that?" I put a hand on the lead bully's chest, shoved him back into his friends. "You want to try bullying someone, try bullying me. I guarantee one of us will enjoy it a lot more."

The leader, a puffy faced oaf had managed to get his feet back under him. He hadn't quite figured out that he hadn't tripped when I'd shoved him, he'd been pushed right off his feet.

"I hope you can sing," he said to me, "because you and Seymour are going to be doing duets, punk."

"And I hope you like slow roasting, because I'm going to serve up your asses for dinner tonight. Tell me where you want to meet and get out of my face." I shoved him back again.

"After class," said one of his piggy friends, "twenty first training field. Bring bandages."

Bring _bandages_?

"What the hell would I do that for? I don't care if you clowns bleed to death."

One of the proctors was coming, so they moved off. I went back to my lunch.

Morissato-san and Sei-san looked horrified. Seymour wouldn't lift his chin but I could tell he was explosion level angry that someone had interfered.

Like it was more manly to be treated like dirt.

"You're going to be beaten to death!" Said Morisato.

"I ain't afraid of those head lice."

They didn't believe me. Well too bad.

"Hey Seymour. After class you're coming with me. Shit, I've got to go. Meet me at the dojo later Seymour."

I stood up and walked away from the table. Sooner or later I was going to have to at least try to make some friends. Probably not the safest idea, but it was going to look strange if I didn't.

Friends. I'd been thinking that in the free period after lunch as I tried to make sense of my kido notes; we'd gone back to the room to study for awhile. Morisato was pretending to read a textbook, but I knew he was really reading another damn issue of 'The Substitute.'

I'm finding the accademy stressful. Summon your spirit pressure says the sensei. I do that I'll have Zakari breathing down my neck. And that'd be best case. I have nightmares about the old man, ever since I saw him do his 'Burn All Creation To Ashes' routine. The old guy has had at least two thousand years to get strong, I want no part of him, absolutely none. I'm sure he'd kill me given the chance.

Or try to, anyway.

Problem is he has reinforcements and I don't.

Some days I honestly don't think my Bankai can match his Shikai, I really don't.

Other days I think I could amp up, mask up and serve his ass up, cold. Depends on the day, really.

I've always assumed the manifestation of his Zanpakuto is some kind of huge dragon. That whole 'burn all creation to ashes' thing, it just scares the hell out of me.

Or I see it as a challenge. As I said, it depends on the day.

I need to get some goddamn hair. Except my hair is orange and the second it starts coming in everyone with that damn manga (and I swear there are more of them this week) is going to know who they're looking at. I might as well shout Bankai and see who trys to kill me first.

Morisato-san wanted to know more about me. I had to make up some lies. Harmless stuff, and skirting the truth. The closer your lies are to the truth the less you have to remember.

My private Zanpakuto tutor was supposed to come soon.

"I've got sword class. I'll see you later."

Morisato didn't look up from his textbook. "Later Sado-san."

It took me a few minutes to find the room we'd been assigned. The walls were made of that hell stone or death stone or whatever the hell they called it, but there was no way it'd be thick enough to open the taps, my power would glow right through it.

I'd just reached the door when I happened to glance up the hall-

I stepped into the room and shut the door behind me fast.

Oh damn.

Toshiro-kun had been walking down near the other end of the hall.

What the _hell_ was he doing here?

Shit. Hitsugaya is one of those guys who plays by the rules, if he recognized me he wasn't going to ignore me. He'd be pissed off too, because I'm taller then I was four years ago and he's not.

Double shit. What the hell is Snowy doing wandering around the academy? Snowy is a complication I don't need.

He hadn't been coming this way at least.

Where the hell is my tutor, anyway?

Wait, _Snowy_-

Nah, there's no way.

To think Renji wants me to crank out my Bankai and pretend it's a Shikai. How am I supposed-

Triple shit.

I'd - Renji and Ikkaku too, we forgot about the coat. Renji has his mantle, I have my coat, just like Zangetsus.

The door opened, I whirled. Relaxed.

"Are you all right?"

"Sorry Hanataro. Hitsugaya is here and I'm jumping at shadows. Are you my tutor?"

Hanataro blushed. "Um, actually I was kind of hoping you could tutor me. I want to start working towards my Bankai."

"That's fair. Come on in. Let's get started."


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

Word had gotten around, both in the fourth year class and in the first. A lot of people were there to see me get my ass handed to me. 

I wasn't overly worried, piggy and all of his friends together were a lot less intimidating then some of the hollows I'd faced. I was a little worried at how many people had shown up though, I'd wanted to keep this more private. Ten minutes from now these guys would want the same thing.

I've never felt such an urge to say oh yeah, by the way... _Ban-kai_.

Or maybe just crank up the pressure until people start passing out, that one's always fun.

There were only four of them, and they hadn't brought their Zanpakutos. Which was good, that'd make things easier, if I broke their Zanpakutos _and_ beat them up someone would get suspicious.

A couple of their friends grabbed Seymour. I was impressed the kid had actually showed up. He had stones, I'll give him that.

Pig leader smiled at me.

"What? I like music when I fight."

"So do I. Sound of breaking bones, that sort of thing." Roaring hollows, shrieking Arrancar, friends calling out my name as I charge onto the field of battle – the tide turning in my wake-

One of the friends had punched the Seymour kid in the stomach, got him singing again.

For a moment-

-I hope it was the hollow in me - for a moment I saw a world where Seymour worked for_ me_, provided the soundtrack for all of my fights. I could see it now, Zaraki has his sword up, I wave a hand and Zaraki gets a blast of I Like Big BUTTS and I Can NOT lie! The old man, blown off his feet when Seymour declared it _HammerTime, _then Shunsui and Ukitake unable to fight because they're too busy busting a move. And then we'd see if Seymour could teach Byakuya those big butt words...

Those words would make Byakuya the most powerful fighter in the Seireitei, once he started singing that no one would be able to hold a sword they'd be laughing so hard (there's a bit with a chorus, the other captains could do that part).

Those words wouldn't work on Unohana-taicho or Yoruichi-san but I can't even _imagine_ Soi Fon's reaction.

I took another look around the crowd. There must have been fifty people there.

To think all these vultures came to see an execution. Really nice, kids, I'm impressed.

"Hey Seymour!" I shouted, "When I win, if you want them to sing it for you, just let me know." I did a bit of bobbing and weaving like Grimjaw did that first time I met him. Then the wrecking crew closed in.

Well how do you think it went? I can break hollow masks with my bare hands and once upon a time I bit a Zanpakuto in half to win a bet (Renji's salary for a month). The hardest part was keeping myself reigned in so I didn't shunpo or send somebody through a wall.

It was over in seven punches, one of which I had to let land on me. Probably not the wisest way to spend an afternoon but there's a limit to what I'm willing to watch just to keep my cover.

That's going to be a problem, there's way too much Kurosaki Ichigo in Sado Kon. I've been finding myself waffling between the two of them – I _know_ which one I want to be.

I just don't know how much longer I'll be able to be the other.

Dammit I'm having one of those days where my certainty is off - I can _do_ this. Tomorrow I'll be better.

"Okay punks. Leave the kid alone or next time I lose my temper. Got that?" I took a menacing step forward.

"You haven't heard the last of this!" shouted pig leader.

"Good! I can beat you up _again_ the next time you're a dick!"

The crowd meanwhile had gone silent as I watched pig and company go. I was expecting some kind of response from Seymour, but instead he just looked sick.

There were a lot of people around, why was it so quiet?

Ever have one of those crystal clear moments of lucidity where that special autopilot in your brain takes over, twists what you're thinking just that tiny bit? You know, when you realize your mind is picking up speed for that incredible quantum leap, that _eureka_ moment where all the pieces fall into place and that impossible perspective change materializes?

I'd asked the wrong question. What could _make_ them so quiet?

I turned around and looked into the eyes of a captain of the Gotei 13.

A captain.

All the captains know me on sight, not a single one of them could miss me, certainly not from this distance.

A single word floated through my mind.

_Busted_.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Bleach its characters and its settings are not mine

* * *

I turned around and there was Ukitake "Law of the Twin Fish" Jushiro, captain of the Gotei and the closest thing the old man had to a successor. The man was standing within arms reach of me.

I'd been bagged.

I couldn't fight him, Jushiro is a friend.

It all came to an end on goddamn random chance.

I'd been bagged.

It was over.

It was all fricking over.

It didn't have to be violent though, not here and not with Ukitake-san. He might even give me a head start.

I'd have to get Zangetsu back, surely he'd let me go for my Zanpakuto-

Ukitake's eyes widened and he grinned at me.

"Shiro-kun! It's great to see you, lad! How have you been keeping?"

_Shiro-kun?_

He slapped a hand down onto my freshly shaved head, rubbed like he was trying to put a shine on it.

"Still shaving your head I see. When are you going to learn that white hair is nothing to be ashamed of?" I thought I felt him do something, something kido based.

"Grow your hair out son. You look so much better with hair. Regardless of what Ikkaku says."

He was grinning at me! Ukitake was _grinning_ at me!

"I can't stay boy, I'm here to see one of my officers who's here on leave teaching. You should keep up with your kido lad." He put the slightest emphasis on the word _kido_.

He was onto Rukia.

Oh God, he was onto Rukia.

But he wasn't ratting me out. He had the advantage of me, he had his Zanpakuto and I didn't, a fight wouldn't have gone well.

I guess I've lost more confidence than I'd thought - I never knew I had as many friends as I seem to have.

"Grow your hair out lad, and keep up with your kido. It'll make you a better officer." Ukitake turned, shunpoed away. I turned back towards my companions.

Sei-san, Yuki-san and Saito-san (friends of Sei-san I think-there'd been quick introductions at some point) and Morisato-san stood there with their mouths hanging open. Even Seymour had the whole I'd-like-to-catch-some-flies look happening. Yuki-san managed to say "that was Ukitake-tachio of the Gotei 13."

Well what was I supposed to do? How could I play this any way but totally, _totally_ cool?

I mean, _really_.

"Yep. You want to go for dinner?"

"You know a_taicho_. And a taicho knows you. He called you _lad_."

"Yes."

"Your name is Konshiro?"

"My full name, I usually just go by Kon."

Morisatto-kun hadn't gotten past the whole captain part. "You _know_ a_taicho_."

"Yes." And I _had_ to do the whole deadpan face, I mean, how could I _not?_ "What's so strange about that?"

"I thought you hadn't been in soul society for very long?"

_Shit_. I'd just trapped myself.

"Not that long." How the hell was I going to back the hell out of this? "But I did meet Ukitake-taicho. Two of his newer recruits were attacked in the forest," I was making this up as I went, "and I happened by. Ukitake-san came by after that."

"You defended two Soul Reapers?"

Uhhhhhhhhh, "yeah, well," I leaned a little closer, stalling until some kind of excuse came. "These two were special I think," that was nice, how did it help me? "Nobles, I think." Okay, What did that mean? "I don't know that either could fight their way out of a paper bag."

"And you rescued them."

"More sort of made a lot of noise and scared the robbers off." I smiled, tried to look modest. "Ukitake-san is as nice a guy as you could hope to meet."

Oh yeah, addressing the captain by name, I'd just made another mistake. At a minimum they'd think I was an ass kisser.

"Is your hair white?"

Oh shit. That was Yuki-san, I think from my spirit pressure class. I was beginning to think she was like Keigo's sister, with a thing for bald heads.

"Well, you know." I had no idea if Jushiro had done something. I was going to have to be vague. Damn I just wanted this conversation over.

It'd be absolutely wonderful to have my hair back though, even if the color was wrong.

None of them were saying anything, they were just looking at me in shock.

"Dinner?"

The whole dinner thing wasn't going to work. I'd wasted enough time, I had to get to Rukia right away, Jushiro might be waiting for me.

"Okay, I've got to stop off somewhere, I'll see you later."

I almost shunpoed, just barely stopped myself. Instead I turned and hurried away,

I had to pretend I didn't hear the question shouted after me

"Ikkaku? Wait a second! Did he mean _Madarame Ikkaku_?"

Yeah, old Pachinko himself. I ducked around the side of a building and found some privacy. _Then_ I shunpoed. I went to the building Rukia's office is in, knocked.

"Who is it?"

"Sensei? It's me. You wanted an explanation for my kido problems?"

"Like why you're a moron? Come in, new boy. I can't _wait_ to hear your explanation."

Something told me this wasn't going to go well. I pulled the panel open, stepped inside the room and shut it behind me. Sure enough Rukia and Ukitake were sharing a pot of tea.

"Sit down Ichigo-kun," said Ukitake. He didn't seem all that pleased to see me.

Surprise surprise.

I assumed the seiza position, wishing the Seireitei wasn't quite so traditional.

Jushiro hadn't ratted me out yet, but there was something I didn't want to hear on his mind.

"I can't know you're here, Ichigo-kun. I'm glad to see you and I'm happy you're well, but my orders from Yama-san are to bring you in for questioning and I have the full resources of the Seireitei to do it. Even you can't fight off all of us."

I sipped my tea, couldn't quite meet his eyes.

"I haven't done anything wrong, Ukitake-san."

He sighed. "I know Ichigo-kun. That's what makes all of this so rotten. I'd cheerfully ignore you if I didn't have direct orders to the contrary."

Nobody said anything for a moment. Rukia hadn't said anything at all.

"I'm sorry about the accident Ichigo-kun."

It still hurt.

"Thank you, Jushiro-san."

There was a very awkward silence. I hadn't fetched Zangetsu, and my reasons hadn't changed. I simply refused to pull a weapon on Jushiro.

"Relax Ichigo, you get another chance. I've asked Rukia to erase my memories of our encounter. You've got to keep a lower profile. Now go. And keep in mind the next time we meet I won't know this ever happened."

He shook my hand.

"Good luck Ichigo-kun. I applaud what you're doing. Just don't try joining my squad after graduation, because I _will_ find you. Try fourth or eleventh, either can keep you out of sight. No, neither of those. Go to Urahara in third."

I nodded.

"I'll go back to the court and continue my search for you. We are _actively_ looking for you Ichigo-kun, but no one dreamt you'd be here in the Seireitei." He thought about this for a moment. "Twelfth division records insist you didn't arrive through a gate, which was very clever of you. I wish I knew how you'd arranged that-"

-I'd had friends. Nemu probably-

"-Keep your game at that level and you _might_ get away with this." Jushiro shrugged. "Because we have no reason at all to believe you're here we're focusing the search on the mortal world and Hueco Mundo. As far as I know there are no plans to turn the scanning engines on this place, so you should be safe. Provided," he held up a finger, "you don't run into any more captains. I really want to know how you managed this but the fewer facts Rukia has to overwrite the better."

I didn't answer anyway.

"I've also left Rukia a sheet of paper with my seal on it. You can use it to forge a letter from me. Keep in mind that it can't ever make its way back to me, because I won't remember having given it to you. I'll spot it as a forgery at once."

Ukitake-san finished his tea. "You can leave first. _Try_ to keep your head down Ichigo-kun, and grow your hair out. You know the captains to say away from, but you'll have to add me and Shunsui to that list, we've obeyed old Yama too long to go against him now. I'm sorry lad, but this is the best I can do."

"It's more than I'd hoped," I said. "Thank you." I finished my tea and stood to go.

Rukia picked up the memory device.

Ukitake realized what he'd forgotten, opened his mouth to tell her to wait, to tell them about Kon-

Click.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings do not belong to me

* * *

Kurosaki Yuzu walked towards the west gate. She wore her favorite yellow yukata and carried a small yellow parasol.

Strictly speaking she wasn't allowed inside the gates as a student, but the daughter of a captain had special privileges, especially when her twin was a twentieth seat and her brother was the Substitute.

The guardian of the west gate, the giant Jidanbo stepped into Yuzu's path.

"Halt!"

"Halt?"

"Who goes there?"

"An intruder," said Yuzu solemnly.

"A _what_? I'm sorry, we don't want any."

Yuzu dropped her voice menacingly. "Allow me through, gatekeeper."

"Never," growled the giant Jidanbo.

"Then you leave me no choice but to defeat you," replied Yuzu. "Consider yourself warned."

"I'd like to see you try."

Yuzu folded in her parasol, held it like a Zanpakuto. She stepped forward in her pretty yellow yukata and poked the giant in the shin.

"Oh," cried Jidanbo, holding at his heart. "I am defeated! The house of Kurosaki lays me low once more!"

Yuzu bowed.

Jidanbo bowed back. "Pass on, Yuzu-chan."

"Thank you Jidanbo-san." Yuzu smiled at the giant and walked past, her geta clicking against the pavement. Karin didn't like geta, she almost muttered something about Hat-and-clogs. Yuzu liked the traditional footwear.

"What have we here?"

Two toughs detached themselves from the shadows near a wall, stalked towards her.

"Good afternoon Madarame-san, Ayasegawa-san."

"Yuzu-chan. Going to see your sister?"

"Yes I am."

"We'll walk you over."

"Thank you."

The eleventh division toughs made a strange pair, Yumichika adjusting his feathers with a small mirror, Ikkaku with his Zanpakuto held behind his neck, walking a bit, Yuzu felt, like a duck.

They were friends of Ichi-nii and she suspected they might have arranged to bring him to the academy. She couldn't exactly ask though.

Elsewhere in the Seireitei Hitsugaya-taicho stalked out of first division headquarters with a deep scowl. Captain Commander Yamamoto had wanted to hit something. Kurosaki - _the Substitute_ to old man Yama, had been missing for days already. Yama was starting to make noises about how he'd made a grave error in not executing Isshin's son while he had the chance. He was losing his memory, he didn't seem to remember that Ichigo was an ally who'd saved shinigami lives.

He'd also seemed to forget that executing Ichigo would have taken considerable doing, Kurosaki wouldn't have _liked_ being executed.

The old man was starting to froth. Maybe he'd finally have the nervous breakdown Toshiro was hoping for. It'd certainly be easier if they could get rid of the old fool - as strong as he was the Captain Commander was becoming a liability.

Hitsugaya considered himself a fair man, even if others blindly didn't consider him a man at all; their opinions were irrelevant. Honor was important.

That was his current problem.

Captain Hitsugaya was the only man in the Seireitei who knew Kurosaki Ichigo had returned, he'd spotted the damn fool at the academy when he'd gone to visit Momo.

Classic Kurosaki. This was the guy who'd tried to bust down Seireitei's front gate once upon a time, apparently he'd just shown up at the academy and assumed no one would recognize him if he shaved his head.

_Classic_ Kurosaki.

Toshiro was left wondering if it was more honorable to back old man Yama as he was duty-bound to, following orders he thought were somewhere between unjust and crazy, or just to ignore Ichigo entirely. Certainly the Seireitei's treatment of Kurosaki had been abominable.

The worst part was there was no one he could talk to. He seldom wanted a sounding board, but he seldom wasn't sure what to do.

Matsumoto, he trusted her-

He trusted her to be Rangiku. Any of the other captains were out, with the possible exceptions of Retsu-san and Zaraki; and he still wasn't sure he could trust either with this. Captain Kurosaki was entirely out, some days Toshiro wondered if the man had a split personality, he was as crazy as Yama.

That left Urahara and Yoruichi.

They were too unpredictable.

So what the hell to do now?

Kurosaki junior didn't lack for balls, he must have tailed someone through a gate to escape the mortal world without being discovered. Very few people knew it could be done. Toshiro had done it a few times, though he didn't know anyone else who'd ever managed it. Of course he'd never asked, it wasn't the sort of thing you'd discuss.

Dammit. Toshiro stalked into his office, looked at the stacks of paper on his desk.

He was too irritated to face it right now.

Well, when ties of honor were too confusing he could fall back on ties of friendship. Momo was at the academy already, had been there since before the war had ended. She was delicate though, he wasn't sure he wanted to involve her.

Except if she was at the academy she was more likely to know Ichigo-kun was there than he was.

"Matsumoto, I'm going out for the afternoon. Matsumoto?"

Sure enough his vice captain was asleep on the couch. Rangiku always took a midday nap.

Good. He could disappear for an hour, be back before she woke.

He eyed her uncertainly for a moment, more specifically, eyed her chest. Then, with a hint of a blush on his scowling face the young captain turned and stormed out of his office.

Quietly, so he didn't wake Rangiku.

Toshiro was well aware of what was supposed to happen when he reached a certain age, and already extremely angry (worried) about it. Already he was feeling the very edges of it, just a little - _curiosity_.

He knew bloody well what Rangiku had in her gi, he didn't need to see!

The academy? Easy. Bankai? No trouble at all. Being the youngest captain ever? He'd done that too.

Puberty with Rangiku as his vice captain?

_That_ had him really, really worried.

Dammit! Forget Rangiku's-

Just concentrate on Kurosaki!

Wait a minute. Kurosaki _Karin_.

Yeaaah, Karin-san. If anyone already knew Ichigo was here it'd be his sisters. He could have a word with Karin, suggest Ichigo might come up with a better disguise-

He hadn't seen much of her since the end of the war, she usually didn't want to talk-

Oh _damn_. That was probably _another_ cursed puberty thing, now that he looked at it. She'd asked him to visit her at the academy a couple of times, he'd answered he was a captain. She'd gotten mad, at the time he hadn't known why.

The sinking feeling in his stomach gave Hitsugaya Toshiro a horrible feeling that he was just a few short years from understanding perfectly.

_Why_ him?

No, don't _think_ about it. Karin-chan – Karin-_san_ was Ichigo's sister, she'd have to know what he was up to, wouldn't she?

Ichigo had to cover himself better, Toshiro had to get him that message.

Karin first, then try Momo if that didn't work?

Honor demanded he treat an ally like an ally, regardless of orders from above. Kurosaki Ichigo had his respect, he wouldn't abandon the guy regardless of Yamamoto.

First he had to splash a little cold water on his face.

Karin was a seated officer in seventh division, she'd have a small cube in their administration building. He'd try there first. That was the one blessedly good part of being this age, he could walk into that building, mutter he was looking for Kurosaki Karin and everyone would laugh it off. At least he had some cover.

Plausible deniability.

Though if it got back to Rangiku-

He didn't even want to think about that.

Toshiro shunpoed past the front desk, took the stairs instead of the elevator. The twentieth seats would be in the basement.

It didn't take long to find her in her cubicle.

"Hello Kurosaki-san."

Kurosaki Karin looked up from her papers. He thought she'd grown a little, though that might have been his imagination.

"Captain Hitsugaya."

Now that he had the vaguest hints about what she might have meant the last they'd spoken her tone didn't sound too good.

Dammit he was blushing again.

"Congratulations on your seated status." Toshiro looked around her cube. It was simpler that he'd thought, Rangiku and Momo both had personalized their spaces a little, but Karin hadn't at all.

"Thank you."

"So, ah, would you like to go for a walk?" It was an innocent enough question.

"Are you asking me on a date Captain?"

Hitsugaya blushed ferociously.

"Not a date. I just thought you might want to go for a walk with me." Come on, Kurosaki, it's a simple enough request, I've got something I need to say to you.

"When?"

"Ah, right now?"

"I'm working right now."

"After maybe?"

"Yuzu is coming after."

"Tomorrow then?"

"I'll think about it."

Why was she being so cold?

"Snowy-chan!"

Hitsuguya turned, forced himself to relax.

"Please, Yuzu-san, it's Captain."

"Captain Snowy?"

He hazarded another try. "Hitsuguya-' and barely got out the word "-_chan?_"

"Snowy-chan!"

"It was nice to see you both, I have to go." Hitsuguya hurried out, red faced and beaten.

Karin waited until the young captain was out of earshot, looked at her twin. "Since when do you call him Snowy-chan?"

Yuzu made a face. "Since he told you captains are too important to visit girls at the academy."

Karin laughed. "Let's go to goat-chins. I want to get changed."

"Okay."

The goat wasn't there. He had closet space though, and Karin and Yuzu made use of it. Karin changed out of her uniform, donned her pale pink yukata with the red flowers.

"Where did you get those?"

"These?" Yuzu stepped into her clogs. "They were a gift from Urahara-san. Didn't he get some for you?"

"He got me a bucket hat."

"He got me one as well, but it's too big."

The twins walked through the seireitei towards the commercial districts. Technically Yuzu wasn't allowed here, but anyone who wouldn't make an exception for Captain Kurosaki's daughter was willing to make one for Ichi-nii's sister, especially since she'd been unofficially adopted by Zaraki Kenpatchi's eleventh squad.

Yuzu leaned close.

"We have to talk Karin."

"Has goat chin told you about Ichigo?" Karin whispered.

"No," Yuzu whispered back, "Ichigo told me about Ichigo. He's here."

Yuzu was very quick, she had a hand against Karin's lips, stifled her twin's shout.

"What?" Karin hissed. "I'm not even supposed to know he's _missing_. Nobody under fifth seat is supposed to know."

The twins stilled as they passed a group of people.

"He's shaved his head," said Yuzu.

"Shaved like Ikkaku? _That's _his disguise? Where did you see him?"

"At the academy, he got himself enrolled somehow." Yuzu looked around, didn't see anyone suspicious.

"Rukia-nee," growled Karin. "She's on leave at the academy. Kuchiki has her little fingers in this, I'd bet money on it."

"That's what I thought," said Yuzu. "Is it safe to tell goat chin?"

There was a time Karin would have replied immediately. Now she thought it over.

"I don't know. He's-no. No, I don't think we should."

Yuzu's eyes went wide. "Why not? You don't-" she paused, waited for two shinigami to go by. "You don't think he'd-"

"He might do something stupid," replied Karin. "Goat chin is more likely to be watched then we are. I don't think it's safe to tell him. Is there anything we can do to help Ichigo?"

"Other than staying away from him? I can't think of anything."

"Ichi-nii," said Karin, "you've got a hell of a nose for trouble."


	17. Chapter 17 Byakuya

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings don't belong to me

* * *

Kuchki Byakuya listened to the rain. It was an early overcast morning, a gray morning, and it would rain until-

It would rain.

The warmth of her was like a cat, comfortable, compact. She made a slight noise, shifted a little in her sleep.

They were companions of a sort. Companions of something more than convenience

She came to him last winter, late at night then the moon was bright on the snow. How cold it had been, as he stood there, watching the moon. How cold and still and alone.

He heard a sound in the garden, detected her tremulous reitsu.

She'd been beautiful that night, in a kimono of white and palest blue, colors she knew he liked, and she'd hunched there, disgraced and humiliated at what she thought was her own weakness in his eyes.

Yoruichi could never be what Soi Fon needed her to be. He'd never asked what precipitated that late night visit, with Soi Fon clad in a kimono her mother had given her long ago. Her reasons weren't his affair.

He understood Soi Fon better than most because Byakuya understood himself. He knew what it had cost her to come here, far, far sharper than a sword, he knew she'd suffered the one wound that neither could bear.

Abject, utter humiliation.

That night he'd taken Soi Fon into his arms, into his bed.

They understood one another. Better that most. Better than anyone else understood either.

She came to him occasionally, slept in his bed. He didn't send her away. Insofar as either could find solace in the company of another they found some small degree of comfort in eachother.

This was a rule Byakuya was willing to break, if broken it he had. There was no love here, merely - comfort.

Byakuya listened to the rain.

He thought of Rukia, Hisana's sister. In name he was her elder brother. In practice -

Perhaps his wayward daughter. So sly and sweet, with a wisdom beyond her shallow years. She knew he'd never believe she'd taken leave of her squad to teach, she was a Kuchiki. Her place, he'd come to realize, was the field of battle.

And to leave a single year before Kurosaki Ichigo disappeared-

Kuchiki Byakuya offered the ceiling of his chambers one of his rare smiles.

He didn't know what his little Rukia was up to at the academy, or who she was up to it with.

It wasn't breaking the rules not to go find out.


	18. Chapter 18 Fight Club

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings don't belong to me.

* * *

It took awhile to get back to some degree of normalacy, somebody ratted on me and word started getting around that Ukitake-san had spoken to me. Rumor mill started picking up steam.

I didn't need this. This was year one. What the hell was going to happen when I had to show someone other than Hanataro my Zanpakuto? What's that called, Sado-san? No idea Sir, but I've mastered Bankai, so can I skip the rest of the class?

With any luck I can stay with Hanataro's private lessons all the way through the academy. We've got seven years left, I know Hanataro will reach bankai before I graduate.

Damn upperclassman. There was nothing personal the first time, but if someone takes a dislike to me and I have to lay another beating the rumors aren't going to stop. I might very well get caught if his (or her) friends jump in.

Well I can hardly let them beat me up. Bullies don't stop once they find a victim, and lose my temper just once-

Next bully I'll lure away from campus _before_ I kick twelve kinds of shit out of them. Hopefully the embarrassment will keep them quiet.

I'm a bit lonely. Sado Kon's friends are just that, Sado Kon's. It'd be nice to talk to some of _my_ friends, Renji or Ikkaku or Hana or someone. I'd love a few words with Rukia but unless she calls me into her office I can't get near her. I'm willing to risk getting caught myself, but I won't risk her.

Ukitake really creeped me out, I haven't felt right since.

Maybe it was the hair kido. I'd stopped shaving my head when I found out my stubble is white. Yes, I've joined the snowy club. Lucky me. Granted it's way too short but I was on my way to looking like Snowy's older brother.

That'll show the little bugger, Toshiro would go through the roof if he saw me with the white hair, grinning at him, and a foot and a half taller. I've already decided, if I do see him I'm going to look him in the eye and before he can even open his mouth I'll scream _MATSUMOTO!_ at the top of my lungs. Then I'll either run away or stay to watch Snowy go through the roof.

Toshiro's okay but he's too serious. He'd enjoy life a lot more if he loosened up a bit.

Right now I looked more like Iba than Snowy or Ikkaku. I'm not sure that's an improvement. I'm betting I won't like looking like Renji either.

Glad I didn't go for those tattoos yet, I've been having second thoughts.

Got the hair all planned though; can't let it get too spikey, see? So when it gets a little longer I'll slick it down flat. Then when it gets long enough I'll stop with the grease and tie it back, start wearing a pony tail. The eventual plan, if I can deal with having long hair, is to start putting it into a braid.

What can I say? I like the way it looks on Bankotsu.

Ah, I'll see, I doubt I'll be able to to live with it that long, I'll probably end up looking like a Bleached Renji.

Pineapple junior.

I'm miles away from long hair being a problem. Right now it looks like white astroturf.

Two more days passed before the Hakuda club approached me.

I think I said normalacy returned. It lasted about three hours.

Hakuda is the art of unarmed combat. Someone from the club saw me take on those four clowns and got the bright idea I should join.

I didn't even know there _was_ a Hakuda club. Apparently these were mostly the kids who figured they'd go into the special forces, Soi Fon's gang. They approached me and asked me to try out for the club.

I'm thinking the last thing I need is Kitty's little friend coming around to see me with her would-be proteges. Soi Fon doesn't like me and she doesn't think she can beat me. Makes her unpredictable.

So I politely thanked them for their interest.

Apparently it doesn't work like that. The pleasant young person smiled at me a little less and told me again, I had been invited to try joining the Hakuda club.

Again, I thanked her and said I wasn't interested.

Which got me a third explanation, that I, Sado Kon, had been _invited_ to try joining the Hakuda club. She wasn't smiling much at all by then.

So with no one around to point out I was making a big mistake I thanked her for her interest, told her I was too busy with my Zanpakuto training and kido class problems and that I didn't have _time_ to join a club.

She's looking downright angry by then and storms away.

Silly me. Here I was thinking that'd be an end to it.

The next morning I'm in the cafeteria trying to have breakfast with Seymour and Morisato. I made a friend in Seymour-san. He's an okay guy, but he's one of those people who've been picked on to the point he has no confidence left. I gather he's pathetic at basically everything soul reapers do, but when the Rukongai is your only option you tend to want to stay on at the academy regardless of how you're treated.

Maybe I could help him a little. He'd never be a great shinigami but there had to be some kind of place for him in the Seireitei. Corrections squad maybe, or maybe research with Urahara's guys. I doubt Urahara has any official mandate but he had to be running his lab again.

I wouldn't send anyone to twelfth squad with that freak there.

We'd find somewhere for Seymour.

I'm just chilling out, it's another regular day at the academy, scratching my head with its newly sprouted white hair. No big deal. The fourth years hadn't come back – according to Morisato the academy goddess Kurosaki Yuzu of seventh year had announced that bullying was terrible and anyone who did it ought to be ashamed of themselves and even eleventh company didn't like bullies. Then Morisato started going on about her incredible kido and how Yuzu had a Captain for a father and a twentieth seat twin sister and _ooo_, she was supposed to be the little sister of Morisato's legendary Substitute.

I ignored the last bit – I didn't even hear it. Yuzu is the goddess of the academy. My little sister is running the school.

Morisato starts up with some more about Yuzu when someone at the front of the room starts shouting for attention. Some kind of announcement.

"Attention everyone!"

Better be important, buddy. I don't like being disturbed when I'm eating.

"The first year student Sado Kon," shouts this guy, "has agreed to join the Hakuda club-"

I'd _what? _ And _who_ cared? Surely this wasn't worth a public announcement-

"Via gauntlet challenge!"

Via what?

What?

What just happened?

"Sado-san," says Morisato, "are they talking about you? A _gauntlet_ challenge?"

"No," I answered. "Of course they're not talking about me. Some other guy-"

"You'll know Sado-san," the Hakuda guy shouted, "by his shaved head or white stubble, and by his eye patch. Sado Kon wears a black patch over his right eye!"

Then Morisato says "That's you, Sado-san. Stand up!"

_Stand up?_ I was thinking of sliding off my seat and crawling away! What the _hell_ was going on?

Seymour looks at me – he should clean his Aizen glasses. "Are you all right, Sado-san?"

By this point people around have figured out that Sado-san is over here, they're starting to look this way.

I can't believe this, Hakuda club has declared a bloody gauntlet challenge on me.

This is how the gauntlet works. I was going to be unofficially attacked anywhere I went on campus until I agreed to try out for the Hakuda club. Apparently this was unprecedented, because by the time the twit from the Hakuda club is finished talking everybody in the damn cafeteria is looking around trying to figure out just who Sado Kon is. About the only good thing is the campus is big enough to have several cafeterias, hopefully the announcement only made its way to this one.

Except to target just the one they'd have to know I eat in this one, which they probably _didn't_ know, meaning-

_Shit._

This is the point where words _fail_ me, I don't know what the hell to say next. The attacks were hardly going to be dangerous, but they were going to be a nuisance, especially if I got surprised and hit someone too hard.

Worse, the better I fought the more they'd want me, at least up to the point I was branded a menace and they actually sent people from second squad in. Soi Fons gang are all secretive; they'd come disguised as students to teach me a lesson probably, and after I'd whaled on a few of their seated officers someone was going to get suspicious.

That's work just peachy, suddenly Soi Fon appears out of nowhere and takes a swing to teach the new guy a lesson, then she'd loose that damn hornet Zanpakuto on me and I'd have to get medieval on her ass-

_Damn_ the Hakuda club!

I didn't even get a chance to finish _breakfast_. The first Hakuda guy spotted my patch before I'd even finished _breakfast!_

He tried to surprise me in the cafeteria. So I surprised him with a bowl of ice cream down his pants (I _like_ ice cream, what's wrong with having it for breakfast?). Score one for Ich-_Sado_ I mean.

Next up a girl came at me on my way into kido class. I saw her coming and I moved to one side. She put her fist through the paper panel of the door and Rukia comes running out to tear a strip off her. I tried to disappear before Rukia saw me, but she's too damn quick. I got yelled at, called seven different kinds of idiot and told to see her after class.

Mmm, _Rukia_.

She couldn't see a way clear of my little problem. Told me it was my own damn fault, too.

Attack number three, a big guy with a beard and a gut. Not a problem, a little light footwork got the ogre to put his foot through a waste basket in front of one of the proctors, which got him dragged off for destroying academy property.

Then came two more during the afternoon and one at dinner. That last one ended up with a guy punching a bowl of hot soup, which was kind of funny.

They were getting better though, each one a little better than the last. A few more days and I was going to have to hit somebody back.

And the damn rumor mill had started again. Suddenly everyone knew who Sado Kon was, he was the guy in the eye patch. Morisato insisted money was starting to change hands over how long I'd last. I tried to shake down the bookies to figure out how many people were left on the hakuda list – they wouldn't tell me. No, that'd spoil the surprise. Worse, no one would let me place a wager on myself.

Bastards. The guy in the eye patch. Being noticed was exactly what I didn't need.

Thankfully they left me alone while I slept, but the next morning there were two of them, a pair of twins in second year. It took some doing but I finally got one to land a punch on the other, knock him out. Then I put a foot to the other guy's ass when he went to check his brother.

The next attacker was a third year. I tricked him, told him I'd be back to fight him in a moment. Then I walked around a corner and shunpoed. Rules of the game; they can't consider it a victory unless they actually beat me.

Morisato told me there was now a _lot_ of money on the table, and that even the fifth years were starting to pay attention.

Sooner or later someone was going to try to fix the betting pool. Surprised Morisato hadn't already.

Up next were two fourth year girls, they tried to lure me into a dark corner with some delightful promises but I wasn't having none of it. I faked tripping in the shadows and landed a headbutt that took one out of the race. Her friend fell for the same thing that twin did, turned her back to me when she tried to check her friend.

So I gave her a boot in the ass and went on my way.

So far there'd been no pitched battles, it had all seemed like luck or incompetence. It was going to be hard to keep my 'lucky' streak going though, eventually someone was going to notice I can really fight. Making me paranoid.

Of course then I screwed up, a guy in my kido class wanted to check my notes, see if he'd copied an incantation down correctly. I thought it was a trick and doubled him up with a fist in the gut.

It was an accident, sort of.

Mmm, _Rukia_.

This time she was mad at me, told me to stop disturbing her class. I left her office with only the briefest of kisses, all the time trying to figure out just what the hell I should be doing. I reaached the door, stepped onto the path and started to walk.

At some point the club was going to send a mob after me, maybe it was better to join, take the risk -

I should have been paying more attention.

Oh _shit_.

There's a crowd, not a huge crowd, but big enough.

Fine. This time I'd fight for real, give someone the old KO.

Except they'd probably mob-

Ahead of me I saw a ranking member of the hakuda club, by miles the strongest one of them. Coming this way.

El Directo.

Chad.


	19. Chapter 19 Interlude With Elevator Music

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

It said a great deal about Chojiro Sasakibe that no one even suspected he was dead.

Aizen found that rather sad. He took mild revenge on the other man's behalf, mostly by provoking Yama into making everyone in the Seireitei miserable.

He'd felt he needed a hobby.

Today he'd succeeded quite magnificently - to say Yama was _angry_ was nowhere near sufficient; he'd passed through anger and out the far side. This time into sputtering rather than the purity of absolute rage he'd once been capable of.

Excellent.

"Where did this come from! Chojiro - details - who prepared this monstrosity!" Yama held up the manga in shaking hands, almost frothing. The comic book had young Abarai on the cover, standing back to back with the Ryoka boy, Kurosaki.

"I don't know, Yama-san." The old man was angry enough that Chojiro would have used the honorific. Had he been alive he'd have been intensely worried about old Yama. As he was not alive, Yama's rages and declining mental state was not of great concern. Which was why Aizen had brought this little gem to the old shinigami the moment he'd found it.

It was a – what was the word? A manga? A magna? Something like that.

About the Ryoka boy. Yama couldn't ask for a better present.

Aizen had been strolling the countryside, had stopped by the academy on the way back. Yama had mentioned something about a package from the headmaster, asked "Chojiro" if he might pick it up. Aizen had agreed, it was a lovely day for a walk after all, and he liked the academy. Aizen liked to walk under the trees there.

He certainly hadn't expected _this_. No student would leave their trash about but sometimes they forgot things. At first he'd simply intended to leave it at the office, it was only by chance Aizen happened to look at the thin booklet.

His first thought -_what by Hueco Mundo?_ His second, _when did Renji-kun get into something like this?_ He'd read the first page, looking carefully at the pictures, quickly flipped through to the end. How-

Aizen had laughed out loud, raced back to present the book to Yama.

"I found it on the academy grounds, left under a tree. I can only assume one of the students dropped it." Chojiro Sasakibe visibly tried to stay calm; Yama preferred if those around him stayed calm while he raged.

He no longer paid attention as he once had; Aizen felt the finer points of his performance were being ignored.

"Orders were given! This - this mockery is outrageous! I want the perpetrators found!"

Sasakibe had known how to handle the old man, Aizen stepped to a cabinet and poured the old man a small measure of a concentrated spirit. Yama had discovered distilled alcohol almost two thousand years ago. More recently he'd developed a taste for some of Mayuri's compounds, thought strictly speaking Yama-sama didn't know he'd been enjoying those.

Aizen loathed Mayuri. The man was sloppy, the most buffoonish of his former colleagues. Never once had he noticed bits of this and that disappearing from his labs.

The act of giving the old man the little glass steadied him; Chojiro had been his lieutenant for over nine hundred years, accounted himself Yama's closest friend for almost as long.

It was sad really. Even at the beginning Yama had never suspected, and that was before the chemicals had addled his brain.

To think Aizen had once feared this man.

Yama straightened a little. "I'm sorry, Chojiro. This-"

"I know, Yama-jii." Shunsui's expression, Chojiro Sasakibe had only used it occasionally when he and Yama were alone. "This needs to be investigated. If I might make a suggestion?"

"Of course."

"I was thinking perhaps Captain Unohana?" Retsu was best, one of the other might quash this so brutally it'd never reappear. Aizen didn't particularly want that to happen. "She has the right touch for younger people."

"An excellent idea." The old man set himself, squared his shoulders. "I would have sent Zaraki. Please summon Captain Retsu."

Poor old fool, trying so hard to hang on. "Of course, Captain Commander."

Twenty minutes later the captain of fourth division was leafing through 'The Substitute.'

Unohana Retsu hadn't been visibly flustered since she herself had studied at the academy.

"Oh dear."

"Yes," growled Yama. "_Oh dear_ exactly. I want this dealt with, Captain Unohana. Put a stop to it."

"I found it at the academy," Aizen added.

"Of course," replied Unohana. She and Chojiro Sasakibe had been close, relatively speaking; they'd still never gotten beyond their family names.

"I suspect," said Aizen, "that this came from inside the walls of the Seireitei. No one outside could know the details of these events."

"It's not accurate," noted Unohana. "I wonder why?"

"It's propaganda," replied Aizen.

"It's set to put the Vizard in the best possible light." Growled Yama. "Orders were given that this was not to be spoken of, and this trash is floating around the academy?"

"I'll see to this at once, Captain Commander." Retsu didn't wait to be dismissed. No one did anymore. Unohana walked towards the door, still leafing through the booklet.

Aizen followed along.

"An unusual tactic," he said. "Who on earth could be behind it?"

Unohana smiled her usual warm smile. "I'm sure it's nothing Sasakibe-san. Some of the younger children, perhaps. We'll track them down and ask them to stop."

Aizen had to smile himself. Retsu-san never changed.

"Where will you start, Captain Unohana?"

"The academy," replied the lady captain. "I'll ask around until I find someone who knows about the manga and go from there. I'm sure I'll have the Captain Commander's answers by the end of the afternoon."

Aizen thought that might be aggressive, but he didn't say so.

Captain Unohana went outside, released Minazuki. Moments later she was flying towards the academy.

Minazuki landed on the academy lawn and Unohana returned her Zanpakuto to its sealed form. It had been a beautiful day to fly and she was grateful for the opportunity.

It also wouldn't hurt that whomever were looking out a window would know a captain had arrived. She carefully hung Minazuki over her shoulder and walked towards the academy doors.

It had been too long since she'd been here really. She used to teach a class here, perhaps she should take it up again now that Itane-san and Lemura-san were up to speed. She liked having so many enthusiastic young minds around, had recruited several of fourth company's officers directly from her students here.

Unohana planned in advance. First she needed another copy of the manga, one with an owner. From that she would trace a supplier, then the supplier to that supplier. Someone had to know the manga's provenance. She could follow that chain back to see how the manga got onto the campus.

It was a plan she was modestly proud of. The plan of the manga itself was brilliant, she'd concede that as well. This forbidden knowledge, any shinigami who'd been exposed to Kurosaki Ichigo had been ordered never to discuss him or any events he played a part in. None of these students were amongst that number. The manga, biased though it was, would keep Ichigo-san's memory alive. There'd be a new crop of soul reapers one day soon who'd never received the order that Kurosaki-san was to be forgotten, and they'd ask and be told not to speak of it. And they'd find there really was a Madarame Ikkaku, and a Renji-san, and a Rukia-san - they'd know there really had been a Kurosaki-san.

They were going to wonder what happened to him.

Assuming she didn't find the perpetrators first of course.

The captain glided into the office, asked to speak to the headmaster and was immediately ushered into his office.

"Captain Unohana? What a surprise! Tea?"

"Yes headmaster, if you would be so kind." The lady captain settled to the floor, carefully laying Minazuki beside her.

"Girl," called the headmaster, "tea for myself and my guest please."

Unohana smiled gently. "Really headmaster, you shouldn't address your subordinates-"

Unohana stopped when the child came in with the tea service. Her kimono was beautiful, pink and flowered.

"My granddaughter," smiled the headmaster. "The child always dresses up when she comes to see me."

The little girl performed a very adequate tea service for them.

"Thank you dear," said Unohana. "You're very skilled."

"Shoo, little one," said the headmaster. "You may go play now."

The solemn child bowed and padded out.

"What a beautiful child."

The headmaster smiled. "My youngest's youngest. She makes me feel so old sometimes." He sighed. "How may I help you Captain? Dare I hope you'd like to resume your duties with the sixth form healing group?"

"Possibly later," replied Unohana, "but unfortunately I'm here on more pressing business." She pulled the manga from her sleeve, placed it before the headmaster.

"The Substitute? Is this-"

He looked at her, aghast.

"Surely you're not saying-"

Unohana nodded. "Sasakibe-san found this on academy grounds this morning. He took it to the Captain Commander. Yamamoto has asked me to find the source of it."

The headmaster looked over the shabby manga with Abarai Renji on its cover. "Do you have any suspects?"

"None yet, unfortunately."

"We'll search the dorms," growled the headmaster. "Starting with the first years. They're most likely to be involved in this foolishness." He shouted for one of his aides.

"Please headmaster," counseled Unohana. "The students here would have no idea that Kurosaki Ichigo has been declared anathema. You cannot blame them for something they didn't know."

"Be that as it may," growled the headmaster, "this is the shinigami academy, they shouldn't be wasting their time with this rot."

One of the aides entered the room. "Sensei?"

"I want the dorms searched. Any copies of this," the headmaster held up the manga, crushed in his hand, "are to be seized and burned. I want it announced that this-this _Substitute _book is henceforth banned and any student caught in possession of it will be expelled!"

Unohana said "Headmaster, you can't suggest that, that will only make the problem worse, the students will want to know what they're not allowed to read. Ban the book from campus, threaten some minor punishment, but please, we should work to contain the damage rather than allowing it to spread."

"Wait," the headmaster stopped his aide, turned to Unohana. "Forgive me Captain, you're right. We cannot allow this to become a challenge for the students."

Unohana smiled. "A drawback of my profession headmaster, I see everything in a healer's terms. It's safer to lance the tumor while it's small then risk letting it grow."

"Search the dorms, every room," said the headmaster. "Seize any copies of this 'The Substitute' periodical and bring them to me. I'll arrange disposal."

"Please make a note of any students found with copies," said Unohana. "The Captain Commander wants me to trace the problem back to its source and deal with it there. We'll cut off the snake's head headmaster, just as soon as we find it."

"Meanwhile I'll see that anyone caught with a copy going forward wishes they hadn't been."

Unohana bowed her head in thanks and finished her tea.


	20. Chapter 20 Chaddo

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

WARNING - Strong language

* * *

Ever known someone so well you don't need words to know what they're thinking? Chad and I are like that, we had a whole conversation without saying a thing. 

He's going to kill me, literally beat me until I bleed out and die. I've never seen him mad before, not like this. No one else knows it, but he's going to fight me flat out. He wants my life and he's going to take it. Nearby buildings are going to get leveled, it's going to be devastating.

With the ten percent patch I've got no chance of holding my own, let alone beating him. The way it is I'm not getting off until he decides to stop hitting me. Unless he changes his mind that's going to be too late.

I could almost hear him call me Sado. He wasn't happy with that _at all_.

I almost answered out loud, but I didn't need to. He knew I was named after a friend, he just didn't seem to care. Under his student uniform his hands had armored up like he was going to beat up Espada. At least the spike things hadn't torn open the top of his uniform, he was restraining himself just enough not to ruin his jacket.

Neither of us had said a word yet, we were going to fight and I didn't even know why. The warrior part of me assessed him unconsciously, the rest of me felt rotten for looking at him that way.

The only weakness Chad _ever_ had was his speed. If you haven't seen Chad hit something with your own eyes I can't even explain how hard he hits. With my patch on I'd feel over-matched even if I had Zangetsu; this isn't going to be a fight, it's going to be an execution.

For once my cover didn't matter.

It was like Chad's words formed in my head. I'm going to beat you _very_ badly Ichigo.

The look in my eyes said I'm not going to fight you, Chad, and just that hint of a smile from him said you can't outrun me anymore.

And then the strangest thing happened. Something snapped inside me. The sheer pigheadness just broke something. Finally the words came out:

"We'll do it your way on two conditions." I'm sure people looked at us strangely, just starting in the middle of a conversation like that. All my attention was focused on Chad.

"One, send your little friends away. Two, not on academy grounds. We'll make some distance from campus then we can light up the entire fucking sky."

The volcano rumbled at me. "And if I say no?"

I didn't need to answer out loud. A lot of people would get hurt, our audience weren't captains. Either of us opens the taps and students start falling over and bleeding out their ears.

"Done then. Let's go."

I turned and walked away. Chad took a few minutes to explain to the crowd he'd prefer we were left alone. When El Directo's fists start to glow people usually get the point.

Nobody followed us but I could feel the eyes, oh so many eyes.

Either Chad kills me or I've got some major explaining to do, to the school officials, to the shinigami - I can't believe my cover is going to be blown like thi-

_No!_ Goddamn it I walked away from a run-in with Ukitake, I am _not_ ready to lose yet! One friggin' step at a time here but they haven't got me yet!

Chad waited until we had some cover and shunpoed. I was right behind him. He was heading for open country.

He wouldn't talk to me, not at all, ignored my every taunt. I was angry, I'll admit that. I was angry because _he_ was angry. The only thing he said was "pick up the pace."

He _wanted_ this, I didn't but I had to go along or - one more bloody time I'm being dragged-

Chad started picking up steam, like he wanted to show me I no longer have a monopoly on speed. I don't know what the hell made Chad so angry but I'm not ready to die yet, I'm not willing-

His anger is rubbing off on me and why the hell shouldn't it? Who the fuck does he think he is? So he got killed – so did I! So did everyone else in Soul Society! And he has a place here – how _dare_ he look down on me – _I'm_ the fucking exile here! _I'm_ the one who's not welcome here or in the mortal world or even Hueco fucking Mundo! Does he think this is what _I_ wanted?

_You want to go Chad? We'll fucking well go!_

He gave me a look over one goddamn shoulder, I'm going to knock it off his stony goddamn face!

I can resolve this, and I'm going to. How the hell could he think everything was my fault? By what _twisted_ thought process- Yeah, so he'd picked up my power, no one forced him to fight! He did it because it was the right thing to do and he knew the bloody risks!

My teeth are starting to hurt I'm grinding them so hard. Maybe this is just what both of us needed, someone to pound on who can take their kingsized lumps and like them. Nobody had seen me shunpo, they'd figure he carried me. My cover is still good and I am _not_ going to die over this. And I'm not going to be found either. He wants to get me caught Chad can do it the proper way, go and tattle like a snot nose kid. There's not going to be any glory for him, not on _my_ back.

Yeah, this is what we need, what _both_ of us need, four years of frustration and somebody who means something to take it out on.

Purity of my rage. I pulled up beside Chad and started to pass him. He lit up like a Christmas tree and pulled up beside me. Like me Chad favors the brute force flash step method and like me he's got a lot of brute force to work with. Unless I switched up patches and risked the shinigami noticing me I couldn't stay ahead of him.

Yeah, well, tough, it wasn't about that.

I don't even understand my _own damn feelings!_

We were already a lot of miles from the academy and going strong. No one was following; even the upper years who'd managed a shunpo or two weren't in our league. One flash step? Very impressive, now try the next thousand. There isn't a student at the academy with the power reserves to tail guys like us.

The way Chad is venting my ten percent is invisible, it's completely overwhelmed. All the cover I need - I am _not_ going to get caught here. And I am _not_ gonna die-

I'm gonna die - I was turning into the fist even as it was coming towards me, and Chad caught me a good one. It took everything I had to shield myself the punch shot me through two and a half tree trunks, put a ringing in my ears that I wasn't sure was ever going to go away.

He was right there, had a foot coming at my head. Chaddo? Using his damn _feet?_ I barely moved in time. He manged to wing me, spun me right off my own feet. The boot that followed had me spitting blood.

Chad was my friend once. I don't know this man. I'm _going_ to back him off before he kills me.

My fists aren't enough, even amped up. I pulled Byakuya's trick and flashed up behind him, kicked him as hard as my human powers could. It took some of the fight out of him, enough to get a grunt, but Chad can soak up ungodly levels of punishment, stagger a few seconds and then be back in the game.

I am not going to win this - I'm faster but like this I'm not fast enough - Chad landed another, almost broke me on a rock.

Suddenly I'm losing badly. I simply can't do any damage the way I am. He's not letting up and I can't keep enough air in my lungs to talk.

Pull off the patch and there'll be ten captains here in under two minutes.

A weapon, any kind of weapon-

I have a weapon. It's a hellishly good one too. It doesn't work on everyone, but it'll work on Chad.

I swung a punch at his head with no spirit pressure at all, just a normal human punch. It took a lot of effort; I had to redirect the force elsewhere. Try to bottle it and it'd burst out, then Chad would kill me.

The look of disgust on his face was absolutely alien, like I didn't know the guy at all. He knew what I was doing.

I caught him twice more in the head, it didn't even shake him. Of course it wouldn't, I'd vented all my spirit pressure away. Meanwhile I'd wondered if I'd broken my hands on his skull.

Chad won't fight unfairly. If I won't use my pressure neither will he.

Chaddo just whaled on me and I returned it with interest. El Directo is human too, and I'm not the skinny fifteen year old I was. I'm a strapping big nineteen now. I think Chad figured that meant I could take more.

Yeah, well, I can hand more out, too.

He started aiming for my bad side; with the missing eye I'm at a disadvantage. I'm better with my feet though, so I countered by rocking his skull every chance I got.

Suddenly things were a lot closer to even - I'm still quicker even if he is stronger. With the pressure out of the way it might take all day but -

We don't need no fucking spirit pressure.

Fought for almost an hour. Doesn't seem that long? Try it some time. By the end the giant had fallen and the giant killer was laid out under a tree. Like a fight I once had with Zaraki, we both lost.

I'm just surprised neither of us broke anything _too_ serious, though I guess I shouldn't be. With the power scaled back our spirit bodies are pretty tough. Still, we were pretty banged up. I know my nose is broken, my remaining eye has gone black, a bunch of cracked ribs, snapped wrist on one side, broken hand on the other, what feels like a broken ankle and quite possibly all the bruises in the universe.

Quit laughing, I think I got off light.

The fight had been over for maybe twenty minutes when Chad finally managed to sit up.

"You still fight well."

I sort of, almost mostly managed to get myself sitting.

"Like you don't? When did you get so fast?"

"It's almost all I've worked on. My speed was my greatest weakness."

"It's not anymore." Then something else came out. "A lot of people assume my speed is a great way out of problems. There are a few drawbacks, Chaddo. It's great in a straight line, but the arrancar figured out to surround me and pile on the moment I stopped moving, pinned me down with weight of numbers. Pull the net tight enough and you can't get out. And it's kind of hard to leave the battlefield if your friends are still fighting. Don't get me wrong, that speed has won me a lot of fights, but force of numbers eats the advantage."

"My weakness had always been my speed," repeated Chad. "Now that I've mastered the flash step I'm more rounded as a fighter."

"I'd agree." He didn't seem to have any weakness at all, his defense is incredible, his offense is unbelievable He once told me about the time he fought Shunsui. That'd be a very different fight now, Shunsui would be _working_.

Chaddo climbed to his feet.

"I won't be able to speak to you Ichigo. I'm not sure I would if I could. Too much has happened, I'm not sure we're friends anymore."

Chad never lies. And time changes all things, even the ones we want to hold onto most. "I can respect that. Maybe some day we can be friends again."

"I don't know that that will happen," he answered. "Things are different now Ichigo. That life's over, I'm starting with a clean slate." Then he offered just the slightest hint of a smile, shook his head. "Sado Kon. Be well Ichigo."

"You too Chad."

I felt him build his energy to shunpo off.

"I'm glad it was you Chad."

He grunted, touched at his bleeding face. Then he shrugged. "We both needed this."

It wasn't funny enough to laugh but I guess it had to be said. "What are friends for?"


	21. Chapter 21 Tracking 'The Substitute'

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings don't belong to me

* * *

It came without warning. The headmaster's chief aide wasn't a well liked man for many reasons, but when teams of his goons came swarming through the dorms the student shinigami were shocked. No one had ever heard of a dorm search before, and what they were after-

Rooms got turned over, and people were getting angry. Some of the students were the children of nobles, people who'd ask questions about why their children had been put through the indignity of a search.

"Comic books?"

The proctor held up a stack of past issues of 'The Substitute.'

"Are these yours?"

"Uh, yes-"

The proctor looked at the door plate. "Which one are you, Morisato-kun or Sado-kun?"

"Morisato-"

"Come with me."

Morisato was taken over to the administration building, where a line of students huddled in confusion. They went through one by one, into the room at the end of the hall, returned looking either relieved or terrified.

Soon it was Morisato Shibas turn - another proctor pointed at him, announced "you're next."

Shiba went down the hall.

"Enter please." It was a woman's voice, soft, and Morisato found, somehow reassuring. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

Morisato Shiba opened the door.

And stared.

On the mat floor sat a woman, at the very center of the room.

She was dressed as a captain of the Gotei 13.

The thoughts drifted through Shiba's head, like slow moving clouds. A lady captain, a senior captain, by her uniform. There were only three lady captains of the Gotei, and only two were senior, and of them-

This lady had dark hair, her braid wrapped around her fragile throat to fall down the center of her chest.

Captain Unohana. The most senior of the three.

She smiled warmly, consulted the list on the lap desk before her.

"Morisato-san? Please, come in, be seated."

Morisato found himself moving forward. Never in his life had been been so frightened; an actual Captain!

"I am Captain Unohana of the Gotei 13. I have some questions for you about this." The Captain gestured towards a copy of 'The Substitute.'

Morisato was pretty sure he hadn't read that one yet.

What she asked next stunned Morisato.

"Do you know where I can get copies of this?" The Captain smiled.

Morisato didn't understand exactly what what going on, but he was beginning to regain a little control of himself.

"I don't think they're sold in local stores, Captain Unohana. I get my copies through a student in second year."

"This student's name is?"

Morisato gave it.

"Thank you, Morisato-kun. I must ask you not to read 'The Substitute' anymore."

A little emboldened by the captain's gentle manner Morisato asked, "May I ask why, Captain Unohana?"

"You may not, Morisato-kun. You may leave however. Please send in the next student."

"Of course. Thank you, Captain Unohana."

Morisato went back to his room. The searching proctors had moved on, they were probably bothering the third years by now.

The students whose dorm rooms were near his spotted Morisato immediately upon his return. He wasn't the first one back but everyone insisted on hearing his story to compare it to those they'd already heard.

All he could say was a senior captain of the Gotei 13 had commanded him to stop reading 'The Substitute.'

vvv

It was well into the night when Captain Unohana left the academy. She returned to fourth division, asked for a cup of tea while she tabulated the results of her interviews. Eventually Isane came by, dressed for bed.

"Another nightmare Isane-san?"

Isane looked at the floor. "Yes Captain."

"Sit awhile with me."

"Yes Captain."

It was very late when Unohana finished her list, she'd reduced it to three names. One of them, she wasn't sure which, was the supplier for the entire academy. She shooed Isane back to bed and sought out her own rooms.

vvv

Unohana permitted herself to sleep late that morning, dressed, attended to a few small matters and rode Minazuki back to the academy. She had a quiet word with the head master, who arranged for his aide to look up the schedules of three students. Proctors were sent to retrieve those students.

They arrived one by one, were led into the room where Unohana sat, had interviewed the day before. She gestured each to sit in turn.

The head master sent in his granddaughter to serve Unohana tea. The captain didn't offer any to the three young people settled before her.

She calmly sipped her tea in silence.

Let the three of them sweat.

Unohana finished a short item of correspondence on her lapdesk, then another.

She realized the three students had been sitting for over an hour.

They should be suitably worried by now.

Unohana raised the cup to her lips, spoke without raising her eyes.

"You lied to me."

She didn't need to see them to feel all three shaking.

"The three of you lied to a captain of the Gotei 13."

One of them tried to speak "C-Cap-"

"Be silent." Unohana put down her tea cup. "You have exactly one chance. I know one of you brings these-" Unohana touched a copy of 'The Substitute' "into the academy. I realize you may have been frightened yesterday. There was no need to be frightened yesterday. Today, however, there is need. Which of you brings these into this Academy, and where do they come from?"

The three of them were blubbering and pointing fingers at each other. Unohana had to admit she felt a little guilty.

No, she wouldn't feel guilty. If they couldn't speak the truth they couldn't become Shinigami, that had to be learned quickly or there was no point in furthering their education.

She singled out one of them. "It's you, isn't it? Tell me everything right now, or I assure you I _will_ lose my temper." Retsu smiled warmly at the boy, loosed a little of her spirit pressure.

vvv

Unohana stepped out of the room, left the three blubbering students behind. She took a moment to speak to the headmaster, who bowed courteously. He had a gleam in his eye that suggested three young people would learn not to lie to officers of the Seireitei.

Unohana walked from the campus towards the Rukong districts.

Really, all it had required was a disciplined approach. Anyone could have found the supplier.

She shouldn't let her mind wander. District 75 South was an unseemly neighborhood, but not one she'd fear to walk in. Very few were foolish and desperate enough to attack shinigami, let alone captains of the Gotei. Those few who would however were far more likely to bother _her_ then say, Captain Zaraki.

Unohana found the little restaurant the boy had spoken of, slipped inside.

Silence met her, the patrons of the little restaurant sat very still as she stood in the doorway.

Unohana offered a charming smile, mentioned a name and asked where the holder of said name might be found. Directions were instantly provided in the hope she would go away.

Another step completed. It was a lovely afternoon.

She found the man just before the sun set. As with the students, he hadn't be aware he'd done something that would outrage the Seireitei. Unohana suggested he avoid that particular activity in the future. Really, all the man was guilty of was picking up 'The Substitute' from an abandoned house and selling the bundled copies to the boy at the academy. He wasn't a bad man, simply an odd-jobber who needed the income. She told him unfortunately that this line of business might soon close, assured him he wouldn't be punished and suggested that particular house would probably be watched going forward. It might be in his best interest to stay away from it.

No one had ever asked him to pay for the books. The point was propaganda, not profit, and there was no way to track the manga back to the Seireitei from what she knew.

Retsu smiled. Propaganda. Unless she'd overlooked something the only possible source was somewhere inside Seireitei's walls.

Unohana summoned Minazuki and flew home in the sunset light. She had tea, thought a great deal about the previous two days. Her logical next step would be to try locating the printing operation, maybe by seeing who amongst the soul reapers ordered large quantities of paper and ink.

She couldn't think of any direct _trail_ though, narrowing the list of suspects would be nearly impossible.

Unohana finished her tea, took a document from her lapdesk and added a few finishing touches. The Captain rose and went in search of Isane.

"Isane-san?"

Isane looked up from her desk, put her pen aside.

"Yes Captain?"

"I'm afraid I'm closer to catching us then I'd like to be. I've already tracked us as far as our drop point."

Isane looked worried. "There's no way to trace The Substitute back to us, is there?"

"Not that I can think of," replied Captain Unohana, "Yama-san will want me to keep trying though. I suspect I'll be seeing how much paper each division uses next. Can you think of any way I can tie that back to us?"

"No Captain. I've hidden the trail carefully and the divisions don't track paper use, you'd have to track individual deliveries to each division for at least a year and get the other captains to track every scrap used. Even then I don't think we print enough copies to stand out."

Unohana Retsu smiled at her lieutenant. "Excellent Isane-san. Oh, I finished the storyline for this month's issue, but we may have to delay releasing it." Unohana thought for a moment. "Normally I'd suggest we stop for awhile, at least until we come up with another way to distribute. I-"

Momentarily distracted, Retsu picked up the drawing Isane-chan had been working on.

"Oh I _do_ like the way you've drawn Captain Zaraki."

Isane looked down and blushed.

Captain Unohana Restu looked over Isane's drawings and smiled. "I think we'll have to risk it Isane-san. In fact I think we should print additional copies this month. The investigation at the academy will have a great many more students interested in 'The Substitute' for awhile."

The Captain smiled. She'd conduct a very thorough investigation of course, but somehow the wily criminals would always stay just a few steps ahead. Poor Yama-san. He wouldn't like that at all.


	22. Chapter 22 Bruised

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, its characters or its settings

* * *

I staggered back on to campus. My regeneration abilities fixed the broken bones easily enough, the cracked ribs, broken wrist, ankle and hand were all healed, though they hurt abominably. I could have put some effort into it, healed up totally, but El Directo was wandering around campus with all the marks I'd put on him. It'd be more than a little suspicious if I didn't have a few on me.

My eye was swelling shut. When you've only got one that's something of a problem.

At least fight club had to be over. Who else could they send?

I hope they have no one else to send.

Please don't send anybody else.

Shit.

It was dark enough that nobody noticed me slip back onto campus. I'd missed dinner because I hadn't wanted to come back too quickly after the fight, Chad was supposed to have me so totally outclassed that I'd be lucky to make it back at all.

Anyway, I found the dorm in an uproar. As I said it was already dark but the halls were filled with students, and all they were talking about was how the Proctors had just turned over all the rooms. Looking for that damn manga of all things.

First a fight with Chad and then my room gets ransacked.

The room where I keep my Zanpakuto.

_Oh no, not-_

Thankfully Zangetsu hadn't been disturbed, his sealed form still stood in the corner.

What a goddamn day. My eye hurts so much I can't tell if my nose is still straight. I just want this day to be over so I can sleep off the pain. First the broken bones then almost a hundred miles of flash stepping just to get back to my room. About the only good thing that happened, the Proctor invasion had everyone talking about something other than the gauntlet challenge.

Chad did me a favor, I guess. I'm glad I wasn't around when the Proctors came by. Official things like unauthorized searches make me nervous now, especially with little bits of evidence like Zangetsu standing in the corner.

Morisato was cheesed because the proctors took half his manga collection, cheesed enough to ignore me lurching around like Frankensteins monster. No mention of El Directo though; apparently the search had stopped the rumor mill for a couple of hours. Fine by me, I didn't feel like explaining. Keep my mouth shut and I might just get a night's sleep.

I lay down, told Morisato I didn't want to talk about it and shut my eye.

Searching my bloody room. What a pain in the arse.

At first I hadn't really thought anything of it. Nuisance, nothing more, right? Nothing to do with me, complete random chance. It'd have happened whether I'd been here or not. I was actually glad to see the end of the manga, even if the timing made me a little twitchy.

Kind of thirsty, so I figured I'd get a glass of water. Morisato sees me get up and figures that makes it time to start talking again.

"They gathered up all of us," he says, "We got private interviews with Captain Unohana."

He waited until I had the glass to my lips to drop _that_ little bomb. I end up spraying half the room.

"Captain _who?_" Shit and double shit, _Retsu_ is hanging around campus? I'd figured it was just a crackdown on people who weren't paying attention to their work. Now _Retsu's_ involved?

Just relax. _Calm down_, and relax. This was a one time thing. I missed it, I'm fine and no one's going to recognize me all beat up like this. It was past, I hadn't been caught and Retsu wouldn't be coming back.

It's all coming up roses.

Only problem is people wondering what the big deal with The Substitute was.

Had to say something to Morisato though, so I decided to play dumb.

"You're making that up, you didn't meet a Captain."

"It's the truth, Sado-san."

"I'm going back to bed."

"Sado-san," Morisato whispered. "A new copy of The Substitute is in. Want to read it?" He must have felt guilty that he hadn't said anything about how beat up I was.

"Weren't you just busted for that today?"

"What's your point?"

"You don't think it might be a good idea to do what _The Captain_ said?"

"Not until I know why I can't read it. What's so bad about a manga?"

"Go to sleep Morisato."

Bloody manga. They won't let you read it because it's propaganda about public enemy number one. I'll admit I'm kind of looking forward to reading the bit where I kick Zaraki's ass - I haven't seen that issue yet. Hopefully there'll be some good dialog and witty repartee. Whoever the artist is, they always show a shorter pudgier Aizen and uglier Tousen and Gin characters in the background, up to God knows what. They're trying to set up the whole betrayal thing without actually dealing with the three of them, like the artist is getting some kind of revenge by making them look stupid. Aizen usually has flies buzzing around him, Gin's a toothpick with a big head and Tousen just looks like a dumbass, always picking his nose. The few times Aizen has spoken they've shown him whining.

Captured the three of them perfectly.

I've been trying to figure out who's writing the damn thing, I'm sure there are clues in it. Hanataro doesn't know either, though it casts him in a pretty favorable light. Maybe someone has a crush on him, I don't know. Whoever they are, the artists always show Byakuya with his shirt off and Snowy with huge puppydog eyes. Toshiro would flip out if he saw.

Can't be anyone I know. Whenever I think of drawing and shinigami I think of Rukia's rabbits and teddy bears.

Morning came and I was swearing before I opened my eye, mostly because it wouldn't open. It was swollen shut.

Must have been a hell of a shiner. Morisato said it was beautiful, huge and black and purple, really a black eye to be proud of.

I must have looked bloody absurd with the patch on one side and the shiner on the other, I had to pry it open with my fingers and hold it just to get a slit of vision. It hurt like hell.

There was a lot of silence in the first year halls as Morisato and I went past. Eventually Seymour ran into us, told me to put a hand on his shoulder. It helped, even if it did leave me staggering along in the dark. Luckily my first class after breakfast was Kido. Hopefully Rukia could do something for me.

Instant regeneration, what's the point when you can't use it?

Breakfast was messy but the guys managed to get me to class. Rukia was shouting at me before I'd even sat down.

At least she fixed my eye enough for me to see her kido demonstrations. Got told to see her in her office after class too.

I'm the only student at the academy who loves a good detention.

Rukia was pissed off and she's very forceful for such a little thing, ended up perched on my chest like I'm some kind of cushion. I wouldn't mind that at all except she insists on sitting in the seiza position. Grinding her little knees into my tender ribs.

She'd bend forward every once in a while to kiss me though, so that was good.

"Have you heard about Unohana's visit?"

"A bit," she admitted. "I didn't know they were coming, none of the Senseis were told."

"According to Morisato the Proctors turned over all the dorm rooms. Anyone caught with a copy of The Substitute was given a personal interview with the captain."

She looked a little worried. "They're nervous in the thirteen court squads Ichigo. With the captain commanders failing health you picked a bad time to fall off the radar. The captains are starting to become suspicious of each other."

"Confusion to my enemies," I said. "Or at least to my adversaries. Do you know if anyone is on to me?"

"No one could be. Your father is frantic."

"He's acting."

"I don't think he is, Ichigo."

"Karin and Yuzu would have told him."

"Apparently not," said Rukia, leaning forward to kiss me. "They might think he's being watched."

"Watched? What, _Dad?_ Who on earth would watch him?"

Rukia gave me a very dry smile, then an appropriately wet kiss. "He's a lot like you Ichigo."

"So what? Who cares?"

"Ichigo," she said simply, "you might not have figured this out yet-"

I'm about to be insulted.

"-but you're the last known Vizard. Most of the rumors put your hollow powers on the same level as a Vasto Lorde, and your shinigami powers are captain level. _Powerful_ captain level."

"I don't get where you're going Rukia."

"Ichigo, if Aizen had one successor who would it be? What immensely powerful shinigami hollow would people suspect?"

"Oh come off - you're not - you're _serious_, aren't you?" It was a revelation to me.

"I'm deadly serious," said Rukia, "Someone like Soi Fon would be very interested in where you are Ichigo. And on the other side of it, if you held up a Vizard banner there are shinigami who'd follow you. Not many, but a few. Probably more than you'd think. That's why they're so afraid of you Ichigo."

"What for? What the hell would I-"

"Ichigo," she used her little old lady voice. "Don't be dumb."

Never in my wildest dreams had I thought anyone would voluntarily sign up for having a hollow inside them. But that's because I know just how closely your personal hollow matches you. Any day of the week it's hit or miss. And the way Vizard are treated - who in their right mind would sign up for that? Of course if you didn't know, if you were romantic or naive or just figured the mask would make you look dashing you might just think having a hollow in your mind was a small price to pay.

Say if you were an idiot.

"Sorry Sensei."

She kissed me again.

"If you do can't kiss better than that Ichigo I won't fix your eye."

"Sounds like a challenge."

I do love a challenge.


	23. Chapter 23 Snowy's Clever Idea

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

Hitsugaya had the uncomfortable feeling that the Jushiro and Shunsui were getting close to Ichigo. It was nothing definite, just a feeling.

Not a lot of people knew it but he always trusted his feelings. He'd actually forced Rangiku to do the paperwork today so he could try to figure out a way around the senior captains.

It wasn't going well. It struck him for the nine thousandth time, the academy was a really rotten hiding place. Kurosaki was taking a hell of a chance every single day.

Annoying prick.

But, if it worked Kurosaki would graduate the academy, quietly join a squad with a sympathetic captain (Zaraki probably) and with any luck find a better much hiding place. With the right missions and a little care none of the other captains would ever know Kurosaki was back. A few would probably even look the other way; he was pretty sure all the Vice Captains would. Give it a few hundred years and they'd forget all the havoc he'd caused. It'd be hard to argue with a few hundred years of service to the Seireitei. Once the old man was gone-

Hitsugaya shook his head. That was long term. He had to think a little closer to the present.

Was there any point in seeing if Jushiro and Shunsui actually _were_ anywhere close to catching Ichigo? Kinda iffy. He'd really prefer to keep an arm's length from everything to do with Ichigo, the moment anyone suspected him Ichigo would be that much more likely to be caught. As long as no one did Hitsugaya had some options.

So what could he do that wouldn't expose himself, Ichigo, anyone else who might know (Kuchiki?) and still keep the oldster brigade away from the academy? He _needed_ that long term solution, Ichigo would be found the moment someone thought to look at the academy. And it _would_ happen, Jushiro was meticulous, and really, it made sense to look. If Ichigo had died where _else_ would he have gone in the Soul Society?

How to take on the senior captains? What were their weaknesses?

Poor health, sake and bouncy females. Toshiro assumed a plan could be crafted with just those three elements but maybe he'd save _that_ plan until he'd tried everything else. Like getting down on his knees and begging the old man to change his mind. _After all, old geezer, it's been two thousand years since you changed your mind about anything, can that rusty old brain even change directions anymore?_

Hitsugaya smiled very slightly, turned a corner and nodded to a pair of his younger subordinates.

Obvious. Times had changed and the senior captains hadn't. He needed a _modern_ solution, something that wouldn't occur to them.

A conundrum. How to deflect two older (and he was sure they felt wiser) captains without giving himself or Ichigo away in the process?

He could volunteer to go to the academy with them, send them away from Ichigo's building.

Too haphazard and too obvious. Get a message to Ichigo? Nah, too risky – he could get both of them caught, especially since the senior captains would only have to listen to the students to figure out something was wrong, just getting Ichigo off campus for a day wasn't going to cut it. He had to keep them away from the academy permanently without getting himself caught.

Divert them away from the Seireitei entirely.

An Ichigo sighting in the real world.

_Perfect_. He could tail someone through the passage to the real world, refocus Jushiro and Shunsui there.

He couldn't do it alone though. Hitsugaya had more than one trick other shinigami didn't know about, but it'd take someone here to spot it right away, raise the alarm.

He was going to need an accomplice, someone he could trust.

Now would be a good time to visit Hina-

But he couldn't, could he? Momo couldn't get involved, she had none of his tricks so she was a lot more likely to get caught. She was already in trouble; Hinamori would never be a shinigami again if she got mixed up in this.

She had a light touch though, that was what put Kurosaki's other friends out of contention - Madarame and Abarai were gorillas.

Kurosaki Karin?

He wasn't sure he was brave enough to see her again.

Kuchiki Rukia? Yeaaaah, that could also work. She had to know Ichigo was at the academy; she was teaching first year kido. Ichigo was never going to get through first year kido without someone to fix things for him. Hitsugaya remembered the one battle Ichigo had been taunted into using kido, it was hands down the most frightening thing Hitsugaya had ever seen. Ichigo's crimson fireball was the size of a Gillian's cero and five times as hot – it scythed the battlefield clear of all the Gillians and left a trench taller than he was down the middle, fused the dirt into black glass. Or that shaky Black Coffin, that was _really_ scary – the coffin was supposed to be straight up and down, Kurosaki's was wobbling and shaking all over the place and what was left of that Espada-

Hitsugaya shook a little at the memory, Kurosaki was almost as dangerous to his friends as he was to his enemies. Kuchiki would be giving him passing grades_not_ to try kido.

Waaaait a sec, what grade did they have to take kido until? Fourth year? Was Kuchiki even qualified to teach fourth year? If she wasn't-

Kuchiki would know that Momo was.

The air around the young captain chilled so quickly that frost formed. A few shinigami noticed.

Dammit. The captain stalked away from it. He had to watch that.

He also had to get Momo away from the academy. The Gotei owed Kurosaki, fine, but there were limits. After this one Ichigo was on his own, the man was- _had been_ a comrade but Momo was too much to ask. Her entire future was at stake. He had time but he'd have to get Momo out of the academy before Kurosaki reached fourth year, simple as that. Kuchiki could find somebody else to get him through basic requirements.

Oh, this was going to get ugly. Getting Momo away from the academy assumed he could get her some kind of posting, that wasn't going to be easy. The other captains thought Momo was unfit for duty, he'd heard one or two had even mentioned retirement, though never to his face. If Momo had to stay at the academy-

Momo wasn't getting involved. Hitsugaya would turn in Ichigo himself before he let that happen.

And Kuchiki herself was completely out as an accomplice for his little trip to the real world. He wouldn't put himself on the block with someone who'd put Momo at risk to protect her boyfriend. If he had to deal with her at some point he'd be vague but Kuchiki Rukia would get the message. Momo was _not_ an option. After this, neither was Hitsugaya himself.

He didn't need an accomplice that badly. It'd be harder but he could do it by himself. Twelfth was monitoring the real world constantly, Mayuri was already making noises about the 'useless deployment of his resources.' Hitsugaya could impersonate Kurosaki's reiatsu well enough to fool the sensors for long enough to register Ichigo's presence.

He couldn't call it an innocent prank if he were caught though. It wasn't supposed to be possible to replicate another person's pressure signature. There's be a hell of a lot of explaining to do, assuming the crazy old coot didn't try to have him executed on the spot.

One of these years the captains would have to deal with the old fool, force him into retirement. The Captain Commander was becoming an impediment to the efficient running of the thirteen squads.

Still, there'd be trouble if Hitsugaya were caught. They'd send him to Retsu-san, she frightened him more than any other captain, the old man included. Captain Unohana had never addressed him as anything other than Captain Hitsugaya, but she was saving it up, he was sure of it, so that when she finally called him Young Man or something -

He had terrifying visions of being forced into a real world elementary school as punishment, with Unohana playing his mother and Zaraki -or worse yet_Ukitake_ playing his father. Captain Hitsugaya had exactly one nightmare that drove him from bed in the night and _that was it_. She'd bring him his lunch and wipe smears of invisible dirt off his face in front of people and Matsumoto would see and the entire Women's Association would be there and-

Hitsugaya shut his eyes and concentrated.

They'd have to catch him first.

Toshiro grinned the sort of fox faced grin that Gin used to wear.

Like _anyone_ was going to catch the Iceman.

The only problem with being _this damn good_ was he couldn't _tell_ anyone.


	24. Chapter 24 Snowy's Real World Adventure

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

I was walking away from Rukia's office with a credible excuse and plenty of witnesses for my repaired eye. Bones are fully set now and most of the abrasions are clearing up, though I'll keep the bandages for a few days just for the look of it.

Rukia gave me a lot to think of. Kind of makes me wonder though. If they thought I was a threat why didn't they just offer me a job, I was fine with working in the soul society, if only they'd give me the chance.

Maybe some time about five hundred years from now I'd get caught and everyone would have a good laugh over this. Where have you been? Who, me? Guarding this wall. Look, it's still safe, it's right over here.

Or maybe working in fourth division. Yeah, I've been cleaning the sewers for five hundred years now, can I do something else for awhile?

Please?

Yeah, right.

What I'm doing is my best chance. Zaraki or someone will keep me hidden.

It'll all work out, just a matter of time. With any luck I'll be completely forgotten by the time I graduate the academy.

Maybe that's the whole point of the old man's purge. He wipes me out of history then I'm free to return as a regular shinigami? Everyone will be like oh yeah, I remember Ichigo, good fighter, nice hair. Disappeared years ago. What's your name again, son?

Nah, couldn't be.

My next class was my private Zanpakuto training with Hanataro. I thought he was making progress. He has no trouble at all making Gourd manifest. Getting Bankai out of him seems to be a little tougher.

Hanataro is usually in a pretty sunny mood, but he was a little darker today.

"Ichigo, maybe I'm not cut out for Bankai."

"That's a defeatist attitude if I've ever heard one. Gourd's your Zanpakuto, he's a part of you. You're not exactly weak Hanataro, maybe a little under-powered for Bankai but I think with enough concentration you can pull it off."

"Listen to him boy!" shouted Gourd. Gourd reminds me of a highschool gym teacher, you know the one with the whistle and the loud, loud voice?

"Watch me with Zangetsu."

Something occurred to me. "Hana, I once heard that Tousen took his Zanpakuto from someone else. Is that true?"

"Oh yes," said Hanataro. "It's very rare, but it does happen. You have to be able to make the Zanpakuto accept you though; strictly speaking it's a part of someone else's spirit."

"So did he have his own? Did he have like, two swords?"

"It doesn't work like that. A Zanpakuto usually dies with its owner, but some very strong ones will live a little longer. If you find one in that state and make it accept you you can take it. Tousen's Zanpakuto never manifested because he took over one before it could, and the one he took took the space within him that his own would of."

"So did he have a second sword? Could he have gotten one?"

"No, it doesn't work like that. There's only room inside you for one Ichigo."

I thought about this. "That's incredibly weird. You're saying that Tousen took a piece of someone else inside himself at the cost of never knowing his own Zanpakuto?"

"No, the one he took became his Zanpakuto."

Sounded fishy; I don't think he understood it as well as he thought, but I wasn't going to argue too much about Tousen's Zanpakuto.

"So Gourd, what does Hanataro have to do to convince you he's ready for bankai?"

"Sweep the floors!" answered Gourd. "Clean the sewers! Scrub the cells!"

"I already do all of those things!"

"That's the problem," replied the Zanpakuto.

That's Gourd for you. His explanations are bloody incomprehensible.

Well, fighting is always a solid way to train, and the great thing with Hanataro's Zanpakuto is he can whale on you all day long and just make your injuries better. Just keep an eye on the gauge on Gourd's side, when it fills Hanataro has one hell of a good attack.

"Alert," said Nemu, "Alert. Inform all captains per standing orders that Kurosaki Ichigo's spirit pressure has been detected in Karakura town." Nemu tonelessly added, "Alert."

Shunsui and Jushiro, who'd been having a drink or seventeen in Thirteenth squad's offices (so Shunsui could avoid an angry Nanao) both staggered to their feet.

"Of all the times," bawled Shunsui, "Ichigo-kun has to reappear _now_?" He'd become quite maudlin over Nanao.

"Orders," groaned Jushiro, "we have to go, old friend." He staggered, barely managed to hold his feet. "I don't think you_are_ my friend - and how come I have the wrong number of feet right now? How much did we drink anyway?"

Shunsui was a little steadier, but his hat wasn't. He tried to think of an answer and discovered he wasn't quite sure what the questions had been.

He probably should go with a good _all purpose_ sort of answer.

It came to him, and Shunsui smiled blearily.

"Ah shut up." Shunsui grabbed the bucket hat that Bucket-Hat had left, slammed it down on Ukitake's head.

There. Much better. The two senior captains staggered out.

Renji flashed onto the roof of Eleventh squad, felt the spirit pressure from Ikkaku and Yumichika and shunpoed towards them.

"He's been found," Renji hissed.

Ikkaku had his soul pager out in a second.

"Hana, trouble, he's in the mortal world- What - who he? _Him_ he!" Ikkaku went silent, listened to the phone, looked up at the others. "Hana says it has to be a false alarm, he's with you know who right now, they're at the-" Ikkaku made a gesture. A selection of conspiracy movies had made their way from the mortal world to the Eleventh division rumpus room, and since seeing a few everyone involved was paranoid. _His_ name was never used, nor was his location. Mayuri's machines ran the soul pager network. No one wanted to chance those machines analyzing the phone calls.

Renji had to ask the question.

"Well who the hell is in the mortal world?"

"It _has _to be a mistake," replied Yumichika. "A very ugly joke."

"Some kind of massive screw up by twelfth," said Ikkaku. He laughed, a little pained. "Someone is going to get reamed out royal over this."

"What do we do," said Yumichika. "We've all heard the announcement, we have to at least look like we're doing something about it."

Ikkaku looked at Renji.

"To the gate?"

"I guess so."

Kuchiki Byakuya heard the alarm, wondered if he had been wrong about Rukia's activities at the academy. It saddened him that he might; Rukia loved the uncultured peasant, as much as that pained him Byakuya wanted Rukia to be happy.

Standing orders for Kurosaki Ichigo's reappearance were for all captain-level officers to converge on his position and take the substitute into custody.

This time he had orders. And no conceivable method for looking the other way.

Zaraki Kenpatchi heard the alarm and growled in frustration. Kurosaki Ichigo had no sense of timing, Zaraki had always wanted to catch the other shinigami alone so they could play before the other captains arrived, there was no way he'd arrive in time to do that.

Of course he was_awfully_ fast... And a screaming Yachiru _did_ make a_wonderful_ distraction.

If Zaraki were first through the gate he might just get his chance...

Urahara was moving towards the gate at speed, a variety of devices concealed under his coat. If he reached Ichigo in time he might be able to do something for the boy, help him out of this bind-

There was a flash beside him, Yoruichi disappearing past. The queen of flash had told him to go on ahead; she had to dress before she could leave his quarters.

Yoruichi was fast enough to reach Ichigo before anyone else, even Byakuya or cannonball Zaraki. Urahara just wished they'd discussed what they'd do if something like this every happened.

He hated being caught unprepared.

Kurosaki Isshin had been eating with his daughters at a small restaurant near the academy when he heard the call; he was probably closer to the gate then any of the other Captains, and had far more reason to reach it first.

It had to be _him_ that reached Ichigo first, him and no one else. Far behind he could feel Karin, struggling to catch him, she had nothing like the speed. Yuzu they'd left to settle the bill.

He _had_ to reach Ichigo first.

This wasn't good, Urahara felt other pressures converging on the gate, really moving. Zaraki was almost there, Isshin blasting up on a reiatsu vapor trail. Yoruichi was pulling out all the stops, she was gaining fast. From behind he felt Byakuya, Shunsui, Jushiro and every vice captain he could put a name to – this wasn't _goooood_...

The Iceman, flashing the other direction through the gate, permitted himself a very uncaptainly snicker. Mission accomplished and accomplished in style. Honestly, if he kept this up he'd need to wear sunglasses or something-

After that no one was quite sure what happened. Well, it was pretty obvious _what_ had happened, but no one ever agreed to who was to blame.

Yoruichi might have gotten there first, or she might not have, certainly Isshin arrived around the same time. The problem was they were going _very_ fast and had a _very_ small opening to pass through. All Hitsugaya knew was that he'd flashed out of the gate and crashed into someone, Yoruichi or Isshin, then the other hit an instant later and knocked all three of them into the mouth of the gate. Then the bullet train-racing Zaraki had tried to get to the gate through the three of them. Of course _that_ hadn't worked, but the pile was so big and violent at that point that it blocked the gate entirely.

More than one complained the two senior captains should have known better than to try jumping the mob, especially as Zaraki's bull hooves were scrambling for the traction to put his three hundred mile-per-hour ass back into gear, and then Urahara had tried for the one last gap he might possibly squeeze through only to find Byakuya trying the same thing-

All told it might have taken three seconds for several of the most powerful warriors in the Seireitei to learn there was a limit to how many captains could pass through a door at one time. When the battered mob finally got to the mortal world Kurosaki Ichigo was well and truly gone. Not a hint of his spiritual pressure remained.

Toshiro Hitsugaya winced as pretty much everything started to ache at the same time. The Iceman still had to work at hiding his smile. Admittedly he hadn't planned to get so banged up, but his plan had worked perfectly.

It just pissed him off that every captain who'd attempted to catch Kurosaki Ichigo that afternoon ended up at fourth division for their trouble.

It was the look of the thing - people would talk.


	25. Chapter 25 Graduation

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

It's graduation day. 

Oh, not for me. I've got another eighteen million years left, no, it's Yuzu's graduation. The ceremony starts at noon.

This evening she's expected to stay out all night because technically she doesn't have a place to sleep. She's to report to the squads tomorrow for assignment. There'll be a run on her; all the squads will want Yuzu but I'm betting she'll go to fourth. With extra training from her friends in eleventh. Apparently the boys treat Yuzu like one of their own.

A certain captain is not going to want his smallest wandering around all night, though, so Yuzu will probably be spending a quiet evening with Karin at my dads place.

I haven't been able to talk to her in months; after Hanataro told me about the Ichigo sighting in the real world I've been keeping a very low profile – about a hundred people showed up for the false alarm, including about ten captains. I _really_ don't want to risk a_real_ Ichigo alarm, especially where no one has to get travel orders to drop by. It could be a thousand people next time.

I gather someone got it royally over that one. Hopefully Mayuri. One does _not_ mobilize most of the Seireitei's brass over a false alarm.

Ever have that feeling you're at the center of a really dumb idea and there's nothing you can do about it? You may not believe this, but I sometimes get that feeling.

I'm taking the risk today; I've left Yuzu a note. My precious little sister isn't going _anywhere_ until I've seen her. She's certainly not spending a night on the town with drunken shinigami, not on my watch.

She can be an adult starting tomorrow. Tonight she's still my little sister.

I'd had a good chance to learn my way around campus in the past several months. It hadn't been hard to find somewhere safe and quiet to meet. For Yuzu's benefit I'd chosen somewhere pretty as well. There's a sort of overgrown rose garden at the very edge of the campus. It's out of the way, little used and absolutely perfect for today. It smells and looks beautiful; when I say 'overgrown' I mean the kind of 'overgrown' you can get with a couple of gardeners working very carefully for about twenty years. _That_ kind of overgrown.

I was just leaning back, enjoying the place and thinking.

My little sister the shinigami. It wasn't so strange with Karin, but Yuzu? And there she was now, coming nervously up the path.

The age thing is really, really weird. Yuzu hasn't aged, four years aren't long enough in soul society to change you physically. She still looks about twelve. Smaller than Hinamori, smaller than Rukia, no different today then she was the day-

I'm nineteen, or at least I was the day I died.

I can say it for me. Maybe one day I'll be able to say it about her.

She's smiling at me. Tiny Yuzu, one of the select few who could hide in Soi Fons shadow. The pair of them together would still weigh less than I do. She's so cute in her uniform.

Delivering the message had been a piece of cake, her friends never even knew I was there. Yuzu suddenly had a piece of paper in her pocket that said come see me – Ichi-nii. We'd agreed to the system months ago, the last time I'd seen her, the evening of that first reunion. Yuzu was to leave her left pocket empty. Anything she found in it would be from me.

"Ichi-nii?"

"Yuzu!" I hugged my little sister. "I'm so proud of you, a shinigami now and top of your class."

She hugged me back, said "Thank you nii-chan."

I'm glad she'd done her crying that first night; this was supposed to be a happy occasion.

"Your hair is getting long," noted Yuzu. "I sort of like the white, but I miss the orange."

"So do I." My hair has grown long enough that I have to slick it down to avoid the Snowy look. I'm surprised people aren't calling me greaseball.

Wait a second, why is she partial to _white hair_ all of a sudden? If that _little bastard_-

Yuzu looked up at me with a serious look on her little face. She'd probably been building her list of questions for months now. That first evening on the roof she was too stunned to say much.

"Are you all right Ichi-nii?"

"I'm okay."

"Where is Kon?" She'd found out about Kon before _it_ happened, come into my room to find me arguing with the plushy standing on my desk. She'd adored Kon from that moment on, took to carrying him everywhere he'd let her.

"Kon is dead Yuzu. In the accident."

Yuzu started to cry a little. It was pretty obvious she'd already suspected. I wrapped an arm around her.

"I'm so sorry sweetie."

She was able to recover from the slump in a few minutes; really I'd only confirmed what she'd already guessed. She had a free hour and there was no one around, so we just talked and talked about her. I tried to evade as many of her questions as possible, which she knew. This was her day and my problems were none of her making. I'd be fine. Ichi-nii will soldier on with a scowl for the world and a grin for his little sister. It's all good, peanut. 's aaaall good.

Yuzu wanted to show me her Zanpakuto. It was little in its unsealed state, a tanto, but instead of the usual plain scabbard it was inlaid with a pattern of roses.

"I can unseal it," she said. "Want to see my Shikai?"

"Sure Yuzu."

So she hops up, draws it and holds it in both hands. "Bloom, water lily!"

Her Shikai release is a bit like Rukia's in that it's absolutely beautiful, but unlike Rukia's it's not the standard black and white. Instead the blade is actually a very pale yellow, and the handle is an equally pale green. Like Zangetsu Water Lily has a long hilt ribbon, but the ribbon is green and comes from the guard rather than the pommel – it wraps around Yuzu's hand and forearm to protect her.

It puts you in mind of a flower, the colors and the way the ribbon coils around Yuzu's forearm like a stem. It's a really, really pretty sword. Different from Rukia's but probably the prettiest Zanpakuto I've ever seen.

"It's really lovely Yuzu."

And then she had to go, and it'd be months or years before I could see her again. She turned to me, and said very seriously, "stay low Ichigo. Karin says they haven't given up looking for you. We think Goat suspects we know something, but we haven't told him about you."

"It's all good, Yuzu. Take care. And make me proud."

And then she hugged me and walked away.

---------------------------------------

I would have liked to go to Yuzu's graduation but it just wasn't in the cards. Yuzu said Goat is going to be there and they still don't think it's safe enough to tell Goat I'm here. There'll be other captains there too. I'm not quite ready to risk that. Instead I watched until Yuzu was out of sight, scratched my overly long hair.

My too-long, greasy white hair.

Joy.

It's been an interesting year I guess. Morisato and I aren't friends but we do make good roommates. We eat together, that sort of thing. Seymour hangs around with me, but we don't talk much. Both of us are just glad for the company. Second year should be okay too. It starts right away of course, so this weekend (as in today - it's Friday) Morisato and I have to move into our new dorm room one floor up, and they'll give out our year two emblems to stitch onto our uniforms. Most people get that done in town.

Rukia will be my kido teacher again. Kido's a problem; strictly speaking I have to take it until fourth year at least, but Rukia's not qualified to teach fourth year kido. Either I learn enough to get by with a stranger, which is unlikely, or I say hello to Hinamori and hope I can get her on my side. Hinamori is what's called a Kido Master; she tends to use Kido more than her sword. She's _extremely_ good.

She also worries the hell out of me. By virtue of her mental state and her generally being a bit stunned she hasn't caught me. Too much on her mind. She loved Aizen until the end, regardless of what anyone thinks, regardless of him burying a sword in her. Hinamori's twisted logic has it that if Aizen had truly meant to kill her he would have, because of course Aizen was just that perfect. So Aizen's still the hero. Presumably that makes big bad Ichigo the villain of the piece because I'm the one who finally took Aizen down.

No telling what Hinamori would do if she found me, but I have to assume she'd rat me out. Rukia meanwhile is working ferociously on her kido (she thinks I don't know) so she'll qualify to teach fourth year.

Anyway, that's a problem for another day. This little garden is a nice spot. I have no plans for the rest of the day other than maybe getting an early start on our move upstairs. I haven't amassed much stuff, so it 'd be no big deal to pack and go.

Nice and shady here. Quiet too. I think I'm going to take a nap.

There's stuff going on around the graduation but I could get caught there. Not much for festivities anyway. This morning I thought I'd seen Iba but it turned out to be someone else. I like Iba, but I don't know where he stands. Thankfully it wasn't him, but all told I think I'll just avoid the party. Lean back, take a-

I feel a presence.

A _strong_ presence.

Chad.

He was standing right over me looking down.

His shadow is blotting out the entire _sun_.

_Oh man, and here I am lounging on a bench..._

I haven't spoken to him since that day.

"I've come to say goodbye Ichigo."

"You're leaving?" I sat up.

"I've been fast tracked," Chad explained. "I've graduated."

"Congratulations." As you can imagine things were still a little stiff between us, but at least he hadn't started swinging yet. "Where are you going now?"

"Second squad," said Chad. "Soi Fon is taking me on as her lieutenant in training."

"Really? Congratulations." I meant it a little more this time. It was a hell of an achievement.

"Thank you," said Chad. "It's a good fit for both of us. Soi told me herself she needs someone who'll stand up to her. She's missed Omaeda-san more than most people know." He shrugged. "He had more backbone than he let on."

I never really got to know the man. He came to a bad end. "Chad, I'm really happy for you, really I am."

There was an awkward silence.

Chad sighed and looked away.

"It wasn't about you Ichigo. It was never about you. Or me either."

He was still angry. A residual anger, something he'd been stoking the coals of for a long time. "We were always the strong ones Ichigo, you and I. We did the protecting. Then when I was killed I had to leave everything to you, and you dropped the ball. You should have been there for Orihime and Uryu. Because I wasn't-"

Chaddo clenched a fist and looked at the ground.

So that was what it was all about.

Chaddo was right, I had dropped the ball.

Orihime was a flower made of spun gold. Beautiful but soft, malleable. Delicate.

And stomped flat under Aizen's sandal.

God, the war... Orihime was still golden, but she was never what she had been. And Uryu...

Uryu was like a diamond, brilliant, incredibly hard, and like a lot of hard things just a little fragile inside. When he finally broke he shattered. That great Quincy warrior and force for what he believed was right, I didn't protect him from that weakness inside.

Chaddo and I are more like tempered steel, we've got some spring in us, enough to bounce back a little. Orihime and Uryu weren't. And didn't.

Oh Uryu. I should have known it was coming. You shrugged off every blow until the one that finally broke you. And my poor brutalized little Hime...

I should have been there. Protecting them was my job and I failed. The demons inside got them and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Chad had entrusted their safety to me and I failed all three of them. Chad was as angry at himself as he was with me, because he hadn't been there, but I'd lived when he died and I _should_ have been there. Because in my place he wanted to believe he would have been. It said something about just how much he respects me that he thought he could leave it to me. And I failed him.

In failing Chad I betrayed us both, I let him-myself-_everybody_ down.

He had a right to be angry. I couldn't meet his eyes.

"I'm - sorry Chad. You're right, I did fail, and I had no right to. I'm sorry."

Chad shrugged. "Water under the bridge. I wasn't there when I should have been either. Maybe if I'd been there we-" He shrugged again. "Water under the bridge Ichigo. Not one of our finer moments."

"I- hope they'll forgive us one day."

"I think they will Ichigo." He offered me a bit of a smile. "No one can stay mad forever."

He stuck out a hand, I shook it and felt a lot better.

"Thanks Chad. Thanks for always being there."

Chad frowned.

"Do I know you?" Then he grinned, dropped a hand on my shoulder and almost crushed it. "Be well, Sado Kon. You remind me of a friend. Maybe some day we can run down hollows together."

"Thanks Chaddo. I'm looking forward to it."

I watched Chad walk off and I figured life was going to be a little better.

------------------------

I ran into Chad one last time, and gave him a warning about Mayuri. The mad scientist of twelfth is a little too dangerous for my liking. Chad grinned and clenched that fist.

"I've already spoken to him Ichigo. I told him I catch him or any of his people around me I'll take his haori. I think he believed me. Maybe he didn't. It wasn't that big a building I dropped on him."

I had to smile.

On to second year.


	26. Chapter 26 Yuzu Joins A Squad

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, its characters or its settings

* * *

Yuzu was a quiet girl. After her graduation ceremony she returned to her father's house with the goat and Karin, where they changed clothes and went to celebrate Yuzu's graduation with a nice meal before the academy's fireworks display. Then goat hurried her home before the parties started.

Yuzu went to bed pouting, thinking about sneaking out. Karin had come for the night, so Yuzu whispered the contents of her conversation with Ichi-nii in the darkness. Then she lay there trying to fall asleep.

She was worried about Bucket-Han-san. He'd started leaving bucket hats for everyone, usually striped green like his own. People were starting to talk.

It could be sort of funny, the one he'd popped onto Captain Soi Fon was too big, but he'd taken that into account and carefully cut a pair of eyeholes on the front. The tiny captain (and Yuzu knew a thing or two about tiny) had stood there glumly, peeking out the eyeholes and hadn't even bothered pulling the hat off before she slowly shuffled away.

That had been the final straw – the soul society burst into civil war, the bucket hats of Urahara taking to the streets against the straw hat forces of Captain Kyoraku – no one had even known he'd been gathering forces until Captain Zaraki was seen, straw hat slammed down so hard and fast that his spikes burst through the top. Bucket-Hat-san was attempting to start the great hat war for some devious reason of his own - when the time came to choose sides which side would she be on?

Straw hats did look nicer with her yukatas. But Karin had taken to the bucket-

It could be sister against sister, twin against twin.

No one would give goat either kind of hat because he was the goat.

What side would the captain commander come down on? Would you be allowed any weapon other than your hat? The straw hats were more delicate than the bucket hats – if you beat someone with a straw hat you'd have to buy a new one, but the bucket hats would stand up to a few beatings-

Captain Kurotsuchi had tried to recruit his own force, but only Nemu was willing to join – she looked silly. Who would fourth division side with? Vice Captain Ise, would she side with her own Captain?

Probably not.

Yuzu woke up.

And thought about all of this.

Then she went back to sleep.

It had been a very strange dream.

-------------------------------

There was a gentle knock on the door.

"Pumpkins? Are you awake?"

Goat? Being_civilized?_

She was a Shinigami now, so Yuzu gave a mature answer.

"Yes Daddy."

"May I come in for a moment? I have something for you."

"Come in."

Isshin found his youngest child sitting cross legged on the bed in her pyjamas, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. On her lap was the plushy that once held Kon. In the other bed Karin was still asleep.

"I'm so proud of you Yuzu." The Goat presented her with a small black bundle.

It was her first official uniform.

"Daddy's girl is all grown up."

Yuzu yawned, squeezed the plushy.

"Thank you Daddy." She looked around. "I'll make breakfast."

He patted her head. She'd reached an age where he wouldn't be able to do it much longer.

"You don't have to Yuzu. It's your big day, so Daddy made it for you."

Then Yuzu said something _horrible_.

"Daddy, I want to move into the barracks."

--------------------------------------

For a moment Isshin though his heart had stopped. _"W-What?"_

"I want to move into the barracks with all the other shinigami."

"But- I thought you'd live _here_," said Isshin. Yuzu move out? No! Impossible! Not little Yuzu! It had been hard enough to let the girls go to the academy – but to let Yuzu move into the shinigami barracks-

"You're not – thinking of joining _Eleventh_ Squad, are you?"

Yuzu yawned again, and all Isshin could think of was how adorable she was when she first woke up.

"I haven't decided yet."

There was a growl from the other bed, and Karin managed to throw a pillow. Badly, mostly because she was face down in her mattress.

"'m trying to_sleep_."

"Oh look at your cute sister," enthused the Goat, "she's _drooling_!"

_That_ had started a fight.

An hour later Yuzu was walking towards the courtyard where the general address for new shinigami would take place. She'd thought ahead and arranged for Karin and her father's Vice Captain to intercept Goat before he could follow her. She didn't want anyone to think she expected special treatment, and showing up with a captain in tow would mean just that.

The new uniform felt very strange. She was used to the general style as it matched her student uniform, but Yuzu wasn't used to wearing black. She had her little Tanto Water Lily concealed in her sleeve, a comforting presence as Yuzu moved through the crowds. She'd never liked crowds, and the warmth of Water Lily dozing in her mind was the embodiment of the feeling she'd always had when doing housework, just a little part of her that was comfortably warm and safe and asleep.

The new graduates were easy to spot, even in uniforms identical to the veteran shinigami. Something in the way they held themselves, in the way they moved. Yuzu made her way through the crowd towards where the Captain Commander would welcome the newly graduated shinigami.

The old man made a long and windy speech. Yuzu didn't think it made much sense. Thankfully it didn't last long; eventually the Captain Commander seemed to get confused and a man Yuzu took for his lieutenant had a word then escorted the old man away from the podium, leaving a thousand new shinigami to make their way out to where the thirteen protection squads, the kido corps and the special forces were recruiting.

The first day of a new Shinigami was supposed to be a little bit fun. Most Shinigami didn't have serious expectations about what division they were going to; most just wanted a posting _somewhere_. The divisions had booths and silly games set up, except eleventh, which seemed to have a drowning booth, and twelfth, which no one was going anywhere near despite a very disappointed Nemu operating a kissing booth. Her father screaming abuse at her wasn't helping.

Yuzu made a face. Somebody – somebody like _Goat_ should do something about Nemu's captain.

Yuzu had decided what she wanted for her birthday.

A lot of people who'd already chosen one area specifically found themselves turned away, or in the case of Eleventh, laughed at, belittled and sometimes beaten up. Still, the various squads and other areas were competing for the best amongst the graduates, and most of the squads kept a list of the people they most wanted and sent their seated officers into the crowd to find those people.

Yuzu spotted Lemura-san and Hanataro-san moving purposefully through the crowd and quickly moved away from them. Thankfully fourth division had set up its recruiting tents on the far side of the court from the slapdash Eleventh Division setup, with its typical group of huge yelling men shouting abuse at the new graduates. A lot of wannabe tough guys were scared off.

Yuzu paid Captain Zaraki's apes no mind (that was what Madarame-san called them); the apes had spotted Yuzu and carefully didn't yell anywhere where it might be construed they were yelling at _her_.

Bad news like Goat traveled fast. There were much, _much_ safer people to yell at than the Fifth Captain's youngest daughter.

Yuzu padded along, her official uniform sandals more comfortable than expected. She was looking for somebody.

"Well well well, what have we here? An elf?"

The hulking spike haired captain of Eleventh had appeared.

Yuzu bowed low.

"Captain Zaraki," said Yuzu. "I was hoping I might join your division."

Zaraki burst out laughing. "_You_ want to join _us?_"

Yuzu looked up, hurt. "I'm a hard worker and I graduated at the top of my class."

"Kid, do you have any idea what Unohana would do to me if I took you on? _Seriously_? I'm sorry punk, but you're going to fourth squad."

"But I want to join Eleventh!"

Zaraki scratched his chin.

Unohana wouldn't be happy. Retsu wouldn't be happy at all.

Of course making other people happy was hardly the purpose of his existence, even if it was Retsu.

But Retsu would get _reaaaally_ angry if he swiped Kurosaki Yuzu from fourth division.

Yachiru would probably be really happy though.

Hmmmm. A conundrum.

"Let me think about it for an hour or so." Something appeared to occur to the captain. "I don't suppose you know where your brother is, do you?" He said it a little hopefully.

She was just a little too quick insisting she didn't. Zaraki's eyes narrowed.

"Yeah," he said. "You want in? Sure. Welcome to Eleventh. But no pretty yukatas until you show the lugs you can look after yourself."

"Yes Captain."

Zaraki sighed. She was just too damn tiny. "Do you even have a Zanpankuto?"

Yuzu smiled brightly and pulled Water Lily from her sleeve.

Water Lily's sealed form was about as long as Zaraki's middle finger. He looked at the rose pattern on the scabbard and sighed.

"If you need wheels put on that see Ikkaku. I'll give you the room beside mine, just scream if anyone gives you any trouble. Tell Yumichika to train you and don't let him try to decorate anything."

"Yes Captain." She bowed and went off in search of his fifth seat.

Zaraki watched her go. For some reason he couldn't quite define, Yuzu Kurosaki made him nervous. It wasn't a feeling he was used to. Somehow she was going to change his division dramatically.

Well, change could be good, as long as it didn't involve curtains or anything like that.

Fighting with Retsu was not so good.

_Che_. Nothing to worry about. There was no way Kurosaki's kid sister was going to last in Eleventh. If nothing else her father would be by before the end of the day. But until then...

Captain Zaraki grinned. It was always fun to stir the pot.

-----------------------------------

Three days later Yuzu was still there.

Eleventh Division wasn't quite sure what to make of Yuzu. She spent her off hours wearing pink or yellow, she was girly (the Vice Captain was anything but) and she was about as high as the average squad members elbow. No one else in eleventh division wore hairclips with fruit on them, and she appeared to have table manners.

She made the men very nervous, but no one was sure exactly _why_.

Third Seat Madarame made it apparent that anyone who crossed Yuzu had their choice of outcomes; they could deal with himself, or the Captain, or her father, who was also a captain, or they could hold out for an encounter with her Vizard brother, you know, the one who took down Aizen? Net result, the few apes who accidentally found themselves anywhere near her bowed low and called her respectful things like Young Miss or Kurosaki-san. Sometimes they brought her tea and cakes. Then they mostly ran away.

None of this was what Yuzu wanted, so it wasn't long before Yuzu displayed an unhappy little face.

"They don't take me seriously, Karin." said Yuzu.

"They're eleventh squad, they don't take anyone seriously."

"They take Ichi-nii seriously."

"Ichi-nii fought Captain Zaraki to a standstill. I don't think you're ready to try that by yourself."

"But _no one_ takes me seriously! Ikkaku-san keeps telling me I don't have to train as hard as the others! I want to be respected like the other boys!"

"You're not a boy, remember? Silly Yuzu, this is Eleventh Squad, you have to _make_ them respect you."

So it was decided that there would be a fight.

The next morning Karin came by Eleventh division. She had her Zanpakuto over her shoulder; unlike Yuzu's little Tanto, Karin's Zanpakuto was almost as tall as she was in its unreleased state.

Karin reflected they were probably the smallest pair who'd ever stood in an Eleventh division ring. And she hadn't been thinking; she'd worn her pink sash today, and Yuzu was wearing her yellow obi. Hardly Eleventh division colors.

Karin drew her Zanpakuto, released it to Shikai.

"Roar in the night sky, Northern Star!" A wave of her spirit power swept down the blade. Like her twin, Karin's Shikai was unusually colored; the hilt and guard a shining blood red, the blade a vibrant electric blue.

Yuzu drew her tanto, shouted "Bloom, Water Lily!" to release her own Shikai. The blade shot out, pale yellow and almost as long as Yuzu was tall, fine and graceful. The long green ribbon that grew from the guard coiled around Yuzu's hand and forearm like armor.

Water Lily and Northern Star were the Zanpakuto of twins – the length, the shape of the long light blades suggested that relationship, alike but different. Light and delicate, slender weapons that lacked the brute smashing power of their brother or father's Zanpakutos, but were still almost as tall as the girls who wielded them.

Some of the apes from eleventh got a little interested at that point.

"First blood?" Asked Yuzu.

"If you insist," answered Karin.

"On guard," replied Yuzu.

"Go."

People more or less knew the twins were the younger sisters of the Substitute. And Eleventh squad sort of knew that Karin was a twentieth seat of seventh division, but other divisions couldn't really fight, so what did that matter? And they _were_ related to Captain Kurosaki, who was the only Captain who'd willingly tangle with Captain Zaraki-

Zaraki himself came outside to see what the racket was. And was surprised.

Two small black blurs, one with a slash of pink, the other with a dash of yellow, and two long slim Zanpakuto flashing-

There were a lot of guys pretending to watch the fight who wouldn't actually be able to see it, they were blurring so fast. What the twins lost to their brother in terms of brute hitting power they made up for in incredible speed, their swords were bouncing off each other so fast it sounded like a drum roll.

Neither had any speed other than full shunpo; they'd alternate between circling each other so fast the pink and yellow blurred together, and stopping somewhere in the ring, Water Lily and Northern Star hammering off each other so fast the individual hits merged into one shimmering sound of vibrating metal.

Zaraki had to grin, these two were their brother's sisters and they were fabulous. Yuzu could already match his tenth seat, Zaraki was sure of it.

He wouldn't have expected her to be the more ferocious one.

Hell, just seeing _this_ made the fight with Retsu worthwhile. Neither twin was slowing down either; his tenth seat wouldn't be able to hold this pace for too much longer than these two already had.

Zaraki watched the fight to his growing satisfaction – _this _was what he wanted for Eleventh Division! He had one - had to get the other twin. He _needed_ the matched set.

Zaraki barked a single word.

"Break!"

The fight skidded to a halt.

First blood? Both of the Kurosaki twins were already bleeding from a few small wounds, both were breathing heavily. Their sleeves had been the first to go, they'd warmed up by trying to leave each other bare armed. As they panted at each other they had feral grins Zaraki was glad their father and brother couldn't see; these two were more savage then the men of the family.

Karin tore off the last remains of her left sleeve off while Yuzu wiped blood from her lip, then tore the last of her own right sleeve off, dropped it to the ground over the green ribbon that bound her hand to her hilt and guarded her forearm, over the sword itself.

They were shinigami, objectively Zaraki knew that, they were some sort of elves, he knew that as well, since neither reached his elbow-

But how had the entire Seireitei overlooked the one simple fact that they were Kurosakis? Tiny little girls maybe, but their bare arms were as hard and as sharply defined as any lady shinigami in the Seireitei. Their swords were sharp and their hearts were as focused as their brother.

When he wasn't being a jackass.

Zaraki stepped into the ring. By this point all of Eleventh division had stopped their drilling to watch.

He couldn't have their brother, but Zaraki could play (gently) with these two.

It was extremely unnerving the way the Kurosaki girls suddenly grinned at him.

Karin glanced at Yuzu, smiled.

"He fell for it."

Yuzu smiled back, a strangely dark and knowing smile on her little face. "We knew he would."

What? Zaraki scratched his head. What the hell were they talking about?

"We've got a bone to pick with you for beating up our brother," said Karin.

"Anyone who messes with Ichi-nii messes with _us_," said Yuzu.

Yeah, so what?

Karin held Northern Star forward in both hands, her orangish-reddish spiritual pressure forming around her. Not bad actually, the kid had potent-

"One True Path Through The Night! Scream Out In Darkness, Northern Star!"

Yuzu's pale yellowish greenish glow was pouring out through her skin, and she held Water Lily by the hilt in her right hand, the flat of the blade resting against her left wrist. "Water Lily! Spirit Of The Pond And Forrest Take Flight!" Piles of green ribbon flashed out of the hilt, wrapped themselves around her hand and coiled up her arm to the shoulder.

He realized both girls had glowing white eyes-

And then _both_ girls shouted _"Bankai!"_


	27. Chapter 27 Aftermath

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, its characters or its settings

* * *

Zaraki Kenpachi was in a jubilant mood, to the point he was actually carrying one end of the stretcher himself. And knowing well the value of a backhanded insult he'd put both twins on the same board. It had been made for his apes, so there was plenty of room.

Ikkaku, carrying the front of the stretcher, was just a little sour on the whole experience. If Ichigo found out-

The Captain was totally oblivious.

"What a _great_ fight!" He'd been repeating that same sentence and grinning like a madman since they'd left Eleventh. The Captain was bleeding from a few dozen minor wounds; he'd enjoyed himself so much he'd let them mark him a few times. "That was _the best fight I've had in ages!_ They both pulled their little bankais - it was adorable! Who'd have thought they'd have been able to reach their bankais so quickly?"

He'd said the bit about the bankais twice already. The Captain was talking like a proud father, that _couldn't_ be good. Ikkaku kicked someone out of his way, glared at his victim, who decided the third seat wasn't anyone he wanted to cross.

Knowing he had to say something to his Captain the third seat said "They were very good."

"Good? They were_ great!_ Look at all the little cuts they gave me!" It was the _third_ time he'd said _that._

_You let them do that_, Ikkaku said in the silence of his mind.

"They're quick and agile - shame about the hitting power-" That was the glummest note Zaraki had made, neither girl had a swing like a dump truck yet.

"They're still growing," reminded Ikkaku.

"Oh I know," bubbled the captain. There was a pop as Yachiru arrived, took her place over the captain's shoulder.

"That was an awesome fight, Kenny! Do you think Ichigo will come out now?"

Ikkaku almost dropped his end of the stretcher. He was very, _very_ glad his captain couldn't see his face. Behind him Yachiru plopped down from Zaraki's shoulder to ride on the stretcher like a hood ornament, the captain's victims moaning away behind her.

Ikkaku could feel Zaraki's lizard-like grin on the back of his head, it set his hands to twitching - if the captain found-

_Oh my God I think he knows-_

"He'll come out sooner or later," said Zaraki. "Until then-" and that insane lightness came back into his voice. "I can play with these two! Ikkaku! When we get back do the transfer papers for this one - what's her name?"

"Karin-san, sir?"

"Yeah! Get her into eleventh as fast as possible. Rough up Iba if you have to, there's no way I'm letting this one skulk in Dogbreath's basement!" The huge and menacing captain looked down at his moaning unconscious victims, gushed like a little girl. "That was _awesome_! That was so much _fun_! I'm _so_ glad I didn't let Retsu have this one! Oh happy day, what a treasure my Yuzu-chan is! Seriously, Ikkaku you've _got_ to get me the other one. This is_so_ great!" And then he burst out laughing like a madman again.

They'd reached fourth division, and Ikkaku opened the door his usual way, by kicking it.

Well his hands were full.

"Oi!" Shouted the third seat, "Where are you punks hiding? We've got some meat for you."

The hallway was abandoned, Ikkaku kept shouting.

"Oi! Come out, dammit! We've got some meat for you! Where the hell are you! It's not cleaning day! Captain, you've scared them off again, maybe if you could wait outside-"

Ikkaku felt a sudden pressure, a sudden _overwhelming_ pressure.

Captain Unohana, a pace ahead of him.

And did she look_maaaaad_.

Ikkaku turned desperately towards his mighty captain, found to his horror his captain looking sheepish and a little embarrassed

"Take the stretcher," said Captain Unohana. "Yachiru-chan, wait outside."

Yachiru bolted as two of the skulking medics relieved Ikkaku and his captain of the stretcher and its occupants, she was gone in a heartbeat.

"Ikkaku-kun," said Captain Unohana's soft voice, "look at me."

Ikkaku had been too terrified to face the woman, managed to slowly turn-

His captain tried to protect him, "Ahm, now see here, Cap-"

_"Zaraki!"_

The captain didn't say anything more.

Ikkaku finally met Unohana's wise, calm, terrifying eyes.

"Outside Ikkaku-kun."

The third seat bolted, picked up Yachiru outside the door and didn't stop running until he and his vice captain were back in Eleventh territory, where he screamed at Yumichika to start the transfer paperwork and spent the rest of the day in the basement with the Vice Captain, hiding behind a barrel.

Unohana looked up at the towering monster from Eleventh squad, who took a half step back at her fury. She slapped him hard enough to feel, it would have broken a lesser man's neck.

_"What the hell were you thinking you big dumb ape?"_

------------------------------

"Ungh - Oww." Karin cracked one eye, say Yuzu on the next bed over. "Did we win?" She was somewhere – fourth squad? Her injuries had been repaired, mostly.

Yuzu stretched a little, stopped, obviously in pain herself. "Oww. Don't think so." She scowled, as much as she could with her cute little face. "Ichi-nii didn't say he was so strong."

"He didn't even take off the damn eye patch," growled Karin. "I have to pee."

"There's the bedpan," replied Yuzu.

_"I'm not using the bedpan!"_ Karin shifted a little, winced. "I know we weren't really trying to hurt him, but two bankais at once and he still shrugs us off? That's just _rude_."

"Oww." said Yuzu.

Neither said anything for a few moments.

"We got owned."

"_Ooooowned._ Don't want to be owned."

There wasn't a lot Karin could say to that.

"So will you come to eleventh squad?"

"Haven't decided."

"Bet they'll give you a seat."

"They haven't given _you_ a seat."

Yuzu grinned. "They will now." Then she frowned. "I don't like the uniform. It's too baggy."

"Wear something else. I don't think _he'll_ mind. Oww."

"Oww."

"Oww."

"Oww. I think I made the right de-"

But Karin's eyes had gone wide, stopping Yuzu as she detected the most terrifying presence in the Seireitei, one that cowed even her father and Ichi-nii.

"Isane-san," said Captain Unohana. "Perhaps you could close the door dear? Thank you."

The motherly figure knelt between where Karin and Yuzu lay. She still had that serene smile.

Karin wasn't overly afraid - she hadn't done anything wrong, much, at least as far as she knew, but Yuzu's eyes were enormously wide like some manga character and it looked like she was afraid to breathe. Captain Unohana had expected her to join fourth and she'd joined the ape squad instead.

"How are you feeling ladies?"

Karin quickly answered for them both "We're feeling much better, Captain. We'll be able to go back to our squads-" She shut off abruptly as the captain touched her forehead.

"A fever I think." The captain turned to her Lieutenant, who had their medical charts ready on a lap desk, brush poised to update.

"Isane-san? Karin-san has a fever. As her physician I proscribe an extra-large enema to relieve her symptoms." The captain smiled brightly at Karin, turned back towards Isane and said "you'd best send Hanataro-san down to the shed in the garden," looked at Karin, explained "for the _big_ hose." The captain smiled.

"What were you saying, dear?"

"Um, I think I need bed rest?"

"And?"

"And I'll be quiet now?"

"Excellent. Isane-san, Karin-san's fever has broken, so she won't be needing any procedures after all."

Vice Captain Isane didn't bat an eyelash, just said "Yes Captain," and wrote something on the chart.

Then the captain turned her attention to Yuzu.

"And what's your excuse dear?"

"Um, I'm a good girl?"

"Not quite what I had in mind. Try again please."

"Well, we-" Yuzu tried to lean away, but Unohana was too fast, lay a soft hand on Yuzu's forehead.

"We have another fever here, Isane-san. Any thoughts?"

"There's a folk remedy with a leek I've always wanted to try." Isane-san looked up, very seriously added "On someone else, of course."

"I'll be good," pleaded Yuzu.

"How good?"

"Very good?"

Unohana sighed. "Child, what on earth possessed you to turn loose your bankai on Captain Zaraki of all people?"

"Well, um-" Yuzu blushed.

Unohana's eyebrows shot up - Yuzu had succeeded in the impossible - she'd startled the captain of fourth division. "Don't tell me you chose _Zaraki_ to demonstrate to the world you'd -" the Captain glanced at a blushing Karin - "that you both achieved Bankai?"

"Well - it's just that Ichi-nii says Captain Zaraki is tough and that we wouldn't be able to hurt him-"

"You attacked_Zaraki_ because you thought you _couldn't_ hurt him?"

"He started it!"

Unohana rolled back her eyes and stood up. "Isane-san, don't let me putting anything on those charts for the next twenty minutes or so – I don't trust myself not to do something dreadful." The captain looked over her patients. "What on earth am I supposed to do with the pair of you? Zaraki? Captain _Zaraki?_ Even the Captain Commander would have been a better choice! I'm keeping you - _both_ of you here until this settles out. I'd turn you over to Isshin but that one is as bad or worse than Zaraki! Oh Isane-san!" The captain turned to her startled lieutenant. "I'm too unsettled - I need a cup of tea. Don't let anyone in or out of this room. That includes these two, Captain Kurosaki, Captain Zaraki and any of his merry men. _Especially_ that bald one." The captain swept out.

There was a flash of white and Captain Hitsugaya appeared at the speed of shunpo. It looked as though he'd just heard.

"_Are the pair of you crazy?_ Do you know what that _animal_ could have _done_ to you?"

Yuzu, outraged, said "Captain Zaraki isn't an animal!"

"He could have killed you!"

"Captain Hitsugaya, Captain Unohana said they were to have no visitors."

"I don't think she'd mind me screaming at them, Vice Captain!" He turned back to the twins, but they'd had a chance to gather their wits and took the offensive.

"Snowy-chan!" said Yuzu.

"You're cute when you're angry," said Karin. "You've got this little vein on your head and you grind your teeth-"

"Were you worried about us, Snowy-chan? That's so sweet!"

Hitsugaya was losing control of himself and Vice Captain Isane looked horrified.

_"Do you have any idea what your brother would do if either of you were hurt!"_

That silenced the pair of them. With the ground back under his feet and no longer reeling from the constant abuse of being called Snowy-chan, Captain Hitsugaya went on the offensive. "I don't think the pair of you realize what- Ahh! If your brother showed up here- Ahh!" The young captain, his temper almost gone, shunpoed out.

Karin and Yuzu looked at each other.

Vice Captain Isane looked at the pair of them, an exceptionally uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach.


	28. Chapter 28 A Red Flower

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, its characters or its settings

* * *

Isane paced her bedroom in the moonlight, unable to sleep for the nightmares. An enraged substitute, bursting free of the manga to lay waste to the Seireitei. Except instead of that dreadful mask he held a pen in his claw hand and a striped bucket hat in place of a hollow's mask.

She didn't want to believe it - couldn't bring herself to believe it - didn't know what to do because she _did_ believe it.

The Kurosaki twins knew where their brother was. They _had_ to; Isane was skilled at assessing the condition of her patients, both mental and physical - the way the twins had reacted - for just that split second-

Oh they knew all right, they definitely knew. The pair of them were sitting on the biggest secret in Soul Society and nobody had even thought to ask them.

Of course Ichigo-san would have made contact with his sisters, with them before anyone else. Captain Kurosaki was worried, to be sure, but the way he told it Isshin-san had known full well what his son was doing the time Ichigo-san broke into the Seireitei - Isshin hadn't stopped him then, probably wouldn't stop him now, whatever he was doing.

Captain Kurosaki couldn't know - he had his own oaths to uphold, but if he suspected his daughters knew he might not question them. Ichigo was his son after all.

Oh, what to do, what to do? Isane looped the room again. Should she tell Captain Unohana? Isane wasn't sure - Captain Unohana was duty-bound to turn Ichigo-san in, and what their superiors had done to the Substitute was intolerable.

Isane was starting to get dizzy. She had to tell _somebody_! But it had to be somebody she trusted, somebody who wouldn't laugh it off, and wouldn't immediately have the Kurosaki twins sent to twelfth division for questioning. Who? _Who?_ She needed _someone_ to talk to, someone she could trust not to immediately tell-

-_to immediately tell her captain_. Nanao.

------------------------------

Nanao looked up from her paperwork. "Vice Captain?"

"Please Nanao-san, I'm not on business."

Nanao smiled quite warmly, something she seldom did. "Oh, well that's different. What can I do for you, Isane-san?"

"I-" Isane looked around the eighth division office, blushed. "Ah, could we go outside?"

Nanao smiled again. "Of course. My captain's asleep, and I've got nothing pressing." Nanao picked up her large book. She tended to carry it everywhere, and Isane had never known why.

A few minutes later they were walking through one of the Seireitei's many little gardens, this one long but narrow, a meandering path between two rows of cherry trees.

The blossoms were in season, and pink was everywhere.

Nanao breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of the cherry blossoms. She offered the world a radiant smile.

"Nanao-san," began Isane, "suppose you had a feeling-" she wasn't putting it very well. "Suppose you thought something, that you were suspicious of something-" Isane made a little noise. "I'm sorry, I'm not saying this very well. Suppose you hoped something was true but you were afraid to ask or to tell anyone because of what might happen?"

Nanao smiled beatifically as she glanced around the gardens, not meeting Isane's eyes, again inhaling the scent of the cherry blossoms. "I've always loved that smell. It's very romantic here," said Nanao. She smiled again. "Isane-san, it's been my experience that it's always best to be forward and ask."

"But what if you're worried about what the answer might be?"

"You should never fear answers, Isane-san. You'll always be happier knowing. Possibly much happier."

"But this is - well - it's - it'd be serious if anyone found out."

"Isane, never fear the truth."

"Well - can you keep a secret?"

Nanao smiled that warm smile again. "Of course."

"I-" Isane felt herself blushing. "Well I-"

"Isane-chan," said Nanao, again offering that warm smile, touching gently fingers to Isane's wrist. "Just say it. No one else has to hear."

She was right, Nanao was totally, _totally_ right. Isane leaned close to the other woman, wet her lips, and, trembling just a little, said "I think I know where Kurosaki Ichigo is."

Nanao's jaw dropped. She didn't say anything for a few seconds. Then she said, "Oh."

"I know it's a surprise-"

"It certainly is," complained Nanao. "I thought you were asking me out!"

"No, I- _what?_"

Nanao blushed a little. "Sorry, I was somewhere else and misinterpreted."

"You thought I was asking you out?"

"Yes."

"So you're-"

"Yes."

"And you think I-"

"Well I _did_-"

"Oh," said Isane. There was a rather uncomfortable pause, until Isane looked at the other vice captain rather hopefully. "Would you have said yes?"

---------------------------

This was my first Zanpakuto class with other students and I've never _been_ so nervous. I checked my eye patch about fifty times. You wouldn't_believe_ how nervous I was. Wait, I just said that. We started off slow, thankfully, and I'm allowed to be good at this, provided I keep the super speed, the shunpo, the energy attacks and every other damn thing to a minimum.

I was sticking with the sealed form of my Zanpakuto. As long as I keep Zangetsu's name out of it I should be able to do that, but at some point I'm really going to have to get that whole shikai thing down. Maybe I'll see if I can permanently release my Bankai.

I wonder if that can even be done?

Anyway, acting like you don't know what you're doing it a hell of a lot harder than it looks.

I guess I should explain, this was my first second year 'special' class. I skip a lot of my Zanpakuto classes but you miss a special class and you're out. This time around they've got some guys from Eleventh in, and there were a bunch of the better students from the upper classes helping out. One of the 11th squad guys was actually teaching the class. My guess would be twentieth seat or something. How he didn't recognize me I'll never know; I would have thought everyone in eleventh would know me.

Maybe he's new. Or maybe Ikkaku had gotten to him. Whatever, it doesn't matter. I just had to keep on his good side, if I pounded him Zaraki might come nosing around, and that would be bad. Nutcase is still looking to fight me.

The big guy is just a little too noisy, if you know what I mean.

We drilled on moves for awhile, then we were set up in sparring. I already had a reputation for Ukitake knowing me and the first year exemption with the private tutor. One of the fourth years decided he'd go against me.

I should have figured out he thought he was king shit, but Ichi-baka just doesn't make the connection. I mean, it wasn't like I was worried about beating him; me and old man Zangetsu have faced worse than this guy just to get to breakfast. Hell, I've pushed tougher guys out of the way for standing between me and the urinal. No, see the problem was I wasn't paying enough attention, and this guy figured I was making fun of him.

Well I'm sorry but I was worried about staying hidden.

By the time I figured out how pissed off he was this fourth year had brought himself into an absolute rage. I hadn't been thinking, hadn't even made an effort to make it look credible, so half the class had stopped to watch this guy trying to get past my guard.

Shit, what was I going to do now? Let this clown through he'd try to slice me into sections. Or I could go on the offensive and send the fourth year flying, yeah, it wasn't like anyone would notice _that_. Or I could be really mean and cut his Zanpakuto in half.

I'd get shit for that too.

Crap, now the sensei was coming over. He was eleventh, so if I tossed _him_ around people were _really_ going to talk.

This fourth year guy was starting to piss me off. It's like dude, take a pill. I'm not a-

Okay, maybe I am. technically, but he doesn't know that. The guy needs to chill.

I knocked him back but he didn't take the hint. He didn't get it the second time, or the third.

I thought about lighting up, but not too seriously.

He just wasn't going away.

"Don't toy with him!" roared the guy from eleventh, "_Beat_ him! _Now!_"

This clown was game and opened it wide, he fought better than he let on.

I sent him packing anyway. With the patch Hana figures I can manage something like the spirit pressure of a tenth seat, though I'd guess a little higher, and let's be honest, I fight like a captain.

Down he went. I tried to help him up but he wasn't having it.

The sensei swore at me, shouted "Take this seriously, damn it!"

"Yes sensei."

Then he flagged another guy from Eleventh up, another full blown Shinigami for me to fight. And you don't go soft on these guys – try to lie down and they'll cut you to ribbons.

Shit.

I was going to hear about this one next time I went for dinner.

And like the Goddamn fool that I am, I had no idea just how much _shit_ I'd just bought myself.

-------------------------------------------

Found out later that day. Morisato, Sei, Seymour and I were sitting around enjoying an afternoon break when Morisato suddenly says-

"Oh my-"

He didn't get the rest out, and by the look on his face I figured I'd better turn around quick.

Fumiko-san, Yuzu's former roommate was coming towards us. I didn't know what the big deal was, but Morisato, Sei and Seymour had gone pale.

Now I hadn't seen this chick since that first night I went to see Yuzu, and that was a big fraction of a year ago, so I wasn't putting the pieces together yet.

Sure enough Fumiko came right to me. I realized that other people were suddenly watching us. A lot of other people.

Why can't people just ignore me?

She stopped right in front of where I'm lounging on the grass.

"Are you Sado-kun?"

"Uh, yes. Yes I am. May I help you Sempai?" I touched my snow white slimy hair, which I hadn't gotten used to yet.

"I'm Hashimoto Fumiko-san, president of the Red Flower."

I listened politely. What did that have to do with me? And what the Hell's a red flower? Some kind of club?

Anyway, whatever-

"I understand," said Fumiko-san, "that you're the most skilled person in your year with a Zanpakuto."

Where would she have heard _that_? I'd never -

I suddenly had a very uncomfortable feeling. She'd been waiting for me – nah, she'd been waiting for _Yuzu_ – for Yuzu to _graduate_.

Oh Fuck I'm _bagged_-

"I wouldn't say that," I answered. "I'm no more than fair." What the hell was this one after?

"I've heard otherwise." She held out a red flower badge, I realized she was wearing one as well.

"Come to the eleventh dojo tonight, we'd like you to apply for our club." Fumiko put the flower in front of me and walked away.

And I had _plans_ for this evening! And now this _shit-_

Morisato stared at the flower badge I was holding. I asked the obligatory 'What the fuck is this' and he starts in with "Do you-_do you have any_ idea what the Red Zanpakuto club is? They're the elite of the elite Zanpakuto students! They don't just give out the red flower! It takes a year to get into that club! They turn away over _ eighty percent_ of their applicants on the _first day_, they only take a few people from each grade Sado-kun!"

Great. Just what I need.

"That's nice. I'm not going."

"Konshiro-kun!" wailed Sei, "you have to! You can't just _walk away_ from that! Half the Red Sword Flowers go directly into the squads without sitting the exams! Do you realize what _an opportunity_ it is?"

_Fuck! I'm trapped! _ If I walk away from a shot at avoiding the exams the entire school will know it!

And it _was_ as bad as that, the damn red flower had the rumor mill going in hours. I'm only two weeks into second year - that's practically _first_ year and I find out no first year had ever been invited to _apply_, let alone just _handed_ the damn flower!

I was going to have to do this. Curse that damn Fumiko!

There'd probably be a fight, that stupid bitch wanted nothing more than to see The Substitute fight, probably to fight me herself.

I was tempted to pop her in the face with a cero, or see how she liked the old Hado-90 Black Coffin. I mean, this is a _serious_ case of 'You want to_go_, bitch?'"

My next class was Kido and I could hear them whispering all around me. People started passing me notes, asking if it was true. I ignored them, but Rukia got mad anyways, called me to her office.

I swear she's always looking for a reason.

Mmmm. _Ruuuukia_.

As usual my Rukia wouldn't talk to me until I sat cross-legged and pulled her onto my lap. She's so small she fits very comfortably. She's very exacting though, everything has to be just so. Her head always has to be on my right side, try to sit her the other way and you get slapped in the head. Then I have to pull her legs in snug so her feet rest on my left thigh, and I have to wrap an arm around her knees. My other arm has to go down over her shoulder, reach around and rest on Rukia's tummy, that one's her back rest. Sometimes I have to shift her a little, she's very precise about how her little bum should be placed on my right thigh. Then squeeze my Rukia once, she'll rest her head on my chest. If I've done everything right she's willing to speak to me. If I haven't she thumps me.

It's quite a process.

"I've got a problem, Angel."

"Mmm?" She ran her hand over my head. My slick white hair intrigues her. That was her right hand, her left arm was sort of wedged between us. That she was fine with, but try to hold her right hand and she'd start to fuss.

"Red Zanpakuto."

"The Red Flower? You want to join? Not a good way to keep a low profile. Though usually a good way into eleventh squad. You've got time to think about it."

"That's just it, I don't. Their president dropped off a badge."

Rukia sat straight upright, her perky, kissable nose almost at my lips. It was hard to resist the temptation.

So I didn't.

"That's unusual. More than unusual. Did you do something stupid?"

_Well..._ "Their president was Yuzu's roommate," I explained, "the one who made me at the start of the year. I was safe while Yuzu was here, but now that she's joined the squads Fumiko-san has decided she wants a piece of me."

Rukia made a comfortable noise at me.

"So what the hell is the Red Flower?"

"You know there's a Zanpakuto club?"

I did.

"The elite members of the the Zanpakuto club can earn a white rose badge. The Red Flower grew out of that, the elite of the elite. The whole point was to separate themselves from the White Flower. Renji was a Red Flower." Rukia settled a little, then wriggled a bit because I wasn't holding her tightly enough. "So was Kira. It's a good way onto the squads, my Ichigo, but you'll be out in the open."

"That's what I thought, but I heard it might get me out of exams. I can't walk away from it without blowing my cover."

"This Fumiko-san already knows that," mused Rukia. "So no excuse is going to work on her. Clever girl, she's got you cornered." My Rukia shifted a little, made a contented sound. "She probably wants to fight you." Rukia's little hand tugged at where my jacket folded shut. The saucy little cat took a peek inside.

"Naughty minx." It'd be worth my life to try something like that on her, we have to proceed at her speed, not mine, and Rukia isn't ready yet.

I've been trying to figure out some way to get her into a bikini and I'm having no luck at all.

"She wants to fight you and she knows who you are. She's got more leverage than I like, Ichigo."

"I know Sweetie, and it scares the Hell out of me."

"I could try the memory device," she mused, "but she sounds a little too smart for it. It's a logical step after all. She'll have left herself some sort of reminder. Or told someone else."

"I could turn over her room."

"Too obvious. She'd be more clever than that."

"Well, she wants to fight – so did Aizen and the Espada, look where it got _them_."

"Or you could just join the Red Flower," replied Rukia. "Consider, anything you do to this Fumiko-san is attacking a student. It'd make you look _extremely_ bad if word ever got out."

"Look, Rukia-"

"Hear me out. The Red Flower is the most secretive club on campus, only the members know who the other members are. Most people can guess, but the only times the Flower is openly worn is graduation. Ichigo, most of the people who know you probably thought you were already a member."

"Wait – why did Fumiko-"

"She was Yuzu's roommate? Yuzu was moved up, so this Fumiko should graduate this year. If she's good enough to be president of the Red Flower everyone around her would already think she was a member. It's not like she's giving anything away." She scratched my jawline, kissed me. "My Ichigo, you _have_ to pay more attention to the world around you. You should know the names of everyone suspected of being Red Flower already. The other students do – you stand out because you're not interested at all in any of your sempais."

She had a point, so I kissed her, wondering how I might get a peek into her jacket.

"All right, I'll talk to Morisato and make some kind of list of honored sempais or something. What about Red Flower?"

"Join it. You can't _not_ join it, especially not with her handing you the flower in public. Everyone would know if you did."

"What do I do then? Play the sympathy card and hope she doesn't turn me in?"

"It's a workable plan Ichigo. Your alternative-" She didn't finish. "If this ever comes into the open, the fact you never hurt anyone will count in your favor. Erasing this girl's memory-"

"What about Ukitake-Taicho? We-"

"No," countered Rukia. "He did that himself Ichigo, of his own free will. He's left me sealed documents in case that ever comes out.

"This girl has really got me by the-" I had to stop that.

Minx-chan smiled up at me. "She has you by the _what_, my Ichigo?"

I kissed that_incredibly_ kissable little mouth. "I can't tell you Rukia. You're too little."

She couldn't offer any other advice.

If I _didn't_ take the damn flower it'd look a lot stranger than if I _did_, and I could also look forward to people challenging me everywhere. That'd be worse than the Hakuda club's gauntlet – too many high end public sword fights and I _would_ get caught.

I'd been trapped.

I didn't _need_ this.

So me and the Red Flower Zanpakuto club, huh?

Had to smile. Darkly.

Fumiko has no frickin' _idea_ just what she's just unleashed on her little group of friends.


	29. Chapter 29 A Red Flower Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, its characters or its settings.

* * *

Right.

On to the Red Flower.

I thought long and hard about Zangetsu and left him in the room. Don't care how good these kids are, one of them knows who I am. Kurosaki Ichigo showing up with his Zanpakuto- people could take that the wrong way. Better to go without him. Besides, I'm doubting they're going to throw anything serious my way. If they do...

Black Coffin and Cero, anyone?

Morisato was out somewhere, thankfully, and I don't think he'd heard yet. Hopefully he never would.

I didn't put on the badge. I don't need the damn badge. My badge is white with nine red stripes and it makes Espada fill their drawers with excreta.

I'm wondering how I'm going to do this without blowing my stack. I've got a really,_really_ low tolerance for people messing with me.

Shit.

Time to go. I rolled out of the room I share with Morisato and shut the door behind me. There were people out to watch me. Just what I needed, a crowd.

The whole people thing got worse as I went. By my room there were only four or five, who just happened to be hanging around the hall, talking in low voices. Then there were a few on the stairs. Then there were all sorts of random pods between me and the specified dojo.

What the hell is it with Academy students? Don't they have anything better to do with their evenings? I never cared what other people were doing, surely they can extend me the same courtesy?

Shit!

My temper had been out of control all afternoon. You want the truth of it, I hadn't trusted myself to carry my Zanpakuto. Not that I'd _need_ it for these assclowns.

Tonight I'm Kurosaki Fucking Ichigo, and you don't like it you're going to be wearing your ass as a hat. Ass-Hat. Got-That?

Too many damn people between me and the dojo. I eventually got sick of looking at them, found a tree to step behind. From the perspective of anyone watching I never stepped out, having shunpoed away so fast there wasn't a student in the place who could keep track of me.

_Shit!_

I talk so big, like it's a huge deal to escape the notice of the students. Keep an eye out for when I manage the same thing with the captains. I manage_that_ I'll be impressed myself.

The dojo had one of these forbidding portal things going down, big black doorway, the door open but buried in shadows. Left open for me in case I arrived at the speed of Shunpo.

Well _that_ was considerate of them. Hana told me an absolutely hilarious story about eight captains trying to get through a doorway simultaneously. Remind me some time, I'll tell it to you.

The hallway turned into a corridor, long and dark. I stopped the flash steps as soon as I managed to hide myself in the darkness, did a little math.

I didn't like the math. There were several captains fast enough that it'd be a _real_ race to get back to my room (and my Zanpakuto) before they caught me. I couldn't feel any of them immediately around me, but so what? Didn't mean they weren't lying in wait.

Shit.

Did I say that already? Shit? Did I? In case I didn't (and just in case), allow me to say, _shit_.

Rock on kids. I walked down the corridor and into the reddish light at the far end.

The dojo was fancy, one of the special ones, for the particularly elite students. No favoritism here, no sir, not at the Shinigami Academy.

Shit. Did I say that already?

I'd go through the whole shit rigmarole but it wouldn't be funny a second time.

Or a third, for that matter.

There were twenty one of them in the room, ten up each side and Fumiko at the far end in the middle. Each of them had a Zanpakuto, and each of them had released it.

Standing there like a damn captains' meeting!

Best in the fucking academy, they'd all mastered their Shikai release. Different years, there were two people I recognized from my own class, and one or two from the class above, but the rest for all upper years.

All these cute Shikais.

I guess I was supposed to be impressed.

They weren't too happy that I wasn't.

"You seem to have forgotten your Zanpakuto," smiled Fumiko, standing there like she was supposed to be the Captain Commander.

"No I didn't."

"All of these people know who you are."

And there it is. The other shoe drops.

"Telling tales out of school? My name is Sado Kon. If these people like _living_ they'll remember that."

You know, for one single moment I was absolutely serious in that threat.

There's always one in every crowd, one of them jumped at me, managed a credible shunpo.

I hate Aizen. I really hated the man. But just for tonight I borrowed a page from his book (though he cheated and used his illusion Zanpakuto the time he'd tried it on _my_ Captain-level ass).

I caught her sword with one finger. I think she got the point.

All of them bowed low.

-----------------------------------------------

"So I've got no sense of humor. Why exactly have you done this again?"

"I'll be graduating this year," said Fumiko. "When I do you'll be in charge of the Red Flower, Kurosaki-sama. Unless someone here challenges you for it." She grinned at her private little joke.

"That's Sado-kun. Don't make me repeat that again."

Twenty one people now know who I am. Only one of them has to rat to fuck me _right_ over. One in twenty, five percent.

Great. So much for keeping a low profile.

"This dojo has the latest spirit power drains," said Fumiko, "you won't be found-"

"This dojo has crap. You got _nothing_. The candy ass shit they build into academy facilities overloads fifteen seconds after you turn it on. So _no_, I'm not going to fight you."

If I fought I might earn enough respect to keep them quiet. But when I beat them I might make at least one of them angry enough to rat me out.

Which one to chance?

"The manga," said one of them, "is it true?"

I assume they had individual names but I wasn't very interested in them.

"No."

Jaws dropped.

"Some of it is. Some of it's been bent out of shape."

"You didn't rescue Ikkaku-"

"I was_breaking in_ to the Seireitei. Ikkaku and I fought. I beat him."

"You _what?_"

"Then Abarai Renji. Then Zaraki caught up with me. I battled him to a draw, though he says I beat him. Both of us were carried from the field. After that was Byakuya. He conceded the fight."

I hoped they liked the truth, because I wasn't going to lie. I take pride in what we did, it was the _right_ thing to do.

"You-you-"

"Most of that rag is a lie," I said. "Propaganda by someone who's on my side. To answer the rest of your questions, yes, some people did call me the hero of the Arrancar war, and yes I was one of the gang who assaulted Hueco Mundo. And yes, I did eventually ram my Zanpakuto through Aizens' guts. Took down a bunch of Espada too. I stood in the palace of the King and ended the goddamn Winter War with the strength of my arm. But _now_, due to circumstances _beyond_ my control, I'm considered a criminal." Did they _understand_ that? That Central-46 won't even allow to know I'd ever _existed_? "I'm under a _death sentence._ All the captains of the Seireitei are looking to make good on it. That was fine when I was alive, but my mortal body is _dead _now. I have _nowhere to go_. For the rest of _fucking_ eternity, _I have nowhere to go_. So here I am," I threw my arms out, "trying to break into the squads. And here _you_ are. Thank you, _you_. My life is now _better_, thanks to _your_ input! Why the_Hell_ can't you leave 'well enough' alone!"

I shut my eye and pinched the bridge of my nose. My damn eye-

I'd just given them a lot of spoilers for 'The Substitute.'

Hadn't meant to lose my temper. My problems were nothing to do with these people.

"I have no regrets," I said. "I did the right thing."

Seconds ticked by.

"And Hitsugaya really does look like that. Like in the manga - with the big girly puppydog eyes. They're _huge_, like grapefruits-"

There was yet more silence, until a rather timid looking girl said "is it true, that you're a h-" She couldn't finish it.

I looked at her, and thought about answering. My emotional reserves were – shall we say – somewhat spent.

Sigh. In all this world or any other I've got just a handful of people I can trust. I have no choice now but to trust these people as well.

I answered quietly. "Strictly speaking I'm a Vizard, a shinigami who crossed over into the realm of the hollow. I have both a Zanpakuto and a hollows' mask."

In all these years I don't think it ever came out this way before.

"I'm not proud of it, but I'm not ashamed either. Releasing my inner hollow was the price of saving someone I dearly love. I'd do that again in a minute. No, I can't teach any of you that, and I wouldn't if I could. I won't make anyone else a criminal for something they can't change."

"What kind," asked another, "what kind of hollow are you?"

"Do you know anything about Arrancar? No? Then the answer wouldn't make sense to you."

"You really_beat_ Kuchiki-taicho?"

"Yes. I was bloodied badly but I won, that fight didn't end in a draw."

"Is it true-"

"Enough questions. I'm tired of playing."

"How strong is Zaraki Kenpachi-taicho?" That was Fumiko.

"You want to be eleventh squad, don't you? You figure being the best around here will make you a match for those guys?"

She misunderstood me and got miffed. "Eleventh squad has a woman as vice captain-"

"Eleventh squad has a Yachiru as vice captain. There's only one Yachiru and the rest of us are probably safer that way. As for your gender I don't care about it and neither will they. You probably want to fight Ikkaku or Yumichika, don't you? Work yourself up to taking on Kenpachi? Kenpachi's lots of fun. Even the other captains don't like to fight him. I got news for you. Any one of those three would take on all of you at once and beat your sorry punk asses into the ground."

The lack of a honorific when talking about Zaraki always impresses the yokels. I just figure I'm on a first name basis with anyone who's ever tried to kill me.

Except Aizen, I had other names for him.

"The Red Flower almost always join eleventh squad," Fumiko said.

Big deal.

"Good luck with the boys in eleventh. And don't cross Yachiru, Zaraki will kill you before you have a chance to apologize."

Led to a sort of awkward silence. You know the kind I mean.

Fumiko finally said, "Will you join the Red Flower?"

"Do I have any choice?"

Fumiko smiled. "Excellent, Kurosaki-sama. Our first order of business-"

"Our first order of business," I interrupted, "we've got a new president. _Me_. Got that?"

Fumiko-san bowed. "Of course, Kurosaki-sama."

"I've got one wish," I said. "I want to get through the academy without fighting a bunch of captains. Then I want to join a squad and kill hollows. You folks keep your mouths shut I might just teach some of you how to fight. Any of you up for that?"

Now _that_ was an offer that intrigued the Red Flower.

-----------------------------------------

Two hours later I was walking alone on the dark campus.

Second year. Sheesh, who needs it?

You know, there was awhile I'd worried about the name I'd chosen, but I've gotten very used to being Sado Konshiro. Every time I think of that name I think of two good friends. There are worse ways to spend your afterlife then that, even if strictly speaking you didn't die.

I did have a bit of unpleasantness ahead of me though. That Zanpakuto class; someone going through the files had decided I shouldn't have an exemption on the Zanpakuto. That's how I ended up in a class. Obviously the class isn't a problem, but as I mentioned I sometimes forget to get hit.

You know, the crazy thing is I've settled into a life here. It' s not much of a life, but I've got my routine. I'm doing okay. And my friends are okay. Or beyond my reach at the moment.

It's nice to be able to put myself first without feeling guilty for a change.

Still, if you'd told me this morning I'd be the head or Red Flower before bed-

Rukia says it's the most secretive club on campus, I hope she's right. Twenty-one people – strangers – know Kurosaki Ichigo is here. Fumiko is untouchable – she's already blabbed. God only knows when my secret got out.

Twenty-one people know. Surprising there aren't a lot more.

As far as I can tell they haven't told anyone yet.

And that's supposed to make me feel better?

I think part of my ease at blending in is that Shinigami age so slowly. I wasn't in Soul Society between seventeen and nineteen. In that time I grew, I filled out. I don't think the Reapers realize that. They're still looking for the fifteen year old me, that was twelve centimeters and twenty kilograms ago (all of it muscle, thank you, unlike Aizen my stomach doesn't appear on the manga panel before the rest of me shows up). I look just different enough to get by.

It's all okay. One more disaster pulled out of the fire before it blew up in my face. Granted I'm a lot more exposed now, but -

I've got some friends now – I've got cover. I'm blending in, I-

-I need Ikkaku to come for a few lessons with Red Flower. Just to reinforce the point that -wait a sec, I can't do that, can I? I can't tell anyone that Ikkaku and Renji and the gang know about me! _Shit_ this is getting complicated – Rukia's already exposed – she was nailed the instant anyone found out about me just because of The Substitute, and some people might know I took my Zanpakuto classes last year with Hanataro, and of course Momo is also here, she'll get blamed and she's not even involved!

This is getting out of control. Ten seconds ago I was happy and worry-free. Now I'm standing at the bottom of a house of cards, except the cards are twenty meters tall and made out of cement or something – this whole fucking thing is going to come tumbling down on my head and I'll never even know who dropped the bomb on me – what a day what a _day__what a goddamn day!_

Calm down - maybe tomorrow-

Epiphany – that brilliant shining moment of lucidity returned, when my IQ soared into the hundreds of millions and the entire world became crystal, _crystal_ clear -

What could make today worse? In all of the universe, what single thing could make everything that had happened up to this instant seem as nothing – what could _really_ ruin my day – what could drown me in urine – what single thing _could make me wish I'd never even been fucking BORN!-_

And then I heard_The Voice._


	30. Chapter 30 A Day In The Life

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

To escape from the secure wing at fourth squad – for those interested in such things there was no higher honor in the Seireitei. A successful escape would make you something of a legend. In theory, escape was simple. All you had to do was get past Captain Unohana.

Only two people had ever managed that, and Captain Zaraki had to go out through a wall to do it.

Captain Unohana had let it be known the next person to damage one of her walls was going to regret it.

Very few people were put in the secure wing, where Captain Unohana had bars installed on the windows. The wing was only used for prisoners (certain Ryoka for example) or patients (from Eleventh squad) who couldn't be trusted to stay put.

Any and every Kurosaki had a standing reservation.

No one had ever figured out how Ichigo had escaped, which was apparently a sticking point with Captain Unohana. Ichigo insisted he'd never tell anyone either, in case he ever needed to do it again. Captain Unohana hadn't liked _that_ either.

Yuzu was bound and determined that she and Karin would add their names to that very short list of people who'd actually made it out, the list that trumped the one measured in meters slunk and seconds before capture. It was practically a _duty_ for Eleventh Squad members to challenge the Fourth Captain's gauntlet - but to aspire to those rarefied ranks - those two who'd actually _escaped_-

Nothing would stop Yuzu's attempt. Karin hadn't wanted to risk Captain Unohana's wrath, but Yuzu wouldn't hear of going to sleep. Little sister wanted out desperately.

Karin really had no choice in the matter. Yuzu would get caught without her; animal cunning wasn't Yuzu's strong suit. And if Yuzu got caught-

It was late, after midnight. Yuzu insisted it'd be easy to get away. "We've got nothing to worry about," said Yuzu at a whisper. "We're cute -she'll never suspect us."

"Yumichika-kun says she doesn't _sleep_," Karin whispered back, "he says she's awake around the clock-"

Yuzu put on her little angry face, which looked a lot like a pout. "We can _do_ this."

Karin waved her to silence, there was someone coming.

The pair of them hid in an empty hospital room. Unohana must have designed this place herself - maybe she'd been a prison warden when she was mortal or something, because escaping the secure wing seemed impossible. There were nursing checkpoints and shinigami patrolling the halls, and every single corridor had been designed so someone could watch who came and went.

The bars on the windows were too close to crawl between, even for them.

"We're going to get caught!" Whispered Karin. Yuzu grinned at her.

"It's not worth it, Yuzu. I'm going back to our room."

"Noooo!" whispered Yuzu, "we have to escape!"

"Were you even _listening_ to her?" There could be no doubt as to who 'her' was.

"Look!"

Coming down the hall was a shinigami of the fourth division, wearing the little backpack and pushing a laundry cart. Except he wasn't actually from fourth division, and he was wearing what might just have been the single most awesome disguise in the history of the Seireitei.

Captain Unohana didn't dislike Ikkaku _per se_, at least according to Hanataro, but she'd apparently singled him out as the head trouble-maker of the thirteen squads. Any time something went wrong, something that left a shinigami embarrassed or looking ridiculous, even if it was simple bad luck, Captain Unohana always seemed to think Ikkaku had a hand in it. No excuse and no alibi were enough to discourage her suspicions either; Ikkaku might be lying at death's door in the secure wing, but if a bird pooped on Captain Kurotsuchi's hat Ikkaku must have arranged it.

The Great Bald One was taking a hell of a chance coming here without a Zaraki-scale injury or a wailing Yachiru.

Except today he wasn't bald – his shining head would have been a dead giveaway-

Ikkaku was wearing a _disguise_.

It was a - _a wig_ - that was all Karin could call it, but it was a - a wig like nothing she'd ever seen- it was-

"_It's Jules!_" whispered an awed Yuzu, "_it's Jules from Pulp Fiction!_" She thought about this for a moment and added, "Only he's not black."

"Are those sideburns like a chin-strap?" asked Karin. "That-that _thing_–" said Karin, "I think that's a Jheri curl!"

Yuzu, who wasn't exactly sure what a Jheri curl was, said _"Ooooo!"_

As disguises went it was pretty good – most people would be concentrating on the hair to the point they wouldn't see who was wearing it.

Shinigami and Jules-Impersonator Ikkaku was searching room by room; it was a few minutes before he pushed the laundry cart into the room they were hiding in.

"Oi midgets," he whispered. "get into the cart and be quick about it! We'll get you out of here."

Ikkaku was on the job! He was going to bust them out!

It took the twins only a moment to burrow down into the clean sheets he'd stolen, he tossed one over their heads and said "once we're outside we're free, but if she catches us before we reach the door-"

The sheet was suddenly pulled back, revealing the smiling form of Captain Unohana, who treated the Jules-impersonator to a pleasant smile.

"What a pleasure to see you, Ikkaku-kun. And wearing a Jheri curl! Excellent! I'm so glad you dropped by. The academy medical school's proctology class is looking for volunteers for next Friday. Can I count on you for two hours?"

"er-_ two hours_?"

"Unless you have some friends who could help out? If you could bring three friends that'd only be a half hour each!"

"Uhh-"

"And Ikkaku-kun? No pranks. You can't just bring people without telling them what they're going for. And you really shouldn't order anyone to come with you, we'd rather have volunteers."

"I-"

"But think of all the people you can ask." The captain smiled brightly. "Why, you can ask Abarai-kun to come along! Or Yumichika-kun. Or Iba-kun. _Or_ Hisagi-kun. There are plenty of people you can split the time with!" She smiled warmly. "I'm sure you'll have plenty of volunteers once you explain what you need them for."

Ikkaku could not return this smile. Ikkaku looked sick to his stomach.

"And you two," smiled the lady captain. "Trying to sneak out? Honestly, young people today. So full of humor and highjinks! Ikkaku-kun, would you please wheel them back to their room? And if you'd like you can wear that hat - hair - _thing_ when you help the proctology class. Oh and try not to clench, Ikkaku, you'll only make it harder on yourself."

With that cheerful smile the captain dropped the sheet back over Yuzu and Karin's heads. They sat in sheet-covered silence as Ikkaku slowly wheeled them back up the hall. The speed the Third Seat walked at was reminiscent of a man going to the gallows.

Ikkaku was nowhere to be seen when the smiling and sweet-faced Captain pulled the sheet off the twins, who climbed from the laundry cart to find Yuzu's bed gone. Unohana gently pushed both twins towards the remaining bed until the little shinigami gave up and got in. Captain Unohana carefully tucked them in and provided each a small plushy and a kiss goodnight.

"You can't kiss us goodnight!" Wailed Yuzu, "This is psychological warfare! We're big! We're not ten!"

"You'd be more convincing without the bear," growled Karin, who figured they'd got off lucky with just losing the bed. She debated hitting Yuzu with her stuffed turtle.

"Hush Yuzu," said the Captain, "and go to sleep." She smiled that warm reassuring smile. "By the way, there is no proctology class at the academy, but please don't tell Ikkaku. He'll have a nice time this week trying to convince people to help him." She phrased it as a request, but it sounded a lot like an order. And that smile! This woman was the distillate of pure evil! And frightening bum-based threats!

And they'd _believed_ her, even Ikkaku had believed her! Yuzu looked at the smiling Captain and it dawned on her that Unohana Retsu was the true master prankster of the Seireitei. Ikkaku-san was nothing but a pale shadow-

Didn't anybody _know_ this?

"Yuzu? Sleep now."

Yuzu, having little alternative, poked and prodded Karin until her twin sighed and rolled on to her side. Yuzu curled into the small of Karin's back and pouted until she fell asleep.

She wondered if they'd gotten far enough to get a good escape score.

* * *

Isane arrived about ten minutes later, summoned by her captain. She made a happy sound, whispered "Oh they're so adorable!"

Captain Unohana smiled. "Aren't they little darlings?" Her answer was equally soft, so as not to wake the twins. "Isane, we have to find a way to work the twins into The Substitute. They're too precious not too."

Isane nodded and pulled out her sketch pad.

* * *

The twins were released the following morning on the condition that they take the rest of the day off before going back to active duty. Yuzu was taking the opportunity to whine.

Karin was sick of listening to it.

"Kaaarinn! I don't like the uniform!"

"How many times have I told you? Wear something else then." She didn't really think Yuzu would – that was the point, they were _uniforms_.

"Come shopping with me?"

"I don't think you can just _shop_ for uniforms." Other than say, basic black as handed out by the fourth division supply building.

"Kaaariiiiin!"

"Oh all right. If it will shut you up." She didn't have any other plans.

Yuzu must have given this some thought beforehand – she led Karin directly to third company, where they found the captain engaged in yoga.

Yoruichi listened to their plight, and considered it thoughtfully.

"I think I have something that will work."

Twenty minutes later Yuzu and Karin stood in front of Yoruichi's mirror, each wearing a smaller version of Yoruichi's battle dress.

The effect was not quite the same.

"I suppose we could wear jackets," said Karin, tentatively.

"We're so flat," wailed Yuzu. "We can't wear these! We look like little boys!"

"There there," consoled Yoruichi. "You're both still young. Things will get better."

It probably wasn't a captainly thing to say, but she meant well.

"I am _so_ tired of looking like I'm eleven years old," said Karin. "I'm fifteen! Why can't I look like a girl? Orihime looked like a girl at fifteen!"

Yuzu was almost in tears. "We look like Snowy!" She poked Karin. "Your bum looks like a board!"

Karin turned around, glanced at her backside in the mirror and tried to think of something mean to say. Yoruichi was right, they were both young, but-

"I'm fifteen years old," Karin repeated, as though maybe an answer would come. "Why can't _I_ have a figure? Did I do something _wrong_? Am I _eating_ the wrong things? What does Matsumoto-san eat?"

"Take them," said Yoruichi. "You don't have to wear them right away." Her own backless black jumpsuit was bursting with her magnificent figure, though she'd long since traded her orange jacket for the long sleeved white coat of a senior captain. "In fact, I tell you what, let's go see my little Bee. She wears something similar but looser. You might prefer it."

* * *

Soi Fon intimidated Karin and terrified Yuzu. She was completely the opposite of Captain Unohana, and neither would have ever dared approach the second captain on their own. Following Yoruichi was completely another story though, as (rumor had it) Captain Soi Fon was always thrilled to see Yoruichi, who explained the twins request.

Soi Fon's face darkened, and she growled something about regulations. Yoruichi pushed that aside.

"Oh please, little Bee," Soi Fon went crimson at being addressed that way in front of the twins, as Yoruichi continued, "we made an exception for you once upon a time. We didn't make you shave your head."

_Shave_ her _head?_

With Yoruichi's prompting Captain Soi Fon agreed to make an exception to the rules. She called down to her storeroom and-

Twenty minutes later Yuzu and Karin were looking in Soi Fon's mirror. Soi Fon had been training before they arrived; she wasn't wearing her captain's haori but her own backless kunoichi costume, which the second captain had stiffly explained was called a shozoku uniform.

Yuzu grinned when no one was watching. She and Karin weren't supposed to notice that Soi Fon's cheeks were crimson, probably because they weren't supposed to realize that Yoruichi (who was standing close beside the smaller captain) had a hand somewhere behind Soi Fon, probably doing something naughty.

Yoruichi was grinning quite wickedly.

"These are nice," said Karin, oblivious. "I like the gloves." She frowned. They weren't actually gloves. "But I'm not sure about the pants."

Yuzu looked down at her own. The problem was the sides, where-

"Panties are showing."

Yuzu sighed. That was going to be a problem, especially around Eleventh division. Most of her underwear was baby pink and none of it was lacy and stringy like Captain Soi Fons.

"Daddy will hit the roof if we go out with our panties showing."

"Take them!" Erupted Soi Fon. Karin turned, surprised, not associating Yoruichi's dark grin with Soi Fon's outburst.

"Thank you Captain," said Yuzu, bowing and grabbing the little pile that was her clothing. She grabbed Karin's arm and dragged her out. The door was barely closed behind them when they heard Soi Fon yowl _"Yoruichi-samaaaa!"_

"What the hell was that?" Asked Karin.

"I'll tell you when you're older," said Yuzu.

* * *

The twins found a place to change back into their normal uniforms and made ninth division their next stop. Captain Bucket Hat (being leisure focused) was dozing on a bench outside his headquarters. He looked up when they came near, tilted his hat back to better see them.

"Good morning, Kurosaki-san, Kurosaki-chan. What might my humble self do for you today?"

"We're shopping," said Yuzu. "We want sleeveless coats like your division has.

"Is that all? It'd be a pleasure." said Urahara. "Please come in."

They enjoyed a quiet cup of tea while Bucket-sama arranged for the coats, politely thanked him and moved on to their final stop. Yuzu hadn't originally planned this stop, the idea sort of came up as she'd looked into Captain Soi Fon's mirror and despaired at the baby pink.

If anyone knew where to get the last thing on their list, it would be Rangiku-san.

* * *

"Matsumoto-san?"

Matsumoto looked up from her papers, surprised and pleased. Two small persons had come to call. Maybe to reconcile with Captain?

"Karin-san, Yuzu-san! What a nice surprise! Please come in! How can I help you?"

She noted Yuzu reaching for Karin's hand, to be silently rebuffed by someone who didn't want to be holding hands with her sister in front of a superior officer.

"We were - um, we went shopping-"

"-Looting-"

"-and we got some nice clothing from captain Soi Fon, but now we can't wear them because-"

"-panties show."

"Ah," said Matsumoto. "The shozoku uniform." She considered this problem. Solution number one was to leave off the underwear, but that probably wouldn't be an option for these two.

She'd have to get a pair of shozoku pants; they'd upset Captain.

"When I went to school with your brother," said Matsumoto, "we had bloomers."

A thrilled Yuzu asked "Do you know where we could get some?"

"No."

"Oh."

The Vice Captain noticed it was Karin-chan who seemed particularly disheartened by that. Matsumoto thought for a moment, then smiled. "Yes! I do know where you can get something like that!" And she quickly explained.

* * *

An hour later they were in position.

"This seems like a risky plan," complained Yuzu.

"Would you be quiet? _All_ of this was _your_ idea!"

Younger sister looked hurt. She pulled a little face. "You don't have to yell at me."

Karin rolled her eyes.

Their target was coming, walking straight into the ambush they'd set for him. They were wearing the shozoku uniforms the second captain had given them, Yuzu displaying baby pink, Karin displaying baby blue.

Their target strolled into the room, and the twins struck ruthlessly.

"Daddy!" Shouted Karin.

"Daddy!" Shouted Yuzu. They jumped into Goat's path, Yuzu taking one of his hands and pulling at him.

"Look what Captain Soi Fon gave us!"

* * *

The sun was going down, ending the vacation day Captain Unohana had insisted on. The twins were in their room at Goat's house in the fifth division complex. Karin, in the shozoku uniform, struck a pose in front of the mirror.

"All right, I'll admit it's pretty cool." Even if it did have bloomers under it. The Goat had been utterly horrified at what his daughters were wearing and he'd raced to the real world to buy them. As a captain he didn't need anyone's permission to make the trip. Net result, enough bloomers for his little girls to stay modestly covered and a very nervous father who'd been skulking outside their room for most of the evening. He'd probably try to follow them around for a few weeks but he wasn't hard to lose.

"Do boys wear panties?"

"What?" Where on earth had Yuzu gotten _that_ from?

"Boy underwear. If they wear the tight kind, are those called panties?"

Karin tried to answer this and couldn't. "Y-yes?" She hazarded. "Or maybe no? Ichigo always called them shorts. I think panties are a girl thing."

"Oh." Yuzu thought about this. "You're probably right. I once told Ichi-nii I'd done all the laundry and his panties were clean and he got all mad." Yuzu had settled on the outfit obtained from Yoruichi, which didn't seem to have a name. Yuzu tended to be less self-conscious and the slinky uniform didn't bother little sister at all.

"I wonder if I could put Hello Kitty on this? Would Captain Yoruichi be mad?"

"In Eleventh squad. You want to put Hello Kitty on your-" Karin sort of gestured "-shirt in Eleventh squad."

"Maybe not." Yuzu looked herself over and sighed. "I can't make this work, can I? I don't _wanna_ look like Snowy. I'm a _girl._" She pulled on the ninth division coat, a vest really.

"That's better," said Karin. "That actually looks pretty good. She went back to admiring herself, struck another pose. "I sort of like the bare back on this."

"It suits you," replied Yuzu, as she pulled off her shozoku gloves. "The gloves look better on you too. I think I'm going to go with bare arms. Or maybe I get some little white gloves like Kiyone-san, those are cute." Yuzu looked herself up and down, experimented with the fastenings on the coat. She decided to leave it hanging halfway open. Yuzu giggled. "Is this thing really called a catsuit?" She giggled again. "I guess if Yoruichi wears one it almost has to be. Admit it Karin, these are nicer than the standard uniforms. _I_ think we look fierce."

"It's sort of cute," admitted Karin. "Like punk rock ninja." She pointed at her little sister. "Except that."

Yuzu looked to the offending feature. "What's wrong with it?"

"A sailor collar?"

"It's cute!" She'd spent half an hour stitching it on.

"_Cute_. Right. I'll admit that I like the shozoku look," replied Karin, "But I can't wear it to work."

"Why not?"

"Because my division has rules. You know, things you have to follow? Ways you have to do things? You're probably not familiar with that sort of thing in Eleventh division.

"Eleventh Division has rules!"

"Throw food at every meal? Walk like a duck? Leave the seat up?"

"Only Ikkaku-san walks like a duck! We have rules!" She sighed. "At least the part about the seat seems to be a rule. I've asked them nicely and they won't stop."

"Too much information Yuzu. But they're not going to let you wear that."

"Why not? This could be the new uniform for girls in Eleventh!"

"_Women_, Yuzu, we're _women_, not girls."

Yuzu sighed again, slumped. "As Ichigo would say, women are taller. And they probably can't force their Daddy to buy bloomers by showing blue underwear."

Oh not '_the fight'_ again. Yuzu wanted a certain someone to ask her out. She was convinced the combination of her apparent age, her father and Ichi-nii had kept that from happening.

Karin, being in much the same boat, wished Yuzu would get over it and shut up about the whole thing. Or go out with Snowy or something instead. She also wished Yuzu would give up on the whole 'Karin and Snowy' thing. They'd had fights about that too.

Thankfully Yuzu didn't pursue it tonight. Little sister brightened up; nothing could hold Yuzu down for long.

"I don't see why I can't set the girl's uniform for Eleventh. I'm the only girl after all. Except Yachiru, and she's little!"

Karin smirked at her.

Yuzu made her angry face, the one Ichi-nii always laughed at. "All right, she's _extra_-little. Anyway, _I'm_ going to work in this tomorrow."

"Yeah, good luck with that."

Yuzu had turned back towards the mirror, then turned around to look at her backside. "These pants will look better when I grow a bum."

"If Captain Zaraki finds out you're more interested in how your backside looks then-"

"I am not," snipped Yuzu, a little defensively. "Is it wrong to want to look nice?"

"All right, you win. But talk to Yumichika first and see if he thinks your captain would mind. Better for Yumichika to yell at you than Zaraki."

"See Karin? You're always happiest when you agree with me."

"Hush Yuzu. _Wait._"

"Mmm?"

"You remember yesterday when Hitsugaya started screaming about what would happen if Ichigo found we'd fought with Captain Zaraki? You don't think Snowy knows where Ichi-nii is, do you?"

Yuzu slowly turned, looked horrified. Then she threw one back. "Why did Ikkaku try to break us out of fourth squad?"


	31. Chapter 31 A Crystal Moment

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, its characters or its settings.

* * *

I can feel the end of time – I'm frozen. I'm in the instant where the hummingbird's wings are still, absolutely still. All around me the universe has stopped.

That voice – God, that voice-

"Ichigo?"

Oh God, she's calling-

It can't be. Not that.

"_Kurosaki_ Ichigo?"

No, _please_ no- don't let it be-

-haven't I suffered enough?

Why is this happening to me?

What did I ever do to deserve this?

All around me the universe is frozen – for this fraction of a _fraction_ of a second I exist entirely in my own reality.

My own reality is about to end-

She's calling me.

She'd called me by name-

-there are people around-

-people _know_ my name-

-I'll get caught-

-I've _been_ caught-

-and this private silent instant of mine is ov-

"_I hate that son of a bitch and I hope he burns in Hell!"_

I'm frozen again-

-what is this?

-A reprieve?

-Am I being tortured?

-I'm being tortured. This can't-

-She's playing with me-

Shattered instant. Reality again. The voice is shouting behind me. About me, but not _at_ me.

-A reprieve-

-I think-

-Walk-

-Don't run-

-She'll get you-

-If you run-

-I don't-

-think-

-she knows-

-I'm-

-here-

_Tatsuki._


	32. Chapter 32 I'm F doomed

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

FUCK!

How - no! Not here! Not now!

Oh God no!

I was - I was -

I'm blown! I'm _fucked!_

I ran - I ran - I shunpoed up to my room, grabbed Zangetsu and ran from campus.

All I could think of - do I pull the patch, crank it up and go to warp? _Reallllly_ got to warp?

FUCK!

All I could think of was running. I ran for about an hour, until I was somewhere with some rocky cover and nobody around.

_Shit_ that was close. Shit!

I can't believe it - I can't FUCKING believe it! I crashed under a tree and listed for the sounds of pursuit. Of course there was none, but it must have taken another hour before I could finally accept I was alone.

I lay down on the rocky ground and stared at the sky, cursing my luck and my life. And my death.

I was - I was just _walking_ when I heard _The Voice_.

Settle-

Calm-

_Catch your breath-_

Calm down Ichigo.

_Breathe._

Just breathe.

Lots of people hate me. I'm a Vizard, I'm used to that. I can live with that.

I have _one_ enemy. _Exactly_ one enemy.

Only one enemy left. The Shinigami, the rogue Shinigami, the Arrancar, the Espada – I've got – I _had_ no enemies left-

Except _her_.

She used to be my friend. Now she'd gladly take out my eyes with her nails. Or cut my nuts off and feed them to me, or impale me on my own Zanpakuto and laugh while I died.

Tatsuki told me she'd kill me if she ever saw me again. And I believed her, she hates me like no one ever has before, she'd destroy my very soul for what happened to Orihime.

_She's in the first fucking year class!_

Tatsuki equals being caught. Worse than being caught. She'll laugh, she'll poison the world behind me – Tatsuki will never tell anyone about the few good things I've accomplished, she'll tell people I broke Orihime's mind and cast her aside. She will lay eyes upon me and I am _caught!_

It is - it is as simple as that.

There's nothing I can say, nothing I can do. Tatsuki might as well be Soi Fon or the Captain Commander. I can't share a campus with her. She sees me and I don't see her, I'll never see the captains coming.

I'm caught. I'm bagged. I can't ever go back. Because sooner or later Tatsuki will see me or feel me or _something_ – and she _knows_ I'm a criminal here- there's a _price_ on my head!

I'm caught – I'm _fucked_ – it's over!

It's over.

I'm fucked and it's over.

It's over.

Meaning I'm fucked.

She's in the first year class.

I can't believe she's in the first year class!

I was just out walking, and I'm fine with the shadows, so I don't race from street light to street light (Seireitei equivalent).

Suddenly she's just there, talking to someone. Tatsuki, in the first year uniform, talking to some guy and somehow the subject of Kurosaki Ichigo comes up as someone who reads too much of The Substitute encounters someone who was actually in the Winter War-

"Kurosaki Ichigo?" She'd almost shouted my name – I knew the voice, it was Tatsuki and she'd just called me -

I was bagged – my heart almost stopped. I looked over and there's Tatsuki talking to some guys. She wasn't looking at me, but she says "_That_ son of a bitch? Kurosaki Ichigo is less than nothing and I hope he rots in Hell! _The Substitute_? You make a _hero_ out of-"

I didn't wait around to hear the rest. I was out of there – back to the dorm and then gone, Zangetsu's sealed form on my hip.

As I ran all I could think of was the disdain in her voice.

Tatsuki. My last enemy, the one I can do nothing about. I believe her when she said she'd kill me. For Orihime? I have _no doubt_ Tatsuki would kill me. If she needs the captains to do it she'll call them. I've known her more or less since I learned to walk (near enough) – she'd call the captains to kill me.

Kill me.

Steady – calm – stay focused. Concentrate on facts. Don't let your emotions run away with you.

That's all I know, I have no information on how she died or anything else. All I know is that Tatsuki was there on the path, crabbing to someone. She'd seen a copy of The Substitute or something and was wasting no time telling the people around her what a rat bastard Kurosaki Ichigo was.

Tatsuki is the only person anywhere who hates me as a person. Lots of people hate me as an establishment, but personally? And she'd _going_ to find me. All the old gang recognize my pressure and Tatsuki is close enough to feel me, she's almost on top of me. She might have missed me today, I'm guessing she must have. But that can't last.

She'll rat me out the moment she spots me, either start screaming or sneak off and get a gang of captains in to arrest me.

I'm _fucked_, the whole plan just came crashing down!

I can't go back to the academy.

I can't go back.

I have nowhere to go.

I can't reason with her.

It's all slipping through my fingers.

I have all the rest of eternity with nowhere to go.

Is this Hell? Did I somehow arrive without knowing it? Get dragged down through the gates? Is this my punishment? Is every Hell tailored for its occupant?

Here I am in the dirt, looking at an empty and uncaring sky.

I've actually been _caught_ and it worried me less than this. Tatsuki - she'd be in the academy a couple of years at least. Short of killing her there's no way I can coexist with her.

I can't.

This is over, it's all over.

There's a cold, white moon above me. Cold and clear and still. White as bone and dead as stone.

Cold, white moon.

What's going to happen when I die? _Really_ die, I mean. The structure of my spirit body scattered to the winds. Would the people I leave behind be better off without me? My father, my sisters? My friends and my Rukia?

My Rukia. She deserves so much more than a wanted criminal - she deserves a life and I can't give it to her.

If I were reborn, would I still be me? Even if I didn't know I'd ever been Ichigo? Would it be the same _me_ staring out of my eyes? You get erased or something, when you're reborn – something like that.

Do I get another chance if I die? Is the slate wiped clean?

Maybe it's time to walk away from all of this. Maybe I should turn myself in and let them kill me.

I can't believe I've come to this, to say these words in my own heart without a trace of sarcasm. If this is _really_ all I have to look forward to until the end? My Rukia, my friends-

They deserve more.

Oh never mind, it's a stupid notion. I'm going to suffer because I can't chance death. How could I? I'm a Vizard – do they screen souls about to be reincarnated? Would I be rejected? What if I was? They keep telling me I'm an aberration – do I get cast aside, like Kon was, put on a shelf forever?

Kon _knew_ he was on a shelf – the notion terrifies me. Kon feared every moment of every day, bless him. I'm not strong enough to handle that. Not if I don't have to.

I can't even kill myself – whatever comes next could be worse!

Maybe I can hide out somewhere-

For six or seven _years?_

I have friends though. What about Renji and the gang? Maybe they could arrange - yeah, that could work! They all know Tatsuki, they could work on getting her through the academy in a single year. I could make some kind of arrangement for a year, maybe get a job or something, lie about my family, go on leave-

Rukia could get a message to Ikkaku. All I have to do is get a message to Rukia-

I might not even have to; if Tatsuki knew Rukia was there she'd go to visit. Rukia knows our history- if I'm not around she'll know I got out of Dodge and she'll know why-

All of which presupposes Tatsuki knowing Rukia is there. The academy is a big place. It's a lot more likely neither will have any idea the other is there. Worse, I've got a roommate who'll report me missing in a day or so. If Sado Kon disappears people will come looking.

I am _so_ screwed.

x--x

"KUROSAKI! _GET IN HERE!_"

Karin, more than a little surprised, hurried into Mika's office. This was her first day back after her battle with the Eleventh Captain.

Mika was Karin's superior, nominally. He was a seventeenth seat, and as far as Karin had been able to tell, had never raised his voice to anyone.

This was not the case today – Mika started in like he was going to tear her a new one.

Karin hadn't been aware she had so many flaws. Take, for example, concealing her Bankai release. Or her generally shitty attitude. Or spending _her own day off_ brawling at Eleventh division, even attacking a _Captain!_ For a moment she wished she was Yuzu-cute and could make big eyes to make him stop.

Oh, but what _really_ took the cake was her out-of-regular-channels transfer to Eleventh Division- getting her powerful friends to break the rules so Lieutenant Iba _himself_ came down to-

Wait. Her _what?_

Mika was absolutely livid. Apparently there had been questions, _a lot_ of questions, when the brass found one of the Seireitei's newest had transferred out and said superior officer had been left looking like a fool – Eleventh Division had carefully kept word of the two new Bankai users back until Iba had signed the paperwork – Iba had wanted _answers_ and Mika hadn't been able to _give_ him answers! Now Iba had to explain to the Captain how the pretty _bastard_ from Eleventh had conned him out of one of the most powerful fighters in the Division! The _Captain_, Mika was shouting, had been _upset_! And when the _Captain_ was _upset_, _Iba_ became upset! And when _Iba_ was upset, everyone who worked under Iba was upset! Mika was swearing up and down that at least one of every officer ranked between third and sixteenth seat had been down to scream at him yesterday! And it was all Kurosaki Karin's _fault_!

He almost crossed the line then - stopped just short of saying Karin was 'from a family of troublemakers' – Ichi-nii wasn't around to take offense but the Goat definitely _was._

_And would, if someone said that about his daughters._

Even _that_ pissed Karin off – if someone said that about Ichigo the Goat would have laughed it off.

Mika was going on about her behind his – behind _everyone's_ back to leave the _division_- Haven't they treated her well? Is she so arrogant that-

"Hold on a second. I didn't leave the division."

Her superior, even angrier, flashes a copy of the paperwork.

"Isn't this your signature?"

"No that's not my bloody signature! I never signed any paperwork!" And to rush _anything _through – Iba had probably lost her in a dice game or something! SHE'D PROBABLY BEEN TRADED TO THOSE ELEVENTH BASTARDS ON A BET!

Oh, Karin was seething now, swore she'd get to the bottom of this. She cut the seventeenth seat off abruptly.

"This has all been a mistake, Mika-sempai. I'll speak to Madarame-san. I'm _sure_," she growled, "we can get to the _bottom_ of this-"

Her shunpo was epic, seconds later she was storming through Eleventh division (mostly because she couldn't feel Zaraki's spiritual pressure – he must be at a meeting).

Ikkaku had to be behind this. Ikkaku was always behind _everything_. She stomped into the office of the third seat of Eleventh division, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"_What the hell did you do?_ My boss spent ten minutes screaming at me for transferring to Eleventh without telling him! Lieutenant Iba was down to scream at him! I didn't transfer divisions Madarame!"

Ikkaku looked at her as though she was insane. "Who cares about Iba? No one in the Seireitei cares about Iba. His own mother doesn't care about Iba." He patiently held up the paperwork. "As for your transfer, it's right here. This is your signature."

He sounded annoyed but Karin didn't really care _what_ the bald butthead felt.

"That's an X! That's not my signature! And where's my seal? I don't see my seal anywhere on there!"

Ikkaku pointed to a muddy blue smear. "This is your seal here."

"That's not my bloody seal!"

"Don't swear at your superior officer," said Ikkaku patiently.

"You're _not_ my superior officer! You're an arsehole friend of my bloody brother! That's not my seal!"

"Yes it is."

"That looks nothing like my seal!" Karin pulled the little piece of cut stone from her uniform. My seal looks like th-"

Despite her general lack of respect for Madarame-san, he was a third seat, and moved so quickly that he was pressing the seal to the paperwork before Karin even realized it was gone from her hand.

"There now," said Ikkaku, handing the stone back and carefully keeping the paperwork out of Karin's reach. "You're right, this does look different. Oh well, only so much Yumichika can do with a potato and a sharp knife."

"You _forged_ my transfer paperwork? Give it back!"

"Captain wants to make you eighth seat."

"The Captain can - what?"

"Number eight. You and Yuzu will both be eighth seats of Eleventh company. You'll have to share a room though, mostly because the vice captain thinks it's cuter for twins to share a room. She'll probably be by for a sleepover. Be careful," he warned, "when she's asleep Yachiru kicks like a pint-sized fiend."

Karin wasn't really listening at that point. Eighth seat. Maybe...

x--x--x

"And who's this fat gut? Why does his stomach always appear the panel before he does? Is this supposed to be Aizen?"

I winced. Tatsuki, not three steps away from and reading The Substitute, harping and complaining to anyone who'd listen. And there were a few people who would. How the hell did she end up an my table? Somebody must have answered her, because she starts up. "Oh. That makes sense. I like his flies, the rotten bastard. Yes I've met the man, quit looking at me like that!"

Somebody asks something, Tatsuki says yes she was and then she goes into a tirade about what a shit Kurosaki Ichigo is.

Obviously I've come back to the academy. Because there's literally nowhere else for me to go. This is who and what I am.

She was starting to attract attention too - here was someone who knew something first hand about the infamous winter war. People wanted to know about her.

If she wasn't bullshitting. I just hope no one has the issue Tatsuki is in. Thankfully the artist seems to have been trapped in the Seireitei and didn't have much first hand knowledge of what was going on in the real world. But lots of Shinigami have met Tatsuki and she does appear in some of the middle issues. Any second now-

And as I say, so it does, some bastard walks up and says "are you _this_ Tatsuki," and shows her that issue of The Substitute and she starts laughing.

Thankfully she doesn't seem to know I'm dead. Thank God.

x--x--x

You know, I woke up this morning and the first words through my mind were Day One - Tatsuki on campus.

And then I said to myself, I've killed Espada, I can handle this.

Yes, I can definitely handle this.

And I'd got out of bed, gotten dressed and went to breakfast.

I figured, She was here yesterday, she was here the day before. The only difference is that now I _know_.

And isn't that better?

And I'd thought to myself, where the hell does she eat breakfast? Obviously I can't eat breakfast in the same cafeteria.

Relax, I'd figured, there are eight cafeterias on campus, and they're all big. The odds of here even being in the same room only one in eight, and even if she is, the odds of her sitting anywhere near me-

So I'd put on a brave smile and gone to eat breakfast. Business as usual. After all, I was _Just relax_-ing. Because - 'I can handle this.'

And I'd thought I could. As usual, breakfast with Morisato and Seymour. Sei meets us there. Not a problem. Just like every other day, breakfast on the tray, off we go to our table. No changes to the routine, just business as usual. Move right along people, nothing to see here. Just three guys and one girl eating breakfast.

Sit down. Start eating.

And then I heard that Goddamn voice.

Maybe I should grow a mustache as a disguise. One of those Desperado jobs.

It probably wouldn't work.

Meanwhile Tatsuki hasn't shut up once.

"First class? Zanpakuto training-"

Bring me death. Bring me death on swift wings. Tatsuki couldn't be any farther away than Seymour was and all I can think is Oh God we're at the same table. Of all the tables in all the cafeterias on the campus, why did she have to come to mine?

I wanted to go but I couldn't - Seymour or Morisato would say something – if they call me Sado she'll think Chad-

I can't walk away- down the table Tatsuki is talking with two first years, it started off slow but one thing led to another, the winter war came up, Tatsuki said something-

By tonight everyone in first year - and by tomorrow everyone in the academy - is going to know that Tatsuki from The Substitute is on campus and going to school here.

I'm dead. I am _so_ dead.

Maybe I could discredit her somehow? She was featured in one issue of the Substitute, the one where Orihime came into her power, but they haven't reached the part where Tatsuki comes into her own power and starts taking down hollows. I mean, she's appeared, but not that much. In fact other than those few frames way back when she's been mostly mentioned by name - no one knows what she looks like, probably – hopefully - those early issues of The Substitute are almost impossible to find after the purge last year.

Maybe not many people know what she looks like?

What the hell am I thinking? How would _discrediting_ her help _me_?

I was looking away, couldn't look down the table, thank God for the ten percent patch or she'd feel me - I can't believe she hasn't felt me yet.

Worse, this is our table, this is where we sit. Morisato, Sei and Seymour, they're going to wonder if I want to start sitting somewhere else.

About the only thing I can do is tell them the "winter war vet" down the table bugs me and I want to sit somewhere else.

Sei is looking down the table towards Tatsuki, trying not to get caught staring.

"Who is that?" That was Seymour.

Sei didn't answer, she just blushed. Honestly, I don't think the girl can talk. I don't think I've ever heard her voice.

Morisato looked down the table and did a double-take.

"That looks like Arisawa Tatsuki," he said.

Oh shit, Morisato's the local The Substitute expert, I swear he has every issue - somehow he's even gotten back the ones that were seized.

Seymour looked down the table. "Can't be."

Bless you Seymour! Thank you for being a skeptic.

"I think it is," said Morisato.

No no no Morisato! It's not! Just a turd with an attitude – ignore her!

Shit, I've got to get out of here. I'm about to do something stupid.

"Gotta go." Stood up, turned so there was no way Tatsuki could see my face and hurried off.

Maybe I should grow that mustache.

Okay, so breakfast was a bust. I can change my hours a little. One meal, that doesn't mean she'll always sit there, I can always change my hours, come to breakfast earlier - I'll say I want to work out more before class-

The important thing is not to panic. She's got to be a year behind me, and soon she'll be so swamped in admirers and fan clubs that she won't have time - if I'm careful-

If I'm careful.

I _so_ didn't need this.

Whipped out the soul pager. Probably the only one on campus, unless Momo has one – Rukia had to give hers back-

"Hanataro."

"Yo."

It was so good to hear a friendly voice. "I've got a little problem. Tatsuki is here-"

That's all he let me say.

"We're on it. I'll be in touch."

He hung up.

Something has changed, something they won't tell me about. Hanataro doesn't like to keep the line open anymore.

Not my day man, this has _not_ been my day.

Fuck, I got to go to class.


	33. Chapter 33 Shoujo Dragon

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings don't belong to me.

* * *

Hanataro skulked in the sewers. He'd rearranged the maintenance schedule so no one would be down here today.

It wasn't much of a meeting place but it had the virtue of being private.

Renji arrived first, growled a hello and a what's this all about. Hanataro had asked Renji to wait so he'd only have to explain once.

A few minutes later Yumichika and Ikkaku approached, Yumichika holding a scented handkerchief over his nose. Exactly why was open to debate, there was absolutely no smell that Hanataro could detect.

"What?"

"Problem. Tatsuki is at the academy."

"Shit," said Yumichika.

"She still hates him," said Renji. All turned to the bald one, who looked put upon.

"Don't rush me, give me a second."

After almost a minute Ikkaku was still thinking, and Renji was out of patience.

"Well?"

"I've got nothing. We can try to rush her out of the academy, but they didn't rush Chad, I can't see them rushing Tatsuki."

"Hadn't thought of that," said Renji. "No one actually tried to rush Chad, but they made him a lieutenant the moment he graduated. They might have something similar in mind for Tatsuki."

"Which is several years away," said Ikkaku. "Doesn't help us."

"But this isn't Chad, is it?" Said Yumichika. "What about arranging for Captain Yoruichi to take her on as an apprentice?"

"Yoruichi?"

"She does like Tatsuki," mused Hanataro.

All eyes focused on Ikkaku, who had his own eyes shut and was pinching the bridge of his nose.

"There are a lot of things that could go wrong with this-I don't like this at all. Still, it's the best idea we've got," Egg-sama scratched his head, continued, "It can't come through us though. Renji, go for a walk at the academy. You're at the Vice Captain meetings. Tell Chad you saw-"

It wasn't technically a prank, but the situation was close enough for Ikkaku to apply his great gifts.

x--x--x--x

_Are you out of your mind_? Asking _me_ how my past couple of weeks were?

There were _rotten_, thank you! Emotional bloody roller coaster! Mostly down, in fact. I'm getting fricking ulcers!

It _ain't_ a happy tale.

You really want to hear me raving over the details? Fine, but _don't_ say I didn't warn you.

x--x--x--x

The scary part happened that next weekend, after I called Hanataro. I was supposed to meet Morisato out front of the academy, we were going into town to get some stuff.

I've taken to doing the odd spot check on spirit ribbons before I go into a public place. It doesn't hurt, given what could happen if anyone I know sees me. It was pretty much a total fluke that I catch Soi Fon and Yoruichi coming up the path before they saw me.

I don't _need_ that kind of scare.

Anyway, I managed to find a place to hide before they spotted me, but when I say hide I'm talking behind a couple of trees, this is _not_ a good hiding place. Stuck though; unlike the students these two _will_ see me if I flash out of here, and Yoruichi _can_ catch me.

If I have to fight a captain I don't ever want it to be one of these two. Raise a sword to my Sensei Yoruichi? Unthinkable. And Soi Fon would be an execution, not a fight. I loathe the woman but I like to think I'd stop short of actually murdering her.

Soi's a rabid dog. She'd go at me cheerfully, especially with my Zanpakuto on the other side of campus. Not that I need my sword for Soi Fon, but she'd gladly hand over her life just to delay me long enough for the big guns to arrive. Anyone who thinks Shunsui is a lazy joke never saw what he did to Halibel. That took him less than a minute, and that's the sixty second kind of minute; Halibel never had a chance.

There's no way I can beat Yoruichi in a race to Zangetsu.

Right now these couple of trees don't seem like a lot of cover. Hoping they don't look this way isn't much of a strategy either.

It was the weekend, but they were both tricked out in full uniform with their haoris.

Pinned down behind two trees, not even a clump of bushes. How embarrassing.

What the hell are they _doing_ here?

They make a bad pair. Soi Fon insisted on a certain formal respect, Yoruichi doesn't like people to be so stiff. You couldn't please both of them at once.

For my money I'd work at pleasing Yoruichi.

Yoruichi stopped, signaled Soi to do the same. Yoruichi had her eyes shut - what the h-

Oh my god she's looking for spirit ribbons - my ribbon - she'll find -

Her eyes just snapped open! I've been made! I-

The pair of them flashed across the courtyard, almost in the opposite direction.

What the hell?

They'd missed me?

But my ribbon is re-

But so are all the senseis, aren't they? And a lot of the students are red. Or pink at least.

Is this actually a really _good_ place to hide?

Nah.

Can't be.

You'd think a lovely orange rose like me would stand out in a field of cabbage.

Cabbage, that's funny. These are my colleagues, the Kimchi clan.

The Captains have found their victim - it's Tatsuki. The pair of them came for the girl who'd like to kill me.

She's already in contact with the captains.

This _is_ good news.

Bala, that's the ticket. If it comes down to a fight. Bala are precise, incredibly fast, there's not a lot of collateral damage - my Bala might even be fast enough to catch the Queen of Flash. That's the one good thing about the whole Hollow thing, my other side means I'm never totally unarmed, even without kido.

I can probably hold them off long enough to get Zangetsu – I'm not leaving the academy without him-

The Captains had flashed up behind Tatsuki, they don't even give the people she's standing with time to notice before Yoruichi starts ruffling Tatsuki's hair. Tatsuki of course reacts badly to this, and she's trying to duck away even as she turns with both fists going out-

-only to have Soi Fon casually catch one and Yoruichi catch the other. Yoruichi never stops ruffling Tatsuki's hair.

I don't know so don't ask me. Maybe it's some sort of ritual to establish dominance or something. Whatever. Yoruichi continues to ruffle as Tatsuki goes very still, looking at the two captains. Then Tatsuki bows-

I wish I could hear what they're saying, if Tatsuki is giving me away as we speak I'd like to know about that. Meanwhile all the people who'd been standing talking to Tatsuki are bowing away and so on. Yoruichi puts a hand on Tatsuki's shoulder-

Whatever the hell got said the two captains turn back in the direction they came from and walk off with Tatsuki following them. All her little friends are like _Oooo_, that's so cool!

Meanwhile I'm like, shit, this is so not good.

They walked off, I sat behind my trees.

Then it occurs to me, _wait a minute_.

Did they just take Tatsuki _away_? As in _not here_? As in _somewhere else_?

Is this whole cursed Tatsuki arc finally _over_?

I looked down the path they'd gone down-

Going, goooing, going _going_ goinggoing _GONE!_

Hanataro and the boys have just saved my ass!

Hallelujah!

I wanted to do a dance or something, but I (just) managed to restrain myself.

Tatsuki, goodbye and screw you.

x--x--x--x

Morisato shows up a few minutes later and the rest of the day was golden. I even bought meat buns to celebrate!

And then we get back to campus! And I just about choked up my own heart!

It's pretty goddamn close to the textbook definition of annoying, what happened next. Here I was feeling like a used car salesman who'd just dumped a lemon on a little old lady and these two arseholes-

They'd brought Tatsuki back. They - meaning those cursed lady captains - brought bloody Tatsuki back to the bloody academy and bloody dropped her off! I'm like, _no_! No! You're supposed to take her _away_! Don't be bringing her back here - _we_ don't want her!

They brought bloody Tatsuki back.

For a moment I thought I was seeing double Yoruichi, already wearing that little backless number she wears for that Flashcry thing.

Flashcry – that Instant War Cry bullshit. That's a waste of bloody - I tried that exactly _once_, Yoruichi warned my to take off my coat but she didn't mention the probability of ruining my _pants_ - damn near blowing the ass out! It was a _very_ embarrassing rip but the alternative was out-and-out explosion, all my fricking clothes flying off. Fricking Shinigami Women's Society were meeting in the building next to where Yoruichi and I were training – I didn't find _that_ out (and of course I was standing with my _back_ to them) until I hear all these catcalls and wolf whistles from the windows behind me. Never again!

This – this whole Tatsuki thing is like something off the internet, you know where the guy throws the burning stick of dynamite and his dog thinks he's playing fetch and runs after it? _That's_ how I felt, that's it exactly! Here I was thinking Oh Happy Day! and it's all wine and roses going forward and the sleek black Yoruichi (_mmm sleeeek_) and her yappy little Shihtzu dog Soi drag my problem back to me!

Bloody Tatsuki, walking like a shithill rooster in a white one-piece like Yoruichi, toting a bag of gear the captains had given her; it's like something out of a bad fanfic, the birth of a new Mary Sue! Here Tatsuki is all tricked out like Yoruichi, in front of the entire academy and nodding her head all serious at everything Yoruichi and her dipshit sidekick say! Yes Captain. No Captain. Half the academy is watching and Tatsuki's street cred is going through the damn roof! Oh and there are Captains nearby! That _is_ helpful!

_WHY_ does this shit always happen to me?

Damn Mary Sues. Ought to be a law.

I don't want to watch any more of this - I'm going back to my room to sulk or something.

I sometimes wonder if Ikkaku played any part in that Flashcry fiasco. Too many people saw it, as far as I'm concerned. Oh Ichigo, focus your power more, keep it up higher up your back next time – yeah, _now_ you tell me? Even Nanao was whistling at me! Hell, I think _Retsu_ whistled at me!

Shit. What a goddamn day _that_ was. And what a day this was. Thanks for nothing, you shinigami bastards.

x--x--x--x

Dinner that night was as bad as I feared. Morisato and Sei and Seymour and I are at our table, eating away and who should come up but Tatsuki and the beginnings of her little fan club (I say beginnings because it got a lot worse). They sit down and everyone is asking her questions and shit like that. And because none of them are about Orihime or your truly she's doing her best to answer them.

She's wearing the top of the damn student uniform with Yoruichi's white rubber leggings or whatever the hell they are. Way to be subtle, Tatsuki. Just in case people aren't quite sure it was you at the front of the bloody academy.

Look at that conversation. Why yes, I _am_ Tatsuki from The Winter War(TM). Yes, I _do_ know all the Captains, I met them During The Winter War(TM). They came to rely on my judgment! Is it true I faced and defeated Arrancar? Guess what? That also got a Why Yes, During The Winter War(TM)!

Pardon me for sounding pissed off but at the moment she's a hero and I'm a goddamn fugitive. I'm _fine_ with not being a hero, but do I have to be a _crook_?

I never knew she was such an attention whore.

I ate my miso soup and downed my rice. You might find this hard to believe but at the moment I don't feel much like eating. I'm forcing myself to clear the tray enough that I can beg off early and go to bed.

Goddamn you Tatsuki. You're rubbing this in, aren't you? Whose karma is _this?_

Down the table Tatsuki gets an 'Oooooo' from her little coterie.

"I ain't feeling well," I growled. "I'm going back to the room."

I didn't have to flashstep. No one saw me go.

x--x--x--x

I realized the next day she hadn't been doing it on purpose. Or rather she hadn't been doing it maliciously. I don't want to degrade myself to the point of attributing malice to her.

Tatsuki is simply in her element here. She was a martial arts champion, she's used to being a champion and thinking of herself as one. Martial arts mean a lot more at the academy then the did in the mortal world, I have to keep that in context.

It just pisses me off that Tatsuki is a hero and I'm a wanted criminal.

x--x--x--x

Sigh. Another day at the Cafeteria. She's here, I'm here. Haven't been caught – not important enough to notice. She probably doesn't even know I'm dead. Maybe this will work after all.

x--x--x--x

Now this is where it starts to get good again. At least, good if you're a nervous fugitive who doesn't have much reason to laugh.

Tatsuki is loud and brash and for all intents and purposes she was back in high school. Certain kinds of people are attracted to people like Tatsuki, girls that admire her strength, guys that think she's just one of the boys. But now she had a third kind of admirer.

Winter War Fanboys and Fangirls.

I found this utterly fascinating.

She's a polite girl, more or less, but fanpersons drive her absolutely wild, and the more rabid they are, the more outraged Tatsuki gets.

That'll teach her to talk about the war. I'm embarrassed and ashamed to say this, but an enraged Tatsuki screaming at rabid fanpersons is literally the best television at the academy. I never get tired of watching it, _never_.

Word started getting around. It'd be terminally uncool and simply _not done_ to admire someone in a lower year, but in the first year class word starts getting around that a Winter War vet is there, and she's even sort of pretty. Oh, and she's wearing Captain Yoruichi's rubber pants and-

Two weeks after I spotted her Tatsuki is the belle of the first year class.

Meanwhile I'm trying to convince myself I'm not a stalker.

Tatsuki's a hero and always will be. Her name will live forever – she was _there_, at the _King's Palace_.

Did I mention that I'm a criminal the Seireitei erased from history? Yes? Oh good. I'm glad you remember.

Sheesh.

But I'm not _bitter_. Oh hell no! Because _My_ legacy is a comic book! Delivered to the academy every Tuesday under dark of night, you should read a copy! Only don't let them catch you, because technically it's illegal.

Shit.

I think I need some mild form of revenge on Tatsuki. Or maybe not so mild. Solid revenge. Ikkaku-level prank revenge.

Nah, I can't be bitter. I have something Tatsuki doesn't have, right? Other than fugitive warrants for my arrest, but she probably doesn't want those.

The worst thing is that I was honestly thinking this. At least I have my manga. At least someone out there is trying to get my story out. Tatsuki doesn't-

You know what's coming next, don't you?

As I pick up my copy for the week the guy asks me-

-wait for it-

-if I want to buy-

-wait for it-

Is the anticipation killing you yet?

How would I like to buy a copy of...

Tatsuki Shoujo!

Some arsehole wrote a Tatsuki manga.

I should have known, you know. Should have seen this one coming. Manga spawns Dojinshi – fan fiction if you will. And Tatsuki does have a fan club after all.

Looks like somebody in the fan club can draw.

My first thought was that the timing was awful. Based on having been there I figured Tatsuki would also be featured in the current issue of The Substitute (the academy's _original_ manga). If not this week then next week. The week after at the latest.

So there I am standing like an idiot, the proud possessor of a comic on me and some home-brew thing about someone who hates me.

Some days you shouldn't get out of bed.

I skipped Zanpakuto class and went back to my room.

x--x--x--x

Fifteen minutes later I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to pass out. _The Substitute_ had been a nightmare, the first picture inside being a two page spread of Orihime and Tatsuki. Tatsuki had already made comments about _The Substitute_ where people could hear her; no one would laugh off her claiming to be part of the story now.

Then I cracked open Tatsuki Shoujo.

It is the best publication _EVAR! E-V-A-R, EVAR!_

It's got this little preamble, see, it starts off telling you _The Substitute_ has Tatsuki, and now the academy has Tatsuki, an incredibly promising student shinigami.

And this manga, it says, is _Her Story_.

And no, I didn't add the caps or the italics.

This thing is great. _Weird_, mind you, but great. It's billing itself as a 'special' copy of _The Substitute_ dealing with Tatsuki's arrival at the academy. And it's utterly Shoujo! Tatsuki is drawn on these flowered backgrounds and she's soft, she's delicate and she is _angsty_! A fair maiden with huge eyes like Snowy in _The Substitute_. I had to take my first break to catch my breath then, I was laughing so hard.

This is the best publication ever. Tatsuki Shoujo, I'm your number one fan.

They captured the scene where she was in the cafeteria complaining over a copy of _The Substitute_, about how Aizen's stomach always enters the panel before he does. They captured her being escorted off the grounds by the beautiful lady captains, proud Soi Fon, Serene Yoruichi, leading the snow-pure maiden- They captured her coming back, wearing her slinky new togs, wandering around the academy with her firm taut buttocks (with closeups) and her silky bare back and so on – by the last pages the artist had been having some kind of freaky shoujo breakdown - I'm betting someone needed a cold shower just to finish the picture.

I honestly think the point of it is for someone Tatsuki knows to see if our little dragon might be looking for a little intimate company.

And last but not least (OH so very, _very_ not least) they capture Tatsuki running up to _me_ – and that never even happened!

Then it suddenly occurred to me-

Oh my God I'm the love interest! I fell off my chair laughing – for the second time. Tatsuki – I can see it now-I can feel it coming! Tatsuki has a huge unrequited passion for me! That's why she hates me so much! That's why she ran after Sado Kon! It's the angsty tale of Tatsuki's love for Ichigo!

I have to get more copies. This – everyone should see this! The entire Seireitei should see this! I think I'll even mail a copy to Soi Fon!

I have never laughed so hard in my life.

Thank you. Thank you Karma, for bringing me this one little spot of joy.

Tatsuki Shoujo. Best publication ever. Here's how that little gem unrolls on page seven. Tatsuki sees me, sees Sado Konshiro, mistakes him for Kurosaki Ichigo - runs up and gets all mushy - there haven't been enough issues of _The Substitute_ yet for people to know _why_ she hates me, only her own actions to show that she does. So there I am, Sado Konshiro, telling Tatsuki she's gotten me confused with someone else - that's the page before the last one, which has Tatsuki at her most shoujo, vulnerable and heartbroken (not to mention dressed in a shiny rubber jumpsuit). I don't think she's seen this little treasure yet – at least I haven't heard her screaming about it yet – I'm hoping that if she does she'll think Sado Kon is entirely made up.

Which he is, I guess, but what I mean is that she won't realize there's a Sado Konshiro running around the academy.

Oh shit.

That could be a problem.

Paranoia anyone?

x--x--x--x

Lunch time. Got my Tray O' Cafeteria Slop(TM) and I'm walking to my table. I'm early because I didn't bother with class this morning.

Nerves again. Just once I'd like something to go totally my way without discovering a dark cloud hiding underneath it. I swear there are days I think I'm going to break back into the Court and tell them to do their worst to me. The ups and downs here are too damn stressful. And too damn weird.

The food isn't very good either.

Tatsuki Shoujo (I'm not laughing anymore) is going to end up widely circulated around the academy – the people in it are actually _here_. The Substitutes' characters (with one kinda exception) are mostly in the Seireitei. Or in pieces.

And speak of the devil, there she is now.

Wait! Wait wait wait! She's reading the damn thing! She's over there, eating her lunch and looking horrified!

What's that they say when the space rockets start – we have ignition?

Looks like we have ignition.

There might be something wrong with my brain, or maybe it's that damn hollow or something, but I had to turn away because I'm trying not to snicker.

Looks like somebody is _not_ a fan. Looks like she's _not liking_ the whole vulnerable shoujo portrayal, especially because it looks like she's lusting after The Substitute.

Unbelievable. What a place to go to school.

I bet this never happened to Renji.

Tatsuki is making a fuss over the damn thing. Maybe this little scene will make it into next week's issue? I hope so, just to piss her off. I just wish I could find whatever arsehole is putting this new crap out and shut her (or him) down. I'd give them the hollow mask and everything. You want a Shoujo Tatsuki? How about an Angry Vizard instead?

Hopefully Tatsuki will keep her cool and refrain from telling Soi Fon, if that one finds out about _The Substitute_ they'll purge the academy again, possibly catching me in the process.

So how are you liking that manga, Tatsuki? It gets old fast, doesn't it?

The strangest part of all came last, when I found myself wanting to thank her. As in thank you Tatsuki. You might be my executioner but I've started to find comfort in your presence.

With you here at least things can't get any worse.

-And _that's_ how _my_ past few weeks went.

Shit.


	34. Chapter 34 That Following Week

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

I went to one of the gyms that afternoon to pump iron for a couple of hours. I've grown into a big guy, so I like to keep the muscles at their absolute peak.

Rukia likes it too.

"Shit," I rolled off the bench I'd been using, shunpoed away. Momo had just drifted into the weight room. Kind of funny, considering she doesn't weigh anything. She's dressed like shinigami gym girl; I will never understand shinigami fashions. Dressed in the gym uniform with her hair in pigtails she looks about twelve; you'd never believe she's ranked as a vice captain.

Momo is still a problem. And a psycho, as far as I know. I've got strict instructions from Rukia to avoid the Peach girl. Rukia wants to handle Momo herself.

I'm annoyed, but I found myself grinning anyway. Maybe I was starting to like the challenge, I don't know. More likely my brain is finally cracking. Tatsuki, The Substitute, Red Flower, what could make this harder? Maybe someone could send an anonymous note to Zaraki or something. I'm tempted to send one myself, just so it won't be a surprise when 'ole Spike finally shows up.

It's probably been fully a year since I've spoken to Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika or Ganju. They're supposed to get in touch as soon as the coast is clear. Apparently it ain't clear yet. Hanataro had to beg off our training - it was getting suspicious back at Fourth, that's why I'm in with the other boys and girls now. Momo, by virtue of being stunned, hasn't been my problem yet. Nearly bumped into Snowy twice though.

He didn't see me, but the second time I think he might have been smirking, which could mean only one thing.

Little rat bastard must be dating my sister. And gloating that I'm not there to stop him.

Well, at least Goat is around. Someone can keep the Snowball above board.

Of course Yuzu is probably siding with Snowy, meaning Goat is outnumbered. And Goat is kinda stunned to begin with-

I wish I was there. I wish I could be there to chase that punk down the street, beating him over the head with any bunch of flowers he might have appeared with. Hey Captain! Yo Captain Hitsugaya! You forgot your flowers! Then I'd whack him a few more times and he'd go and hide behind Rangiku or something, and I could get Ukitake to dose the little horndog with something to keep his ardor down.

The main point though, I'm still on track. Other than the Red Flower I'm mostly left alone and I've managed (that one fight aside) not to get noticed. Thankfully I seem to have failed whatever the test is to get moved up to a more advanced class.

Regardless, a day was going to come when I'd presumably be required to have a Shikai. Which of course I've got, in the form of an extremely large and attractive cleaver.

A rather _recognizable_ cleaver.

So I was still working on the plan to release direct to Bankai. Well that required something, something I didn't have and wasn't likely to get.

Zangetsu's cooperation.

We were having another of those talks, and amazingly enough, just like every other talk we've had on the subject, old man Zangetsu wasn't buying into the dream.

To see the old man sulk you'd think he was five years old. Again I explained the situation. Again he started in on me. I said I really need this, old man. He said no. I said I really, _really_ need this, old man, I can't get out of here without it. And he said, no. So I said I really wish we could work tog-

And guess what he said?

This might come as a surprise to you-

It was certainly a surprise to me-

He said no.

I said please, I tried playing nice. I begged him to show me how to go directly from sealed to Bankai - Zangetsu laughed in my face. I asked if he'd be willing to answer to a slightly different name, that really got him angry. About the only thing he was willing to even consider was a hilt ribbon on his Bankai form, and he didn't actually _agree_ to that. By that point I figured I'd take anything I could get.

It reached the point I almost got that damn hollow involved, but I figured you stick your hands in shit you end up with shit on your hands.

And nobody wants shit on their hands.

You hear that, you shit handed hollow?

I figured I'd antagonized Zangetsu enough for one day, so I took my leave of him.

Then it suddenly occurred to me there was something I hadn't considered. Zangetsu is a permanently released Zanpakuto, right? You call his name and he stays in his Shikai form, he doesn't revert back when I'm knocked out or whatever. I can force him back to a sealed state, and he's currently in a sealed state, but my point is what if he were still a permanently released-type Zanpakuto, just a _different_ one?

It's the Shikai that's my problem, right? That's the form that's so recognizable. But suppose I could force Zangetsu the other way, have him permanently released but in his _Bankai_ form? Then it'd be easy, a scabbard, a few ribbons and I could claim Zangetsu was a different Zanpakuto entirely.

If it could be done it'd have the benefit of getting around the whole name thing - that stupid manga always refers to Zangetsu by name so there's no way of hiding that.

Well, I guess I know what next week's conversation will be about. I'd already tried the old man on other names, that had been last week's conversation.

How about Ustegnaz?

No, that was out of the question.

What about Tensa? Short for Tensa Zangetsu?

His name, he'd insisted, was Zangetsu.

What about Tensa Zangetsu, but I'd whisper the Zangetsu part?

He'd walked away at that point.

This had some potential, the more I thought about it the more I thought it could work -

Assuming even someone with my power has the grunt to keep a Bankai going around the clock.

Another shite idea by yours truly.

You know, I'd been thinking lately about how a Zanpakuto usually embodies the characteristics of its owner; Zangetsu is a tall, attractive man, with a powerful build, a deep voice, exceptional intelligence, he's well dressed – and he's clearly a hit with the ladies -

-while Zabimaru is a baboon.

Let's think about this for a moment.

Renji, Baboon, Baboon, Renji -

And not just any baboon, oh no, Renji is the baboon _king_ – he's even got a move called that. I mean, I've known for years – since the first time I met him I knew Renji had some baboon in him, but a baboon _king_?

That's pretty impressive.

Yes, Renji is a baboon king. Pretty obvious to anyone who ever met him. Or God forbid gone out to dinner with him.

I just don't think he fully appreciates it himself.

Let's see, we've got a baboon king, and Ikkaku is Seireitei's king of bald people.

Well he _is_.

I mean, bald is bald, lots of shinigami are bald. But nobody is bald quite like Ikkaku. He's _bald_. He's even balder than that big ugly baby thing of Mayuri's, and that's pretty bald. Hell, he's even balder than the old man, and achieving _that_ level of bald-

Plus he's got that shine thing happening, not a lot of bald guys can do that.

And the old man's a dickweed, just so you know. One day I'm going to take that scraggly beard of his and flip it over the top of his head like a comb-over, just to see how it looks.

Oh Dude! You look years younger! No, no one will notice – it looks very real-

Baboon king. Fancy that. Of course they're both better off than poor Hanataro. As much as I like Gourd (I used to see him all the time when Hanataro was working on his Bankai training, Gourd looks a lot like a giant walking-

Probably shouldn't go into that.

I really lucked out to have a Zanpakuto that looks like a human being.

I wonder if we could get Renji to act more like a baboon king. It's a pity, I bet Urahara could have talked him into it, but I can hardly talk to Urahara anymore.

Maybe I could get Urahara to put together a baboon gigai for Renji?

Nah, I've got something better in mind.

See, the Seireitei is behind the times in terms of entertainment. No television. I never knew how much I loved television until I was a world away from it. Here, you want television you have to go out in the street and _find_ it, track down someone in the middle of a rotten experience (Tatsuki when the Fangirls are after her) and watch _them_. Not a lot of entertainment that you don't have to hunt down first.

And I think that's wrong.

So I was thinking what we probably need is a dedicated effort by the Seireitei to fix that, either on purpose or by accident, I don't really care.

So try this on for size:

Renji as a magical girl. You know, shout out baboon pineapple power, spend ten minutes transforming and using special baboon powers to spread love, justice and possibly lice?

Have to suggest that to him some day. Baboon Pineapple Powweeeeer!

Ikkaku is a must for any Seireitei-based magical girl show. The place has so many good candidates I don't know how I'd fit them all in. Omaeda would have been good, (frightening, but good) were he still alive, and I suspect he might have had the sense of humor to try it. Poor Hanataro would get roped in for sure, not to mention Yumichika-

Hisagi could be our go-to guy for panty shots.

Who could the bad guys be? An evil Soi Fon isn't much of a stretch, though I bet she can cackle with the best of them. Komamura has no sense of humor. Zaraki – nah, he'd be a filler arc – let's help Captain Zaraki by filling his heart with love and justice! But I don't _want_ my heart filled with those things!

Probably have to be Rangiku and her bouncing boobies of doom. Or maybe some of the ladies could be a competitive group of magical girls and they could all slug it out over budget and the best hangouts or something.

Yeah, that's it. Turf war. Lookit, you dumbasses, we don't have enough budget for all you magical girls, so some of you have to go. Fight it out amongst yourselves or something.

God, the fights would be hilarious – I'm gonna kick your ass in the name of love and justice! Oh yeah? Well I'm going to kick _your_ ass in the name of love and justice!

I wonder if Byakuya would make a good magical girl?

God I wish I could draw. I bet my manga could outsell The Substitute three to one. Poor Hanataro would come storming out and shout out _I am not a uke_ and Ikkaku could say shining head power or something. We're here to save the world from the evil influence of sake by drinking it all ourselves! Yeah! Love and justice too!

Nah, how about Hitsugaya shouts _I want to be a real boooooy_ and turns into Ikkaku?

Or he could just miniskirt up himself-

Look, if it'd keep my sister away from him I'm all for it. And can you honestly see Karin with Toshiro the magical girl?

Can't you just see Byakuya in a miniskirt and a sailor collar? Tell me you _can't_ see that. He even has cherry blossom power!

And in a battle with Yoruichi?

That'd be _good_ television.

--I--

So I'm several miles away from campus, Zangetsu in one hand and a couple of meters worth of green ribbon in the other hand, trying to figure out how to release directly to Bankai from a standing start. I'm making some progress, but not as much progress as I need. You can actually get through the academy without releasing your sword, but that's not the way I want to do it. Get too bad a posting and you'd be ignored for the rest of your career, maybe sent to guard the sewers in some God-forsaken outpost.

Remember I'm walking the line of absolute incompetence here. If I screw up I don't graduate at all.

The ribbon idea will probably work, but I'm having a lot of trouble with it. I use my Bankai form a certain way, the ribbon interferes with that. I've wrapped kind of a bow thing around the hilt and a bit on the loop the chain mounts to. Now I just have to convince Zangetsu not to set them on fire every time I release, he's being a really bad sport about this.

Thankfully he's never needed his name shouted to release from Shikai to Bankai

And then something just snapped.

Know what?

I'm tired of this. I've had enough.

Enough shit, enough clowning around, enough worrying about Tatsuki.

I've made my decision.

This weekend I'm taking Rukia to the seashore for the day.

I'm taking a day off.

In the library there was a collection of maps. I did some looking, then some scouting and found a beach, nice and far away, but still manageable for anyone who could flashstep continuously for an hour or two.

It's way too far for most people; there might be a dozen people in the Seireitei who can make it to the coast and back again in a plausible amount of time. For most people a day trip isn't feasible.

I've got all my initial preparations done, pinched a couple of towels and some sunscreen, even found a basket for a picnic lunch. And arranged for swim trunks, I'm thinking Rukia would prefer I wore something when I went swimming.

This weekend I'm going to see my Rukia in a bikini.

Which requires a – uh – well – it requires a bikini.

I'm thinking Rukia of Edoland doesn't own a bikini.

Soooooooooooo-

Times like this you've got to man up, Nancy. _I'm_ going shopping for a girl's swimsuit.

It was a tough decision, but I knew I had to make it for her. Send Rukia to buy a bathing suit and she'll come back with lovely overalls, or maybe something with long sleeves and build-in feet. But buy her anything too objectionable and she won't wear it at all.

That's a fine line to walk.

Shopping for Rukia was particularly difficult because of her size; there isn't a woman in the world who wants to hear you picked up her clothes in the children's section.

In the old days I used to take Yuzu along when I bought Rukia gifts.

Now I just need something – _small_ for Rukia to wear. No different from the sweater I bought her that time. Should be easy enough-

It wasn't. See a lot of bathing suit stores in the Edo era? Didn't think so.

End of hour one I'd found nothing. And when I say nothing I don't mean I couldn't find anything I liked, I mean I couldn't find any _stores_. Ramen? Sure, we got that. Kimonos? How many do you want?

You want to buy a _what_?

Shite, this could be a problem.

I knew something had to exist somewhere (having seen lady shinigami laundry hanging out to dry), it was just a question of where. Maybe there's some sort of girl-dar you need to home in on this sort of thing – I obviously don't have it.

Damn Edo period.

I prowled all day before I found a carefully concealed lingerie store. Oh, women are cunning – you've hidden it so we won't buy you sleazy things for your birthdays, but we're onto you-

I had thought this would be easy - find some place with a big sign that said ladies swimsuits, 50 percent off. Maybe with a subtext reading 'which 50 percent - up to you.' Or something like that.

But no.

I guess the shinigami and Edo-ists don't go to the beach much.

Anyway, I find this store, and I'm not really thinking about it, so I walk in-

_Man._

Yes I am. And I can't help but love her so.

But let me tell you, I almost lost my resolve, standing in that doorway.

I _know_ men shop in places like this; I _understand_ that on a conceptual level, that a guy can go in to pick up something for that special someone in his life. Like I'm doing, for the special someone in _my_ life.

So why do I feel like I've committed some sort of crime just by being here? There are three or four older women looking at me as I stand in the doorway and I would have swapped these four for Ulquiorra and the three Espada above him, thank you. Something about the 'So what sort of pervert are _you_?' look is enough to take the thunder out of even the strongest man.

What do these four old ladies have that Espada don't? Espada don't make me nervous like this!

On the bright side I didn't see Yoruichi, Soi Fon or Captain Unohana anywhere, so that had to be good.

I just shouldn't have worn my student uniform.

Sigh.

Bravely on! I challenged the Seireitei! I charged into Hueco Mundo! Ladies underwear does not intimidate me!

Much!

Man up! Man up Ichigo! Think of Shunsui! Think of Byakuya! Think of Zaraki!

But mostly think of Shunsui! He wouldn't panic!

Zaraki _might_, actually – I worry about that first training bra he'll have to buy for Yachiru some day.

Think on Shunsui and _Chaaaaaarge!_

It's easier if you don't make eye contact.

I looked around quickly saw a small rack at the back and stalked towards it, thinking shit, I should have worn my mask, I'd be blushing less.

Help help, there's a Vizard browsing through the thongs-

-Thongs?-

Easy, easy Ichigo - keep calm - maybe I should move up to flash steps-

I glanced around-


	35. Chapter 35 Mostly Underwear

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

I glanced around-

And not a single person was looking at me.

Oh thank God!

But why'd I get that feeling?

Heh - ignore it. I'm invisible and no one can see me.

Provided I don't touch anything.

Or look at anything.

Or smile or-

_Don't panic._

God, to think the war would have turned out differently if Aizen had filled Las Noches with lacy underthings and lady Arrancar shopkeepers-

Maybe Renji could have kept going, but me, Chad and Ishida would have been stopped in our tracks – fifteen years old, Halibel coming towards us with an interesting bra held high - "May I interest you gentlemen in something from our spring collection-"

Would have been the end of us.

This was no big deal, I could handle this. It's like a hot spring, once you get in the water is fine. I'll find something for Rukia, then I'd be on my way. Guess I'm a man now. How about - _Ooooooooooo!_

I found a - _ooooooooooo!_

It's _oooooooooo!_

_Oooooooooooooo!_

Steady big guy. It's - this is after the fact that I'm actually writing this down, so I can tell you, after the fact, that what I'd found was sort of a - well, it was like the designer had given up half way, sort of a string going this way, and another string going that way, and that was sort of it.

At first I'm thinking Jackpot, except Rukia wouldn't wear it and there's a good chance she'd try to strangle me with it.

Ever been choked out with a thong? I'm sure it sounds a lot better then it actually is. Still, I could buy it anyway. Maybe wear it on my head-

Nah, better put this one back on the rack. It's not a good idea, not a good idea at all.

Try not to think about _that_ one Ichigo.

Times like this I thank God that Rukia and I aren't anything like the same size. Sound silly? Trust me, if you're a guy in a place like this you don't ever want confusion about who you're shopping for – and why do they always chose such a disapproving older lady to run the cash? Is it like a union rule or something? What's worse, I'm going to have to _talk_ to her. She'll probably ask me if I found everything I was looking for. I ask you, do I deserve that?

If she says anything I'm going to tell her she has a nice mustache. That'll teach her.

Looking around, looking around.

There really isn't much selection, is there?

Not for a serious connoisseur at least.

* * *

Finally I've got my choice and I'm up to the cash. There's a line of course - there'd been no line when I first got there, and no line since, but one materialized just when I need the cash register. No one ended up behind me either.

This wasn't that bad, I was surprised, I have to tell you. Maybe I'll pick up a few more things for Rukia some time. Oh wait, I'm next-

I looked at the lady running the cash, matched her polite glower with one of my own. So help me woman, give me any abuse and I'll-

"Will that be everything sir?"

Knew she'd say that. I modulate my voice down an octave, give her a gravelly "Yes it will, thank you."

Then I was grabbed-

-from behind.

Powerful hands had grabbed me!

Yes, powerful hands.

I've been caught!

Someone is holding me!

_By my ass._

This is one of those time-slows-down moments.

God I hope those are female hands; they don't feel very large, but they're very strong. And they're grasping my buttocks.

Clenching my buttocks.

Yes, someone is squeezing my ass cheeks very hard.

Really hard.

REALLY HARD! Oh my God it's like shaking hands with Zaraki! Ow! Squeezing - OW! Kneading! Kneading my buttocks! Kneading like bread dough! Oww OWW- She has a very firm grip! I'm going to die! An Espada has got me! An Espada has got me by the ass!

"I-uhhh-"

"Caught you, Prettyboy."

Despite my intense pain, I had to sigh. So, like, _not_ an Espada.

Rangiku.

Firm grip the girl has. I can only hope the next time she gets drunk she gives Snowball an injury that will keep him away from my sister.

And my ass?

I don't think she's going to let go.

OWWWWWW! She's trying to pull a side off! She wants half my ass as a souvenir! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna be all _bruised! _

_Save me_! Someone! _Anyone!_ Save my poor ass!

Rangiku giggles and blows in my ear.

"Watch your step Prettyboy. And look me up when you're out of the academy."

She let go on one side, gave me what I think was supposed to be a friendly pat - but she smacked me hard enough that I almost fell over! But she - the other hand!

OWWW!

"Uh right."

Rangiku finally lets go, I feel her nose touch the back of my neck.

I barely made it out of the store, silly little pink bag (complete with embarrassing logo) in one hand. I want to flash step but I can't feel one of my legs.

Bloody Rangiku, always flirting with me and now trying to maim me as well! So in addition to possibly getting my cover blown, now I have to worry about my virtue as well? Not fair man! Not fair at all!

* * *

Rangiku watched the missing Substitute go, waited close to a minute after he was out of sight.

"You can open your eyes Nemu."

Nemu did.

"Who was that?" asked Nemu politely.

"No one at all," said Rangiku.

* * *

They'd bought what she and Nemu had gone to buy, and now the Vice Captains were walking back towards their squad headquarters.

Rangiku was contemplative and grinning.

Kurosaki Ichigo. So _that's_ where you've been hiding. What a sneaky naughty boy you've been.

At the academy. Based off his uniform in second year.

The timing was about right; if he'd somehow made it to the academy right away he might have joined the first year class last year; he wouldn't have been that late.

Kurosaki Ichigo. The boy was _full_ of surprises.

How on earth had he done it without anyone noticing?

Well that was simple enough, nobody had looked.

Why had nobody looked?

She eyed Nemu. Poor silent Nemu, so beautiful and so painfully transparent.

Nemu hadn't said a word. Normally that wasn't that unusual for Nemu. Rangiku and Nemu weren't especially close, but Nemu wasn't particularly close to anyone.

Nemu hadn't even blinked - well, she had - when Rangiku told her to shut her eyes at the lingerie store door, and stood there very quietly, eyes shut, until Rangiku had told her she could open them again almost five minutes later. Nemu started her browsing as though nothing had happened.

Of course Nemu _always_ obeyed orders, but she thought strangely. Strictly speaking she wouldn't obey Rangiku unless she understood the reason; Rangiku didn't outrank her. Yet she'd shut her eyes and hadn't seen Kurosaki-kun.

Rangiku cracked another grin at her silent comrade.

_Interesting_.

If she didn't _see_ Ichigo, Nemu wouldn't be able to be sure she'd _seen_ Ichigo. And if she couldn't be _sure_ she'd seen Ichigo she couldn't _report_ she'd seen him.

Nemu-logic.

Why Nemu, you naughty little cat you.

But it made a lot of sense. In fact, Nemu was probably the linchpin in _any_ plan to hide him - If Nemu didn't want Kurosaki-kun found, then as Vice Captain of Twelfth and head of monitoring operations, Nemu could make that happen.

Incredible - Nemu was concealing Ichigo. And had been for two years now.

And no one had ever suspected a thing.

Clever Nemu. If no one ever asked she'd never be required to tell, would she?

_Though_... it might not do to read _too_ much into it.

Ichigo was at the academy, fine, suppose Nemu had nothing to do with it - suppose he'd gone through konso-

-Someone would have had to do it, Ichigo couldn't have done it by himself-

-But suppose he had-

_How_ hardly mattered though; Ichigo _was_ a student at the academy, that was enough.

And but for the power of ladies lingerie she would never have known. Lingerie, was there anything it _couldn't_ do?

"I'll see you at the Vice Captain's meeting, Vice Captain Matsumoto." said Nemu politely. There was no way to break the girl of her formality.

"Of course Nemu-chin. I'll see you tomorrow."

Nemu bowed politely again, turned to go.

Silly Nemu. Rangiku had taken the other girl under her wing not long after they'd met, one day in the women's bathhouse.

_"Going Commando, Nemu-san?"_

_"Pardon me, Vice Captain Matsumoto?"_

_"You're not wearing underwear."_

_"Under - wear?" She'd said it like she wasn't sure what Rangiku had been talking about._

_"Underwear. You know, panties, ladies underwear?"_

_Apparently Nemu hadn't. She'd very seriously thanked Rangiku for bringing the matter to her attention. The next week Rangiku had caught her again, this time wearing underwear._

_Mens underwear. As in something Nemu had very obviously pilfered from her Captain's drawer. It might have been washed but by definition anything that had ever touched Mayuri's flesh was filthy beyond words._

_Rangiku had sighed._

_"Nemu darling."_

_"Yes Vice Captain Matsumoto?"_

_"After our bath we're going shopping."_

_"Of course, Vice Captain Matsumoto."_

_"For now we'll talk about the differences between boys and girls."_

_"Of course, Vice Captain Matsumoto."_

And to think Nemu had been in on shielding Ichigo.

A stray thought passed through her mind. His hair was white, was that dye? What if it wasn't? Could it be that orange hair turned white at death?

She tried to imagine Captain Ukitake and Captain with bright orange hair like Ichigo. The effect was rather strange in her mind.

Rukia. Rukia-san could have performed the Konso. If she had, did Byakuya know? Obviously Rukia knew - Ichigo was at the academy, Rukia was teaching at the academy - unless Ichigo had developed strange habits (the thought made Rangiku blush in a terribly naughty and above all _hopeful_ way) he wouldn't otherwise have a use for ladies underwear.

Ladies Lingerie, there really _wasn't_ anything it couldn't do!

Ichi was just lucky-

-lucky-

-Captain-

-Momo-

-The academy?-

_Did Captain know?_ He couldn't! Captain always played by the rules! He'd never hide Ichigo! So Captain didn't know - Momo - Momo might, she adored Ichigo, she somehow thought he'd saved her from Aizen-

Blast this was troublesome!

Captain couldn't know. Momo might; if she had she hadn't told him.

Rangiku had to keep Captain from the academy somehow, she couldn't let Ichigo be-

_Never fear, Ichi-kun, I'll protect you. I'll keep them from finding you._

_And your luscious ass._

* * *

OHH My ass! My ass! She's got my ass again! Save my ass! Somebody-_help me_!

I woke up then, realized I'd been dreaming.

Probably brought on by having rolled onto my back, including my very sore back side.

I rolled onto my stomach and tried to get back to sleep. Bloody Rangiku, doing that to me. How the hell could I be surprised? Her Zanpakuto is called Asscat-

Bloody Hellfire. How am I supposed to fight like this? I can't feel my legs!

I'm going back to sleep.

* * *

I was admiring the fruits of my shopping trip.

I'd gone with tastefully understated. Bikini, little band top, bottom covers most of her hips, the woman in the store called it boy leg, whatever that means. Maybe she was insulting me, I'm not sure.

It's blue.

I think I can talk her into wearing it.

Rukia, not the woman from the store.

Sunday morning finally arrived. I got up really early, packed a lunch into my basket, popped on my fifty percent patch (I need the speed) and shunpoed off to Rukia's rooms. Avoiding the other teachers was easy. The few who saw something flash by figured I was Byakuya.

Well my butt is sore and my soul is troubled. Me and Rukia. The Beach. ASAP.

But how? For without Bikini all is lost.

I've got the bikini – that was the (gasp) easy part, though I didn't come through the battle unscathed. The hard part is getting Rukia _into_ the bikini.

What's that old proverb? You can buy a girl a bikini but you can't make her wear it? Something like that. I considered the matter as I knocked on Rukia's door.

You know I'm even looking forward to the trip – a nice run, nothing the Ichigo Express can't handle with one small passenger.

"Rukia? Oh _Ruuukia?_"

She opened the door, let me in, but looked at me very suspiciously. "What?"

"Wanna go to the beach?"

And...

She smiled! Yes! Mission accomplished!

Then she frowned.

"It's a bit far to the water. I teach tomorrow."

"Not for me. Round trip, we can be back before dark, I promise."

"We'd need a lunch-"

"Already packed." I tapped my basket. "Snacks, drinks and everything."

She smiled! My Rukia smiled!

"I'll get my swimsuit." She moved towards a cabinet on one wall.

Yeeeeess!

Nooooooo!

"What the _hell?_ No!"

Rukia looked at me strangely, held up her swimsuit and looked at it like she couldn't figure out what my problem was. I swear, Byakuya must have bought it for her! In _1930_ - it belonged on somebody's grandmother!

"Noo! Not that! Bikini!"

"I don't have a-"

"I bought you-"

"I'm not wearing anything _you_ bought!"

I started stamping my feet and waving my arms. "No one piece! Especially not _that_ one piece! Bikini!"

Rukia wasn't having this. "You've probably brought something obscene!"

"Bikini!"

"I said no!"

"Bikini bikini bikini!"

"Ichigo, I said no!"

"Bikini!"

"All right, you stupid man! I'll look at whatever you bought me, but if it's obscene-"

"Bikini! Rukia Bikini now!"

"I _said_ I'll _look_ at it!"

So I fished it out of the basket.

She didn't look mortally outraged with what she saw.

That was a good start.

"Mmm." I started talking like Pyon - she trusts Pyon. "Nice and conserwative. -Kuya-bozu would apwoove." I pushed the interesting blue garment against her stomach.

"Would you stop that?"

"Bikini!"

"Shut up!"

"Bikini!"

She examined said garment. When she announced she'd think about it I let the subject drop.

Anticlimax, huh?

Well I couldn't push too hard - I'm a gentleman. Besides, I'll definitely take Rukia in her granny suit if the alternative is going to the beach by myself.

Rukia boarded the Ichigo Express a few minutes later and we were off the campus a heartbeat after that, her neatly seated seiza-style on my back, with her raised spiritual pressure masking mine.

Life was good. For a day I had no problems. There was no one but me and my Rukia in the entire world. I could run as fast as I wanted and my Rukia was with me. What more could I ever want in life? I'm nineteen years old – wait, I'm twenty now. No, wait a sec, I think I'm twenty one-

How have I lost track of my age?

Because I'm dead. Time doesn't mean what it used to.

With that gloomy thought firmly in mind I jumped over a tree. It's something to think about – I don't think it ever _really_ sunk in that I'm dead.

Focus on the run. God, I love to run.

When we reached the water we were nowhere, it was the perfect private beach, alone and empty and beautiful, with warm golden sand and my Rukia and no one else in the world to interfere with us. Perfection.

My Rukia wandered off to find some privacy, and she was packing - going, going, going gone-

A few minutes later she comes back carrying her pants. The length of her shinigami uniform covers whatever she's wearing under it, hopefully not the Kuya-bozu special-

My god, those legs! I mean I've seen her in a skirt hundreds of times but-

She's-she's reaching for the sash! She's reaching for the sash! The sash! Oh my god I'm having a religious experience!

My Rukia is wearing a bikini!

I'm not going to share the rest of that day; it's private. Let's just say I had a great time and by the time night rolled around I felt better than I had in months.

It could all be okay. Really it could. I have my Rukia, all sleepy and dozing against my back as I flashstep back. Life – or even death – can be pretty good.

* * *

It was late out, very late. But one light in Fourth Division still burned.

Isane worked feverishly, pens scratching out the vision from her mind.

* * *

I'm sitting under a tree having another really good laugh about Tatsuki Shoujo. Today's episode, Tatsuki's first Zanpakuto class. I'm thinking it didn't unroll quite like this; there probably weren't so many flowers around, for one thing. My first regular class I didn't go alone to a flowery meadow with some tall beautiful Sensei, it was me and a bunch of other grunts busting bokken on logs, this looks more like a lady Samurai duel sponsored by a fashion magazine. Tatsuki's uniform is down a little over one shoulder, softly and beautifully-

-_got_ to get this to Yumichika-

-Wait a second, the instructor - isn't that the hook-nosed harridan that taught one of the sections? It is! That woman is miserable! She's no shoujo instructress! She's a _hag_!

Whoever writes this crap is dreaming in Technicolor. I guess once that magic of Tatsuki Shoujo gets you it just sweeps you away. With flowers! And probably with soft and inspirational music.

Tatsuki Shoujo. I stand by what I said, this is the best stuff ever printed to paper.

Dammit, I should really crack the books now - we've got midterms coming up. I'm not _too_ worried because I can't do too well. Kido could be a bit of a bastard though.

Anyway, the weather is great so I didn't feel like going indoors to study. I feel like raising some hell, actually.

Maybe I could buy Rukia something nice. Something small and nice?

_Ruuuukia!_

I think I'll go see her right now!

So I snuck into the teacher's wing, slipped into her rooms. She smiled at me; she was just back from her bath, and she wore a soft white kimono. Her tiny little feet were bare. Rukia has the most amazing feet. They're so small they get lost in the palm of my hand.

She's so beautiful. She deserves so much more than me.

Rukia hasn't said anything yet, but she's smiling at me. Then she get very sad - ashamed? Why on earth is-

Rukia pulls on her sash and it falls open. The kimono slips off her shoulders. She's blushing, looking down, won't meet my eyes-

Rukia isn't wearing anything under her kimono.

For the life of me I can't think of why she's embarrassed - she's so beautiful, like an angel-

I went to her-

My Rukia.

That was our first time.


	36. Chapter 36 Focus

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

Waking up next to Rukia is probably the most wonderful thing that every happened. I've woken next to her before, for various reasons, but I've never woken to her tiny, naked perfection nestled against me.

Her little toes are touching me knees and I could feel her soft breathing against my chest.

She's so warm.

Somehow I'm feeling no urge to get up just yet.

Wait, I've lost something. Luckily I have a very good idea where to find it.

Ah, here it is! An adorably small and perfect bum! What a coincidence! I was looking for one just like this! And now I've found one.

Finders keepers, losers weepers. Sorry my Rukia, but this tiny bum is mine now and I'm going to keep it. I promise I'll always be more gentle with you than Rangiku was with me.

Rukia stirred a bit, looked up at me curiously, as though she wasn't sure what had happened.

I took the opportunity to kiss her.

She smiled at me.

She'd have to go soon, and so would I, but for the next few minutes it was just Rukia and I.

And it's all good.

* * *

Okay, a quick recap.

Exactly who knows I'm here?

Let's see, there's Rukia, Renji, Hanataro, Ikkaku and Yumichika. And Ganju.

And Chad.

And let's be reasonable, Momo _has_ to know.

And now Rangiku knows.

Nemu had her eyes shut, so she didn't see me-

But why would shut her eyes if she didn't know?

Or at least suspect?

Captain Ukitake found me, but then he lost me again, thanks to that memory device.

Yuzu and Karin know.

And maybe my father.

You know what? That's a lot of people.

Unfortunately, that list doesn't include Soi Fon, Byakuya or Sajin. Or Tatsuki, for that matter. If it did I'd no longer be so worried about being caught - all the people who actually know I'm here actually _like_ me. And none of them are captains.

Have to keep that in mind.

I'm feeling a little different tonight, so I think I'll do something I don't normally do. I'm going to take a back look through this diary scroll-

* * *

I've sat looking at this page for almost a half hour.

Then I wrote that one sentence.

And that one, as well as the one I'm writing now.

Twenty more minutes have passed.

I-

I keep this scroll as a diary. I'm not - rather, I wasn't sure why until last night, when Morisato was out, and in a fit of reverie I decided to look back a few meters.

I had to read it over three times to figure it out, and the first thing I decided was I had to stop. Then I decided I couldn't.

I've been raving.

For like a month now I've been raving. I'm turning into my father, the wild part of him. Writing down garbage about magical girl shinigami and abuse about Tatsuki and the list goes on and on.

What the hell has happened to me?

How could I have just written 'what the hell has happened to me?'

I know what's happened to me.

I'm starting to crack.

No ha ha this time.

No laughter.

I'm not laughing at all.

Am I going nuts?

Answer, No, I don't believe I'm going insane. Not the crazy kind of insane that gets you locked up at least.

Am I growing erratic? Eccentric even?

Answer, Yes, but only inside my own head, I'm sure nobody else has noticed yet.

But only because I don't talk to anyone but Rukia.

Is the stress getting to me?

Answer, yes. And there we have our problem, Pointe Finale. I've been losing my grip, at least in my head I have.

This time there's no joke, there's no crack about Renji or insult for Ikkaku or anything. After my third re-read of this last night I went to Rukia's room and spent the night with my head in her lap. She knew what had happened - she could tell just by looking at me, that I'd finally realized-

-that I have a problem.

I've never been a sociable person, quite the opposite. And that's _fine_, you know, that's just _me_ – I don't think I should have to apologize for that -

Outside of high school - and really, that's the last time I was normal enough to be relevant, outside of high school I had one friend, Chad. One buddy that I'd hang around with, just kick back on a bench somewhere and enjoy the silence of each others company. I've never needed more, but I was never in a position where I couldn't have _had_ more if I'd wanted to.

That isn't the way it works now. Here at the academy there's the Red Flower, any of whom could cost me my life, and the three I hang around with, Morisato, Seymour and Sei. And I can hardly tell any of _them_, certainly not _The Substitute_-addicted Morisato Or Sei, it makes me a little nervous how intently she reads _The Substitute_ and Tatsuki Shoujo.

Hear any funny jokes about either publication? No? Not today? Didn't think so.

The problem is I'm two people. The Ichigo I want to be and the Sado I have to be. And the strain of-

I really thought writing it out would help, but it hasn't. In the end the only guardian of my soul is me. I'll be more vigilant starting now, and I'll be more focused.

I have Rukia, and she's all I'll ever need.

My Rukia. Rukia will take care of me.

Jeeze, what the hell am I doing?

No, Rukia will _not_ take care of me – _absolutely_ out of the question. I don't _need_ to be taken care of and I'm not going to burden Rukia with my problems. If I can't do anything more for her at least I can do that.

Know something? This has to stop. I can just about handle academy life. And once I've got academy credentials I _will_ sneak back into the Seireitei, that's not optional, that's _going_ to happen. I may not be able to leave the Eleventh compound unless I'm going to town or the real world, but I _am_ going back in.

If they find me and try to kill me, so be it. And notice I said _try_.

I can't be this Sado Kon any longer, he's a fool. I can keep the name, but I have to be Ichigo. And Ichigo does what needs to be done. He always has and he always will.

There's just one thing in my way now, and by God I'm going to deal with it.

Tatsuki, I'm coming for you.

Got that? Like I came for Rukia. Like I came for Orihime. Like I'll come for any of them, if they should ever need me. When I'm focused I'm unstoppable.

And I'm focused again.

* * *

I was sitting in my room, plotting my next move. Tatsuki was everything I had worried she would be (though I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of anything anymore). Tatsuki is the Hakuda master from Hell. She was a tournament level martial artist before she got here and she joined the club that first week. And boy, was she well received.

Then she spotted Rukia and Momo – the three of them are hanging out all the time now.

At this point I'm wearing all my patches at once, though only one is actually on my head. All the others are wrapped around my bicep.

Got to keep my head down – Tatsuki can feel my pressure normally, when it's just leaking out, but the patches make me so quiet – you know, that has to be it. She hasn't put two and two together because she can't feel me.

She'll never see me coming this way.

I don't _like_ being this limited, Tatsuki. If Zaraki finds me he'll have me in pieces before I can get the patches off.

Either that or I'll pound him into dog meat.

Wait until I get you alone Tatsuki.

There was suddenly a knock on the window. I'm on the third floor, right?

"Renji?"

"We've got to talk, fast."

"Right."

I followed my pineapple friend out the window at the speed of flash, joined him on the roof of one of the dojos.

"We've got trouble."

"No shit. Did Hanataro tell you about Tatsuki?"

"Yeah, but I'm not here about that. I just heard from my friend in the office. One of the supervisors has started poking around in the records. You've got about two weeks to pay your school fees for the last eighteen months and out to the end of the year."

"Pardon?"

"Your fees Ichigo! The academy is only free to scholarship students, which you're not."

"Can you make me a scholarship student?"

"No, we don't have anyone in the bursar's office."

"Isn't there a sixth division memorial scholarship or something?"

"You might not think it but Captain Kuchiki is the accountant from hell. Anything disappears from divisional coffers he's going to know about it."

"Eleventh-"

"Zaraki is worse than Byakuya, as unbelievable as that is. I was his sixth seat, remember?"

"Hanataro-"

"There's nothing in fourth either-"

"Well my father-"

"Is being watched. He covers you and you're as good as caught."

"Shit Renji, this isn't the news I wanted to hear."

"Hearing from me beats hearing from the school bursar."

"Is there _anyone-_"

"No. The first thing we did was pass the hat. We can't raise enough money on two weeks notice. And don't even think about going to Rukia, Byakuya manages all the Kuchiki finances."

You know, I had to laugh.

"Caught for lack of money. Unbelievable."

"I've got a plan," said Renji.

"What is it?" Truth told I would have preferred one of Ikkaku's plans, but I'd take any lifeline-

"When I was a student here there was an underground tournament. You win that, the prize will cover your bill." He looked at me very seriously. "You _can_ win, can't you?"

It wasn't an insult, he meant without giving myself away.

"I-I think - yeah, yeah, I can do it. How do I get in?"

"I'm a long time out of the academy," said Renji, "But here's what you used to do-"

* * *

You know how I'm guilty of having those things where I say 'what could make my day worse?' Know how I do that?

Somebody, namely me, wasn't thinking. Hadn't been watching the clock. Hadn't being paying attention.

Guess what comes next in the timeline of _The Substitute_?

The root of my whole fucking problem, thank you very much! The Vizard issue!

There'd been no mention of my mask during the battle with Byakuya issues, only a bunch of heroic posing and three weeks worth of knock-down drag-out with the captain of sixth. Pretty good fight, I wish I'd seen that one. Very melodramatic, with me shouting about Rukia's love-

Yeah, whomever writes The Substitute is pretty definite about the idea of me and Rukia hooking up.

Anyway, today was the day. Thank God Morisato is out of the room.

Normally I at least glance through the story to see what's going on before I really sit down to read it for a good laugh, but today I couldn't help myself, I flipped through until I found the picture of me in the mask. It was a special issue, the damn picture was a fold-out like a Playboy centerfold.

I turned back a page, there was me cutting loose on Grimmjow - they were missing some of the details - I'm sure the Seireitei knew before that fight. I know Byakuya did. Anyways, page before, I'm all bloodied up from fighting Grimmjow, and he stops for a moment to make fun of me before he takes me down. And there I am going into a long soliloquy - Grimmjow had given me some sort of opening, asking how a weakling like me had ever beaten a hollow and how my power was broken which is where I started in on how 'I lost my power before' yada yada 'I gave up a part of my soul in that pit' yada, 'and then I became a-' That's where you flip the page and unfold the centerfold thing -'became a Vizard!'

Then there's a bit of an explanation off to the side about what a Vizard is, and so forth and so on, battle Grimmjow some more, force him back to Hueco Mundo with his tail between his legs.

Whoever is writing this is missing a lot of details. Eleven seconds of Vizard didn't beat Grimmjow. And he _left._ _I'm_ the one who escaped.

I never thought I'd be a centerfold.

Sigh.

At least I have my clothes on.

They got the mask wrong. Wrong number of stripes, and it's not quite so Gothic in real life. Well done, don't get me wrong, the artist obviously spent a lot of time on this, but it still isn't perfect.

_Who_ the hell was drawing this? Whoever it was, they'd _seen_ me in it, it was _way_ too close to have done it from a description. There couldn't be all that many people who'd seen it up close.

Who'd lived, anyways.

I'm a fricking centerfold.

Who's seen me in the mask? Who was close enough to count approximately the right number of stripes? There couldn't _be_ that many people. Usually I didn't Vizard up until we were in real trouble, when most of the lower-ranked officers had been ordered back, and my Vizard pressure is crushing-

Wait a second-

Up until now I've been assuming it was no one I knew making The Substitute. Clearly that's not true; whoever it is has been close enough to actually see my mask. Strong enough to live through the experience. That's what? Fourth or fifth seat?

Complicated, and I don't feel like complicated today.

No, today I feel like simple.

* * *

The Vizard was all anyone was talking about, and at lunch two or three of the more intrepid ones cornered Tatsuki and asked.

I think it says something about my mood that I hadn't read my Tatsuki Shoujo. Somehow I didn't think it'd make me laugh today.

Look at her! Her Yoruichi rig is totally white, That's what she's wearing right now, totally white with a red belt. Everyone else is wearing the damn student uniform! What makes her special? Is she trying to stand out? Is _that_ the point? A normal gi used to be good enough – what the hell has changed that she's wearing that now?

It makes me _sick_ to see her dressed like that! That's what _my Sensei_ wears!

She gives her little fans a glare of death – everyone when quiet all around her, nobody wanted to miss a word-

"Kurosaki Ichigo is a Vizard idiot. That's why he has the mask. Don't _ever_ ask me again."

And she said something more, I don't know what, I wasn't listening anymore. Looked like no one had bothered telling Tatsuki she wasn't supposed to talk about that whole Ichigo thing. With any luck there'd be hell to pay and they'd bury her face down in shit. People were making noises and asking her stupid questions - I took that opportunity to leave the cafeteria.

Yep, Kurosaki's a Vizard! What the hell's a Vizard, Tatsuki? Oh, it's a half-Hollow!

Look where being indecisive has gotten me! I should have done something weeks ago!

No more. Indecisive no more. It could all turn to shit around me. Gonna require _steps_.

I went to my room and thought about hanging myself. None too seriously of course, I'm more hang the other guy, if you know what I mean. I thought I had some sort of chance you know. New class, new generation of shinigami, none of who would know anything about - well - you know, I've been over it before. Now everyone knows about that damn mask!

I guess I shouldn't be surprised; the people who print The Substitute aren't actively on my side. You know, I shouldn't be doing this today, I'm boiling mad. Tatsuki-

She's not going to catch me. I'm going to catch her first.

I can't leave her, see? Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually she'd going to spot me. I know her so well, I know how she _thinks_. Tatsuki doesn't ignore things she doesn't like, she never has, she never will. She took on the guy who'd been peeping into the girls showers back when we were at school, taken on the administration and then gone to the police by herself. The guy had some inside connection somewhere, it caused a hell of an uproar when Tatsuki bypassed the school administration's and had a student arrested. Squad cars came and everything. Tatsuki doesn't care about shaming the school, Tatsuki cares about justice.

She's a _hero_ after all.

If Tatsuki knew I was here she'd have confronted me and everyone who'd ever seen a copy of The Substitute. Ergo she doesn't know I'm here – there is absolutely no way in Hell that Tatsuki knows and is ignoring me. Because Tatsuki isn't like that.

I'm going to get her first.

Tonight. The Hakuda club meets tonight, and Tatsuki jogs at night.

So I waited behind a building until the club let out, then waited some more. She'd be the last to leave, she was hero after all, no man left behind, even if they are just sweeping up.

And there she is now! Pretty Tatsuki, gone jogging under dark of moon alone. No gi for Tatsuki, not when Soi Fon can keep her tricked out in those backless shozoku things. Red and white for Tatsuki; she's a student after all.

Jogging under dark of moon without a care in the world. She can fight, see? Anything up to a Gillian, Tatsuki wouldn't break a sweat - Tatsuki doesn't have anything to fear in the dark-

Hueco Mundo is dark, and I'm half hollow. With my power muffled she can't hear me, she doesn't even know I'm behind her-

In my mind I pushed my Hollow back – this has to be done but I refuse to enjoy the hunt. I refuse to buy his reasoning that this is the natural order, the strong preying on the weak-

Down little Hollow. You know who's king here.

I've been through my diary – I started going off the rails when Tatsuki first showed up. This has to be resolved. For good or evil, this has to be resolved.

We're alone now.

It's time.

I close the distance.

She realizes someone is behind her, stops.

And sees me.

There's no fooling her, white hair or not.

Tatsuki opened her mouth to scream, but I'm way too quick to let that happen.


	37. Chapter 37 Showdown

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

I hit Tatsuki like a cannonball and ran with her. I've gotten bigger, right? Tatsuki hasn't. My shoulder, her stomach, she folded right up.

For a second it was easy – she didn't know what had hit her, but when she started to struggle she kicked like a fiend. Holding onto her got old fast, if you know what I mean. After about twenty seconds I'd had all of that that I cared to.

Thankfully, with legs like mine twenty seconds was long enough. We were some distance away from campus, away from anywhere in fact. A field.

Tatsuki obviously didn't like being carried so I dropped her in a heap.

She scrambled almost upright. The expression on her face was pure poison. Tatsuki hates me and wants me dead. I realized that all over again as she slowly got up.

"Well?"

She looked at me like I was a walking pile of shit. "Kurosaki Ichigo. You disgusting, _filthy_ – what the hell are you doing here? Come to beat me up for telling the truth about you? Is that it?"

"What happened to you?"

"I got sick," she snarled. "What's it to you?"

"Calm down." I was in no mood for this. "What, no more insults Tatsuki?" Sarcastic, I know, but I couldn't stop myself – the words were just pouring out of me.

"I'm going to tell you this once, you son of a bitch, leave me the hell alone! I don't ever want to see your ugly face-"

"You'd better get bloody used to my ugly face, Tatsuki, because you're going to be seeing a lot more of it. I go to school here."

She put her hands on her hips and laughed at me.

"So the almighty Substitute wasn't good enough to be a captain? They enrolled you here like the rest of us grunts? You're not worth my time, you despicable prick."

I had no conscious control over the rest of the conversation. She'd found the magic spot and she'd hit it and everything else that happened after-

"Don't you _dare_ take that tone with me, you little skank!"

"Shut your fucking hole, Ichigo!"

"No _you_ shut it! You're going to drop that Goddamn holier-than-though attitude and you're going to drop it now or I'll beat it out of you! You Goddamn little bitch! You think I _want_ to be talking to you? I have to know if you'll rat me out!"

I was roaring, angry like I'd never been. The frustration of years was coming out and I could no more stop it then I could cork my spirit pressure. I don't even know where it came from – I hadn't _known_ I was this angry. It had never _occurred_ to me that I was this angry, and I honestly couldn't stop myself-

"You're going to damn well answer me Tatsuki!"

She just sneers. "Say your peace and get out of my face."

"To make it _easier_ for you? I don't think so. You rat me out, you're going to _watch_. You're _not_ getting away with deciding you did the right thing and leaving me to – you're going to _watch_ me die!"

"What the hell are you talking about, idiot?"

"You rat me out they come and kill me. Got that Tatsuki? I want you to see that! I want you to _know_ that you're the one who killed me!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Ichigo?" That was the insulting version of no honorific, not the friendly one.

"Simple as that, Tatsuki. You wanted to kill me, here's your chance! Tell on me! Rat me out! There'll be a dozen captains here before your echo dies away! Well? Aren't you going to yell it from the damn rooftops? Here's Ichigo? Come and get him?"

She slapped me.

"Make _sense_, you crummy bastard, or I'll pound the shit out of you! What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm a _vizard_, remember? Remember _that_, honey? The whole _mask_ thing? They catch me they kill me, the Seireitei doesn't want a Vizard anywhere in existence, certainly not their precious academy!"

"So I rat you out and you go away?"

"Oh yeah, I go away. I go away _forever_ - Way to say it Tatsuki. Go on, be my fucking executioner. My one hope is that some day you wake up in the night and think you were wrong. But that would never happen – not with you, Tatsuki! You're _never_ wrong! Make yourself feel good Tatsuki, succumb to the urge! Tell yourself you're doing the right thing! I never thought you were such a low-down, vile, disgusting creature! Go on, get me killed! Make yourself _feel_ better!"

"What are you talking about? For the last bloody time what are you talking about?"

"No one knows I'm here! If they did they'd kill me!"

"Then why _are_ you here?"

"Where the _fuck_ else can I go? I'm _dead_ you stupid woman! The first thing that happened was the captains swarmed the real world _looking_ for me! They would have killed me! Now they think I've gone to Hueco Mundo!"

"So you're on the _run_?"

"Isn't that what you wanted? Ichigo chased to the ends of the earth and beyond? Punished for his sins? News flash, you bitch. I tried and I failed. I did the best I could to save the lives of the people around me and I wasn't able to save them all! It's _my_ fault Orihime's head is messed up! Hell, it's my fault Ishida's fucked up! It must be _my_ fault that _all_ those shinigami died! Go on Tatsuki! Rat me out! Make yourself feel better! Think of how goddamn wonderful you'll feel knowing you've got a home in the Seireitei and I've got _nothing_, nobody and nowhere to go until the end of fucking time! Well _fuck_ you! _I did the best I could!_"

She got quiet for a moment, asked me "Does Chad know?"

"He knows. We don't talk anymore."

"Not surprising Kurosaki, nobody wants to talk to you. You're poison, you fuck up every life you touch."

"Oh, this from _you_-"

"_Shuddup_! You ruined Orihime, you ruined Ishida and Keigo and now you're trying to ruin me!"

"Oh that's it! Break down and cry! All of this - everything - everything in the world is my fault! Must be nice not to have to take responsibility for anything! Everything is Ichigo's fault! I never told anyone to fight! I would have - I wanted to come alone to clean up my own mess! Orihime _chose_ to start down this road and she chose not to bring you! It was Orihime! It was your best friend that excluded you, you stupid bitch! Stop blaming me for everything that ever went wrong! It's not my fault!"

It's not my fault.

Epiphany.

Shock.

It's not my fault.

Understanding.

It's not my fault.

Release. Let it go.

It's not my fault.

* * *

Since the day my mother died I've always considered everything bad the result of my weakness. If I were stronger, if I were faster. If I were _better_ it wouldn't have happened. But I'm not better and that's my fault.

But here there's blame to go around. I _had_ to be the protector, Chad was infected with it too. He never blamed me for his death but he did blame me for Orihime and Ishida after. But I didn't break them. And Tatsuki blamed me because I blamed myself. Nowhere does it come into the equation that Orihime and Ishida made choices of their own, and that taking blame for what happened disrespects them in the worse possible way. They were great warriors, they made a _difference_. Because of them people lived who'd otherwise have died. Who am _I_ to disregard that?

Tatsuki is crying on her knees because of this - but not because of me. Because of herself. She assigned all the ills in the world to me and I've just shrugged them off, thrown them back in her face. I also made decisions and saved lives that otherwise would have been lost. She's just asked herself who _she_ is to look down on me for it. Because if _I'm_ not to blame for everything that ever made her unhappy, who is?

I've gotten a jaundiced point of view in this line of work, because I stepped back and forth between the world of the living and the world of the dead, but it's not like that for other people. Tatsuki has an incredibly sharp line drawn in her mind, on one side is written 'here I am alive' and on the other is written 'here I am dead.' And she's just realized that this great realization should have come to her _while_ she was alive, so that she could have enjoyed her time with her friend Orihime, rather than allowing her resentment of me to shade every moment of every day of the final years of her life. That was _her_ fault, not mine.

It doesn't have to be my fault.

As strange as it sounds, that had _never_ occurred to me before.

Tatsuki and me. We are the embodiments of each others anger.

Go ahead Tatsuki. End it.

"I'll take you back to campus. You can call the Captains, you can do whatever the hell you want."

"_No."_ She looked up. Her face was a mess, all tear stained.

"What?"

"You want my silence, Kurosaki? You're going to _buy_ it."

"I'm going to _what_?"

"I'll make you a deal, Kurosaki Ichigo. You make me the strongest Reaper in academy history and I won't give away your little secret."

"You want me to _train_ you? Why?"

"Captain Soi Fon is good, but you're better. Much as I _hate_ you, you're the best with a Zanpakuto. You're going to make me into a monster, Kurosaki." Tatsuki glared at me. "It ought to be easy for you."

"Cheap shot hon, that's nice. Just about what I expected-"

"It's the truth," she snarled. "Ichigo the hero, a hero at any price, at any risk! You took shortcuts! Show them to me!"

_Shortcuts_? Why you wretched little-

"I don't think you know what you're asking-"

"I know _exactly_ what I'm bloody well asking. I'm going to take all the same risks. You're the _only_ person who'll teach me that way. There's no emergency! Soi Fon and Yoruichi are holding back! I _need_ to go _faster_!"

You want to go _faster_? Bitch, you have come to the _right_ place.

"You want to be a killer then I'm your guy. I can make you the most frightening thing this academy has ever seen. Do you have a Zanpakuto?"

"Not yet."

"Get one. When you do I'll show you how to use it. First of all I'm going for a run and you're going for a ride."

"Pardon me?"

I turned my back to her. "_Get on_. I'm going to carry you just like I used to carry Rukia. You're going to practice raising your spiritual energy and holding on. Your power is going to mask mine, that way we can get far enough from Campus to practice. You just tell me when you've had enough."

Tatsuki snarled at me. "I can take anything you've got to give, Kurosaki."

"I somehow doubt that. Get on."

Tatsuki jumped on me, no doubt trying to hurt me. Elbow, heel and knee, she managed to turn every sharp edge my way. So I returned the favor, grabbed her legs and jumped into a shunpo. Seconds later we were off and picking up speed fast. It felt good, even with Tatsuki trying to choke the life out of me while I tried to pull both her legs out of their sockets.

"Keep your power up!"

I thought for a moment she was going to sink her teeth into me.

* * *

And that's what happened with Tatsuki.

My Protege Tatsuki.

I never realized I'd so massively lose control, but she's _always_ told me everything is my fault – she knew the one way to hurt me. To see her here, about to take away what little I've got left, this life of fear and uncertainty I live – it was just more than I could handle –

You know, I don't even want to talk about this.

I'm going to bed.


	38. Chapter 38 Prelude To Friday

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

The next day dawned and the world hadn't collapsed around me.

So that's okay.

Of course I now have another unwanted protege – and that protege is _Tatsuki_ – God, they call _me_ a loose cannon, I'm nothing compared to Tatsuki. I always had the sense to back off when I was fighting a foe I couldn't-

Okay, I stepped away for a moment to get a drink and I just reread that last line about me and good sense.

Let's pretend I didn't say it and just move on.

Tatsuki is a loose cannon, that much is true. And I really don't look forward to training her the way she's going to insist on being trained. That sort of shit is going to get me caught/her killed. Half the stuff I did was (in hindsight) just a _little_ on the risky side.

Still, if we keep it away from campus and I keep the taps turned off I _might_ not get caught-

Anyway, what's done is done, I've got no way around this. Me and Tatsuki.

Great.

So, yeah, fight night. Time to make an appointment to kick a little ass.

Fighting – ah, fighting. The pressure of _not_ fighting is killing me. It's been well over a year since I took down a hollow and longer still since I had a decent fight. You've got no idea just how much I want to storm Eleventh division and leave the gang in a world of hurt – and where's Grimmy when I need that bastard? I need Espada to pound, I'm going out of my mind because I can't hammer someone.

You know I'd open a Garganta and go hunting but I know it'd set off the sensors here. And the moment I actually go to Hueco Mundo like they _think_ I have-

Pure distillate of frustration, that's me.

It's times like this I think of Ukitake and wonder just how many really good fights he's had in the past thousand years. I wish I was mellow like him. Unfortunately the longer I survive the more I figure the captain who stamped their mark on me is – you _know_ it baby - the Demon of Zaraki.

Oh, how I wish I could fight Zaraki. I _so_ need to burn some stress and the big guy can take anything and everything you give him.

But do I get to fight Zaraki? No, no I don't.

Anyway, I've got a more proximate problem, and it's a big one! _Tatsuki is angry again_.

Sound important?

No?

I didn't think so either, but I hate Tatsuki so I just figured I was biased or something.

No?

Excellent. Why don't we just go forward on the assumption that Tatsuki is a douche bag, I rock and forget the whole wanted fugitive thing? Do that and and all is pretty much good with the world. Right?

Right?

Shit.

I'm sitting for breakfast, feeling good for dodging a bullet. Even with Tatsuki at the far end of the table I've got nothing to worry about. Not until at least dinner.

Back to why she's pissed. Seems whomever decided she'd look good in the shoujo magical manga has also determined that Tatsuki must be lonely.

You know, _lonely_. Normally this would be laugh-a-minute territory but in this case she's _way_ uncomfortable with the assumption. See, nothing has happened yet but the artist has started drawing her mooning around the campus.

I don't know quite how to put this, but I'm getting the feeling 'ole Tatsuki's in for some girlish love – I can't see them bringing in a bishōnen or anything just for her. And we're short of them here you know. I mean, I doubt _I_ qualify and really, there's something about student shinigami that just doesn't work for bishōnen. Probably something about what would happen if Ikkaku and the rest of the apes from Eleventh heard there were bishōnen on campus, they'd come down here and give them a good old Eleventh Squad welcome.

And that'd be good, because really, who likes bishōnen anyway?

Maybe they could use Renji? If he combed out that stupid pineapple thing and wore his hair down? I mean he's probably a little on the tough and mean side (he did come from Eleventh after all), but I'm sure Tatsuki would find him a more acceptable choice than just about anyone else. Him and Tatsuki dated a couple times, but nothing ever came of it.

Nah, I'm thinking it's going to be a girl – there's a whole subtext thing that's _so_ not between the lines.

Tatsuki ain't going to like that _at all_.

I'm just wondering what girl they've got cast as the love interest. They haven't shown the anything overt yet, but there's been one or two shots - it's always just the uniform. Like in this frame here, Tatsuki is in the background staring, and you basically get the expanded view left half of a woman's pelvis (uniform pants and coat) walking away from her. The implication is that Tatsuki is staring at her ass. And maybe she is, but it's actually more fun not to ask her. You know, just sort of smile every once in a while, like something humorous just occurred to me.

Hey, subtle is my middle name. I'm so subtle, in fact, that I try to keep a copy of Tatsuki Shoujo around just in case I happen to see her. You know, so I can point at the pictures.

I'm thinking the artist is a girl with the hots for our crabby dragon. That's my theory anyway. I think that somewhere nearby there's a girl hoping to see how Tatsuki reacts before approaching and presumably drawing herself into the storyline.

Why a girl? And not some pervy guy, I mean?

Just a feeling.

You know, it occurs to me that _my_ hair is almost long enough for the pineapple look...

A _snowy_ pineapple!

Anyway, I'm losing some of my patience with Tatsuki Shoujo. It's an awful storyline, Tatsuki never seems to do anything but moon around, fall softly in love and generally be shoujo. Of course I'm biased – I read Jump, but this is _Tatsuki_ we're talking about. She should be kicking ass, not shown elegantly posing before a battle starts.

Though I wouldn't mind seeing the artist take a shot a Soi Fon though. A shoujo Soi? _That'd_ be worth some laughs.

Clearly _The Substitute_ is the preferred publication on campus. And it's not like I'm biased, no, due to its better storyline and more lovable hero, _The Substitute_ is just a better read.

Still, anything that pisses off Tatsuki is okay by me.

Days like this I wish I could draw, I'd have a metric assload of Tatsuki-based manga circulating – it'd be great.

Anyway, today I've got a load off. Figured out what I'm going to get wrong on tomorrow's test, no immediate threats of getting caught – all told, it's all good. I'm not expecting too many surprises today, but I am heading down to tournament land today. Illegal underground tournament land.

Hey, what's the worst that could happen?

* * *

You know, the whole tournament thing, I should have figured this out before. Anywhere you get the type of people who become shinigami you're going to get these healthy outlets for aggression.

Surprised no one from Red Flower had mentioned it. Though I guess the Red Flower gang didn't want me showing up and taking their tournament winnings away. Illegal tournament - all the signs were there, I just hadn't been looking.

That's a lapse on my part, I really have to pay better attention. I _should_ have known this existed. Hell, even Renji had figured it out, once upon a time.

Don't get me wrong, it's just that Renji sometimes isn't the most observant guy in the world. Not like me.

Except he found the tournament and I didn't.

Had to be a few of the Senseis involved, there'd almost have to be to keep the thing underground. Anyway, if you knew what you were looking for, the tournament wasn't that hard to find. And I'd been given directions.

They had a few guys around the door – this was pre-qualifying.

"Piss off." That was the little one. Well, you know the deal, any situation like this you need one little guy to do the talking and a couple of big stupid ones to back him up – it's practically the law. I guess they weren't too impressed by my second year uniform.

"I'm here on business."

"Pal," said one of the big ones, "the man said piss off."

Why do they always have to have oversized dumbasses on the door? Dramatic tension? How should I know?

These guys were rude, so I tried another approach. "Lookit assclowns, I want onto the ladder."

The little one looked me over.

"Come with me."

I did, one of his bullish buddies follows us into a an old storage room.

"Let's see what you've got with Yugi here."

I draw my Zanpakuto. It's still sealed of course, but a third year bouncer isn't much of a threat.

We banged back and forth for a few minutes until the skinny one decided I was good enough.

"Ten o'clock Friday night. Bring your Zanpakuto and keep in mind that anyone who ever tried to talk got their legs broken. Don't wear your uniform either. If you do you won't be allowed to fight."

That was probably something to do with keeping the paperwork in order – after all, it couldn't involve students if they weren't wearing student uniforms, could it? Of course not.

I hate semantics. And it's like, Buddy, the first time I met an Espada I cut his arm off. You want to break my legs you better bring more than a pair of fourth years.

Yeah, bitch. Cuz that's the size of it.

Anyway, I'm in – I've got my in.

I just hope Rukia doesn't find out.

* * *

Friday night fights. I'm on the junior ladder, which means there's some prize money if you can get to the top. Enough to make it worthwhile at least. Junior ladder starts at sixteen people and narrows down to one. Mostly it's students, though one or two look like ringers from the Rukongai. Obviously that's supposed to be a cover, though who'll actually fall for it I'll never know. Junior ladder winnings should cover just enough to get my first payments in (stupid Renji didn't know they'll take installments. What can I say, he was a scholarship boy).

The senior ladder is seven or eight fighters down to one grand champion. That's the serious money, and that's what I'll win next. Senior ladder, according to Renji, requires you to at least get to the final match on the junior ladder. That's where the real money is and with any luck that's what I'll be doing _next_ Friday.

Hopefully I'll be able to pay my damn bills and have a little left over.

Can't believe I'm playing gladiator. Especially with kids I could drop just by raising my spirit pressure. The hardest thing will be not getting caught.

Hopefully none of the shinigami will be there – just what I need, to find Captain Commander Assface hunching there, trying to be inconspicuous in sunglasses and a bad fedora like some two-bit hood. It'd be better to see the twisted up old troll-

Ah, I hate the guy, what can I say? Captain Commander Assface.

What a fucking jerk.

The crazy thing is Renji never won the senior ladder; he only got as high as third place. And this is a future Vice Captain right? And probably Captain, soon enough, but no, Renji said he never won. In fact he said both the people who beat him are dead now, casualties of early missions.

I guess there's a price to pay for being cocky, huh? If the toughest opponent you've ever faced isn't actually trying to kill you the first opponent who _is_ can be a bit of a shock. Those hollows play hard ball.

Renji had told me you couldn't wear the student uniform. That's going to be a nuisance, let me tell you. Maybe I'll wear my toga, the black one I wore when I went up against Byakuya. That's a good look for me.

Nah. It's a little too prominent in a certain high quality publication.

The crazy part is I have to cross reference my copy of The Substitute just to see what I've been drawn wearing. The Bankai coat? That's a little obvious.

What an annoying change in my fortunes. I'm just glad I found out about Tatsuki already. I'm still reeling a little from that; I don't think I've got my emotional balance back fully yet.

Shit this is a nuisance.

Anyway, I waited until nobody was around, then I flashed some distance away from Campus.

Here it is, opening night. I guess I'm sort of cheating, what with being Vizard destroyer of worlds and all. And the whole Bankai thing, a lot of people would think that was cheating. Certainly Renji, Ikkaku and the boys would. And Rukia would kill me, I mean she would _kill_ me if she found out I'd gone Bankai on defenseless students.

Well I'm in kind of a bind, you see I can't see this thing going down without Shikais being released. So I bring out a cleaver as big as I am? Zangetsu is a lot easier to pick out of a crowd then I am (especially with my mop of longish white hair), so I can hardly whip him out, shout his name and expect no one to notice. On the flip side, if I don't at least _seem_ to to have a shikai they might not even let me fight. And that absolutely can _not_ happen.

Besides, this isn't going to be a fight, it's a con, a scam. Students against _me_?

If anyone asks I'll tell them it was performance art or something. Anything but a fight.

Zangetsu's bankai form against students. I just hope nobody catches me.

Well, I need the coin, there's no choice here.

Dammit this is hard to justify to myself. Not the money part, just using Zangetsu against people who (for all intents and purposes) aren't actually _armed_. I should be swinging a Bokken or something.

You know I can see it now. I'm going to get there and my first opponent _will_ be Grimmy, who'll be in the same damn predicament I am, hiding out from a bunch of people who want to kill him. And he'll be like, "Stranger." And I'll say to him, "Stranger." It'll be just like the Old West in those American cowboy movies.

And then Grimmy will say "Ah, what the fuck. Grind, Pantera!"

And I'd be like, "Rock and Roll, Bitch! Bankai!" I hate Grimjaw and I'll whack that bastard if I find him. But you have to admit we'd look pretty stupid pussyfooting around each other trying not to get caught.

* * *

Friday night and I'm ready to fight, kicking asses to the left, kicking asses to the right.

Word!

So I took the opportunity to shunpo away from campus, took a good look to see that no one was around. Then I lit up.

Bankai, boys and girls. If you didn't know what you were looking at you could easily mistake it for a Shikai. Which is what I'm counting on. Then I took off my coat. I'm going at this one bare chested, like Ikkaku, so it should be a bit of a disguise for me.

I happened to look down. Okay, so I'm a little scarred up. Maybe a lot scarred up, but it's the best disguise I've got. Lots of guys get mauled up badly in the Rukong, and let's face it, in the story nobody ever scored a hit on me, there's no mention at all of being run through by Zaraki or Byakuya or sliced up by Renji and Ikkaku. The Substitute is supposed to be so good that he never gets marked.

Didn't quite work out that way.

I wish I could explain how good it was to be back in a proper black uniform again, even if it was only the pants. What can I say? Zangetsu rocks. I folded my coat and hid it in a tree. Then, with the old man's stoney silence and the damn hollows laughter echoing in my head I wrapped some green ribbon around the guard in a nice little bow and tied a long strip of it to Zangetsu's hilt chain. What can I say? Dance, Sode no Shirayuki?

I can't, it's been said in _The Substitute_.

In my mind Zangetsu was colder than Sode no Shirayukis ice, but I mollified him a bit by telling the hollow to shut the fuck up. All three of us look stupid, so I don't see what that asswipe has to laugh about.

That's the problem with Zanpakuto that reflect your own personality and damn inner hollows. I've already got enough stupid and stubborn to go around, thanks.


	39. Chapter 39 Shinigami Fight Club

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

Look, I could go into a long cursing tirade about life, the universe and everything, but I'm not going to. I can't even remember the damn details and it doesn't matter anyway.

Tatsuki is on the ladder.

Yada yada yada, I'll spare you all the pissing and moaning. Tatsuki is going to realize just what I'm swinging at these poor defenseless little snowflakes and she'll go batshit wild. That woman, I swear. Then she'll tell Rukia – Tatsuki will be the death of me yet. What the hell is she doing on the ladder? She doesn't even have a Zanpakuto!

Nah, don't panic. She can't rat on me, not while she wants something from me. The only way she's going to get it is by not giving me away.

I can't even get worked up anymore - my nerves are shot. All the-

Damn I'm tired. I need a night of sleep.

Entire frickin' universe is messing with me.

* * *

I didn't want to be in this damn challenge. Why is this happening to me?

There's Tatsuki and her little gang.

Let me back up a little. There's an illegal fight club on campus. You bring your money, put it down and then take your chances. Sort of an unofficial tournament.

Anyways, I'm broke, I need money badly. I don't know what arrangements have been made to pay for my stay here but I need cash.

So here I am.

I've brought my 'shikai' with me. It's a nodachi longsword, black, with manji cross guard, also black (disguised for tonight with some lovely green ribbons). I've also added a meter of green ribbon off the pommel.

My apologies to Rukia's Zanpakuto. You guessed it, I'm taking my bankai to the student body.

Across the room (and it's a big room, there are at least two hundred people here) Tatsuki's friends are rubbing her shoulders and encouraging her – like what kind of asshole _encourages_ you to try your luck bare handed against someone holding a sword?

Thankfully Tatsuki's name is on the far side of the board from Sado Kon, so she won't be my problem unless she makes the final round. And really, what are the odds? Everyone else has a Zanpakuto, honey.

Sixteen fighters, fifteen matches total, four for me. I'm in the first scheduled bout. First contender on my side of the ladder, a scrawny first year kid who looks like he could also use the money.

Sorry buddy. Maybe next time. I need that prize money the bookies put up.

Shinigami fight club. Ikkaku would have loved it.

Bankai or not I have to admit I feel a little self-conscious, standing here without my shirt on. Does anyone else have their bankai going?

No?

That's a shame. I do. Hell, I even thought of wearing my mask, except I'm probably easier to recognize with it on then with it off.

And the bell sounds!

Round one- first round to... Ichigo! Yes, I managed after a few minutes to trick a first year into overextending himself. Palm to the top of the head and I move up the ladder.

He wasn't bad, I guess. Probably a good fit for Eleventh, at some point. I should take his name for Ikkaku-

Gee, I feel very proud of myself. Perhaps I'll mug some old ladies later, maybe take some candy from babies too.

It's obviously a slow night, I gather they don't usually let four first years onto the ladder at one time. I'm guessing they don't bring enough fans. Still, the ladder has to start somewhere. Call this amateur night.

Thankfully three of those first years are on my side of the chart (I get to fight another next) so nobody will suspect me for winning. I _am_, after all, in _second_ year.

Haven't really been paying attention to the other matches. Too busy scanning the crowd for anyone I know. So far I haven't seen anyone, thank God.

Round two rolls around, my ticket to the final four.

And it goes to... Ichigo. As the French would say, Quel Surprise! Or something like that, those are the only two words of French I know. That was my other first year opponent.

Congratulations, I'm now officially a bit player in Shinigami fight club.

I went back to watching the crowd until they called my name for round three, first of the semi finals. I was paired with a fifth year guy. Bow, raise swords-

I let this one drag out for almost five minutes then- Yay! Another win for Ichigo!

And there was still nobody I knew in the crowds.

You know, this next part is really unforgivable. I have no excuse for not knowing in advance – all I would have had to do is watch some bloody matches rather than concentrate fully on everything but – I _can not_ afford to make this kind of stupid mistake and get surprised this way, stress is _not_ an excuse. My titanic arrogance- unforgivable!

My opponent in the finals?

Tatsuki.

And I was surprised. That's the worst part, was that I was actually _surprised_. Tatsuki versus academy students and here I figured that _I_ was the only one who was going to have a cakewalk-

Just who the hell do I think I am?

I really am better suited to fighting on my own, doing that whole Lone Warrior thing. Because it looks like I'm incapable of trusting a comrade - or an ex-comrade – to get anything right.

Most of my ex-comrades want to kill me. I should really pay more attention to what they get right.

* * *

And here we are, Tatsuki glaring at me from across the circle, me, standing here without a shirt, Zangetsu resting across my shoulders. She's got a Soi Fon costume on. Minus the haori, of course.

Tatsuki knows exactly what the hell she's looking at.

I wonder if I should take off her head and just me done with it. She's the competitor, not me. I just want the prize money, but Tatsuki wants to _win_. Doesn't matter that these people never stood a chance against her, she wants to beat them anyway.

So she can tangle with me.

I suspect Tatsuki will bring in _a lot_ of money on the senior ladder. Girl has talent and an excellent teacher, what can I say? Excellent _teachers_ - Soi and Yoruichi are teaching her the other stuff.

I can't turn Zangetsu loose on Tatsuki. It ain't safe, the old man has a lot in common with dragon girl. We're going to have to do this the other way.

Tatsuki thinks she's a demon in hand to hand - she would have been the best in Japan for girls in her age group if she hadn't had her arm in a sling at the time. Of course, she wasn't fighting someone who uses spirit energy. I suspect that will make a difference.

Zangetsu doesn't like being stuck in the ground very much but he likes being underfoot even less. So I stood him up by jamming him into the floor. Then I raised both fists.

Me and Tatsuki, no holding back. I don't know that Tatsuki or I will particularly _enjoy_ this, but put it this way, it wouldn't surprise me.

People were starting to boo because I wasn't going to use my Zanpakuto. They'd been watching the matches, they figured Tatsuki would roll right over me without it-

_-Engage!_

Tatsuki blurs forward – the fists are already bouncing off me – she's quick, but nothing like as quick as she thinks. And she hits hard, but not as hard as she thinks. She's pulling the punches, at least a little, but she's still swinging too damn hard. Now I've got Numero-level (I _am_ on the patch after all) iron skin going on top of a touch of that whole invulnerable Zaraki thing, so at her current level Tatsuki's going to break with her tiny little paws on me. For now – Tatsuki's spirit control is worse than mine – she can't do jack unless she's angry and even then her power builds with her emotions. That said, at her top end Tatsuki is more than a match for anyone else in this academy, and that's _including_ the teachers.

Shit, I'm not wearing a coat - one of these kids is going to decide Tatsuki should have marked me with those fists and I don't even bruise-

Well I'll cross that bridge, turn around and blow it up with Gran Rei Ceros when I come to it-

Right now I'm fighting Tatsuki.

You know what? This is good. Admittedly I'm glad she can't do Soi Fon and Yoruichi's Instant Warcry technique - Flashcry is bad news. I'm absolutely awful at it (it requires advanced kido control) but when I power up my fists it doesn't make much difference.

Tatsuki jumps back, fists up, reevaluating me – she's figured out her regular rib busting punches aren't going to be enough-

Annnnd-

_Engage!_

Tatsuki is fast and she's back on the offensive. That damn Hakuda club will be after me again for this one but they'll have Tatsuki's ass joined up before sunrise.

I'm starting to work here - when I say she's not as fast as me she's still _damn_ fast, and I'm trying to stay under the radar. Only problem is I absolutely _have_ to win. So I have to stay faster than Tatsuki, only not so fast that Soi Fon comes to investigate the second year who handed Tatsuki her ass.

Every blow I'm blocking - good - Tatsuki's too worked up to realize that I _want_ to be on the defensive. I can match her, even looking like I can't match her. When I-

_Attack!_

_Got her!_

_And she dodges!_

Shit – here it comes - Tatsuki figured out I was playing possum and opens up the taps, really starts to blow. _Shit_, she was holding back, now it looks like I was too, and how could I have anything in reserve _before_ when I wasn't even attacking-

Tatsuki's too ferocious to hold back - I'm going to have to finish this quickly - shit shit _shit_ I'm going to have to go on the offensive and do it fast – she's getting mad and building pressure - she's not getting around me yet but the kettle is starting to boil. She's a hell of a lot stronger than she looks, a lot stronger than any of the other first years, shit, at full blow (and me aside) there's no one in this academy who can match Tatsuki, even _with_ a Zanpakuto-

_Have I said SHIT yet?_

That pressure is getting stronger fast - Tatsuki has to build to it- she can't just turn it on yet – and I'm seriously corked back here – I've got pressure in reserve, even with the patch, but start opening the taps and people are going to notice fast-

She's glowing like a Goddamn light bulb -

-I _don't _have all that much more than she does _with this fucking eye patch!_

Time to go to-

Then Tatsuki breaks the sound barrier and goes to Shunpo. Feet and fists are slamming off me like machine gun bullets. Her control is lousy but her power is still _building_ – I _noticed_ those last few punches-

_There is absolutely no choice here._

Kurosaki goes to Shunpo. I'm going to overwhelm her while I still have some credibility with these people - any moment now they're going to start wondering why I'm not dead of my injuries.

Tatsuki is matching me and she's still gaining speed. Good, that's what I want, keep going Tatsuki - faster and faster, any second now, and -

Boom.

She's hit it! She's going so fast that no one but me can see her! The feet and fists-

_BAM!_

I dropped Tatsuki like a bad habit.

It's over.

Sorry Tatsuki. I _need_ that money.

Tatsuki's as touch a fighter as I've ever seen but she's got something she can't help. She's wiry and strong but she's got a neck that's smaller than my right arm. As good as she is she can't compensate for a fist that's bigger than both of hers, she simply doesn't have the muscle mass to resist.

I just hope I didn't break her jaw.

Shit. There she is, laid out on her back, arms and legs going like an upside down turtle. I feel a little ashamed of myself. Oh, not that I'm being chivalrous here – Tatsuki's a warrior, not a woman, if you get my distinction. It's just that we'd never fought for real before. Most of my life I counted Tatsuki as a good friend, even if we were never particularly close after puberty. And here we are, me having knocked the shit out of her.

She'd have done the same or worse to me, don't get me wrong. But right now she's the one on the ground.

Vizard destroyer of worlds. All my life Tatsuki thought she was the toughest thing on two legs. Even when I became a shinigami and got strong, even after she figured _that_ out, Tatsuki figured she could handle me in a fight. As long as I didn't have a Zanpakuto.

Well, she's just be disabused of that concept. There's a very short list of people who've killed Espada-class arrancar and the only people who weren't past or present shinigami Captains to make that list were yours truly and my boys Chad and Uryu.

Tatsuki - oh look, I think she just remembered that.

Jeeze Tatsuki.

Pride. Remind me not to indulge – if it were me on the ground, and any one of maybe ninety nine percent of shinigami standing over me, I'd already be dead.

Glad we had this out Tatsuki. I offered her a hand to stand up. Rubbing her jaw she glared at me, then actually reached out and took it.

That's right Tatsuki, behave for Sensei.

And so it was that I won the final match on the junior ladder. I've got a down payment on my tuition for the year now, and the weaselly little guy just told me that I made the senior ladder.

Next Friday I'm in the big leagues.

So to speak.


	40. Chapter 40 Tatsuki's Zanpakuto

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings don't belong to me

* * *

Rangiku had skipped off work and was spending the afternoon wandering about. The Captain was in a series of meetings and she didn't see a reason to spend such a beautiful day indoors. And so she wandered aimlessly, passing through the gardens of the Seireitei.

As usual Rangiku felt the urge to talk, and thought about finding someone to talk to. At the moment she didn't feel particularly drinking, so Captain Kyoraku probably wasn't a good choice of companion.

Rangiku carefully pretended not to notice Nanao and Isane as they skulked behind some bushes. They'd managed an acceptable job of keeping their relationship hidden, but of course Rangiku knew everything that happened in the Seireitei-

Speaking of knowing everything, there was one thing Rangiku didn't currently know. How exactly had Kurosaki Ichigo gotten into the Seireitei academy?

Curiosity, to Rangiku, was an admirable trait. And of course Ashcat agreed.

She should perhaps launch an investigation.

Possibly it might end with drinks later. The boys were mostly lightweights, by Rangiku's standards, in the Seireitei only Shunsui, Jyushiro (when he was feeling well) and Captain Zaraki could better her with the sake cups. Of the others only Ikkaku and Iba were really a challenge. Renji, Hisagi and Kira, poor pretty boys that they were, well they just weren't in her league.

Ichigo had friends in the Seireitei, and his closer friends were the ones most likely to break the rules anyway. Renji (granted he claimed his captain had tacitly approved) went tearing off to Heuco Mundo without orders. Ikkaku and (to a lesser extent) Yumichika only listened to Captain Zaraki. And Captain Zaraki himself, well, he was the one and only Zaraki Kenpachi. What more could be said?

Renji would have to be involved of course. Though neither would ever admit it he was probably Ichigo's best friend. It certainly wasn't Chaddo anymore.

Would Chaddo know?

Rangiku shrugged, causing a nearby shinigami to drop the load of papers he'd been carrying. Getting anything out of Chaddo bordered on impossible, he could be a very dry stick. Becoming a vice captain hadn't changed that at all.

But Renji, on the other hand, _he'd_ be easier.

And of course Ikkaku, which meant Yumichika, and Nemu had to know. She'd start with the Seireitei's baldest man. And he was the Seireitei's baldest man - counting the hair on the captain commander's chin he was indeed less bald than Ikkaku.

Ikkaku had it down to an art – if only he could extend his vast knowledge of the follicularly challenged arts to her legs-

Rangiku turned towards Eleventh division. Renji was usually busiest during the afternoons, while Ikkaku trained his subordinates hard in the morning. On nice days he'd go off to fight in the afternoons. It wouldn't be that hard to find him.

And indeed, it wasn't. She located Ikkaku lying under a tree and sat beside him.

"Good afternoon, bullet-head."

Ikkaku opened one beady eye to look at her, promptly shut it again.

Rangiku tapped on his shiny head a few times. "I said good afternoon, bullet-head!"

"Go away Matsumoto. I'm taking a nap."

All right, she'd have to sweeten the pot a little.

"Such a pity," said Rangiku. "And to think I felt like a fight-"

Ikkaku was already on his feet, crouched a little. Baldy-san would fight anyone and particularly enjoyed fighting people he didn't usually get to fight. Rangiku qualified - Ikkaku was a warrior to the core and never saw anything but her strength - even her girls couldn't distract him when he was fighting.

Ikkaku had impressive concentration. One of these days they'd make him a captain whether he wanted to be one or not.

Rangiku drew Ashcat, barked "Wait!"

"What? Let's get started!"

"I want to know something. If the fight lasts at least half an hour I want you to answer a question."

The bullet-head didn't think that one through. He never did when he had an opponent.

"Fine."

Rangiku smiled. "Then _dance_ with me, Ikkaku-san."

Both shunpoed forward, locked up their unreleased Zanpakuto.

Rangiku smiled despite herself. They were well matched, and truth told she liked Ikkaku as a sparring partner. His technique was one-sided, made no use of kido or hakuda, but he was very good. Renji was more rounded and Iba more rounded still, but for a good scrap it was hard to beat Ikkaku. Most of the other Vice-Captain class fighters, the males at least - had to be cut up a little before they'd treat her as an opponent. And the females - they tended mostly towards kido (or in Nemu's case some Hakuda). And sometimes, when Rangiku was feeling aggressive, the boys simply gave her a better match.

Sparring with the lady captains was always interesting, but there was simply too much of a gap between her and Captain Unohana while Soi tended away from her Zanpakuto.

Sparring felt good - it was nice to work the kinks out. Ikkaku was really only a third seat in title - anyone with Bankai was classed a little above vice captain if they weren't actually a captain. Except for the precious little Kurosaki girls, who even Momo treated as precious little sisters to be shielded from danger.

The bullet-head almost knicked her!

He was grinning that Ikkaku grin.

"You ready to start paying attention Matsumoto?"

"Growl Haineko!"

"Extend Hozukimaru!"

* * *

Their spar had lasted for almost an hour. Both had collapsed under the same tree she'd first found him under.

Matsumoto wished she'd had the presence of mind to bring some sake.

"So Ikkaku," she said sweetly.

"What? You want some more?"

"You said you'd answer my question."

"So what is it?"

"How'd you get Ichigo into the academy?"

The look on bullet-head's face was absolutely priceless.

* * *

Relaxing under the tree, reviewing kido in my mind. I'm trying to figure out what I keep doing wrong, and I've basically narrowed it down to two things. One, I'm simply not doing it right. I don't think that's it though, I know all the words, I say them in the right order, and I can concentrate just fine. No, I'm leaning towards door number two; too much power. I'm thinking I'm getting surges that I can't even feel and they're upsetting my balance, so to speak. The other day, perfect crimson fireball. It formed up, it was stable and it should have worked perfectly. My shot was dead on, it should have hit the exact center of the target. Instead it goes haywire halfway down the range, veers up and to the left and bursts before it gets anywhere near the target. I'm beginning to think that some little surge is getting through me and sending the thing haywire.

The theory fits the facts at least. I just can't figure a way around it.

It's nothing Rukia has ever heard of before, and she says my spiritual pressure is so high anyway that she can't tell it it pulses or not. I can hardly take a trip to twelfth or fourth to find out, either.

Che.

Another thing. I've begun to feel uneasy, like I'm being watched. The problem is I haven't been able to figure out who it is. Or what they want.

Who the hell would be watching me? It can't be anyone who knows – after all, they'd already _know_. Tatsuki knows. The Red Flower knows. No one else has any reason to sus-

Oh, shit.

It doesn't have to be someone who _knows_, does it? It could be someone who _suspects_.

Nah, can't be. No one has any reason to sus-

Okay, that's a little strong. People might have some reason to suspect. I haven't been as good as I should be at hiding myself. But I'm quiet, and I only talk to about two people other than Rukia. If it were for that damn manga I'd have no trouble at all, certainly not with Tatsuki as a shield; she's taken most of the attention away from everyone else. More than one promising upperclassman loath the woman. Tatsuki's taking attention away from a lot of talented people.

A lot of people are pissed off at her.

Good thing I have other reasons to be pissed off at her. If I didn't I wouldn't be able to justify it, what with trying not to be noticed and all.

So who'd be watching me?

Let's think about that. Who'd be watching me?

The paranoia is strong within me.

Interested in me?

A girl maybe?

That could present its own set of problems. I already have a girl, and she's a good one. But obviously I can't show myself to be dating a Sensei, so we've been circumspect.

If it were a girl there could be a problem, but it was a problem that could be dealt with.

What if it wasn't?

Okay, that was a hypothetical, but I've learned to trust my instincts. Let's just go with that for a second. Suppose someone were watching me, just hypothetically. Why? Not that I really needed a why-

No, go with the why. The Hakuda gang? Okay, that's kinda the who, but these things are interrelated. Someone who'd watch me. They'd most likely know or at least suspect who I was.

If someone suspected me what would they do?

Interesting question. At one point I would have just figured they'd turn me in, curry favor with the shinigami establishment. But Red Flower didn't do that, did they? No, they wanted something else.

I guess I've got an unfavorable view of the human species – everyone has to want something. Funny how that whole banished Vizard thing has made me paranoid. Anyway, if someone suspected me, suppose they wanted something. If they had nothing on me I could laugh them off or whatever. So assume they'd be looking for evidence. Hence, watching me.

I've got hero too heavily on the brain. Surely it's possible that nobody cares and my paranoia is getting ahead of me?

Unfortunately it makes sense. Whatever someone wanted they'd start with evidence, either for me or against me. So I have to make sure no one can identify me.

Brilliant, that's what I've bloody well been trying to do all along.

How could someone find me out? Something definite. Let's say for sake of argument to turn me in. There isn't a student in the academy who'd risk going to the shinigami with a cockamamie story about the Substitute at the academy, not when the shinigami would send in a captain or something just to investigate a guy with an unfortunate resemblance-

They'd need proof, solid proof. Certainly a lot more proof then I'd given them.

Besides – and I had to grin - anyone current with the manga would know I could handle a captain. And nobody has ever actually said (to the students, at least) that Kurosaki Ichigo isn't allowed to be here. Of course I'm _not_, but other than the crackdowns on The Substitute no one actually knows that. And there were a lot of reasons they'd crack down on something like that. Still, it's at least plausible that I could be here officially under an assumed name so my history in the war didn't impact my-

Damn this is complicated.

Whatever. Someone might or might not be watching me, that's been a risk from the start, even if I'm just sort of getting that vibe now. So I keep my head down and don't give anyone any evidence they can use. And try to figure out who the hell it is.

No, you know what? This is crap. I've got nothing like evidence – I'm being careful, nobody is watching me. Get up, go on with my day and forget about this nonsense.

Right.

* * *

I have a free afternoon. So does Tatsuki. So first I went to the Red Flower dojo and tossed a few of them around for an hour. Just as something to do. Then I went to Tatsuki, carried her away from Campus and spent the rest of the afternoon beating her up.

What? Everybody needs a hobby.

Again, just something to do. Tatsuki is really not a sword user. She'll need it obviously, but she should realize she's better off doing the hand to hand thing with her other tutors. Right now she's swinging a Zanpakuto blank, no spirit in it yet.

After our little rumble at fight club Tatsuki figured she needed to learn to use a sword. She really hadn't expected to lose to me, and she's figured out she'll need every tool in the box if she wants to live a long afterlife.

Parry her away, shove her back.

She's doing this all wrong. Something about our styles just isn't going to mesh. I'm all about a blade as big as I am and hammering down from on high like the wrath of God. Tatsuki's blank is a wakizashi, it's too short for my style of fighting.

Though I guess a sword is a sword.

I'm shoving her back about every fifteen seconds. She keeps closing but she's using the wrong hand, she's supposed to be using the sword, not her hands and feet. That's the whole point.

I'm kind of wishing Urahara had made something that would force peoples pressure out. Some kind of pressure extraction pump that would force Tatsuki to blaze away at her absolute upper limit. I need to figure out what I'm dealing with, and it takes too long to drag her power up. And today, the power ain't flowing – she's just not getting it right.

I can already tell she isn't going to like training with me. Something about the way she's growling abuse.

Tatsuki shunpoed behind me so I punched her in the head. I could get to like that, just popping her whenever she gets mouthy. Problem is my scruples. If there's no challenge, it's too much like hitting a girl.

"The point isn't to shunpo Tatsuki, it's to use your Zanpakuto." It was probably the tenth time I'd said it, though I'd only been counting for the last six. Tatsuki seems to think she's allowed to use her other tricks. I'd taken to hitting her just to show her I was better at that too. She's too good at taking the blows though; she's a tournament type so she's used to absorbing the force. And I don't actually want to hurt her, so it's not like I can open up the taps and clock her one.

She's getting cheesed off so she jumps back and demands "How do I release this thing?"

Here we go. Another answer she's not going to like.

"You're not ready to release it. You have to learn its name first."

She managed a credible lunge, so I let her through. The uniforms are designed to take a bit of a pounding, so it didn't cut. And I've got a bit of that Zaraki thing going; no way a Zanpakuto amateur like Tatsuki is going to cut me, she'll be breaking her own fingers first.

"_Help_ me," she growled. "How do I do it?"

"Keep fighting. Learn a respect for the weapon, you hold it like it's a nuisance, not even like a sword - hold it like a friend and trust it to help you. When you can do that it might be willing to speak to you."

"I don't have time-"

"There's another way," I said, "but you'll need a few weeks of practice before-"

"-Before _what_? _You_ weren't doing this full time, Kurosaki! How long did you really fight?"

That was actually a pretty good question. Two or three months I guess, but maybe only twenty or thirty actual fight hours before Urahara-

Though I was working on actual hollows-

But Tatsuki has faced and defeated hollows too.

It's _got_ to be the mindset, I'm sure she's got whatever practical component there is down already - the sword is a part of her and Tatsuki has always been a fighter-

But not a sword fighter.

"You've got to rely on the _sword_, Tatsuki. I can't _teach_ you that-

But maybe I could-

"Hold on." I hung Zangetsu over my shoulder. "We're fighting the wrong battle Tatsuki. You've got to rely on the sword."

I reached into my robe, pulled out two of my stronger patches.

"Wrap these around your wrist."

She did. Meanwhile I was taking off my coat.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You're using too many tricks, that's what's killing you."

"That doesn't tell me why you're taking off your coat!"

"I need the belt." And I smiled the most menacing smile I could. "I'm going to tie you a tree Tatsuki, with one hand behind your back. You've got no pressure to speak of with the patches on and you won't be able to move. Then you'll take your cute little Zanpakuto and try to keep me from cutting off your arm."

She start up about how this was never going to happen, but I was too quick. I've got one patch, she's got two. I had her by her belt and one arm, a little lift and she's on her toes, reaching for pressure that's no longer there. By the time she tries an unaided kick I've got her against the tree. And I can shunpo with a patch or two, she was trussed up in a heartbeat.

"Untie me!"

"Sure, after you're dead." I passed her the Zanpakuto blank. She'd dropped it – I'm like, Tatsuki, that's your _Zanpakuto_ – you _don't drop_ your Zanpakuto!

"Trust the blade Tatsuki. It's a part of you. If _you_ won't let yourself be defeated, that Zanpakuto will never _allow_ you to be defeated."

Alright, so I exaggerated a bit. The point is that even Zaraki trusts his Zanpakuto. He might not know its name, but he loves that sword like he loves Yachiru.

You know, it occurs to me that the reason he doesn't know his Zanpakuto's name is probably because it manifests in the form of a mime or something. We ought to get him Urahara's spirit-dummy thing. Then he could try beating the Zanpakuto's name out.

I would love to have a look at the manifested form of his Zanpakuto.

Actually, that's not so far fetched. I bet at this point Zaraki's Zanpakuto would love to take a crack at the big guy.

_That_ would be a fight worth seeing.

The first swing Tatsuki makes is downright desultory.

"Lookit dummy, when I said I'd train you I sort of assumed you'd put some effort into learning."

"_Untie_ me now."

"When I haven't had a chance to mark you? Highly unlikely."

My second swing went a little closer. She has to at least make an effort before I mark her.

Three blows later she makes like she's going to drop the Zanpakuto blank and roars "Untie me!"

"Nah, I think I'll fillet your arse instead."

"You son of a bitch! Let me _go_!" She takes a wild swing at me and then she tries to cut my belt!

I'll admit I lost my temper there. She keeps insisting she wants to take every crazy risk I ever did, but she refuses to actually _learn_ anything from me.

"Don't you dare cut that belt! That's the only belt I've got! _I'll fillet your arse_!"

She almost tried to defend that time, so I marked her. Scratch across the cheek.

Rukia would _kill_ me if she knew I'd deliberately marked a girl's face.

Times like this I miss Zaraki. There's a guy who's always glad to work out your frustrations, and it's nice to play with someone who can take his lumps. Say what you want about his sanity, Zaraki makes for a hell of a good fight.

Or maybe Byakuya, he can be fun. Nothing like getting him dirty to improve your day.

Tatsuki? Not so much.

That first mark got through to her. Finally, something reaches her.

"You need both of those?" I pointed to her eyes.

"What?"

"Your eyes? Why don't you try the old one eye thing? I can have one of those out in a second - if you fail to adequately defend yourself." Head games, I don't raise my voice. All right, I'll admit I wasn't going to carve her up, but Tatsuki tried to dodge rather than parry and Zangetsu almost shaved her head. I think it was a little closer than she was comfortable with.

"You try that again Tatsuki and you're going to get cut. You have a sword. _Parry_."

Spend the rest of the afternoon poking at her. She just doesn't seem to accept the Zanpakuto is her friend.

Well, hers at least. I doubt Zangetsu likes her any more than I do.

What a great old man he is.

We missed dinner.

Finally I put Zangetsu down.

"This is useless Tatsuki. Either accept the Zanpakuto or leave me alone. I can't train you until you're willing to accept it as a weapon. Come bug me then. Otherwise I'll see you around."

"You can't just leave me out here!"

"I'm not going to leave you, that's _my_ belt. Just work at accepting that damn thing. I can't do anything more until your mindset changes. You want to turn me in, that's fine, but there's nothing I can do until you're ready to learn."

* * *

Three days later she was back, insisting her mindset had changed.

Fine Tatsuki, whatever you say. Back out to the clearing we go.

What the hell?

Hang on, I think she's making progress?

What the _hell_?

Is she actually as determined as she says she is?

Nah, can't be.

I've got to check-

"Hold out your Zanpakuto, hilt first."

She managed that without stabbing me, so I put a hand on the pommel of her Zanpakuto and grinned at her.

"Congratulations Tatsuki, she's alive."


	41. Chapter 41 Red Dragon

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

Tatsuki just gapes at me.

"Pardon?"

"I can feel her. It's weak, but your blank is no longer a blank, it's a proper Zanpakuto with a spirit of its own. Now how serious were you about shortcuts?"

"Totally serious. Don't slow down."

She says it like she means it.

"Fine. We're going to fight every day for the next ten days. Then I'm going to show you how to wake your girl up."

"How long will that take?"

"It'll be fast, we're going to use the Urahara method. If you're up to it. But first, ten days of fighting. If you can't handle that then Urahara training is out of the question."

Admittedly I'd done my ten days _after_ waking up Zangetsu, but there are limits to what I'll let Tatsuki goad me into. Like doing without sleep for two hundred and forty straight hours. Most people die before they reach that kind of insomnia.

Thankfully we're already dead.

Limits.

_Right._

I'll admit I was going a little easier on her then I'd gone on myself. Maybe because I'm a swordsman and she's a hand-to-hand type. My sword is my weapon; Tatsuki doesn't feel that way yet.

Tatsuki grinned a very unfriendly grin. Then she came at me as though she wanted blood.

Good luck with that, hon.

Ten days later (mostly afternoons and evenings though – we still had classes) I thought she was serious enough to give it a whirl. I met her in the usual place near campus, turned my back on her.

"Get on."

"Why?"

"We're going a lot farther out today. You'll be fighting me without the patches. I don't want us to be found."

Tatsuki didn't say anything more. She's an awkward rider. Rukia fits my back like she was made for it, and Hime-chan is almost as good – she trusts me so much she actually curled up and went to sleep once. Yuzu also make a comfortable passenger – I've never had a chance to carry Karin by herself.

Tatsuki doesn't somehow, she feels awkward. Maybe because I've always seen her as one of the guys? Or maybe because she'd cut my throat, given half a chance?

We traveled far out, almost as far as the beach. I was looking for a clearing. I guess I could have made my own, but there's something about using my Gensa on harmless trees that just rubs me the wrong way. Guess I'm an environmentalist.

Tatsuki is wearing the white Shozoku uniform. Thankfully not the white Yoruichi number. On Yoruichi-sensei it makes perfect sense. On Tatsuki I always feel like she made a wrong turn at the ballet class and ended up in the dojo by mistake. Also, note to self - Tatsuki gets riled if you call her Bones. That's got to be important knowledge.

To think I'm carrying a real live hero from the Winter War. My roommate Morisato leads her fan club, and I think Sei wants Tatsuki for her onee-sama, despite Sei being over a hundred and Tatsuki being twenty (there's a special brand of Tatsuki fan fiction for that).

Seymour just keeps quiet. I think the guy is afraid we'll notice he's been hanging around and send him away.

That damn hollow always has some horse-related crack about me carrying Tatsuki around. How that half-wit could be a part of me I'll never know.

Tatsuki's attitude is definitely not being improved by all the manga. There's a new one called Dragon Princess, which Morisato has about four copies of. She's privately vowed to kill whomever is doing that one. I've got to admit it seems kinda like stalking to me, constantly having your imaginary student adventures written up for all the world to see. Tatsuki can already take care of herself better than some of the senseis, if she couldn't I might have done something about the manga.

Maybe.

"Well?"

What's this? The voice of an angel from the heavens? Or just some bony buzzard squatting like a toad on my back?

Buzzard, I'm thinking.

"You're angry all the time," I said. "It's giving you crows feet." Kinda wondering what I'd gotten myself into. Tatsuki probably expected bankai by the end of the evening.

I personally like training in the deep forest. No pesky line of sight for people to catch me; fight in a wasteland and you'd be surprised who might see you. Have to keep an eye on the horizon in every direction – too much work. Give me trees any time.

Eventually I found a place I like and we stopped. Tatsuki drew her Zanpakuto.

"You know how that thing works? In theory at least?"

"I'll aware of the theory." She said it dryly. "In fact I think I saw a flash of her in class today."

"It's a she? What does she look like?"

"None of your damn business."

So maybe a giant walking asshole then.

Hey, I can hope, can't I?

"Fine." I released to Shikai. "You're too crazy to back down, so I'm not going to talk you out of this. Lesson one, using the Urahara method. We'll skip the hole and the fight with Ururu and move on to step three." It occurred to me that as good as I am I didn't really want Tatsuki trying to take a hat off my head with a sword.

"We're going to fight for real." I grinned at her, realized how this was something I was suddenly looking forward to.

I have to ask her, just to be fair to myself. "Do you really want to do this?"

"Just start already!"

"You don't know what it involves-"

"If you managed it I can do it too. Start now!"

I shrugged. "Lesson the Third, Tatsuki. You'll fight a captain level opponent. If you can't hold your own-"

I shunpoed forward and the fight was on-

* * *

She knew he was quick, he was a legend for it. But Ichigo was suddenly ahead of her - swinging at her head-

Tatsuki felt a thin line of fire on her cheek - he'd _cut_ her, he could have taken out her eye!

Tatsuki shunpoed back, dodged a strike to the left as Ichigo swung overhand, somehow stopping his heavy Zanpakuto just short of the ground.

She shunpoed again.

"Better get your sword up Tatsuki! Otherwise-"

He was there again, right in front of her - she had to dodge a flurry of strikes. Her cheek stung where he'd cut her.

"-Zangetsu will take that pretty head of yours off."

Tatsuki suddenly realized just how serious he was. Ichigo was insane! This was supposed to be a training exercise!

Tatsuki slipped left ahead of Ichigo's two handed Zanpakuto swing, which tore through the tree behind her, brought it crashing down.

Tatsuki shunpoed away from him, felt him casually coming up behind her as the tree crashed down behind both of them.

He could have cut her in two with that strike - he _would_ have cut her in two-

Tatsuki dodged, felt a second sting on her cheek. Ichigo had materialized in front of her, bloodied her again!

"Fight Tatsuki! I've never killed a dragon before but by God I'll kill you!"

He was too fast - Tatsuki didn't try to run again. Instead she spun into a kick-

And he stabbed her.

Ichigo took three quick shunpoes back as she fell, laughed at her as she grabbed at her leg.

"Better keep your feet out of this," the bastard called, from maybe twenty steps away.

Tatsuki screamed. "You hit me!" Tatsuki tried to stand, to assess the damage. It was more than a graze this time, the tip of his blade had driven up into the back of her thigh, torn a gouge the length of her hand. She couldn't stop the tears of pain-

"No, I missed! I was aiming to stick Zangetsu up your stuck-up little ass! Keep your feet out of this fight Tatsuki! Or I'll bloody well cut them off!"

He was coming again, charging at her, reaching, she realized, to pull his mask into existence.

She was going to die.

* * *

Time seemed to slow as she realized she would die. She could no more master Ichigo then she could hold back the turning of the seasons - he'd brought her here to kill her, to rid himself of the one witness-

_"Are you afraid of him?"_ Tatsuki didn't recognize the voice. Ahead of her the substitute - the Vizard who'd ruined Orihime's life was almost frozen in his charge towards her, his Zanpakuto rising in slow motion with the sole intent of striking off her head. He had entire worlds that hated him and the frustration of a man who'd be chased to the end of time. He had nothing to loose.

_"He is a man, not a force of nature,"_ said that voice. It was a womans voice, it was her Zanpakuto.

"I'm _not_ afraid of him," growled Tatsuki. Ahead of her Ichigo and all the world had slowed to a crawl, almost stopped entirely.

It wasn't fear, it was anger, anger at her own inability-

_"He's been beaten before, many times. Cut him and he'll bleed, Tatsuki."_

Tatsuki turned and saw her, the spirit of her Zanpakuto. Very tall, as tall as Captain Zaraki. It had the outline of a woman, but only that most basic shape; the head concealed behind a huge straw hat and featureless china mask, like a hollows' mask, except without eyes or mouth or nose. The tall willowy body was cloaked in a huge and anciently styled kimono, red and beautiful.

Nothing of the Zanpakuto's skin was visible, every part of her was covered in silk or straw or china. Only the immense black mane of hair floating on the breeze behind her was visible. Even her hands were concealed, deep in the overlong sleeves that rested on Tatsuki's shoulders as the spirit gently turned her back towards the frozen substitute.

"_You hate him,"_ said the spirit. _"I hate him. Together we hate him, Tatsuki, for what he did."_

In the depths of her soul Tatsuki knew there was nothing human behind that mask, that hat and that robing kimono. Female, yes, _very_ female, but not human. Not even mammalian.

Which to Tatsuki's mind made the breasts sort of hard to explain.

The tall figure bent forward over Tatsuki in a way no mammals spine could have bent, spoke directly in her ear.

_"He'll bleed, Tatsuki, and you _want_ to see him bleed."_

Tatsuki lowered her brows "What do I have to do?"

_"He is one of the most powerful forces on this or any world, Tatsuki, he's everything you ever wanted to be. But he's only a man. Cut him and he _will_ bleed. _Cut_ him Tatsuki!"_

"I know you now."

_"Say my name, Tatsuki. Say my name and STRIKE!"_

"Rise Red Dragon!"

Tatsuki felt her spiritual pressure erupt through her skin, surging down the length of her Zanpakuto as Red Dragon exploded in her hands, blade shattering, reforming into a long line of red razor-sharp triangles that whirled out and spun around her like a tornado of saw blades. They screamed out as they spun.

Red Dragon wasn't a sword at all, it was a just a hilt with twenty or so free floating red and gold triangles in a curved line floating above, spinning in perfect lockstep, each triangle smaller than the palm of her hand-

Ichigo had stopped.

* * *

It was sudden when it happened, that light taking root in her eyes as Tatsuki shouted out the name, released her shikai. And I have to admit, I was impressed.

But then, she's my student. And, to a certain part of me, no matter how much we hate each other-

She's my Tatsuki. I expected no less.

* * *

"Red Dragon, huh? That's your shikai. Congratulations. On to your next lesson. More fighting. You think that thing in your hand makes you a warrior. It doesn't. A Zanpakuto isn't a weapon, it's a part of you. There's strength in it. Ask your Zanpakuto to share that strength with you. It's a she?"

"Yes."

"She's going to be a lot like you Tatsuki," he was lecturing now, like an old man. "-remember that. If you're strong she'll be strong. If you can't be beaten then she can't be beaten. If you're stupid and lazy, guess what she'll be? Every one of your flaws, she has. And she can't conquer _hers_ until you conquer yours. Now we're going to push you until you release your special attack. Then you're going to pass out, that's normal, it happens to everyone. As soon as you're up again we're going back to the dorms. That is, if you think you can handle it."

Tatsuki flushed. It was a another damn test! But with her spiritual pressure rising the wound in her leg had almost closed and-

"I can handle it!"

"Of course you can. If you're ready I'm going to kill you now."

She didn't give him the chance to attack - Tatsuki raised Red Dragon and shunpoed forward, slipped around his sword, swung down to deflect – she could make the parry – she could cut him, mark him-

Tatsuki screamed when Ichigo cut her across the stomach. Zangetsu had gone right through the gap between two red triangular blades – too late she discovered her sword was unable to parry-

* * *

"You're out of commission. That's it for today."

"I can still fight-" Tatsuki struggled up, had a hand pressed to the slash across her middle. It had to hurt like a bitch.

"Don't be dumb. To borrow an expression from a complete bastard you should be in two pieces right now. Your backbone is all that's holding you together. God, I hated that guy."

"It's just a scratch-" but the pain in her voice said more.

"I can and will knock you out cold Tatsuki. Shut up and rest, I'll try to patch you up. Take off your top."

She was horrified. "I'm not taking off my-"

Ichigo wasn't having that. "You're wearing underwear, aren't you?" He seemed to realize her backless uniform didn't allow for underwear. "Stupid Tatsuki, you've got nothing in there I'm interested in. Only stretch marks-" he was pawing at her belt, and she was in too much pain to stop him, "-and a couple of saggy old boobs like nasty raisins, all knobby and weird-looking. Trust me Tatsuki, nothing I'm interested in. Probably smell bad too-"

Tatsuki tried to push him away, but her strength was failing – her inability to control her own pressure was crippling her. "Get-"

"Just open the damn uniform! Or I'll cut if off you and drag you back to campus naked!"

* * *

He was incredibly insulting, but his fingers were gentle enough.

"Are you-" she gasped in pain.

"Battle field triage? I learned it from fourth squad. Those captain friends of yours, can you come up with a credible excuse for this?"

"I'll tell them I got cut during shikai training."

"They'll want to know who did it. You're too new to be training for shikai with live steel."

"I'll tell them it's a -_friend_- from the squads."

"So I'm your friend now?"

Bastard meant _'because I have something you want?'_

"Knock off the tone and patch me up, you smarmy prick."

"Only if you cover up those sorry boobs of yours. Just the sight of them, I don't know if I'll ever have an erection again-"

The worst part was Tatsuki felt herself blush.

"Knock it _off_ Kurosaki or I'll mess you up-"

"They look like they've curdled you know. Are they filled with cheese?"

"_Knock it off!"_

* * *

A half hour later I was carrying Tatsuki back to campus. I regret never having taken the change to try GPS - I sometimes wonder how fast I'm going.

I'm sure she'll be able to make up a convincing lie, mostly because I'm the only one willing to put her on the shinigami express without any regards for her wellbeing or mental health. Crazy as it sounds, she considers that a good thing. She loses me and all her plans go out the window.

And sure enough, she didn't. I don't know who got the blame for cutting her but I don't feel sorry for Tatsuki. She's pushing herself ridiculously hard and she thinks everyone around her is too stupid to know why.

Tatsuki wants a posting back in the real world. She wants to move in with Orihime and protect her. It just hasn't occurred to her that Orihime can't see shinigami anymore, she doesn't let herself. One day we just disappeared off Orihime's radar, and she ignores us totally. There's some effort to protect her, just to make sure hollows don't get too close, but with Tatsuki here and Orihime choking back her own spirit powers the hollows don't go looking for her.

Well, I guess that's occurred to Tatsuki, she just hasn't put the whole "I'm a shinigami ergo Orihime can't see me either" thing together yet. Either that or Tatsuki thinks the rules have changed now that she's playing for the other team. Uh- the dead team, that's what I mean - Suddenly Orihime will acknowledge Tatsuki the reaper.

Shit. Tatsuki lives in a dreamworld. My proscription for that? More winter war. That was a great way to lose your illusions.

I miss my eye. It was so handy for – _looking_ at things.

Anyway, I got to watch out the window while Yoruichi and Soi Fon berated Tatsuki for her training method, tried to get the name out of her. Soi Fon figured it was Renji or Ikkaku, Yoruichi obviously figured it might be Urahara, though she didn't tell Soi. I was beginning to think Tatsuki was going to fold on me when Yoruichi suddenly signaled Soi Fon to back off.

Oh _fuck_.

I think Yoruichi just figured out who'd be most likely to train someone using the Urahara method if the madman himself wasn't involved. If she mentioned that suspicion to Soi then Shrimpy would take the school apart one brick at a time to look for me. Of course I'd fuck Soi over bad if she ever started something, but in general I don't like to start brawls with captains when I'm hiding out from them, basically under their noses.

Thankfully Yoruichi is about as counterculture as a Shinigami captain can be, and I trust my Sensei completely. Yoruichi won't rat if I can manage to keep myself under cover. In fact, she'll probably try to cover for me with Soi.

Kitty Sensei, I love you. You're just _so_ totally _cool_.

But Soi...

Once upon a time I decided I'd make the world a better place by removing the Twelfth captain from it. I've given some serious thought to taking out the second captain too. I don't like Soi Fon, she's inflexible to the point of stupidity. One more of those stuck in the Edo period. At the very least I'm going to bend that woman over and put my foot to her ass hard enough to sail the second captain over the moon. Soi Fon is one of those people who so richly deserves a size twelve boot print to the back of the haori.

Pity I don't wear size twelves.

Now Yoruichi knows where I am.

Better and better. This gets _better_ and _better_ every bloody day. That's twenty one in Red Flower, one captain, one captain who nuked his own memories and God knows who else is getting suspicious. Plus I _still_ get that feeling that _someone_ is watching me.

I'm going to have to start a list or something, I'm beginning to lose track.

Don't get me wrong, I trust Kitty Sensei with my life. It's just that Yoruichi is technically on the other side-

I'm having one of those days. Luckily I'm not a guy much subject to angst, but I'm having one of those days where the frustration is getting to me. They've been getting worse since I've got here, the knowledge that any morning I could come out of my dorm room to discover the entire campus evacuated and several of the more ferocious captains waiting for me. Soi, because the little bitch would insist, Byakuya, Shunsui, Zaraki and Ukitake. Not the old man, he doesn't like to get his hands dirty.

I'm great with a Zanpakuto but everyone has limits. I'm thinking five or ten captains at once might be somewhere past mine.

Went outside, back to that quiet little garden where I'd last spoken to Yuzu and Chad. Then I took a nice long nap on the bench and felt a lot better.

More trouble the next day, but I was basically able to shrug it off. All sorts of people were after Tatsuki, wanted to know how she'd been cut up and who'd done it. I'm watching from the sidelines (Tatsuki and I never interact anywhere where anyone can see us - no one knows that we know each other) and I'm shaking my head at all the tough guys (and girls, let's be fair, there are fangirls too) who are making noises about how anyone could do this to Tatsuki-sama and what they want to do about it. It's like look, someone got through Tatsuki's guard. If they can get through Tatsuki's guard, what are the odds they won't get through _yours_? Dumbasses. That sort of thinking could get you killed. Or visited by Eleventh squad, which is technically worse than being killed.

Then it got better.

What?

Sarcastic?

_No_, I don't damn well mean that sarcastically! I'm being honest here!

Some of the teachers caught wind of Tatsuki's injury, and she gets her ass hauled up to Fourth squad to fix it. Soi and Yoruichi might not rat her out specifically but the moment the fourth captain finds out – well, let's just say that If I know Captain Unohana there'll be five minutes of damage control followed by a week of enforced bed rest and tea drinking as punishment for being difficult.

You know, I'm tempted to call Hanataro. If someone _accidentally_ left a training sword where Tatsuki could find it-

Okay, I'll admit I'm being a shit at this point. Anything to get Tatsuki into more trouble-

Tatsuki ended up confined to the infirmary for a week, and I gather she was livid. Not so livid that she'd argue with Retsu, but still pretty livid.

I love a story with a happy ending. And it couldn't happen to a nicer girl. In fact, there was a special issue of Tatsuki Shoujo published the following day dealing with that - the art was kind of wobbly because someone must have worked thirty straight hours to get it done.

I bought two copies and slipped one under her door for when she gets back.

A week without Tatsuki. I intend to enjoy it fully. Still sort of worried about the squads though. Even if Yoruichi does nothing, Soi will hunt down all the regular suspects to make their lives miserable until someone confesses to cutting Tatsuki. Most of the guys she'll go after are my friends.

Or my cronies at least. But why have friends when you can have cronies instead?


	42. Chapter 42 The Senior Ladder

Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings don't belong to me

* * *

Look, at the risk of sounding extraordinarily arrogant, I hadn't been planning on listing down the details of senior night at fight club. Let's be honest, me versus student shinigami?

That was my intention anyway, I figured it'd be like shooting fish in a barrel. After all, Tatsuki was laid up (locked up), the Red Flower gang are careful not to get too aggressive, and the Lightning Hand, that's the elite Hakuda club, they don't seem to have too much of a presence at fight club.

I'm not sure why.

That just leaves the Black Circle elite kido group, and kido is just a little too indiscriminant to spar with.

Or so I thought. Anyways, we'll pick this one up in progress.

Senior night, I leave campus, release my Bankai, hide my Bankai coat in a tree and tie a bunch of green ribbons to Zangetsu. Check my hair, yes, it's white, slicked down and tied back. One of these days I'm going to wash the grease out and see what it looks like, but the last time I tried it wasn't long enough to stay in the braid and I looked like a giant patch-eyed Hitsugaya.

Anyway, I've got my gear, I roll back to campus and there we are, first night on the senior ladder.

Of course people are wondering what the new guy will be like. The current ladder gang are all pretty obnoxious to the new guy, and some of them started talking smack to me, which I ignored.

As in, just you wait until we're standing in the ring...

First block of rounds ended. Eight on the ladder got narrowed down to four. One poor son of a bitch got himself kicked off the senior ladder entirely for losing four matches in a row. Back to the farm team for you, my son.

Then something stupid happened, just one of those random accidents. I don't know how it did, I wasn't even watching, but all of a sudden a guy trips, twists himself up falling down some stairs and hits his head. Wham, just like that. Totally an accident, but this guys night is finished.

Suddenly there aren't enough people to fight. I'm like, shit, what do we do now? Hopefully they'll just call it a forfeit and move whoever the guy was scheduled against to the next round. That makes sense, doesn't it?

Well, no it doesn't, apparently. The room is full of people who've paid to see some fights, also some people who've placed some wagers. This guy can't fold, he has to fight. Except he can't stand up. People start making noises about cheating, after all it was a pretty silly accident. People start getting upset. I'm like, what's the damn hold up? Start the next round; I want to finish up and go home with a big bag of money.

Okay, I'll admit I didn't say the bit about the money out loud.

There were a bunch of whispered conversations between the guys who run the fights, the announcer and two or three of the bookies, but finally they reached a decision. Some runners are sent out. We're going to get a replacement, says the announcer. People start to grumble, we don't want a replacement. We want senior ladder fighters only!

Oh, you'll like this replacement!

No, is the consensus, we _won't_ like the replacement.

Meanwhile I'm thinking that guy wasn't going to win anyway, so what's the damn hold up? Can't we start the damn fights already?

We want a senior ladder fighter! Says the crowd.

Silly me. Silly, silly Ichigo. Where are they going to get a senior ladder fighter? Are they going to pull one out of retirement? Maybe fetch Renji down from sixth squad?

"Ladies and Gentlemen," shouts the announcer. "Our replacement fighter! Shoujo Dragon and veteran of the Winter War, Arisawa Tatsuki-sama!"

And there in all her pissed off glory, newly liberated from the infirmary and catsuited up like Yoruichi in white, is Tatsuki.

She even overlooked the bit where she was announced as the shoujo dragon.

The crowd isn't sure they like this – has Arisawa-sama reached the senior ladder? Well, no, actually, but-

"Rise, Red Dragon!" Tatsuki pops her shikai, it's suddenly apparent that she can, and she's _known_ to have taken down arrancar level hollows.

There was a single cheer, then a second. Then more. Crowd decides to make an exception here. Having achieved her Shikai release, Tatsuki was granted honorary senior ladder status, just for tonight. Meaning tonight I get yet another chance for Tatsuki to blow my cover.

Shit.

* * *

Third year president Hashimoto Yuki convened the meeting. "This meeting-"

"Shhh!"

She started again, more softly.

"The first meeting of the Is Kon-kun the substitute association will come to order. Our first and only order of business, to establish through logic, investigation and elimination of irrelevant facts whether second year's Sado Konshiro is actually Kurosaki Ichigo-sama. We have assembled a group capable of establishing this fact."

The president unrolled an arm length from a roll of heavy paper, carefully weighted the corners and took up a brush.

"I'd like to start by establishing pros and cons, from there I'd like to list our facts and see if we can sort those into proven and unproven. First reason that Kon-san isn't who he says he is?"

"He looks exactly like the manga," said the Head of Manga Intelligence. "Discounting the hair. And he has a Zanpakuto. According to my sister the Zanpakuto Zangetsu could be a permanent release variety; the kitchen knife shape would actually be his Shikai release. The manga is very vague about what Zangetsu's unreleased form looked like."

"I can think we can count that as two reasons for," said the president. "Next?"

"A counter-reason," said the Head Of Skepticism. It was her job to poke holes in other people. The fact she believed Sado-kun wasn't who he said was entirely besides the point. "Why would Kurosaki-sama be at the academy? Strictly speaking," sighed the Head Of Skepticism, "we haven't established beyond doubt that there ever _was_ a Kurosaki Ichigo."

"Both valid points," admitted the president.

"Oh, now don't start that again-"

"I think," said the Head Of Reconciliation, "we might want to find some kind of plausible reason. Anything, it doesn't have to be a good reason. Why would a shinigami of that level be at the academy in the first place?"

The Head of Unswerving Faith answered. "The whole point is that The Substitute never came to the academy, he became a shinigami on his own. If even half 'The Substitute' is true it's only logical to assume the Seireitei has some use for him. If he's seriously being considered for a captaincy it makes sense that they'd want him know all the history, the kido, everything other Shinigami know. _Despite_ what he'd already know."

"I can accept that," said the Head Of Reconciliation. "We have a basic theory of why Kurosaki-sama might be here. Is everyone in agreement that this is a suitable premise to build from?"

There was a chorus of agreement from around the table, which the president quickly shushed. It wouldn't do to be overheard.

"I think we need a two pronged attack," said the Head Of Relative Logic. "We need to know just how accurate 'The Substitute' is. It has names that match some of those we know are real shinigami."

"We should asked Kuchiki-sensei," said the Head Of Inadvisable Ideas. His job was ideas they'd really need to discuss. "She's in the Manga, she would know what he looks like."

"She's my Kido-sensei," said Skepticism, "on the first day of class she pulled him aside and made him see her in his office." Skepticism remembered her role. "But that doesn't actually prove anything."

"It doesn't," said Reconciliation, "but if Sado-san is who we think it would mean they're in contact, we can't overlook that."

"Kurosaki-sama wasn't bald," pointed out Skepticism.

"He has hair now," replied Reconciliation. "Just not the right colour."

"I wonder if we can find out what colour his hair is?" That was Inadvisable Ideas.

"Check his brush," said Skepticism dryly.

"I'll - that's not funny."

"Surely you've seen him in the bath," said Unswerving Faith. "You could-"

She blushed, and everybody grinned at her.

"Sorry," said Reconciliation. "I've never seen him in the mens bath."

"I've never seen him either," added Inadvisable Ideas, a little perplexed.

"I don't think I have," said Relative Logic. "That's interesting though. I mean I've never actually _looked_ for him, but maybe we're onto something. Obviously he does wash, but where does he do it? Maybe we should try to find out if he even uses the mens bath. Maybe he goes into town." He grinned at Unswerving Faith. "We'll need someone to follow him and peep though."

Unswerving Faith blushed again, while Relative Logic and Inadvisable Ideas laughed.

"Should be simple enough," said Relative logic, "Tomorrow night I'll ask if he wants to take a bath."

* * *

Right, four fighters left. That would be me, Tatsuki, and a pair of upper years. I knew the first one, he was Red Flower, meaning he already knew, but the second I didn't know.

She was kind of interesting actually. I think I mentioned you wear whatever you bring, provided it's not the academy uniform. I'm wearing the bottom half of my 'official' soul reaper uniform. Tatsuki has the white Yoruichi rig. The Red flower guy is tricked out in something red and gray that looks like he mugged a shinobi and took everything but the mask. This fourth one though - I should have been paying better attention. She's wearing a snow white yukata of all things, and she's got really really pale hair and eyes - like Snowy - like me in fact on the hair department, more snow white, and her eyes are huge, soft and gray. And she's wearing a _yukata_ for Christ's sake? What's up with _that_? How am I supposed to swing a sword at some graceful gazelle of a woman-

Next round. Tatsuki and - what the hell was his name? The Red Flower guy.

Shit. This means I have to face Tatsuki in the finals if she wins. She might not; she's great with her hands and feet but she's just coming off an injury.

Meanwhile the crowd goes nuts. There's cheering, there's roaring, there's a bunch of stupid people placing stupid bets. I can escape if there's any kind of bust, but I'll probably have to take the Red Flower guy and Tatsuki with me. Can't risk anyone developing a grudge.

Tatsuki and Red Flower man lock up. She'd resealed her sword – I guess because she'd got no experience using it. When is that stupid twit going to learn not to lock up with people who outweigh her two to one? How many times do I have to tell her? The inevitable happened, Red Flower set his feet and shoved Tatsuki back, following immediately with his sword flashing. Keep your damn distance you stupid woman! This is a sword fight!

Ah, she didn't have a chance.

"She's very good."

Huh? I turned, it was the snow white girl, she was standing beside me, looking into my eyes.

"Your protege I mean," said the snow white girl. "She's gifted, Kurosaki-dono."

I've been made again.

This is going to be a long night.

* * *

I really don't like going into a fight knowing I'll get in trouble if I kill my opponent. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Just who the hell is she, anyway?

I'm not even watching Tatsuki's match at this point, I've got other fish to fry. Exactly who is this girl? Again?

She's beautiful, and so, so pale, with those gray eyes. She must be a hell of a fighter to make it onto the senior ladder. I have to admit I wasn't paying attention to anyone in the preliminaries.

Her breath smells like flowers.

Her breasts are enormous.

Where are you Rukia?

I wondered if I ought to grab her and flash off somewhere, have this out, but there were too many people more or less watching me.

"May we talk later, Kurosaki-dono?"

I nodded. If you're still alive after you tangle with me.

Tatsuki was doing well, tight and controlled, but she wasn't good enough to beat this guy without tri-

-tricks that Yoruichi and Soi Fon have been teaching her. Red Flower boy goes down.

So it's me or the lady in white against Tatsuki.

I still need that money.

"Shall we go, Kur-"

"Don't make me lose my temper."

She gracefully nodded. I don't know if this one has a sense of humor of if she's some damn noble or something, either way, she's trouble.

And it's our turn.

Probably not a good idea to kill her.

And... Go.

She's good, she's damn good. Certainly better than Tatsuki, possibly better than Fumiko, who I would have said was the best in the academy, other than me.

Fancy fighting in a Yukata. A white one at that. Her style is incredible, she barely moves, her arms only, and nothing gets through her defense.

Of course I'm the guy who took down Aizen, several espada and fought a pair of captains to a stand-still. And I'm packing my Bankai

How is this supposed to end?

I'm thinking lucky, let the new kid get through the snow maiden's defenses by 'accident.' Easy enough to do, the only problem is slowing down enough so other people can see it.

Had to make it look good though, and this woman wasn't playing along, dammit. I'd try to lean back, act like I was being pressed. She'd politely slow down to wait for me.

Enough, time to beat this girl the accidental way.

I looked into her eyes, deep into her eyes. I have to be able to see- to watch-

-As that ghost of a grin comes across my face-

-her eyes widen-

-Does she know?-

-I wonder if she knows-

-that-

_Smash_.

Her Zanpakuto shatters, breaks into a dozen pieces. I watch her turn to gaze on the broken off handle in her hand, her eyes wondrous-

-And the crowd goes wild.

Broken Zanpakuto. This round to you, Ichigo.

Along with assorted other problems. With any luck people will think breaking Zanpakutos is my special ability.

Okay, so Tatsuki next, then see what this new one wants.

Dammit, how can a night turn out so wrong if it's still going to end with a big bag of cash?

* * *

_Tap tap tap tap tap. Yuzu toddled away from the Eleventh squad barracks, wearing geta and an adorable yellow yukata, oblivious to the heavy eyes upon her._

"_Is she gone?" A group of seven or eight ferocious looking men stepped from the shadows, went over near the far wall._

_"Someone has to do something about her, she's making the rest of us look ridiculous."_

_There was a mumbling of assent. Their eighth seat didn't seem to understand Eleventh division, something had to be done..._


	43. Chapter 43 Snow Maiden

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, its characters or its settings.

* * *

I don't get a reprieve. Tatsuki releases her shikai and goes apeshit, absolutely apeshit on me. And here I thought a week in bed might have calmed her down. The red triangle blades are whirling around me-

-Oh dammit, Tatsuki has lost it, she's going to get disqualified - there are _rules_ about all out trying to kill your opponent - the administration would find out. More important, if she gets her ass disqualified _I don't get paid_. But Tatsuki's taken the bit between her teeth and she's running with it - she wants me to expose myself.

Oooooooh Tatsuki. If Kuya-bozu were here he'd have some aristocratic comment about the difference in our power, maybe tell you you're a feral cat yowling at the moon cutter or something. Man has a stick up his ass but he's got a way with words.

Oh well. This is one of those days I'm choosing to take the easy way out.

I downed Tatsuki with a cheap shot, punched her in the face. She's a hell of a fighter but my shunpo is way faster. I leaned into it and I connected solidly. The dragon's eyes roll back and she crumbles. I didn't try to catch her, only watched while her twenty whirling blades stopped spinning and fell out of the air. After a second or so they melted. It was kind of a neat effect; the melted metal looked like red mercury. The gleaming red pools sort of attracted each other and the puddles converged on the hilt Tatsuki had been holding. When all the puddles arrived they turned silver and the blade of her unreleased Zanpakuto reformed.

Naughty Tatsuki. Time for your lesson.

I applied the tip of Zangetsu to the blade of Red Dragon and broke the newly reformed blade from the hilt. It will heal, but that will take time.

Then I pulled bankai Zangetsu back and rested him on one shoulder. "Money. Now."

"Now wait-"

"Money. _Now_."

They paid me. A lot.

Then I left, hoping the snow maid would follow.

Which she did.

Is this my lucky day or what?

I'm thinking not.

Just my luck.

We got out ahead of the crowd. Most of them would be awhile, either talking about this match, the next match or some past match. Or settling up the wagers. Regardless, I stepped outside and walked off into the night. Have a certain destination in mind.

* * *

You'd think someone would have taught snow maiden not to follow suspicious shirtless men into darkened garden bowers, but I guess aristocrats do things differently or something. Anyway, snow maiden follows me into the dark. I should have been a lot madder and a great deal more nervous, but something about a great big bag of money marked Ichigo kind of took the edge off my aggression. I lured her to my dark little rose garden of choice.

"Who are you?"

She bowed.

"My name is Nagasuki Kaede. My family is a branch house of the Kuchiki family."

Great. A Kuchiki. Not sure I ever mentioned this, but there aren't a lot of Kuchiki I get along with. I guess there were a lot of things I could have said then, but I opted for the easy one. I've been caught so often I'm becoming blasé about the whole thing.

"What do you want with me?"

"I want to know if your story is true."

"You mean The Substitute?"

Her expression showed a certain disdain.

Honey, I don't feel like disdain tonight.

"Work with me sister, I don't do subtle. What do you know about me?"

"I know there's a price on your head."

Okay, that was blunt enough.

"And what do you plan to do about it?" That's sort of a prelude to 'if I kill you I'll have to bury you, and I didn't bring a shovel with me.'

"Nothing. Your treatment at the hands of the shinigami was disgraceful."

"We agree on that. You know who I am. Now what?"

"I would hope that you will see me again."

Oh _shit._ Is this chick a bunny boiler or something? Why are the weird ones always interested in _me_?

"Why?" I felt a lot less confident than I sounded at that point - from the way she'd said it I almost thought she was looking for lovin'.

Rukia would just _love_ that.

"I wish to learn."

"You wish to learn."

You know, I look at those four words written on the page and they simply don't do justice to what I said. They really don't. Oh, I might have said 'you wish to learn,' but what I meant and what those four words conveyed to this girl – Kami, every day of my life might as well be molded in shit on an all-shit landscape complete with stinking walking shit people that follow me around and a shit-based smell that literally turned my hair white. This shit I can't ever get away from, because, hey, through no fault of my own, _I_ live in shit-land. And what's this? Oh, weather's coming in - it looks like a shit tornado coming over the horizon and it's gunning just for me because my _life_ is shit and everything I touch _turns_ to shit and now here _you_ are and _you wish to learn_.

Well isn't _that_ wonderful?

Another student. _Another_ damn student? I'm not on the frickin' faculty! Leave me alone already! Do I _look_ like a damn sensei?

"Um, I'm not on the faculty, Kaede-san."

She smiles at me. I suspect that was the first time in her life she got a -san rather than a -sama. I don't think she's planning to leave me alone.

Steady Ichigo, just stay focused and try not to get too despondent. Someone who wanted to be my girlfriend would have been another kind of problem. At least this is just another of the same type I've already got.

Fumiko, Tatsuki and now this chick Kaede. I might as well get a kick-me sign for my back. What the hell is with these people?

She seemed to think I was about to tell her off, because her facade cracked for a moment and she made me an offer. "I'm something of a prodigy myself, Kurosaki-dono. Rumor has it you're incapable of most kido. I've been called the academy's most skilled practitioner since Ise Nanao. Let me train you, in exchange for training with a sword."

"Nanao? Nice girl. I like her." Let's just get a common frame of reference here hon. "You're already skilled with a Zanpakuto."

"You are better."

Well, _yeah_, but-

Three idiots and they're all mine. And the complete set at that, Tatsuki the Hakuda queen, Fumiko princess of the sword and now Kaede the future Kido master. We're practically out of arts here – what comes next – Oh, I'm sorry Miss, but I've already got a Hakuda expert who knows my secret, so I don't need another. No Miss, really, I don't need another. Yes, the kido expert space is also taken-

Rukia's going to kill me. How am I supposed to explain they won't leave me alone? No, Rukia, it' s not like that, they just followed me home-

It's not like I can hide it from her.

Fine, tell Rukia, see what she knows about the girl, then find some place quiet to try some kido.

I wish they'd all go away.

"Fine."

* * *

Kaede at least was as good as her word. We booked some time in the underground kido range at two in the morning. She has me doing a first year kido drill.

Kaede wanted to start with binding spells but I told her me and binding spells aren't a good combination. The one time I managed the six bars of light binding I cut the arancar in half, meaning we didn't get our questions answered and Rukia yelled at me.

All of a sudden the fireball goes oblong in my hand and disappears.

That's happened three times now.

I told Kaede my surging theory, that what for me are minor fluctuations in my output are still enough to blow up my kidos.

She raises her hands towards my face.

"May I, Kurosaki-dono?"

I've tried to stop her on that three times already. She just won't give up with the -dono thing. Driving me nuts.

I nod and Kaede puts her hands on my temples.

"Please try the fireball aga-"

She whips her hands away like she's been burned and steps back before I'm through the first two words, shaking her hands like she's just taken an electrical shock.

"Ah-I believe you've established the root of your problem, Kurosaki-dono."

"Great." Who, me? Sarcastic? Never. "What can I do about it?"

"Have you ever made use of energy attacks other than with your Zanpakuto?"

"I've used a Hado ninety black coffin and I almost managed a six bar binding." Well, she didn't have to know the particulars. "Most of my success at kido has been fireballs taller than you are."

"Possibly we're starting in the wrong area then, Kurosaki-dono. If the surging in your spiritual pressure is such that the lower level attack kido won't work for you perhaps we should teach you some very high level attack kido."

"Aren't those dangerous?"

"That's the point, Kurosaki-dono."

Oh har har. "And likely to get me caught? Nobody at the academy should be able to use the high level attacks."

"That's not precisely true, Kurosaki-dono. I myself know all the high level hado incantations. They're usually longer but not a great deal more complicated. Mostly what keeps them out of reach is a lack of spiritual pressure, which you have in abundance. Many Shinigami know them by rote, even if they're unable to use them."

"Won't someone notice if I start tossing around Hados in the nineties?" They'd certainly noticed the coffin thing.

"Not if you have adequate shielding and someone to take credit for the devastation."

"I don't like that word devastation. I'm trying to keep a low profile."

Kaede smiled at me. Did I say she has the strangest gray eyes? Like Hinata, but that's another story. She suits the student uniform – I think she's the tallest girl at the academy.

"I can contain your experiments, Kurosaki-dono. I've arranged for time at a private facility."

The nobles have it best. The Sereitei wouldn't book an entire dojo just for me. And I kick ass.

"Kurosaki-dono." Kaede spoke as though the idea had just come to her, "have you ever tried Hado 4? The White Lighting?

"Miss, if I had any access to white lighting I'd drink it. I'm not familiar with Hado 4. Doesn't using a Hado that low sort of invalidate your prior theory?"

"Not necessarily. The White Lighting Hado doesn't explode, it pierces, electrifies and burns. You've been concentrating on fire kido and explosions, they might not be a natural fit for you."

Thought about that. Byakuya likes the White Lighting kido. He can do a hell of a lot of damage without investing too much energy in the attack. Maybe Kaede is on to something here. A good, solid direct attack that doesn't explode in my own face? I know Kaede dramatically oversimplified the high end hado attacks – there's a lot more to them then just mouthing the incantations and pumping spirit pressure into your fingers. But a nice level four hado? Getting a kido right might be just the pick-me-up I need. Hado 4 white lighting. The proverbial point-and-shoot.

It might just work. Provided I can make it go in a straight line – yeah, maybe she's onto something.

"Fine, teach me Hado 4."

* * *

You want to hear the strangest thing? That was it for awhile. I paid down my fees, dealt with the ladies (taking care to keep the three of them very, very separate) and saw Rukia whenever I had a chance. For the rest of the week nothing strange happened, if you don't count Morisato trying to get me down to the baths twice a day.

The times like this I don't normally bother to write down, but a bit of boredom was exactly what I needed. I'm going to spell it out so the next time I've got the wrong kind of excitement happening I'll have something relaxing to read.

Not that it will help. I find when times are toughest I worry less. It's the quiet periods that let my anxiety get away with me.

I always need something to take my mind off things. Right now I'm using my prodigal three students to do that, which doesn't always work. Tatsuki the hair triggered (I can't believe what I'm about to write) means well enough – as long as I've got something she wants she don't deliberately give me away, but her ferocious temper makes her a little scary. She'd going to do something stupid and get me caught. Fumiko, well, same deal except not so angry. I think she's just less – what's the word? Considerate? Probably not. She just doesn't _think_ as much as I'd like her to – to her it's all a big joke. Certainly anyone whose immediate response to figuring out I was around was to tell all her Red Flower friends about me can't be counted as the most prudent thinker. Kaede is actually the best of the three. While I suspect it's something of a game to her as well, she's the least likely to let anyone know.

I'm even making some progress on the white lightning.

As I said, I needed something to take my mind off things, so I was doing something I shouldn't been doing, something flippant. I figure if I keep it in measured doses and keep it from getting ahead of me-

Anyway, I was sitting at my desk doing a very bad thing.

I can't draw, right? But I can operate a photocopier. So I ran off some copies of some of Tatsuki shoujo and The Substitutes better pictures, and I'm assembling my own dojinshi version of Tatsuki shoujo.

Mine is much better than that other one.

Let me go through it with you.

Tatsuki walks into the room and says "damn, my genitals stink-"

Okay, just kidding. I wanted to go with something more personal, something a little more subtle that was guaranteed to hit the mark.

What a little bastard I am!

Let's see here, panel one, where's that shot of me standing heroically after my fight with Byakuya? I don't remember standing heroically after that fight, I remember Orihime stitching my ass back together. Note to self, don't tangle with Byakuya, he's a lot tougher than he looks. Damn White Imperial Sword thing.

Paste on to that this wide-eyed shot from Tatsuki shoujo, originally drawn with a not-so-subtle lesbian attraction to Captain Yoruichi. On Tatsuki's part anyway; whoever cooked up Tatsuki shoujo didn't want to do anything that might have pissed Yoruichi off.

That's not bad actually, big eyed Tatsuki and heroic me. It's obviously a cut and paste job, but that only makes it funnier.

What to say, what to say?

Ichigo, I understand you're well hung?

Nah. Too easy. People have to read this. Maybe I should put the rest of the page together before I put the words on.

Did some digging and found another excellent picture. Only Yachiru had seen the wreckage of my first little altercation with Zaraki, so the artist assumes that because I had survived I must have left him in a heap and strode away with my iron balls ringing like church bells every time they knocked together. In reality Yoruichi picked up my sorry arse with a spatula and hauled me off like so much roadkill. This picture though, shows me being very manly, sort of a 'Halt, Evil-Doer!' thing.

Which Tatsuki should I pair with this?

Bingo, how about the Tatsuki yearning for Ichigo shot where she hurries up behind Sado Konshiro? Nah, this called for – this called for Tatsuki's first Zanpakuto class, in the flowering meadow with the shoujo instructress who just happens to be a hag. Yeah, _that's_ the one.

Damn, these pictures are so good I can't come up with any captions. I thought about the whole yearning thing and decided not to risk it. While it would have pissed off Tatsuki mightily it might have gotten me caught.

So would anyone who made fun of Soi Fon - they'd figure it'd take someone with big ones to try that.

How come I never get to have any fun anymore?

Where the hell is Grimslaw when you need him?

God, I must be out of my mind. A fight with Grimslop? I can take him hands down at this point; once you've rumbled with Espadas one through three a few times ol' Grim seems pretty tame by comparison.

Tatsuki-

Has that bald menace done something to me? I'm beginning to wonder if Ikkaku somehow infected me with his prankster gene. I'm feeling the urge to lash out at my many oppressors today.

Yes, by all means, let's lash out.

What can we do to make some trouble for some people who richly deserve it?

A thought came to me.

No, I couldn't.

It'd be too risky-

What the hell was wrong with me?

The captains have this sort of private bathhouse thing, though that's really a misnomer. It's more like a private spa. Even the guests have to be third seat or higher, though I gather exceptions are usually made for Yumichika.

If I did it right (and carefully) I could sneak up-

What the hell am I thinking? This is crazy!

I can - If I can get some explosives I can mine the place, drop the roof on their heads!

Okay, that _is_ crazy. Regardless of how fun it might seem.

Suppose I put some ink on the towels though-

Get your head out of the clouds Ichigo! Pranking the captains is suicide and they'll just blame Ikkaku anyway!

I could prank the students, though – hell, I could prank _Tatsuki_.

Yeeeeaaaaaah, I could prank Tatsuki.

But how?

I looked at my little pictures.

Sigh. They hardly compare with blowing up the Captains bathhouse, do they?

I've got to find a better hobby. So I visited Rukia, then went out to train Tatsuki for a hour before I went to Red Flower. I don't see Kaede until tomorrow, so at least I've been able to keep my students from finding out about each other.

Wonder how long _that_ will last.

* * *

_Eight large men stood in the fifth seat's office, seeking officially unofficial remedy to a problem that affected all Eleventh division._

_Fifth Seat Ayasegawa Yumichika had been ridiculed exactly once since joining the Eleventh division, on the day he arrived. The man who'd been fourth seat had called him Butterfly, to his face._

_Ikkaku had laughed and laughed, while Yumichika had simply smiled. Then he beat a man twice his size nearly to death before declaring fourth seat empty and Ikkaku and himself the new third and fifth seats. Tetsuzaemon Iba had something to say about that – the battle between him and Madarame Ikkaku for the third seat was the stuff of Eleventh division legend._

_They still called Yumichika the Butterfly, but now they used the term with utmost respect. More formally he was the Butterfly Wasp, the only man in the company (other than the Captain) who could fight Ikkaku as something approaching an equal._

_"That's enough," snapped Yumichika. He felt the same way about Kurosaki Yuzu. "Arrangements will be made for the girl. Consider this little - _problem_ solved."_


	44. Chapter 44

Disclaimer: Bleach ain't mine.

* * *

Substitute day, or rather, _The Substitute_ day. I was browsing through this week's issue, seeing what glorious feats I'd accomplished, when I came upon one of those omake chapters - you know, the ones kind of at the end of the normal chapters? Anyways, there was the cutest picture I've ever seen of my sisters, they were both curled up in a bed and each of them was cuddling a plushy. The caption was 'bedtime at Fourth Division, part 1.'

I miss those munchkins. I don't want to involve them in my problems, but I would like to see my little sisters.

Wonder if Dad has begun their Bankai training yet?

I worry about Yuzu. She's not very fierce, you know, and sometimes-

It should be okay. Ikkaku and Yumichika would have put the word out to Eleventh to leave this particular medic _alone_. Captain Unohana would never let anything happen to Yuzu...

Fourth division will be good for her. She's probably drinking tea with the captain right now.

[******]

Ikkaku shut the door to Yumichika's office, where the fifth seat was diligently completing a report for the captain.

"Matsumoto knows."

Yumichika looked up, his expression stunned, horrified and altogether sick. "You're kidding."

"No."

"What are we going to do?"

"I haven't decided. I don't think she'd blab on purpose but if she gets drunk with Captain Ukitake or Hisagi we're going to have a problem."

"What can we do?"

Ikkaku's polished head gleamed. "We need to eliminate the threat.

Yumichika's jaw dropped. "You're not serious!"

"It's all I've got right now."

"You want the pair of us, you and I, to-"

"I don't like it any more than you do."

"Ikkaku, _think_ of what you're proposing!"

"Yumichika, our hands are tied. It's Ichigo or Matsumoto."

Yumichika shuddered at the possibility, it took two attempts before he could even verbalize it.

"You're actually suggesting becoming Matsumoto's _exclusive drinking buddies_? We'll _die_! Even the captain can't drink that much every night! The strain - we'll be dead before the end of the month!"

"We're already dead."

"Way to point out the technicality, Madarame-san, but the fact of the matter is you're suggesting nightly benders we can't sustain. Rangiku-san is a bridge too far. Maybe she's a lot of bridges too far!"

"Well do you have a better plan?"

"You're the master prankster. Don't _you_?"

"Of course I don't! Matsumoto is a loose cannon to begin with and she loves to talk! I can't see her hunting down Soi Fon to tell but the eighth and thirteenth captains will find out before the week is up! What if _our_ captain finds out?"

Both men steeled themselves in the silence that followed. It would have been a perfect moment for Zaraki to walk in and say "What if our captain finds out _what_?"

Fortunately he didn't.

"She said she wouldn't tell," said Ikkaku.

"We have to accept her at her word."

"Should we tell _him_?"

"_He_ already knows. Apparently she walked in on him when he was buying skivvies for Rukia."

"Damn," swore Yumichika.

"What's with that?" Ikkaku pointed at the desk, where a large box sat. Three more were lined up against the wall.

"I'm going hunting this afternoon," replied Yumichika.

Ikkaku grinned his fox grin. "Finally decided to do something about Yuzu?"

Yumichika merely sniffed. "I've given orders."

Ikkaku laughed.

It was a very evil laugh.

[---------]

Nimble Yuzu flashed through the eleventh headquarters. They were after her, big burly men of bad intent! She had to get away!

They'd been _plotting_ against her. First her Zanpakuto had been pilfered, and at breakfast in the divisional commissary everyone had _grinned_ at her, then she'd gone back to her room to discover everything pink had disappeared from her drawer–

"There she is!"

"Get her!"

"_Noooo!_"

Yuzu raised her hands to blast with kido-

-and stopped.

Yumicha had flashstepped between her and the men. He crooned to her.

"_Come to me, little one..."_

There was something almost hypnotic in his eyes–

[--------------]

Let's see, what do we have in this weeks Tatsuki Shoujo? Turn to page one -

Ah - here's Tatsuki - Whoa, looks like they've finally got Tatsuki noticing someone, and it's a girl.

Tatsuki won't like that at all, methinks.

We don't get a look at the the object of affection's face, only see that she's got a pretty smokin' body.

Nope, Tatsuki ain't going to like this at all. Sigh. Tragic, isn't it?

Page two, here's Tatsuki lounging in the bath. Lots of obscuring steam, that's handy. She's got some of her little fans with her, and they're talking about the tournament.

Did I mention that last year? Probably not, I wasn't in it.

There's no way the real Tatsuki is sitting it out, that's basically obvious, so the artist has taken advantage of that to imply that Tatsuki will use her awesome performance to woo the girl with the excellent knockers.

I'm assuming that the girl with the excellent knockers is actually the artist here. Flipped back to page one for a moment - usually I don't really bother with the text, but this issue was titled 'The Burning'. I'm thinking, Tatsuki has chlamydia? Admittedly it couldn't happen to a nicer girl, but-

Page three is the start of a training montage - hey, that's me! Hot damn they've made me a bishounen! I'm a bishounen! I mean, I knew I was awesome before, but now I can add great looks to the package!

Here - Tatsuki leaves the campus and meets Kurosaki Ichigo in the forest, he gives her a mighty hug, lifting the slim and chaste girl off the ground. Her arms are around him, she even has one pretty leg kicked out behind her a little, hakama falling away to expose slim ankle and delicate foot.

What a pretty picture. My hair is the old way though, how I appear in The Substitute rather than the pony tail thing I've got going on now. Apparently The Substitute (angsty) is living in the wilds or something - actually, that's not a bad guess. The Substitute hasn't ended yet, so they don't know what's happened to me. And the scale is a little off; I'm not actually this much bigger than Tatsuki - It's that scale thing they do in manga to make sure the teenagers look younger than the adults.

I wish it could have been this way. Teaching _my friend_ Tatsuki, in a happy perfect Shoujo Dragon world where I don't have to hide from all the other people who used to call me a friend.

Tch, I'm sounding maudlin again. It makes sense the manga is being vague about me, they don't actually know where I am, I hope.

Maudlin. You know that old saw about having lemons and making lemonade? That's bullshit. Sometimes the lemons are too damn sour, meaning sometimes you just have to bloody well accept that you've lost, that there's nothing to be salvaged and that it's just plain damn time to move on. And I think I've done that. I don't like shitty old over-simplifying proverbs – find the silver lining? _Fuck_ the silver lining, there's nothing in clouds but _rain_, kids, pointe finale. There's no comfort to be found in old proverbs.

Life is like reading manga I guess. It doesn't matter how good this page was or wasn't, because eventually you've got to turn this page and see what's on the far side. Maybe it will be better, maybe it won't, but time goes on and so will I.

As long as there's ass to kick. And there'll _always_ be ass to kick.

Anyway, next frame is me and Zangetsu up against Tatsuki and Red Dragon. Then a lovely training montage, and another chaste embrace of almighty substitute shinigami and delicate dragon princess.

This really doesn't make a lot of sense, does it? Like I'd like Tatsuki get her arms around my neck even with mine around her ribs. What's-

Oh my God they've got Renji and Ikkaku in Tatsuki Shoujo. They've also been drawn as bloody bishounen, all tall and handsome and proud. Who the hell is drawing this?

I'm going to photocopy this and send them copies. The guys need to see this - Ikkaku will be down here looking for blood. Poor Yumi will die laughing.

I almost wish I could show Byakuya. One look at Renji the bishounen would crack Byakuya's stoic mask – there are few more glorious sights in existence then Kuchiki Byakuya in the middle of a heartfelt laugh, and this would get one from him.

What a _superb_ publication.

Hey, what's this here? A picture of me, but with sort of a white overcoat that looks a little like a captain's Haori.

Get real kids.

[-------------]

Yuzu looked worried, frightened even as the fifth seat advanced on her.

"Relax Yuzu. This won't hurt at all."

She quavered at the disturbing warmth in his voice, felt very small. "W-what are you going to do to me?"

Yumichika smiled, held up a make-up case and a box of beauty supplies.

"What are you going to do with _those_?"

"Just come to my office, little one," crooned the fifth seat. "It won't hurt a bit."

* * *

Speaking of dojinshi, I discovered the academy has also spawned a dojinshi circle dedicated to The Substitute. God, what a nightmare. The circle has to keep itself extremely quiet, I have no idea who any of them are, but there's now more of The Substitute around then you can shake a stick at. Here's Ichigo enjoying babysitting antics, there's Ichigo joining a Host club (set at the academy, which is worrisome given that I live at the academy. Over that way Ichigo and a bunch of OCs (I think that stands for 'Original Characters,' but I'm not sure) are taking on a group of giant killer space robots. It seems like Ichigo has every weird hobby in the world, but at least he's usually in good company. The one I like best is the one with the kids in the feudal era. I don't understand why me and the other guy both have dog ears though.

Thankfully only the host club one is set at the academy. The last thing I need is Ichigo goes back to school. Also, they have these things called Mary Sues that are the most annoying thing you've ever seen. I've fought and _bled_ for the power I've amassed. To see some – some _character_ just – just _appear_ with better skills then I've got –

Anyway...

I guess I should say a few words about my newest protege, n'est pas?

Kaede, what to say about Kaede?

She's something special, very special. I wish I could describe her personality. About the best I can do (and this with second hand information from Orihime, back when she was still... Orihime) is a cross between the Arancar Harribel and the Arancar Sun Sun, except that she has a sense of humor.

There, how's that for a description?

She's about as tall as I am, very, _very_ beautiful and she is possessed of epic breasts. I can only assume that she's not writing dojinshi/lusting after Tatsuki in her spare time, mostly because I can't see Kaede working in the background. I think she's more the "your presence is required in my bed" type.

Noble to the tips of her toes, and also possessed of a strange and understated sense of humor. Spirit pressure has been bred into her bones, she was born in the Seireitei. Wears white or near-white for preference, had enormous gray eyes, which I assume is a Kuchiki thing, at least assuming the Kuchiki stoop to breeding with their branch house.

And she's very, very good. Almost a match for Fumiko with a sword, though a completely different style. Not in Tatsuki's league at hand to hand, but she has to be better than nine out of ten other students. Some sort of family style, mostly defensive. And Kido? She lives up to her promise to me, she's going to be the next Nanao. Kaede's kido is better than Fumiko's sword fighting, it's almost on a par with Tatsuki's hand to hand combat.

Which is almost (but not quite) as good as mine. Granted she's got nothing like Tatsuki's real experience, but Kaede might one day be the most dangerous of the three.

Interesting comparison, actually, to Nanao. I would have thought she'd compare herself to Momo just because everyone thinks of Momo first. To me that's ridiculous; Momo is half a kido master only. Don't get me wrong, she's an absolute virtuoso, maybe the best I've ever seen, but her actual _attacks_ have no _power_ behind them. I'll admit her black coffin cut up my clothes but realistically it didn't even scratch me.

Long story, it was an accident. My point is I can actually _feel_ Nanao's kido. I got caught in one of her flying thunder cannon thingamajigs once and I _noticed_ it.

Anyway, Kaede claims to be totally dedicated to keeping my secret. She's careful about approaching me, certainly.

I just wish I could keep up with her sense of humor.

They say some animals can smell weakness. I think I trust Kaede, obviously not as implicitly as she seems to feel entitled to. I just don't ever want to be in a position of less than total confidence in front of her. As long as I've got something she wants I have a hold on her.

Know something? That just occurred to me. I've got some minimal hold on her, and Tatsuki and Fumiko too. As long as I've got something they want I've got some slight degree of control.

Something to keep in mind.

The problem with having three proteges I've got a lot fewer free evenings. I'm working on a rolling schedule, every third night I take one of them off to the woods to educate. I've had one or two close calls so far, but I use three separate clearings just to make sure they don't bump into each other. I also make them travel Kurosaki airlines as an extra level of protection. Even Kaede slipped up enough to be visibly impressed the first time I went to warp.

Tatsuki always squats on my back. Fumiko insists on being carried bridal style. I try to make sure I don't make eye contact, because she's always looking into my face. Kaede sits Seiza on my back, damned if I know how she keeps her balance.

And that damn hollow just makes jokes about me being the horse and saying he'd have beaten me in a flash if he had a pair of tits. I told him to get implants but it didn't make him go away.

Bastard.


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach

* * *

What the hell is this? New The Substitute. I'd been expecting bedtime in Kurosaki land part two, but instead this week has 'Substitute Fashions.' It's a couple of pages long, showing me, looking trim in basic black, oh, I've accessorized with a large cleaver-like sword here, adding a touch of color with a simple red chain. Good good, wouldn't want to be over accessorized - austerity is my middle name. What's on this side - oh, evening wear. Yes, looking dapper here too, swapped the basic basic black for a snappy black coat, suitable for any formal bankai occasion. Formal sword too, attractive slimline number with a mangi guard. Damn, I do dress for success, don't I? Always dressed for the occasion. What's over here?

Oh, not so good, dressed from my first fight with Grim. Looking beat up here, awful beat up and not so good - moving along-

What the hell? My sisters again?

Why is Karin dressed like Soifon? With bloomers? Soifon doesn't wear bloomers, she wears like a thong or something - but these are definitely bloomers, the caption says so. And she's looking fierce.

This has got to be a joke - this page has Yuzu tricked out in Yoruichi's standard gear, minus the orange jacket. There's an arrow pointing at her behind that says 'little bum' and -

-she's got Hello Kitty on her chest.

Well, at least they got that part right.

Another smaller picture beside, this time Yuzu in the same Yoruichi rig with one of those vests like Hisagi wears.

Cute. But a little unlikely.

Well at least that's _one_ thing I don't have to worry about. Captain Unohana will take good care of my sister.

[]

Yuzu looked in the full length mirror, studying the effect.

"What do you think?" Asked Yumichika. He looked pleased with himself.

The young eighth seat considered her reflection.

"It makes me look _fierce_."

Yumichika had given her a makeover, something more in spirit with eleventh company attitude. Yuzu's hair had been greased flat against her head, it looked wet even though it was a little dry. He'd powered her face white and painted tiny black tears at the corners of her eyes.

Yumichika prompted "And fierce is?"

"Appropriate for eleventh division," parroted Yuzu politely. Yumichika had been very firm about that. Daddy wouldn't like her wearing bright red lipstick, but her superior officer insisted it was either bright red or black.

"What a _good_ girl you are," said the mentoring Yumichika. "Now for the last part. In Eleventh Division a good girl wears?"

"Things that make her look fierce," recited Yuzu.

"Excellent! I'm so pleased Yuzu."

Yuzu turned back to the mirror, shifted a little to the left to study the whole effect. She wore her punk rock kunoichi uniform, with her Yoruichi leggings and her little ninth division vest. Yumichika had torn off the sailor collar she'd stitched on and used a strange kido to change the Hello Kitty she painted across the back into the angular skull logo that Ichi-nii sometimes wore. And bright red lipstick. She felt very fierce, but a little naughty too.

"I'm not so sure-" said Yuzu. She made a little kissy face in the mirror to study her bright lipstick. "It's sort of wild, isn't it?" She touched at her hair. "Greasy."

"I know you want to be a good girl, Yuzu-chan, but in Eleventh being a good girl means being fierce."

[]

So I'm chilling under my tree with Sei and Morisato and Seymour. We're just digging out, Morisato with his Manga, Seymour and Sei with their books, me just lazing with my eye shut.

I always have multiple patches on me. Maybe I should get one for my good eye for times like this...

Daydreaming. Of good times in the past, a day a lot like this one, where my head was on Rukia's lap, and Uryu was dozing against a tree. Even Chad had kicked back, stretched out and relaxing on a warm summer day in the park. Only Orihime and Rukia were fully awake, Rukia stroking my hair and Orihime being Orihime.

And that was good. Before everything went bad.

Orihime was happy that day, happier then usual, and that was a joy to behold. I'd began to find her chatter soothing. There I was, like today, on the edge of sleep, head pillowed on Rukia's lap. And Orihime said-

"Wake up, fucktard."

What?

Orihime didn't call me a fucktard, I'm pretty sure of that. Some dickstain must be trying to interrupt my daydream. I-

"I said, wake up, fucktard."

And here I'd been hoping he'd go away.

"Leave him alone!" that was Sei.

I don't understand Sei. I'm pretty sure in eight or nine months she's been hanging around with the group of us she's never actually spoken. I mean, to each her own, I guess, but if it weren't for Morisato I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even know her name.

She's a strange one.

So like, _Hark_. I detect unwelcome presences. A voice, a _discordant_ voice, disturbs my rest.

"Is this him?"

Tatsuki. And several other people.

I didn't even open my eye. Maybe they'd think I was dead and go away.

"This is he, Tatsuki-sama."

"Doesn't look like much," Tatsuki said. She actually kicked my foot. "Hey, wake up."

"Fuck off." I didn't open my eye.

"Look at her when she's talking to you!" There was a chorus of "yeah!" and that sort of shit from Tatsuki's little fan club. Hardly intimidating.

Anyway, I framed up an appropriately diplomatic answer.

"Pal, you make me open this eye and I guarantee you'll regret it."

"Leave him alone!" Sei again? The mouse roars?

I opened my eye, Sure enough, there was Sei, red faced, defending me. Tatsuki looked shocked - the mouse was staring down the dragon.

"Easy Sei," I turned to look at Tatsuki's little gang.

"This ain't him," announced Tatsuki. "I'll admit he looks a _little_ like Ichigo, but what would the vaunted champion of the winter war be doing here?" She laughed harshly.

I didn't much like the way she said vaunted and champion. Maybe I should punch her out? I eyeballed her fan club. It was actually pretty serious, there was a loser fourth year in it, and a few seconds and thirds, even if most were first.

Are you done whatever you came to do, Tatsuki? Then move along. I'm trying to sleep here, so piss off already.

They didn't move.

You know what? I could have said a lot of things. I could have _done_ a lot of things. Here Tatsuki was, almost sort of maybe trying to cover for me, and without even looking at her I knew she wasn't going to walk away. Even though she'd made her point to her little friends, covered for me as she felt she had to. No, she wasn't leaving, now she was going to have some fun. How do I know that? I don't _know_ how I know, I just do. Tatsuki was going to be just a little too difficult, push just _a little_ too hard.

One of Tatsuki's girls was staring at Sei, a third year.

Okay, this is going too far. I leaned over, reached into my jacket and pulled out my Red Flower badge. This chick sees it and her eyes widen. Then I turned back to Tatsuki.

"This pack of douchebags belong to you? Then take them away."

"Tatsuki-sama isn't afraid of you-"

Somebody grabbed that guy, probably to tell him I'd survived gauntlet challenge by Chad last year.

It got tense for everyone else but Tatsuki and I, mostly because Tatsuki knew a beatdown wasn't going to result.

Staring contest. Given that I've only got the one eye I was at something of a disadvantage to Tatsuki.

"I don't like your attitude," said the girl who'd been staring at Sei. "Apologize to Tatsuki-sama _now_."

I think I've mentioned my nerves are shot. Tatsuki _could_ have just walked away, but that _wasn't_ going to happen, and today was _not_ the day I was going to kowtow to Tatsuki. It just – _wasn't_ –

"Take your little friends away please, Kouhai-chan. Leave Semapi and the big people and run along."

Kouhai-chan! Did Tatsuki ever look outraged at being called cute underclassman!

Then I said (I was looking for trouble, I'll admit it) "What's that strange smell?" I looked Tatsuki up and down and said "Could you stand with your legs a little closer together please?"

Oh that got her, Tatsuki snarled at me.

"You've got a real mouth on you, senpai."

"I certainly do."

One of the little friends tried to lean in from the side. "Don't you dare say something like that to Tatsuki-sama!"

Tatsuki and I are nose to nose at this point, the vibe was bad enough that her little friends are restricting themselves to comments.

"Go away or just plain _go_? You want to fight me all you have to do is start swinging."

"You go first," Tatsuki challenged.

"I don't hit girls," I growled back - all her little friends are telling her to attack me.

"Yes you _do_ Ich-"

_Wham_! Slapped Tatsuki across the face. Nobody, and I mean _nobody_ in her little coterie saw me do it, pressure up, pressure down in a millisecond.

It had stung, I could tell that by the look in her eye. I'd caught her flat-footed once but it wasn't going to happen twice.

"The lot of you, piss off. Now." I looked at the upper years with her. "Shit, you're pathetic. Winter war, so what? The important people left this tard behind."

That got Tatsuki so mad she jumped at me.

I don't know what it is, something about Tatsuki just makes me so angry I can't _control_ myself. It's the way she blames everything on me. I'd been _trying_ to _protect_ her, to protect them all. I did my best and she's livid because I didn't do a good enough job. Now she's extorting training from me? Insulting me and my friends? Letting her tame third year bully Sei?

No Tatsuki, you want someone to bully come bully my Bankai ass. I assure you, nothing wearing a student uniform scares me in the slightest. Come back when you've got a captain's haori. Matter of fact, come back when you've got a captain's haori and two friends who also have captain's haoris. No, better make that _three_ friends, because by the time you're at that level it will take at least _four_ captains to hold me back. Maybe more.

I shoved Tatsuki back.

"The lot of you, get the fuck out of here. Alternatively, go get a couple of wooden swords. Or better yet, go get your Zanpakuto. I'm game for whoever wants to fight me." My hand brushed my Red Flower badge.

Technically I'm not supposed to show it, but who's going to stop me?"

Tatsuki figured out I was perfectly serious, turns and walks away, leaving her crew to follow. Yeah, make all the little threats you want. All of you together don't scare me. _And leave my friends the fuck alone_.

One of these days some assclown will push me too far and I'll bring out the bloody mask. _Yo, Hichi, deal with this-_

"Shit," I growled at the retreating assclowns. Once in a while one of them would turn around, see I was still watching them. Your Shoujo dragon isn't going to cross me kids.

Morisato, Sei and Seymour were looking pretty impressed, which pissed me off because all I'd done was take the garbage out.

"They won't be back," I snapped. "If they come let me know. Winter War veteran or not I am _not_ afraid of Arisawa Tatsuki. I-"

"Do you know her?"

"I-" What? That had come from out of left field.

Sei pressed me. She had a surprisingly attractive voice, I'd expected something mousy, like her.

"Do you know Arisawa-sama?"

"She's nobody's _sama_. And I don't have to know her, I've known people like her."

True enough, if you count Tatsuki as being 'like' herself.

"Sado-san," said Seymour. "She's supposed to be a hell of an opponent. Two of the captains of the Gotei are training her every weekend." That was common knowledge, but people tend to assume I'm not current with anything because I'm pretty apathetic.

"So what? She's a first year who knows somebody. All it means is she'll be treated better than us when she gets to the squads. In the West they'd say she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth or something. Or up her ass, I don't remember the quote."

"But Sado-san, the captains-"

Morisato looked at me as though something had just dawned on him.

"But _you_ know Captain Ukitake. That's why you're not impressed!"

I'd forgotten that little detail. "Yeah, captains are people too. Don't get overawed of them. They'll just disappoint you."

They'd sure as hell disappointed me. Nobody said a goddamn thing when I got exiled.

"But she might turn them on you-"

"Soifon and Yoruichi on me? Unlikely."

Because Soifon would attack like a rabid dog and I'd have her head off her shoulders and tied to my belt by those damn braids. Yoruichi knows I would, she'd keep her little bee as far as she could if she had to incapacitate the other woman herself.

"News flash. That girl does what she's told. She does tell the captains to do anything, she certainly won't try to drag them into some private war with me."

Thinking about captains just made me mad. "Let's talk about something else," I said shortly.

It didn't end there, though I didn't figure that out right away.

[]

Yuzu indeed felt very fierce with her new look. Huge Eleventh Division men with frightening haircuts bowed and cheered and said things like "Oh Yuzu-chan! You're adorable!"

Then the hallway darkened, as it always did when a huge shadow appeared to blot out the sun.

Captain Zaraki looked Yuzu up and down. And sighed.

"Yuzu, what did I tell you about letting Yumichika decorate anything?"

There wasn't very much Yuzu could say.

[]

Yuzu remained fierce for several days, but it sort of petered out when Yuzu encountered Captain Unohana, who smiled warmly, patted Yuzu's sleek hair and tapped Yuzu's little nose with a fingertip.

"Very pretty dear."

Yuzu didn't feel very fierce after that.

[]

I hate a bully. Someone in Tatsuki's crowd decided my Red Flower badge made me someone to ignore, but Morisato, Seymour and Sei were more tempting targets.


End file.
